Chapter 10

Ryder

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

And it’s all on me. I was the one who showed her my fights. I was the one who had to let my ego and my dick do the thinking.

I shouldn’t have fixed her phone. Without thinking, I grab her arm and yank her towards me. “Give me your phone.”

Her eyes widen and she yelps in fright. When she doesn’t respond, I jam my hand into her coat pockets and yank out my phone first, then hers.

I rip my gloves off so I can check the gallery. When nothing comes up, but a goofy selfie and a few shots of the snow-covered trees, with nothing to identify the location or any photos of me, my pulse settles a little.

I exhale a breath and slide the phone in my pocket, still trying to undo the damage I’ve done by giving her information I shouldn’t have.

I look up and flinch at the sheer terror on Millie’s face. She’s shaking, and in the frozen air, her breathing is coming in way too fast.

Ah, fuuuuck.

I probably scared the shit out of her, but I can’t even begin to explain why I need to make sure no one knows I’m here.

“You can have it back when you get to Cindy’s, or the airport, whatever happens first. And if you need to make a call I’ll give it back, just do it when I’m in the room, okay?”

I know it’s not going to do anything to undo the damage I did, but she gives me a feeble nod.

“I’m cold. I’m going inside,” she says.

When she turns on her heel and treks back to the cabin, I know I just messed up in the worst possible way.

I don’t even hesitate, just follow her inside, and try to soften my tone as I close the door behind us.

“I should have handled that better. It’s important I maintain my privacy,” I say.

She swallows and won’t look at me as she strips off her coat. “Don’t worry about it. You’ve made your position clear. I’ll do my best to stay out of your way.”

I kick my boots off and try to find something else to say as she steps out of her boots and takes a seat on the couch and stares at the fire.

After a year of my own company, the silence should be welcome, but as I head back into the kitchen and check on the food, it’s almost painful.

I slam the oven door shut, cursing at myself as I look at the effort I’ve gone to for a woman who is now terrified of me.

And why wouldn’t she be? I just confiscated her phone, she can’t leave, and I’m effectively holding her captive.

I close my eyes, feel the pull of regret settle in, and steel myself for explaining what I can’t.

I pour a glass of wine and hope I can find some way to repair this before she hates me as much as everyone else does.

I sit beside her and wince at the way her body tenses, and her face tightens.

I hold the wine out to her as a flimsy peace offering. “You want to slap me again?”

She doesn’t react, but she does accept the wine glass, and it’s impossible not to notice she’s trembling.

I sit back, perplexed at my willingness to try to placate her. “Why I came here is…complicated.”

She doesn’t even look at me as she takes a large gulp of her wine. “It’s fine. It’s none of my business,” she says quietly.

I have no idea if she’s just humoring me, so I frown sidelong at her. “I’m trying to explain,” I say.

Confusion is etched on her face when she looks at me. “Why?”

It’s a fair question but I can’t seem to find a credible answer. Not when I don’t know the answer myself.

When I don’t say anything, she just smiles weakly and places her wine on the floor. “Could I have my phone, please? It’s stopped snowing so I think I’ll take Cindy up on her offer to fly me out.”

My chest constricts the more I look at the emotion she’s trying and failing to cover.

The words come out too rough. “You don’t have to do that,” I say.

She gives me a wooden smile. “I think it’ll be less confusing for us both if I left.”

I work my jaw as I try to think.

Unless I lay on an apology, giving her phone back and ending this weekend on rocky ground is now the only real option.

I slide my hand into my pocket and pull out her phone. When she reaches for it, I grasp her wrist. “Stay.”

She shakes her head and half whispers the word. “Why? We agreed this was a mistake. Why continue making it?”

My pulse quickens as my brain seems to slow and I can’t think of anything remotely unselfish. “What do you need me to say to make this right?”

A shallow smile tugs at her lips. “Ryder—"

I slide along the sofa and risk placing my hand on her knee. “Just tell me what you want to hear, and I’ll say it.”

Her lips press together, and she looks so pained, I brace myself for her to pick up the phone.

She just stares at my hand on her knee. “It doesn’t work that way.”

“What am I supposed to do then, guess? This is exactly the kind of female drama I don’t miss. It’s why I stay the hell away from Cindy’s loonies.”

Her eyebrow arches and somehow her calmness when she rises to her feet is worse than when she slapped me. “This arrangement was temporary, and I stayed when I probably shouldn’t have. And as far as calling me a loony, fuck you, Ryder.”

I wince and get to my feet and try one last time to convince her to stay. “I’m sorry. Is that what you needed to hear?”

She shakes her head. “For about three seconds, I actually thought you were a decent person.”

I shake my head and try not to sound as exasperated as I feel. “What the fuck do you want from me, woman?”

She runs her fingers through her hair and frowns. “I thought I could do this with you. But I can’t. The second we’re out of bed, we’re at each other’s throats.”

When she raises the phone, I grab her and tug her close. “Then we stay in bed until you need to go.”

She stares at me, her forehead lining as she starts to protest. Before she can say a word, I press my lips to hers and remind her of what we could be doing instead of arguing.

Her tongue connects with mine, and she responds eagerly enough to let me know I’ve won this round.

I scoop her up in my arms and keep kissing her until we reach the couch.

I’m tired of running, tired of hiding, I want to connect with someone I care about, and more than that, I need to.

I pull her on top of me so she can straddle me, but the faint buzzing coming from my pocket kills the moment.

She climbs off me and looks at my pocket. “I think I’ll get some fresh air before we eat.”

I can’t think of a single thing to say to her, so I watch her as she shrugs her jacket back on, and I have no reason not to answer my phone.

Since Millie’s out of the cabin again, I put it on speakerphone and leave it on the counter so I can open the oven door. “Hey,” I say.

“Hi. I’ve just got a second. We’re about to eat, but I have some good news.”

I slam the oven door shut and pick up the phone so I can hear her properly. “Oh yeah?”

“The weather’s easing off and the road has opened for emergency vehicles. I sweet-talked Elijah, and he’s agreed to come to get Millie.”

My stomach backflips. “When?”

Her reply comes back rushed. “It has to be tomorrow, sorry. But the good news is you’ll only have to put up with her for another night. Where did you leave your truck? Flinder’s Pass?”

I stare down at my bare feet and think about how I’m going to start what will be an iced and snowed under truck by now. “Yeah. I’ll need a jump to get it going.”

I can hear someone calling her in the background. “I’ll make sure Elijah has cables. I’ll be there by eight at the latest so make sure you’re up in plenty of time to walk back. Where’s she sleeping again?”

I stare at the bottle of wine on the counter. “In my bed. I took the sofa in the loft.”

At the pause, something twitches in my middle. “Your bed?”

Since it’s likely I just landed myself in it, I don’t say anything else, just wait for the inevitable. “Goddamit, Ryder! You slept with her, didn’t you?”

I scratch my chin and don’t bother to deny it. “Calm down. She’s a big girl. She didn’t do anything she didn’t want to.”

She sounds about as angry as I thought she would. Her voice comes out an angry hiss. “This is just typical of you. You act before you think and just do whatever the hell you want. She just got dumped before the holidays, Ryder. You took advantage of her when she was at her most vulnerable. That’s low. Even for you.”

Heat rises to my cheeks as I struggle to defend myself or justify my actions. “You finished?”

“Not even close. But I have to go. I’ll call tomorrow morning.”

She’s so angry she doesn’t say goodbye letting me know I’ve pissed off the only person keeping me sane out here.

With a head shake, I toss the phone on the table and decide I better tell Millie that she’ll only have to put up with me for one more night.

I shrug my thermals on and zip up my jacket before I head back outside. It takes me a few minutes to find her, beside the garage, building a snowman of all things.

I frown as I close the distance between us and wonder what the hell she’s constructed.

As I get closer it’s apparent she’s veered from conventional and created what appears to be a pissed-off snowman with boxing gloves for arms.

At my approach, she steps back and looks at me with a wry smile. “What do you think?”

I gesture to the gloves. “Is this supposed to be me?”

She pulls a face and shrugs. “I figured he was safer to talk to. And he’s better company.”

Despite myself, a smile twitches at my lips, and before I can prevent it, I laugh.

Her eyebrows shoot upwards and she straightens. “If I had my camera handy right now, I would now have evidence you can take a joke.”

I jam my hands into my pockets. “Good thing you don’t then.”

She nods. “Hmmm. Wouldn’t want to damage your outstanding reputation.”

“Was that sarcasm?”

A dangerous look flickers across her face, and before I can blink she’s stepping back, and launching something at me.

As the snowball slams into my chest, I stare at her, growing increasingly convinced she’s losing it.

She holds up her hands and pretends to box, poorly. “Guess your reflexes are a little rusty?”

I swipe the snow off my jacket and narrow my eyes. “Nothing wrong with my reflexes. If there was, you’d be at the bottom of that damn pond,” I mutter.

She pulls a face. “Low blow.”

But when her hand twitches at her side, I have enough time to duck before she fires the other snowball she had hidden behind her back.

I land nose-first in the snow, and before I know what I’m doing, I scoop up a handful and launch it at her.

It smashes into her chest and she shrieks as I scramble to my feet, readying another projectile as she tries and fails to run away in the ankle-deep snow.

I manage to hit her in the face and I’m slightly alarmed at the level of seriousness on her face. “Oh, it is on. You messed with the wrong girl,” she says.

She scoops up more snow, and launches it so fast, I know I’m dealing with a pro.

I know I’m unevenly matched when despite my best efforts, she catches me twice, leaving me shaking off snow. “You’re good at this,” I say as I make a grab for her.

She sidesteps, but loses her balance and winds up tumbling into me. “I know. I was the neighborhood champ three years running. It used to piss my brother off no end.”

At the image of her beating everyone else in a fight, I chuckle and at the indignation and the crunching of snow as she slams another handful into my face, I start to laugh so hard my stomach hurts.

With no other recourse, I grab her around the waist and sling her over my shoulder.

She shrieks but manages to shove a handful of icy snow down the back of my neck before I get her back inside.

I set her on her feet, and at the triumph in her eyes and the glow to her, I decide now isn’t the time to tell her Cindy will be coming to get her.

I press my mouth against hers and slowly unzip her jacket. “What time is it? I’m starving,” she says.

“Not sure, but if you want to eat. Go get in bed and get naked.”

Her hand slides to my crotch. “Is this how you entertain all your dinner guests?”

I tug off my own jacket and shrug. “Only the hot blondes who fall into freezing water.”

She wrinkles her nose and laces her arms around my neck. “And that happens a lot does it?”

I pull her towards the couch and sit her so her back is against my chest. I slide my hand down her jeans and slip my finger inside her panties.

She moans softly as I find her clit and start to rub it in circles. I snake my other hand under her shirt and rub her closest nipple over the lace of her bra.

Cock now fully engorged, I wait for her to get slippery before I push my finger inside her pussy.

She arches her back and turns to kiss me. Her tongue meshes with mine and we French kiss until all I can think about is using my tongue somewhere else.

I pull her jeans down and get on my knees so I can spread her legs. As I press a kiss to her clit, she moans and looks down at me. “Make me come,” she says.

I give her a playful lick before I start in earnest and position myself until I get the pressure how she likes it.

I know I’ve hit the right spot when she grabs my hair and starts to shake on the couch.

I grab her hips and hold her steady until she’s screaming and I can taste her creaming in my mouth.

I swipe her pussy juice off my lips and rip my shirt over my head before I grab her and pull her toward the bed.

She’s so into it she doesn’t say a word as I yank off her clothes and then mine so we’re buck ass naked.

I’m not done making her come so I open her legs again and start to lick, enjoying myself as I slide a finger up her ass.

At the little squeak she makes I know she likes it, so I amp it up a notch and push another finger inside her pussy, so I’m fingering both holes.

She’s so into it, and it’s so fucking dirty, I’m jizzing like crazy and she’s coming again in seconds.

She looks wild as she pushes me backward and starts sucking my cock so hard, I think I’m going to come before I get to fuck her again.

Her noises as she swallows my cock send my head into a tailspin making it hard to breathe let alone think.

Cock encased in her wet mouth, she sucks and licks until a come is starting to build.

I push her back and spin her around so she’s on all fours. She looks so fucking hot, I push her legs open, and start to lick her pussy from behind until she collapses on her forearms.

I slap her ass as I shove my cock into her wet pussy and like the way she moans as I start to pump her.

I keep pounding her, harder and deeper until an orgasm is so close, I can taste it.

I let her screams guide me as I fuck her harder and rougher until she’s coming again and I’m close behind her.

I grab her hips and pull her ass into me, enjoying the view as I watch my cock slide in and out of her pussy until I’m done messing around and want to blow my load.

“Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me hard,” she pants.

I do what she says and fuck her hard enough to make our skin slap together. Pleasure shoots through my cock as an orgasm ripples like an earthquake through my body.

I pull out, and drop onto my back, sucking in breaths as she flops beside me and pulls the sheet over us.

I flinch as she pokes me in the side. “The service is lousy in this joint. Where’s my dinner?”

I chuckle and before I can stop her, she holds up the phone she must have grabbed and is snapping a picture of me.

“Ha! I got evidence,” she screams.

The smile slides from my face as I see her tapping away on her phone. “Give me that.”

I wrestle the phone off her, flip her on her back, pinning her to the bed as I try to delete the photo.

She struggles underneath me and looks entirely pleased with herself. “Too late. Your reputation is in ruins.”

Panic floods me until I check the words she managed to type before I got it off her.

I got your brother to laugh! It’s a Christmas Miracle!

I shake my head at her and kiss her. “You’re a nut job, you know that?’

She just smiles and runs her fingers down my back. “Takes one to know one,” she says.

I have no argument, so I just kiss her again, until even my semi-hard cock can’t override my conscience.

I frown at her. “Cindy called before. She’ll be here for you tomorrow morning,” I say.

At the way her face falls, I’m not sure how to feel or what else to say, so I do what I need to get through this without another argument. “I’ll go get the food,” I say.

***

Millie

Monday 6.12am

After a restless night's sleep, I wake to the smell of coffee, toast, and the awareness I’m going to be leaving.

Ryder sits on the side of the bed and hands me a coffee as I sit up.

The expression on his face is gloomy enough to confirm what I suspected last night. He doesn’t want this to end just yet either.

“We need to get moving. Cindy’s on her way. And we have a hike ahead of us.”

I take a sip and silently wish he’ll say something nice or give me a reason to stay.

When he just stares out the window, I take a breath and cross my fingers I’m reading this situation accurately.

“I was thinking about asking my boss about extending my stay for a few more days,” I say.

He looks at me so intently, I start to squirm. “I could maybe do a feature on New Year’s Eve Alaskan style?”

He frowns. “You’d be staying with Cindy though?”

I shrug and sip my coffee before I answer. “Well, yes. I’d need to.”

He nods slowly as if not quite comprehending what I’m saying. Or maybe he does, and he’s just not interested.

The more I look at him, the more I realize it’s almost impossible to tell what he’s thinking.

When he doesn’t say anything to give me a reason to include him in my New Year’s plans, I sigh. “Never mind,” I mutter.

His frown only grows as he gets to his feet. “You want something to eat before we leave?”

I nod even though I’m not hungry. “Thanks.”

A shallow smile flickers at his lips before he leaves me sitting naked in his bed, wishing I had the courage to just tell him I’d like to see him again.

As if he recognizes I’m thinking about a future, he pours me a bowl of granola and makes no small show of avoiding my gaze as he eats his own food.

I give up waiting for him to say something and leave my coffee on the floor as I get dressed in the same clothes, I’ve been wearing for three days straight.

If I’d known I’d be stuck here with him, I would have planned better. But right now, knowing I can get a hot shower, and a change of clothes is the only thing I have to look forward to.

As I pull on my thermal top, I’m horrified to feel a lump growing in my throat and it’s impossible to ignore the tension in the cabin.

But I can’t allow myself to get emotional over this little tryst. Even if we could find a way to see each other, there couldn’t be a future.

And we’re so different it would be a train wreck waiting to happen.

As I lace my boots and make sure I’ve got everything I need, it’s easy to see I made that mistake with Adam.

He told me what he wanted out of life, what his priorities and beliefs were, but I forced him into my life when he wasn’t a good fit.

Ryder is quite possibly the worst person to contemplate seeing again. The only way it could even work would be on a purely superficial level.

And a hot weekend fling with a man I can’t figure out is one thing. Trying to repeat it, would be a disaster.

I push all thoughts of sex aside and try to mentally distance myself from Ryder.

Thankfully, he’s not interested in talking, so breakfast finishes in silence, and before I can really process it, I’m tugging my coat back on and pulling my backpack over my shoulders.

I check I have my phone in my pocket, take a last look at the cabin, and when he opens the door, I follow after him.

Squinting against the sun, I plod through the snow, pleased he’s not setting the blistering pace he did to get here.

Since he’s not in a hurry, I take a few photos of any wildlife I spot and try to think about anything else than saying goodbye.

I’m not sure if it’s a mercy that the time passes quicker than I’d expected it to.

When I see the road looming, it takes all my effort not to grab his hand and demand we talk.

Instead of making a fool of myself, I trudge down the hill to where a car shaped mound of snow is resting on a now partially clear road.

In a monumentally awkward moment just as I’m thinking of how to say goodbye, a State Trooper’s vehicle appears, and I see Cindy’s smiling face in the passenger seat.

Ryder winces as the vehicle comes to a rolling stop. “She’s early,” he mutters.

I open my mouth but when nothing comes out, I lose my opportunity as Cindy hobbles out of the vehicle and limps towards me.

I don’t even get a chance to say anything let alone kiss him goodbye when he turns and starts scraping the snow and ice off his windshield.

He’s not even looking at me when Cindy pulls me into a hug. I force a smile as she introduces me to a middle-aged Trooper called Elijah.

As the Trooper walks off to help Ryder, Cindy looks at Ryder and lowers her voice. “Are you okay?”

I smile even wider. “I’m fine. Cold, but fine.”

Her eyes narrow, and she seems less than convinced. “We’ll wait in the truck. You can tell me everything that’s been happening.”

I take a look at Ryder, now in conversation with the Trooper and with a knot in my throat, and decide I may at least stay warm while I confess.

I climb inside the back and sigh at the warmth coming from the heater. “I need to get my suitcase. It’s still in Ryder’s truck.”

She nods distractedly and when she peers through the front seats out the windshield I know why. “So, you had sex with my big brother? That was unexpected.”

I wince and hang my head. “I know. I don’t know what happened. One minute we were arguing and the next…”

I can’t even begin to explain what happened, so I just lean my head back and close my eyes.

Cindy breaths out a long sigh. “It’s my fault. I should have seen this coming. He’s been alone for such a long time.”

My eyes pop open and I frown at her. “Are you saying he was desperate?”

“No. No! I didn’t mean it like that. I mean he’s not used to spending time with women who challenge him. And he’s never had anything close to a conversation with a woman outside of the MMA bubble. I don’t think he knows how to.”

“Well, that explains a lot.”

“Let’s just forget about Ryder and focus on you.”

Since there’s no point lamenting Ryder any longer, I just give her a weary nod and look out the window at the trees. “I’ll try,” I say.