Chapter 11

One week later...

Ellie

Monday 8.58am

After a few days to think about Cooper, and the crazy weekend I spent with him, I’m back at work, behind a desk, and getting ready for my first session with a counselor.

I’m so nervous, I haven’t eaten breakfast and I hardly slept last night. But I’ve put off this appointment for too long, and there’s no way Grace will allow me to stall now I’m back.

I take a breath, push back from the desk I’ve been stuck behind for five days now, and walk down the corridor.

I check my watch and knock on the door. When the door opens, a woman with grey speckled grey hair, kind eyes, and a welcoming smile is waiting.

“Come in, Elinore. I’m Jocelyn, but you can call me Joss,” she says.

My smile is wooden as I step into her office. There’s a desk similar to mine, but the walls are adorned with non-descript hospital artworks, a whiteboard covered in magnets, a sofa, and two lounging chairs with a coffee table in between.

She gestures to them. “Take your pick, can I get you a coffee? Tea?”

I shake my head and chose the seat closest to the door. I expect her to comment but she just sits opposite, with a pad and a pen.

I sit up a little straighter in my chair. “Are you going to be taking notes?”

She nods. “Strictly for my own use. Everything you tell me in here is confidential.”

I cross my leg, then decide to uncross it again. If she picks up I’m nervous she doesn’t mention it, just stands up and walks over to the whiteboard.

“If it’s alright with you, I’d like to start with a simple exercise.”

I nod, and she smiles again. “Pick a magnet and put it on the board,” she says.

Still not sure what’s going on, I stand and do as she says and chose a red magnet and slide it away from the others.

“Great. That represents you. Easy.”

She smiles again. “Now I’d like you to pick a magnet for each of your parents.”

I raise a hand, my fingers hovering over the group of magnets. “Why?”

“You’ll see in a moment,” she says.

I swallow hard and pick two magnets, one black, one blue and push them away from the others.

Joss nods, pushes the red magnet into the middle, and the other two opposite so they are in a row.

While I’m wondering what she’s up to, she uncaps a whiteboard marker.

I watch on as she writes the words positive and negative as if it’s a scale. “Now I’d like you to put the magnet closest to the word that describes how you feel about each parent.”

A trickle of unease starts to build making my anxiety creep even higher. But I do as she says and pushes them to the far right so they are both almost touching the word negative.

She smiles again and gestures to the couch. “Take a seat.”

I frown at her. “That’s it?”

She laughs and nods as she takes a seat. “It’s a simple exercise, but it tells me a whole lot and gives me a good place to start.”

My unease only grows as she waits patiently for me to retake my seat. “So now you know I don’t like my parents.”

She tilts her head. “Why don’t you tell me about them.”

Since it’s not a question, I clear my throat and have to force the words past my throat. “They died in a car wreck when I was sixteen.”

She’s silent for a moment, and I think she might take pity on me, but she’s not buying it. “If you’d rather not talk about them, we can leave it. But this won’t work if you won’t be honest.”

I’m so surprised she saw through me, that I can’t breathe for a few seconds. My breath comes out in a rush of words. “How did you know?”

She gives me such a pitying smile; I shrink inside myself. “Oh. Right. It’s your job.”

“It is.”

I force a smile I don’t feel. “You know I’d rather not be here then?”

She nods slowly. “And that’s understandable. It’s not easy to share private details with anyone, let alone a stranger.”

That stops me cold. Normally I’d agree, but that doesn’t explain why I told Cooper so much about myself.

“It takes trust,” I say.

“It does. And that’s something I’d like to build with you. But part of learning to trust is revealing things we keep hidden.”

I nod, more because of all the things I’m feeling about Cooper, not trusting him to keep my secrets isn’t one of them.

The thought seems counterintuitive considering even a few days ago I was angry he’d broken my confidence.

I’m so lost in my thoughts; I almost miss what she’s saying. “It’s very important that you understand this is a safe place. You’ll find no judgment here.”

I smile, feeling a little more confident than when I first walked through the door. “Thanks,” I say.

She leans forward and picks up her pad and pen and looks me in the eye. “You ready to get started?”

I gulp, hands trembling, but I find myself nodding. “I am,” I say.

And I really am. I’ve held on to my secret for too long.

***

Cooper

From inside my office, I check Gabby’s new ID is on its way and hope that this time, with Chris attached to her hip, she’ll stay in the clinic until we can find a solution.

Since he’s confirmed no one is asking questions, and that Gabby is for the time being cooperating now she knows Spider is gone, I finish the blueprints for the safehouse I was supposed to have finished a few days ago.

When I’m happy with the layout, I email them to the paranoid prepper who’s paid me a lot of money to keep the details confidential.

Considering that part of my job is legal, and is the only thing making the business I created a legitimate front for tax purposes, it’s a running joke when someone asks for us to ‘keep it confidential’.

I pick up a file and scan a job proposal we’ve been sent. Since we only work on referrals, I know it’s low risk, but the scare with Spider has set me on edge.

We have a good thing running, a way for beat up and disillusioned ex-military like me to still keep in the game, but on our own terms.

But even though the money is obscene, it’s getting old. I’m getting old.

I hear a knock at my door and know it’s going to be Sam. Sure enough, she pokes her head through the crack in the door.

“Can you sign off on this?”

I nod and sigh wearily as she hands me a file. I scan it and pull a face at her. “You don’t need me to sign off on requisitions.”

She doesn’t even bother with pleasantries just launches right into a conversation I’ve asked her numerous times to drop.

“Are you going to call her?”

I shake my head. “You need to quit bugging me. She doesn’t want to see me.”

Her eyebrow rises, and her jaw sets in a stubborn line. “So, go change her mind.”

“Why are you pushing so hard?”

She shifts her weight to one leg and manages to look a little sheepish. “Okay. I felt bad after I landed you in the shit with Gabby. I should have known better, but you know, she’s um, in bed—”

I shake my head. “I’m not listening to this. I do not want to hear about you and my sister in bed together.”

When she nods, I wait for her to continue. “I know you said Ellie was off-limits but after the way she spoke to Gabby, I was curious about her background.”

She’s disregarded my instructions. Again. But I’m curious as to what Ellie said to Gabby and what she’s found out. “I already know about her background.”

Her eyebrow arches. “Oh, really. Did you know she was shoplifting baby food?”

It’s such a surprise, I wait for her to mime dropping a mic. “For who?”

Sam takes a seat but doesn’t look as smug as she normally does when she’s one-upped me. “She told the arresting officer she was stealing it for her baby sister. According to the police report, which you obviously didn’t read, the baby wouldn’t stop crying, the parents were away, and Ellie didn’t know what else to do.”

I slump into the chair. “Where’s the baby now?”

Sam nods but her expression is grim. “Lucy died when Elinore was in Juvy. Apparently, Ellie was the one taking care of her.”

Everything starts to make sense. “They didn’t check on the baby when she was arrested?”

Sam pulls a face. “According to the autopsy, the baby had undiagnosed diabetes. She died from renal failure before child protection services could get into the house. But that’s not all. Her father was killed by a shank in jail, and her mother committed suicide a few years back. “

“She has no family?”

Sam nods “She has a great aunt who lives in New Mexico. She’s a bit of a legend from what I can see. Has her pilot's license, single, no kids, worked as a nurse in the Vietnam war.”

I sit back in my chair and join all the pieces together. “She went there after Juvy?”

Sam shrugs and gets to her feet. “Probably. And it explains why she wanted to get into nursing. But if you want to know the whole story, only one way to get it.”

I don’t have any reply to that, and I’m done arguing with her, so she just gives me a smug look before she walks out of the room.

***

Ellie

Still feeling raw, and fragile from opening up myself to inspection, I finish writing the reports for Grace and look at the time.

I still have a lot of paperwork to get through, patient reports to write up, but I need a break, and to stretch my legs.

I stare at the wall for a minute, eyes catching on a breastfeeding poster, and find myself wandering out the door, and heading towards the elevators.

After my third session talking to Joss and saying I wasn’t sure I was cut out for PICU, she suggested that maybe I don’t need to quit nursing altogether, just try a different unit.

I stare at the board and finally pick the obstetrics’ ward.

I show my ID to the duty nurse, exchange a few pleasantries since I’m on her turf, and when she gives me the all-clear, I smile and carry on walking almost aimlessly down the hall.

It’s been a while since I’ve been on this floor, so I take great interest in the differences, the atmosphere and find myself wondering if I would fit in here.

I walk past the birthing suites and am walking past a consult room when I hear a voice that makes me pause.

“Go and wait outside, Chris. For fucks sake, they’ll think you’re the father if you stay.”

I freeze and can’t decide whether to stay or leave. But when Chris appears, looking about as pissed off as he did the last time I saw him, I just give him a lame smile.

He steps towards me and sounds so desperate; I can’t help but feel bad for him. “Don’t think I introduced myself. I’m Chris.”

I give him a wry smile. “There wasn’t exactly the time for introductions.”

He slides a look at the door and lowers his voice. “Don’t suppose you can sedate her? I have to wait with her then get her back to rehab.”

I smother a laugh and shake my head. “Sorry, I don’t work in this ward. I was just visiting.”

His face falls, and I move to step away, but Gabby appears in the doorway. Her eyes widen then she frowns. “Should have guessed you’d be here.”

Her eyes narrow then she glares at Chris. “I need to talk to her about my lady parts.”

I have to give him credit, he doesn’t falter. “Nice try. I’m not leaving you alone for one Goddam second. You want to talk about your lady parts, go ahead. Nothing you haven’t already told me about.”

I check my watch and decide to give poor Chris a break. “I have ten minutes. I can sit here and wait for the doctor?”

He turns slightly so Gabby can’t see his face and looks so grateful that I smile a little. “You’re an angel. I’ll be back in ten.”

With a glare in Gabby’s direction, he spins on his heel and stalks off down the hallway leaving me with a smirking, but now sober Gabby.

She backs up and takes a seat inside the consulting room. “Cooper hates me. Sam hates me. Everyone hates me,” she says.

I take a seat and close the door. “If they hated you, they wouldn’t be helping you.”

Her brow knits together but she shrugs shoulders that are far too bony. “I really screwed up this time.”

She points to her belly and pulls a face. “I can’t be a mom. I’m a horrible person.”

I can’t really say anything about that, for too many reasons to count, so I ask the obvious instead. “What are you going to do?”

She shrugs. “I don’t know. The doctor says the baby is fine. No defects and he says if I stay clean it gives the baby the best chance, so I guess that’s about all I’m good for. An incubator.”

Gabby shifts her weight and grimaces as she places her hands on her swollen belly. “They keep talking to me about adoption. But I don’t know if I want my baby going to strangers. What if they end up with worse than me? Or a cold-blooded gold-digging whore like my mother?”

When my eyebrows rise she laughs bitterly. “Yeah. She was a whore. Everything I learned about manipulation I learned from watching her.”

I’m not sure why she’s talking to me, but I’m more than a little curious as to how Cooper ended up as a gun for hire.

“If he wasn’t such a pussy, I’d have felt sorry for dad. But when I fucked a friend of his, he turned on me. Can you believe it? I’m like thirteen but because he was dad’s friend, they accuse me of being a liar?”

I flinch and start to see just how much Cooper was trying to protect her. And perhaps why he feels so obligated to try to help her now that he can.

She sounds so angry, I just sit back and let her rant. As she tells me about how she ran away, I have to wonder if she’s been using drugs to self-medicate. Lord knows I’ve been tempted to in the past.

“When did you start taking drugs?”

That seems to stop her from continuing. “When Cooper left. He was always there, you know? Keeping me safe. But when he wasn’t there, there was nothing to keep me safe. But weed, then coke, it made me feel safer.”

It’s such a fragmented recollection, I’m no longer sure if what I’m hearing is an entirely accurate account of abuse or the symptoms of withdrawal.

Either way, hearing her speak is making me feel like my own childhood was a walk in the park by comparison.

I’m contemplating asking her if she’s ever spoken to anyone in a professional capacity when she changes the subject to one I’m still not comfortable discussing. “I don’t know why I’m telling you all this shit. I bet your family was the Brady Bunch or something.”

Since Joss thinks I have nothing to be ashamed of, I let the words drip from my tongue. “I hated my parents. I was glad when they died,” I say.

Her jaw falls open, and she looks about ready to ask me a barrage of questions, but I’m saved by a knock at the door.

“The doc is here,” Chris says.

I check my watch and get to my feet. “Take care of yourself, Gabby.”

The shock vanishes from her face and a cheeky grin appears, and for the first time since meeting her, I think I see the sister Cooper must remember. “See you later, Florence,” she says.

***

Saturday 9.16am

Cooper

The lodge cleaned, and all traces of Spider removed, I have one more item of business to take care of in Westdale.

Rather than go direct to the realtors, I walk into the coffee shop and immediately think I’ve made a mistake.

Maggie is obviously busy, deep in conversation with a woman.

Wishing I’d thought this through, I try to sneak out the door again, but Maggie looks completely pleased to see me.

She stops her conversation and squeezes out of the booth. “What a wonderful coincidence. We were just discussing all the bruhaha up at your place the other week.”

I accept her hug and feel more than a little apprehensive when the woman looks me up and down. “Ah, this is Cooper. Everything makes sense now.”

Maggie gestures to the woman. “This is Grace. Ellie’s boss.”

I’m still struggling to connect the pieces when Grace gestures to the seat opposite her. “Ellie was staying at my cottage.”

I add that bit of information to the mental list I’m collating and accept her offer to sit.

Maggie seems to take that as an excuse to leave, making an already awkward situation even worse.

“I’ll go grab some coffee,” she says.

Since it’s apparent they were talking about me, and probably about Ellie, I sit back in my chair and ask the question no one else can answer.

“How’s Ellie doing?’

Grace’s brow creases, but she replies. “You aren’t in contact with her?”

I shake my head and she gives me a sad smile. “Well, that would explain even more of her behavior. But for the most part, I think I owe you a debt of gratitude. She came back to work with a new outlook.”

I’m beyond curious, but I’m also due at a meeting, so I cut right to the chase. “I’d like to see her again. But I’m pretty sure that’s out of the question.”

She looks me dead in the eye, and there’s something in her eyes that lets me know this is not a woman to be messed with.

“Look, I’m not one for prying into my employee's business. But Ellie is the closest thing to a daughter I have and above all I want her to be happy.”

She leans back and eyeballs me. “You know she’s struggling at the moment. She lost a patient, and it hit her hard.”

I nod. “She told me about it.”

Grace looks over my shoulder, I assume at Maggie and sighs. “Maggie said you’re a good guy, so I’m going to be honest with you.”

I swallow hard as she toys with a fork on the table. “For some nurses, it’s a career, for some it’s a passion, but for Ellie, I believe it’s a replacement.”

I cock my head at her. “A replacement for what?”

Maggie picks now to arrive, arms loaded with coffee, muffins, and rather than leave them, she settles in beside me, blocking me from leaving.

“Did you tell him?” She asks Grace.

Grace scowls at her. “I was getting to that.”

I glance at Maggie then at Grace. “Tell me what?”

Maggie gestures to Grace, who looks less than pleased to be prompted into divulging something she wasn’t ready to.

“I have an idea of a way to help her get back on her feet.”

As she starts to speak, my lips curl into a smile. By the time she’s finished, I’m late for my meeting, but I don’t care.

Two matchmakers may have found the solution I couldn’t.