Fifty-nine

"It's gotta be a joke!" - mock with rudeness.

— T-thanks... -he thanked her, hesitating her gaze on me and on that pile of shit.

"Now get out!"

He spins toward the door, inches past my body with that superior male gait.

It doesn't take even a second for me to advance my feet to the other side of the bar, causing a look of panic to cross my cub's face. She sees me coming and her body goes backwards, until her back hits the shelf because there is no way out.

She didn't know what I was going to do, didn't know what my actions would be after three months away from her.

“Clowning! - I put my hate out, taking her arm with my hands.

She is startled, startled by the way I went to her and took her without gentleness.

“B-Benjamin! - stammered.

His words falter when he sees me pick up the open liquor bottle from the rock.

"Call him is the fuck!" - inside the sink, I turn the bottle with alcohol in her hand rubbing her skin with my fingers.

- Calm down! - she asked with wide eyes.

"Who carries a fucking pen in their pocket?"

I didn't care about anything, I barely realized that that was the first contact I had with her after months without seeing her. Anger clouded my eyes and I kept rubbing those numbers, trying not to hurt her pink skin.

"The pen is mine, Benjamin!"

"WHAT?"

- Your? I block my movements, turning my eyes to her.

"Y-yes...I...yeah...I don't know...I dropped it..."

"What do you mean, Mila?" - I question letting go of his hand. -Why does he have something of his and what kind of intimacy is this between you two?

"God, please throw your mantle of patience over me. I swear I'm about to do something crazy!"

“I dropped it in the office, don't know why he kept it. Maybe it was for me between -

"Send you alone?" -I interrupt her. -For when you were alone?

- What? - she said confused. -I just met him!

— That's not what he implied, it was as if they'd known each other for years!

She takes a deep breath and pauses our fight for ten seconds.

"What if I knew?" - His expression changes. -And if he and I were intimate like you're saying?

"No, she can't be serious!"

"What right do you think you have to come here and tell me who I can talk to, or sleep with?"

"Did you sleep with him?" -my hands close and I start to squirm, while she expels those immoral ideas.

- Slept! - he said with his chest full of courage.

"No..."

I try to convince myself that this is a lie, a huge sea of lies. She's really upset, so it could be that she's making these things up to cash out everything she's been accumulating.

"Don't know what to say?"

Crazy, stupid and very calculating. She can see that I lift my arm and put it between us, just to keep her away until I can breathe and stay calm.

- For! - I ask folding myself with hate. -Stay there!

“Three months, Benjamin! -She doesn't get tired. -You can't be jealous of that. You can't get angry, or give your opinion about the people I relate to.

I've never felt like this before, at this level of failure and imbalance.

"It's wrong, it's all wrong!" -She gets sad out of nowhere. -And... I... I forbid you to be sad, angry, or anything else!

- What?

Impossible, how absurd.

— Now you want to control what I feel? -question. -Look at the shit you're talking about. Can you hear yourself?

"YOU LEFT ME, BENJAMIN!" he roared with rancor. -YOU LEFT WITHOUT EVEN FIGHTING FOR ME. IT WAS ENOUGH TO MENTION THEIR WIVES THAT I CAST TO EXIST. YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO FEEL ANYTHING, ANYTHING ABOUT US. NO PAIN, NO HEALTH, NO REGRET. I WAS THE ONE THAT STAYED HERE ALONE, IT WAS MY WORLD THAT TURNED UPside Down, NOT YOURS!

— You are not the one who decides what others feel!

"And you know who decides?" - he retorted. -Because if you know, please let me know. I really want to know who is responsible for all this curse.

- Curse? - What a heavy word. -So that's what the two of us are?

"A burden?"

"There's no such thing as 'the two of us', remember?" -She throws the past in my face. -You made that very clear!

“If it doesn't exist, then why am I here, Mila? -debate. -If I'm that monster you say, maybe I should go back home to my wives!

"Go to hell, Benjamin!"

She pulls away, but I angrily grab her arm again. Her anger only increases when I hold her. Then her free arm comes up and her hand hits me hard in the face. That startles both of us, I'm as surprised by her violence as she is, who flinched in confusion at her feelings and actions.

"M-mila..." I whisper.

- No! - She implored with teary eyes, hugging her own body.

"I'm sorry…" I finally say.

Disappointment and grief duel within me. I know she wants to call me names, scream, say horrible things and even tell me to leave. The things I did to her are unforgivable, but if I don't get forgiveness from her then none of it was worth it.

Benjamim- I'm sorry for leaving, for -

- You abandoned me. Left me with two vampires! -she said, not being able to keep the liquid inside his eyes. -You turned me into this, approached me, used me and then abandoned me here!

- It was not so!

"It was Benjamin!" - he said. -It was for me!

"I-I couldn't stay-"

- Why did you do that with me?

It does not give. It's not like she's crying. You can't because she's going to win, because she has the best weapons.

"Wh...what did I do..." She hesitates over her words, trying to control her tears. -Tell me what I did to make you hate me so much?

“Oo what?” -I can't believe she asked that. -How can you think something like that?

— I understand that you didn't want to let me die that day, but why did you want to stay, why did you choose to be with me when your intention was never to continue, to remain?

- Pardon me!

“I'm so mad at myself, so mad that I believed you!

I don't know how to live without this woman anymore, I don't think that even my other side, the animal side, would know how to live without her. Everything loses its meaning without her presence, things don't seem normal when she's not there. It's as if I were trying to separate water from fish, or rain from thunder, as if I were trying to make a clock run without batteries, or even a bicycle to run without tires.

It does not work. And even if there was a second option, something that made two inseparable things separable, they wouldn't last long.

Hours can pass, days can run by and years can even arrive, but there won't be a day that they don't need each other.

- Look at me!

I touch her arm, but her body repels my touch.

- Please!

- No! - She rejected pushing my chest.

"I feel like she's leaving, that I'm losing her..."

— Mila! - Take your arm again.

"D-don't touch me!"

"Did I really miss her?"

What the hell eats me up inside whenever she gets like this with me. What the hell is this that suffocates me and leaves me breathless when it looks like I'm going to lose her. What a bad fucking burn. Horrible.

"Why is it hurting more now?"

A lot more.

I will not accept losing her. I won't let her slip through my fingers when all this time I've had her completely. Underneath all this pain and hate there must still be something, a bit of us, a trace.

"If to have your forgiveness I need to break the chains that imprison my feelings, then it will be!"

- I'm sorry! - I ask trying to reach her hand.

- NO!

- Sorry! - I touch it again.

- FOR!

Her fight is not with me, her fight is with herself. Every time I try to touch her, her body shivers and it makes her flinch. With each of my attempts, she runs away a little more, the tears that flow down her green eyes are tears of hate, hate for not being able to hate me. I can see how hard it is for her to convince her heart that she doesn't have room for me.

"It's selfish of me and maybe I really should leave, but I never had the courage to tell this woman how I feel, so I can't leave without at least being honest with her."

"You won, you won!" - Hug her body, even being pushed.

- Please! - she asked covering her face.

— You're right about everything, I was a piece of shit!

“So you assume, assume you chose to leave me…

Yes, I left her. I wish the pain in my chest had gone after the first month, but the truth is, it started to torment me two days later. I expected it to decrease, but instead it just increased. It increased with each passing day.

- I... - I take a deep breath inches from his face, feeling his sweet and warm breath settle on my skin.

“Why does it have to be so hard for you to tell the truth, Benjamin?

— It was difficult to stay away from you all this time! - I say pulling her face to mine, nailing my eyes into hers. -I thought that if I didn't admit that I love her, maybe it would hurt less. But the days went by and -

- Wait! -she interrupts me. -Wh...wh...what did you say? - stammered.

“That I hate the way you permeate my thoughts and make me feel insecure about myself. I hate the fact that I never know what you're going to do or say. I abhor the way his stubbornness makes me horny and I go crazy when he's around other guys. I hate it when you invade my dreams when all I want is to put my head on the pillow and be able to sleep in peace.

"No...I don't believe you!"

Something inside her is doing its best to turn her against me.

"Why can't you believe I love you?"

“You don't love me, Benjamin. You don't know what love is. The things you said are things you hate about me. This isn't love, it's anger in disguise. You feel that way with me because I'm the only one who doesn't follow your orders and whims, I don't spoil or exalt you. You like me because I challenge you, because you feel contradicted, challenged.

"Now she's pissing me off!"

"If you knew a third of my life, you'd know that I've met many women who have challenged me, women I've never loved, or even said I liked!"

— He didn't, but he went to bed with them, didn't he?

"Is this the discussion now?"

"Who climbed the most?"

"Okay, Mila!" I let go of her face but stay close to her. -Do you want to know how many women I fucked?

- Yes I want! -she crosses her arms.

“Thousands! - I answer to annoy her. -Brunette, blonde, redhead...

As I speak, I see his eyes narrow. This keeps me counting and she squirms inside until little by little I corner her in the corner of the counter.

“Hot ones. Round tits, rosy pussy!

She clenches her fists.

“Some very naughty and some quieter. It was enough to touch the middle of their leg and all the sanctity evaporated! - I risk saying that bringing my mouth to your ear. -Do you know what they all had in common?

She doesn't respond, doesn't respond, however, her eyes flick up to mine wanting the answer.

— When they came... -I see her sucking in air, filling her chest with oxygen. - They made fun of calling my name. They asked for more even though they were crammed with -

- He arrives! -she blocks me in the same second that she changes the color of her eyes activating the red one.

I get tired of her childish tantrum and I cling to her making her butt express itself against the wall, while my entire frame presses her body from the front.

Our bodies are glued together and our sexes are willingly dilated, with nowhere to run.

♡♡♡♡