29

Just as my fingertips brush the palm of Xerxe's palm, he grabs it and starts walking. fast. It seems as if he wants to leave Zaret behind as quickly as possible. Where is he leading me? I have no idea. And most importantly, I don't care. My environment is blurry and I can only see Xerxes' back. Still don't understand what's going on here - can't even begin to understand why Claire should be here.

"You have to believe that I didn't know." Xerxes is upset. He keeps saying the same thing. He continues to drag me down the dungeon corridors and protests his innocence. But what he doesn't understand is that I'm nobody grumble. Not yet. Right now I just want to see Claire. So I follow him. Let me be led out of the dungeon and stumble up the stairs. Walk along the corridors and let me navigate to the courtyard. And this confuses me. We shouldn't be outside. The prisoners are always inside. In the torture cellar or in a cell. I know that by now. I know Xerxes' procedures and the practices that follow after imprisonment. So I stop. I pull on Xerxes' hand and in fact he stays stand.

"I want to see Claire," I choke out and even my voice sounds unusually muffled. As if I'm completely beside myself. And maybe I'm doing that without really understanding it myself.

"We're going there too," Xerxes mumbles, and I don't like something about his look. He looks at me almost pityingly. I don't know him like that. And that gives me a bad feeling. Claire was in the dungeon Brought outside. Not by Xerxes. By someone else. And really, there is only one reason a prisoner would be taken outside the castle. To carry out a public punishment. A punishment or execution. And with the thought, a cry echoes to me A bloodcurdling scream that makes me forget everything.

I tear myself away from Xerxes and run. Run as fast as my legs can take me. Xerxes shouts something. I do not care. I don't even understand what he's saying. The blood is pounding in my ears and only one name rings heavily in my head. Claire. Nothing must happen to her. Only Zaret. Now her. It's like my old life is being wiped out. As if I were the dark shadow that sends everyone to their doom. Every single person who even remotely means something to me. But I don't want to think about that. Not now!

So I gather up my Koeid and quicken my step. Leave the alleys behind me. I don't even need a look where I need to go. That is also so clear. To the marketplace. Just follow the screech. But the sounds dripping with pain are joined by something else. The smell of smoke. Biting, it sneaks its way up my nose. Makes my heart race Claire softens. Now their calls no longer echo through the streets. But I don't need this either. People show me the way. The people and the light orange glow that flickers to illuminate the path.

I should probably be wondering why so many people are outside and not inside their homes. How it can be that even at night the streets of the city are not empty. And this thought flares up for a moment. But it just disappears again. It's not important at the moment. Rather, I should be happy that I don't even have to stop to get my bearings. I can just keep running. Don't even notice the typical burning sensation in my lungs. I only notice the little white clouds caused by my hectic breathing. I see the snow, which has meanwhile turned to a brown mass, and that the narrow streets end in a market square.

And that makes me pause for a moment. My heart is beating too fast. It literally rests in my chest and for a moment the power that just filled me is gone. A cluster of people has formed. But not this sight makes me moan in agony. But the light smoke that rises in the dark sky. The little embers that make it look like fireflies are dancing. But it's not fireflies that create this play of light. It is the licking fire that creates this spectacle. What combines beauty and cruelty. And so I continue on my way.

***

I would like to yell after Magda. Somehow show her that her pity number doesn't work with me. But it would be wasted effort. The guards wouldn't let me go. Not when the welfare of the king's wife is at stake. But maybe if I start to grieve, they'll get lax. And I would like that. I want to cry. Wants a tear to fall on the floor for Claire. But I can't do that anymore. I am not allowed to channel my feelings through the salty drops. No longer. Just another thing I lost. As if I were a person who really isn't one anymore. A case that feels and yet is unable to show the emotions.

But at this moment I shouldn't concern myself with it. It does not matter. Only Claire matters. So I look ahead again. Claire is calm. Looks blankly over the people and for a moment it seems as if she were actually already dead. If it weren't for the slight tremor in her lower lip. That jerky up and down of her upper body.

She must be feeling the heat of the flames. They have not yet fully achieved this. Slowly fight their way up the pyre, spitting the embers away from Claire with treacherous certainty. Hardly any part of her is covered by ash. As if she wouldn't be burned alive. She looks almost unnaturally composed. The white dress on her body is loose. It shows that she must have been taken while she was sleeping. And the tousled hair also confirms this assumption. But most of all I notice the slight bruises on her much too thin arms and legs. The small spots are not strong and also not large. These are the exact shape that fingers cause when the grip is too strong. They show that Claire must have defended herself with all means.

But all these signs of struggle don't take away from Claire's innocent look. She still looks like an angel. Like a damn angel that fell. I can almost see the broken wings. How these fall off her body in an unnatural way and are slowly swallowed by the dense smoke of the fire. How the blood works its way down the feathers only to fall into the flames with a hiss. The white turns to red. And soon it will be black. Only a small pile of ash will show that another soul has been destroyed. Simply that way. Without rhyme or reason.

And I can't hold back any longer. I rage again. With full force. The men next to me yell something. I do not care. I don't hear the words. Don't hear the voices. Her screaming is a background noise not worth paying attention to. It's different with Claire. She has found her voice again. Whines softly and tugs at her bonds. But she can't free herself either. Just like me. We're both tied up in different ways. And yet the result is the same. There is no saving Claire.

And as if fate wanted to confirm this knowledge, the first licking flame reached her foot. Claire screams. The bloodcurdling sound echoes through the crowd and she pulls her foot away. Or try. But their scope is too small. The fire can slowly make its way over their sole. A tremor fills her body and suddenly the endless pain seems to be visible in every fiber of her body.

And yet she only looks at me. Wants to find the strength in me so that she doesn't lose herself in the suffering. And I'll give her what she deserves. I am aware that this sight will never let me go. I have always resisted witnessing torture. And now? Now I'm watching a person who will probably break me inside. But all of that is okay. As long as Claire has a foothold, I'll give up every last piece of my soul.

"I'm sorry." Not a sound leaves my lips. It's a silent apology that she must suffer for my actions. An attempt to nip my own guilt in the bud. It doesn't work. So I close my eyes and take a deep breath through. Suppress all the feelings filling me. I no longer perceive the murmur of the sounds surrounding me. I shut myself off completely. Just like I always did. Just like Xerxes emptied it. But while I was still reading the last piece Gathering strength, someone grabs my shoulder and pulls me backwards, I scream and want to shake my hand off, but instead of letting go, they wrap their arm around my neck.

"Shht." And that's enough to make me pause. Platura. No Xerxes to persuade. "You're coming with me now." It sounds like a fact. And normally I would obey Platura. But right now he can cross me. He doesn't give me orders. So I make a disdainful sound and bang my elbow against his side. In fact, I meet. A gasp sounds and immediately I rear up. Wants to use the short period of time to tear myself away. But contrary to my hopes, Platura won't let go. He just wraps his arm around my neck tighter and I groan. I claw his elbows and somehow want to pull him away from me. It doesn't work He pulls me further back. Away from Claire. And people are slowly filling the gap I was in just a moment ago. I am prevented from seeing her. And most of all, Claire can't see me anymore.

"Let go of me." The words are powerless. More of a breath than a force, but in the end it doesn't matter how I sound. Platura won't bow to me. And just to confirm that assumption, he shakes his head. "No, Kalota. You can't help her anymore."

And now I can only gasp in disbelief as I attempt to slam my elbow into him one more time. But he is prepared for this blow. He backs away without letting go of me. just keep pulling me And with that I'm kicking my legs wildly again. But it's useless. Except that the arm wraps even tighter around my neck, making it difficult for me to breathe.

"I can be there for her," I choke out, gasping for air. I scratch Platura's skin and really want to stick a fucking knife in his chest right now.

But now Platura utters a contemptible death. "She won't even know if you're there." I can also hear Platura struggling to drag myself on. That gives me a grim grin and I make myself even heavier. He wants to force me against my will to give me to him Okay, but then he'll have to struggle until his damn heart stops.

"What do you know about that?" The arm around my neck makes my voice quieter and lower. But I don't feel any pain. No pain. Just the unbridled rage against everything and everyone. And that seems to be enough for him throws me onto the floor. I can't even manage to catch myself, but land with full force on the rock. Pain shoots through me and I gasp. But now I'm free. I can get to Claire again. At least that's it my plan. So I hoist myself up, ignoring Platura. A mistake. Even before I've hoisted myself up on all fours, he kicks me. With full force, his foot lands in my stomach and I yelp. And now I can do that Don't ignore the pain anymore, it eats through my whole body and bitter bile rushes into my mouth, but not only.There is also the metallic taste of the blood.

"I know she won't die from the burns, but from the smoke. If she's lucky, she won't even notice the fire swallowing her." Platura kicks my side again and there's a crack, one that draws out another high-pitched scream and makes me gag. And now joins a dizziness to the pain. Suddenly the ground turns beneath me. The stones blur. Still, I notice Platura squatting down beside me.

"It disgusts me that you go to Zaret's every night," he whispers, and it's only slowly that I understand that Platura has changed the subject. That this beating attack isn't because I just put up a fight, but because Platura must have me I've seen them go to the dungeon every night.A gurgling sound escapes my lips and I automatically spit out the mixture of blood and bile.

"And did you enjoy overhearing the two of us having sex?" Indeed, I sound amused. God, I really must be insane. Platura growls softly and grabs my hair. Pulls my head back and I? I just pinch Close my eyes Get ready to have my head smashed on the stone.

"Enough." One word. No more. And yet, that's enough to make me grin as Platura lets go of me. But instead of rising directly and walking away from me, he leans forward. Keeps his lips over mine Ear hover. "This isn't over yet."

He probably wants to scare me. And back then it would have worked. But there lies the problem. I'm not the woman I was back then. I don't even blink as my smile widens. "I hope so." I'm absolutely serious. He wants to threaten me with death? With another beating? That hasn't caused me to panic for a long time Maybe he can make me resemble a little more human again.

"I've said enough." And now Xerxe's voice is raised. That's enough for Platura. He gets up and pulls me to my feet with a strong jerk. And no matter how much his whole demeanor leaves me cold, his kicks are still there I'm always filled with dizziness.So I stumble and have trouble not collapsing right back.But before my knees can give way again, Xerxes grabs me by the waist.And with that, there's that caressing warmth of Xerxes again.

"We should take you to your room," he whispers, and I have no idea how he manages it, but the beautiful melody in his voice manages to calm my heart even now. I shake my head anyway , I want to see Claire." My voice is dull again. As if I wasn't the one talking. But I only notice all of this in passing. My vision is getting better. I recognize the dangerous yet beautiful green.

But most of all, I see compassion in their eyes. How the sadness in it literally jumps out at me. And so I don't even need an answer from Xerxes. It's written on every fiber of his face that we don't need to go to Claire's. And suddenly I perceive the silence. I don't mean that the surrounding people are quiet, but that I don't hear any screams. No whining. It's noisy on the market square and yet as quiet as it should ever be. And with that I collapse inside. Can only shake my head to convey to Xerxes that I don't want to hear his next words. But he doesn't understand my silent request. His lips part. Tear me even deeper into the whirlpool of blackness and now a tear runs from my eye. Very slowly. As if it wasn't there at all. And maybe she isn't? Maybe it's a web of my brain that I feel the salty drop.

"It's too late," he breathes, and pure understanding can be seen in him. This isn't an act. Xerxes understands me. He knows what it's like when someone important is snatched from your hands. Just one more thing they have in common us. One that brings us both closer together and just makes me wide-eyed at him. I beg for help. In a wordless way, I want to ask Xerxes to take away this wretched inner pain. And as if he understands, nods He leans in slightly and blows a kiss on my cheek, "I'll show you a way that will make it more bearable."