xxvii

you brought out the best in me,

a person I didn't know was in me,

but im a grenade waiting to explode,

and i dont want to destroy you with me

M A D D I E ♛

I recuperated at the bank of the river I woke up in for exactly 9 days and 8 nights, I knew because I counted. At this point, there was no point in trying to go back and fight Finn again.

Like what the moon goddess said, I had been too rash on attacking on my own. I remembered Chase's words that he would come with me, but I had been too hurt to listen, too proud and confident that I could do it alone.

But I was wrong.

And that mistake almost cost me my life.

There was also Hannah and Hazel, but I didn't want to trouble them. Hannah was carrying a child and Hazel was, well, had her own conflicts with her mate that she needed to solve.

After confirming that Finn really had something to do with the Strays, nothing was holding me back on telling them about my old mentor.

When I had regained my strength, I departed on my way back to Luminare although I absolutely did not know how long it would take me to get there on foot and I had no idea where I was.

Finally, on my journey, I met with a few company of rogues who were kind enough not to fight me and had even helped me.

"We just want to survive, that's all." one of them said. He wiped his tear off as he looked at his small son who was now sleeping beside the campfire.

He recounted that their pack was small and was attacked by rogues, and I could tell that it was Strays, but they probably didn't know about it.

I remember Chase telling me that the existence of Strays have not been officially announced to all of the packs yet by the Were Council and that was why not everyone was aware of them until they get attacked.

And this man and his son were fortunate enough to have escaped and survived. I could smell that they were new to being rogues, their scent had not totally changed yet, traces of being a pack wolf was still there.

"Do you not know of others packs that would take you in?" I ask, out of pity as the the fire sparked upwards.

The man rubbed his hand, frustrated as he shook his head and I felt even more bad for him.

I knew I could not help everyone and thinking to bring them with me was unfortunately not possible. It was too dangerous.

Having them near me was indeed more dangerous. Just when I thought that all hope was gone, a memory resurfaced to mind.

"I will help you, it should get you into a pack, but I cannot guarantee that it will be of much help." I start. He looked at me momentarily and although I said that I would help him, no hope was found in his dull eyes.

It was as if he had already accepted the death sentence of being a rogue, but he didn't have to.

I stood up and stretched my hands. I hadn't used my powers in a while and I'm not sure they'll be as strong as they were, but I was still going to try.

"Right now, your pack mark is getting stripped away from you and is being replaced from that of a rogue's. I will remove that so you won't completely become a rogue, it should help with finding a pack." I explained, but he was still confused as he only stared at me.

I tried my hardest to smile to bring him good news in this harsh world. "I will start with your son."

The little boy, whose name was Paulo, was sleeping soundly and warmly close to the fire to keep warm, indicating that he probably hasn't felt that warm since a while.

I light moved him and moved the collar of his shirt enough to see the small pack mark starting to get infected by a rogue's mark.

I put my hand over it and slowly the rogue mark was disappearing, but so was the pack mark. The rogue's scent was completely gone from him too.

"H-how did you do that..?" the man questioned, astonished at what he just witnessed.

"Let's just say I want to help. Now, onto you." I said and he also moved his collar. After doing the same thing, both of the rogue scents disappeared and traces of their pack smell was still there, but quite distinct.

I had instructed the man that if he finds a pack and explains his situation, he should be able to get in without being treated as a rogue and that if he ever was, I told him to tell the pack to send a message to Dynamí.

I'm not sure if the title of being a moon goddess warrior would hold much authority within other packs, but I imagined that it would and that it would and I imagined it would help them.

Before I left, I cast a barrier over them that should last for a month.

He thanked me profusely as I was leaving, but I told him that it was in exchange for the warm soup that he had given me and for letting me know that I was currently within far-eastern territory and close to the seas.

The information was shocking because I had come from the midwest territory and had ended up at the complete other side.

Well, I can only be thankful that I am still alive.

Now that I had an idea of where I was, I continue on my way and remembered that I would probably stumble in Cassian's pack or... my pack.

The thought made me hopeful and positive. I wished they were doing well, I had left them too quickly, without even a notice that I was leaving.

I wondered if my parents, no-- if my family would be worried about me, I wondered if they were so used to me being gone that now that I was gone again, everything was back to normal.

The doubtful and insecure part of me agreed with that reasoning, but the other part discredited that and reminded us that no family would not worry for their own.

That not only my family, there would be Hannah and Hazel that would be worried too! The rogues! And mostly, Chase.

Ah, Chase.

Whenever he came to mind, he breaks it and mends it at the same time. I wanted to believe that he loved me as much I did him.

I hoped with my heart that he wouldn't resent me, that he would still understand me no matter how reckless or selfish I was.

I had so adamantly rejected his help, he only wanted to let me know that he would be there for me no matter what, that ever since meeting him, everything has changed. Because I had him.

But I just had to push him away, didn't I?

The only person who had loved me without conditions and I still managed to reject it.

He has always been right, that I was scared of receiving the love he could give me, I was scared of opening myself into this new life with him and with everyone else, but now I see.

It's much more scary not having him beside me.

Being apart of him made me realize just how much I needed him.

All of a sudden, the things that mattered to me so much was now second to him. It's funny, really.

I used to be so full of anger without really knowing the reason why and using that anger, I fought my way through.

In some ways, Finn was right. I was too full of emotions, sometimes I was too angry, sometimes I was too kind. There were any things I didn't really understand about myself.

I was an explosive ready to explode with just the right buttons, but only Chase was able to see past that and cherished me.

I will never forget the day he told me that he was going to make us work and he did. Even if he never believed it, I want to let him know that he did.

As I was walking, a familiar scent came through and it had me stop in my tracks.

No way, right?

I actually found my way back?

The barrier was strong, but as I lifted my hand, a part of it disintegrated and I made my way inside the pack.

At first I was walking, but the thought that I was back, I couldn't hold back the excitement and the happiness. And so I ran, I know I would still be far from the main pack, but I knew I can find my way there.

I'm home.