Chapter 11

Ryder

I’m torn between relief I can get my truck started and get out of here and wanting to avoid a conversation with the first cop I’ve seen since arriving here.

He’s made numerous attempts to meet me, all of which I’ve blown off until now.

He extends his gloved hand. “Nice to finally meet you. I was beginning to think you were a figment of Cindy’s imagination.”

I nod and accept his handshake. “I like to keep to myself.”

He bobs his head slowly. “Nothing wrong with that. But I do like to get to know everyone. Just in case.”

I know he’s probably just doing his job, and I’d be fucked without him, so I listen as he talks about his kids, his wife, and the local hunting charter, which does pique my interest.

“How often do you meet?”

“Twice a month. More if we can arrange it. You’re welcome to join. You have a license?”

I shake my head. “Never got around to getting one.”

He looks at me, bushy eyebrows rising. “Cindy said you’ve been hunting?”

Ah, fuck.

“I may have stretched the truth a little. A moose wandered onto my property not long after I moved here.”

His disbelief is evident in his tone. “You do realize it’s illegal to hunt without a license?”

I stare at the jumper leads in his hands. “I’ll get one as soon as the roads clear.”

He eyes me. “What did you say you did back in the states? Cindy said you were a professional fighter?”

I shift my weight to one foot and try to keep my composure as I see this is going from bad to worse.

This type of interaction is why I keep contact with the locals to a minimum and don’t encourage questions.

A State Trooper digging around is going to bring with it nothing but questions.

“I was. I needed a change of pace.”

The Trooper stares at me so long, I’m convinced he’s about to slap handcuffs on me and throw me in the back of his truck with Millie.

But he just sniffs and places the cables on the points and steps back. “Let’s try this. The roads are opening up, so you can go for a drive to recharge the battery.”

I give him a nod and jump behind the wheel. When he’s back in the truck I release a breath and even though I stopped believing a long time ago, I pray the Trooper is going to drop it.

I’ve made it this long without tipping anyone off. If I can just get back to my cabin, there’s a good chance I can stay off the radar for a while longer.

When he yells out his window to turn the engine over, I do as he says, and push my foot on the accelerator.

The engine chugs to life giving me hope I can get the hell out of here without more questions.

I jump out of the truck and open the back door so I can haul out Millie’s luggage.

I slam the door shut and fight the impulse to hand it to Millie, and just offer it to the Trooper as he climbs out.

I thank him and turn on my heel ready to make my escape when I hear Millie call out.

I pivot in the snow and can’t seem to find anything normal to say as she approaches looking as awkward as I feel right now.

She extends her hand. “So, um, thank you again. For everything,” she says.

I lock eyes with her and squeeze her hand. “Stay away from ponds.”

She snorts and pulls her hand away. “Take care of yourself, Ryder.”

I glance at Cindy glowering at me through the window and nod. “Always do,” I say.

Before this gets dragged out even longer, I turn on my heel and ignoring every impulse to do otherwise, I climb back in my truck, it’s almost easy to pretend her leaving is exactly what I wanted.

Almost.

***

Millie

I’m finally at the retreat, wrapped in a fluffy robe and waiting for my nails to dry while Cindy deals with her guests, and I talk to my boss.

He sounds rushed. “Sorry I didn’t call sooner. My wife’s sister showed up and I had to deal with her and her insane kids.”

“No problem. Did you get the email? I’ll have my review in by New Year. And on that, where do you want me?”

“Just looking now and go home for New Year’s.”

“Okay great thanks, mom will be—”

He cuts me off. “Who’s the guy?”

I frown. “What guy?”

He laughs. “The guy in bed, smiling, wait a sec….holy shit, Mil! Is that Ryder Renholm? That’s who you stayed with?”

My eyes pop as I scramble to check the email I sent through, when I see I accidentally attached the photo of Ryder I cringe.

“Um, yes. But please delete it. I sent that by mistake. He doesn’t want anyone to know where he is.”

My stomach twists into knots as I wait for him to reply. “This is surreal. You know this guy is like a champion, right? One of the best mixed martial artists in the UFC? No one knew what happened to him. He just vanished right after a fight. And you found him.”

“Promise me you’ll delete it. I assured him—”

“Mil this is huge. Do you have any idea what this could do for us?”

I frown at the phone. “He’ll sue us and me. I can guarantee it. He really doesn’t want anyone to know he’s here. And Cindy is a friend of mine.”

He releases a breath. “You’re killing me here. If my wife saw this, it would be on Instagram in a heartbeat, you know that?”

I slump against the chair and try to reason with him but know this is going to be a hard sell when he curses again. “Have you seen the size of his following on IG? The guy is a fucking rock star.”

“And he’ll have rock star lawyers after you, if you publish that photo,” I remind him.

“Yeah. I guess. You promised him, did you?”

“I did.”

He blows out a breath. “Fine but you owe me big time for sitting on this.”

I wrinkle my nose. “Thank you. And I’ll get some great photos to make up for it.”

“Unless you’re getting naked that’s not going to make up for this,” he says.

I roll my eyes. “Oh fine. I’ll find a way to use the stupid hashtag then.”

He chuckles. “Atta girl. I gotta go. Send me the shots, and your review and we’ll get them up before New Year.”

I nod and smile as Cindy hobbles into my room. “I’ll start working on it tomorrow. And thanks.”

“Fifteen million followers. Over ten mil following his fucking hashtag,” he mutters as he ends the call.

Cindy pulls a face and takes a seat beside me. She slides her foot on a chair before she looks at me. “What was that about?”

I pick up my phone and show her my mistake. “I accidentally sent that photo of Ryder smiling to my boss.”

Cindy’s face twists as though she’s in pain. “Ouch. But he’s not going to do anything with it, is it? Ryder hates having his picture taken. I thought he was going to smash my phone last time I tried to get a photo of him.”

I shake my head. “He confiscated mine and made it clear he’d sue if any pictures of him or his property were published. I passed that on to my boss. But he’s a little excited I met an MMA star. I had no idea Ryder was so famous.”

Her brow knits. “If you follow MMA he’s famous. To everyone else he’s just an anti-social hermit.”

I have to smile at that. “He has his moments.”

Cindy frowns. “Are we going to talk about Ryder the rest of the time you’re here? I had hoped to talk about the activities we offer. Not to mention you need to decide what you want for dinner.”

I pull an apologetic face and try to follow along as she lists the options I have for lunch, most of which are vegan, making me think about the caribou Ryder made me, and that leads me back to thinking about him when I shouldn’t be.

Cindy sighs. “Okay. You’re not listening. And I don’t have to think too hard why.”

“Sorry. I guess we left things a little, um…”

She gives me a shallow smile. “Unresolved?”

At the reluctance in her voice I know she’s disappointed I’m not more interested in the retreat.

“I’m not going to see him again, but it’s weird knowing he’s there all by himself. Don’t you worry? What if he gets hurt?”

She nods and adjusts her foot on the chair. “I worry all the damn time. That’s why he has a phone and why I pop in occasionally at random. When he first moved here, I thought the isolation would be too much and I’d see a whole lot more of him. But the opposite has happened.”

“He said something about you wanting him to work here?”

She sighs as though resigned we’re completely off track. “Working here with me is the last thing he wants. But there’s a caretaker’s cottage sitting empty that would be perfect for him. It has its own access, nice kitchen, new bathroom. It’s right at the back of the property too, so he’d have plenty of privacy.”

I check my still wet nails, painted red just in time for a New Year’s I’ll probably be spending alone. “Did he tell you why he stopped fighting?”

She shakes her head. “All I get is the stony wall of silence. For the first month I saw him more because he needed my help but as soon as he was set up, and he’d moved in, it was pretty much like he wasn’t even here.”

I think of the supplies he has and wonder if I should mention the guns.

“Do you think he’s just burned out? I can’t imagine that lifestyle is easy, maybe he just needed a break? Time to reassess his priorities?”

Her tone is wry. “You aren’t asking anything I haven’t already asked him about. But Ryder has always been guarded, even with me. And this is just another thing he refuses to let me help him with.”

I let out a sigh. “He must have friends? People who are wondering what happened to him?”

She shrugs. “From what I can gather, everyone is wondering what happened to him. Fans and his team included. I did think about trying to contact his coach, but I don’t think they ended things on the best of terms.”

I sit up a little straighter. “What makes you say that?”

“I stopped reading any news about MMA a while back. But I did read a few things about possible problems with his coach and the gym he owns.”

That’s news to me so I lean a little closer in the hopes she can shed some more light on the mystery that is Ryder. “What kind of problems?”

She shrugs. “There are always rumors about coaches. And all sorts of things. It’s a very competitive sport, but I always thought it was a good move for Ryder. It positively channeled his aggression. And from the times I met him, his coach seemed to have a positive influence on him.”

Considering Ryder never mentioned him, I’m more than interested in why if he was a massive part of Ryder’s life why he isn’t now. “Like a mentor?”

“Jake was probably a stand-in for our own father. He’s an alcoholic and wasn’t always the best dad to us.”

There’s something in her voice that lets me know she’s leaving out a lot. And given she never talked about her parents in college, I know this is painful for her.

“He mentioned he doesn’t talk to your parents,” I say.

Cindy’s eyebrows rise. “He told you that?”

Given the circumstances, I have to cover the heat tracking over my cheeks by pretending to examine my nails and change the subject. “You decided not to call Jake?”

She opens her hands. “Ryder doesn’t want to talk to him And I’m not going to break his trust by calling him. If Ryder tells me what happened, it’ll be in his time, not mine.”

Even though I’m dying of curiosity, I can see this is going nowhere, so I nod. “I’ll quit talking about him. It just makes me crazy. He can be sweet, but then he erects these walls.”

She smiles. “He can be sweet. He’s also loyal and incredibly protective. But he just doesn’t know how to find balance in his life. He goes from one extreme to the other. Doesn’t matter if it’s drugs, exercise, alcohol, girls, or fighting. It’s always been all or nothing for him.”

At the word nothing, my stomach sinks to my toes.

And that’s as fitting a word to describe this weekend as any.

I came with nothing and despite an incredible weekend with the most complicated and intriguing man I’ve ever met, I’m leaving with it too.

I release a sigh and frown at the green tea Cindy gave me. “Do you have any booze? I need a real drink.”

Her lips quirk into a smile. “Of course, you do. Ryder always has that effect on people,” she says.

***

Ryder

From inside the garage, I’m working the bag in an attempt to keep my thoughts in the present.

It’s an old trick and one that served me well in the lead up to a fight. It’s hard to think about anything when your lungs are screaming for air and every single muscle is burning with lactic acid.

At the twinge in my wrist as I smack the bag, I step back and suck in a breath of air.

I need to be careful, if I hurt myself out here, I’m royally fucked.

I learned that the hard way when I busted my knee the first few months I was out here.

I strip off the gloves, and toss them on the workbench, before I down half a bottle of icy water and sit against the wall.

My breathing echoes around the garage as a reminder I’m completely alone again.

I stay sitting until my breathing has calmed and I’m starting to get cold. Since I filled and started heating the bath before I started working out, I get to my feet and head out the garage door.

It’s getting dark by the time I step into the water, and normally I’d be pleased to eat and go to bed.

But as I lie back in the tub it’s impossible not to think about the hot blonde who was in it with me last time I took a soak.

But instead of looking at her incredible tits, I’m staring at a rust stain and thinking about what I’d say to her if I saw her again.

“For fuck’s sake you dickhead. She was only here for a few days,” I mutter aloud.

But it’s pointless. I can deny it all I want. But after a year of solitude and not giving a shit about seeing anyone, I’m actually missing everything about Millie that drove me crazy when she was here.

And as much as I hate to admit it, if it was just sex, I wouldn’t be talking to myself or trying to kill myself with cardio.

I can deny it all I want, but the truth is becoming unbearably clear.

I like her.

Quite a fucking lot.

And I’m not sure which is worse, knowing I have feelings for her or knowing there’s no point telling her how I feel.

I close my eyes and slide under the water and hope I can get her out of my system before I do something I can’t undo.

***

Millie

Two days later…

Even though I shouldn’t have, I’ve spent way too much time making use of Cindy’s WIFI and under the guise of research, I’ve found a lot of useless information on Ryder that serves no purpose other than to perplex me even further.

I quit asking Cindy about him, and despite being incredibly distracted, I’ve managed to interact with the other guests, take some great photos, and with Cindy’s help even managed to take a nude of me jumping naked into a plunge pool after a sauna.

It took a little editing, but I have a photo that both highlights the resort, the location, and doesn’t show anything I don’t want to be seen.

I even managed to draft a rough and very positive review to be completed on my flight back to Iowa.

Feeling slightly more together than I expected to, I step outside and find Cindy waiting beside the car.

I frown at her and set my bag down. “At least let me drive to the airport,” I say.

She smiles. “I intend to. And I’ll hang around with you until Julia arrives to drive us back.”

I accept the keys and jump behind the wheel. When she’s climbed up and closed the door, I depress the start button and click my seatbelt into place.

I adjust the seat and angle the rear-view mirror so I can look at the mountains surrounding us.

“I’m sorry you didn’t get to see the lights. I know how much it meant to you,” Cindy says.

I wrinkle my nose and pull away from the main entrance. “That’s okay. It gives me a reason to come back.”

Even as I say it, I know I will be back. It’s too beautiful not to, and even if I don’t see Ryder again, I owe Cindy more than a flying visit.

Cindy nods eagerly. “As long as you can get here before April, you should have plenty of chances to see them.”

I smile back at her even though I’m still struggling with the idea of Ryder not being a part of my plans to return.

He’s made it clear it was a one-time deal, and even though I think he’s wrong, my ego won’t take another battering so soon after Adam’s rejection.

Whether I like it or not, the next time I visit Alaska, it will definitely not include a visit with a grouchy former MMA fighter.

To distract me, and to make the most of the time I have with Cindy, I chat about work, and about my family as I drive back to Anchorage.

If I had more time I’d stop in and spend some time taking photos, but with my flight leaving in five hours, I don’t have time to spare this time around.

When we arrive at the airport, Cindy directs me to a spot, and as I park, I try to ignore the crushing feeling growing in my chest and smile for Cindy’s sake.

To spare her the walk to the terminal, I put my backpack on, and extend the handle on my suitcase so I can roll it.

Usually, when I travel, it’s not to see friends, so when her eyes well, and she throws her arms around me, I hug her back and do my best not to cry.

She sniffs and gives me a teary smile. “Text me when you land in Des Moines. And say hi to your folks for me.”

I nod and tap my cell in my pocket. “Will do. And if you speak to Ryder, tell him thanks for having great reflexes.”

Her head tilts and I know she’s probably wondering what I’m talking about. But I don’t have time for explanations or long goodbyes.

I hug her one last time and hurry towards the entrance before I miss my flight home.

With the steady stream of holiday traffic, the airport is jam-packed, and it takes me a lot longer to check in my bag than I’d anticipated.

I have just enough time to use the bathroom before I hear the announcement come over the loud-speaker.

I sling my backpack across my shoulders and push the restroom door open.

I make it about ten paces before I run smack bang into someone heading toward me.

Ready to make an apology, I look up and find myself gazing at a deeply tanned man in his mid-forties, with a square jaw, cold grey eyes, and the oddest-looking ears I’ve ever seen.

Belatedly, my brain connects the appearance with wrestling but it’s the way he’s looking at me that makes a shiver of worry run down my spine.

“Sorry,” I mumble as I try to move to the side.

He steps with me and smiles as he places a meaty hand on my wrist. “No need to apologize. You’re exactly who I was hoping to run into,” he says.

As far as pick-up lines go, it’s not the worst I’ve heard so I force a smile and try again to move away from him as a steady throng of people flow around us. “Excuse me. I have a plane to catch,” I say.

He smiles even wider and if my wrist wasn’t locked in his vice-like grip, I’d even think he was handsome. “This will just take a minute,” he says.

Heart now hammering in my chest, I take a step back, relax my arm, and rotate my wrist the way Ryder showed me.

He releases my wrist but rather than look annoyed I got out he looks pleased. “You really are Ryder’s girl, aren’t you?”

When I’m too surprised to answer, he smiles. “Good to see something positive has come out of his move here.”

I glance at the departures board and again try to move away. “I have a flight to catch.”

He bobs his head but seems to ignore I’m in a hurry. “I’m Jake. I used to coach him.”

The penny drops and I find myself paralyzed by indecision.

Rather than merge into the throng of passengers heading towards the departure gate, I stand glued to the floor as I struggle to think.

As if he knows I’m teetering, Jake sends me a sad smile. “I know this is unorthodox, but I’ve been trying to find him for a year. He’s on a path to self -destruction but I think I can help him get back on track.”

Before I let my plans be sabotaged by a man I’m pretty sure doesn’t want help let alone mine I ask a question I should have done days ago. “Is Ryder in trouble?”

Jake looks so pained I know I can’t just walk away. “I’m afraid so. A lot of it.”

I release a sigh. “I’ll go see if I can grab a later flight,” I say.

***

Ryder

I’m sitting at the table, staring at the pile of dishes in the sink, and can’t find the motivation to wash them.

I lean back in my chair, tapping my foot, and finger thrumming the table-top.

I look around the cabin and try to find a project that can keep my mind busy and my thoughts off the fact Millie will be home by now.

I’ve already sanded the rust stain off the bathtub, split enough wood to last three winters, changed the oil in my truck, cleaned it, hand washed my sheets, and I still can’t get her out of my head.

With a grunt, I get up and am about to attack the dishes when my phone buzzes.

I still haven’t spoken to Cindy about what happened with Millie, and she’s the last person I feel like speaking to about it.

If it weren’t for the fact, I promised I’d always pick up, I’d ignore her.

I pick up and wait for the condemnation. “I know I messed up, so don’t start, okay?”

But instead of annoyance, it’s concern in her voice. “That’s not why I’m calling. Millie’s mom phoned me. Millie missed her flight and sent a text saying she would catch the next one. Did she come back to see you?”

My fist twitches at my side as my brain switches gears. “No. Have you called her?”

“Ten times, but her phone is switched off. I’m really worried. So, you haven’t heard from her?”

My stomach tightens as every possible scenario flashes through my head. “No, I haven’t. Did you call the airline? You have a friend who works there don’t you?”

She sounds on the verge of tears as she answers. “I do. She checked her bag in but never arrived at the departure lounge. They tried to find her, but she didn’t answer the pages. And she hasn’t booked another ticket yet either. None of this makes sense.”

I run a hand over my face and try not to let my growing panic come through.

“Maybe she changed her mind? Saw someone she knew and decided to go get a coffee? Got talking and missed her flight?”

She blows out a breath. “I hope that’s the case. But she was looking forward to spending New Year’s with her parents. And why would she check her bag in and not get on the flight?”

I take a breath and focus on staying calm. This could be nothing. It might not have anything to do with me.

Any hope I had this is a coincidence is smashed to pieces when Cindy’s tone changes to cautious.

“There’s something you should know. Her boss accidentally received the photo of you. I’m so sorry, Ryder, but he put it up on Instagram using Millie’s account. It gave the location of the retreat.”

Cold trickles down my spine as my worst nightmare comes to life. “When?”

“Uh, a day ago, I think. Millie is going to be furious. Her boss assured her he wouldn’t use it. Maybe that’s why she missed her flight?”

Whatever she says next is lost as my heart starts to beat so fast all I can hear is a roaring sound in my ears.

Because my photo suddenly appearing along with my approximate location will be the reason, she missed her flight. I can guarantee it.

“—did you hear me? She seemed fine, but breakups can be rough, and after the weekend she spent with you, she might be feeling a little unbalanced.”

I highly doubt that’s the reason she’s MIA. “You still have that gun I gave you?”

She sucks in a sharp breath. “What? Yes, Ryder what’s going on?”

“If anyone you don’t know shows up at the retreat looking for me, call Elijah. Tell your staff the same, and arm yourself,” I hear myself saying.

I don’t wait for her to say goodbye, or give her an explanation, I just slide the phone in my pocket, switch it to silent, and systematically switch off the brightest lamps in the cabin.