Chapter 113

Cassius was shocked. “Eli told you it was him at your Proem?”

“No,” Kit managed to croak out. “That was the problem. We’d just had a discussion in which he had divulged information I’d been seeking for years, answered questions I’d asked more times than I can count, and even told me a few things I would’ve never dreamt of asking. But he didn’t tell me that.”

She could see confusion written in the crinkles of his forehead. “So how do you know?”

Kit dropped her eyes to a distant spot in the bathwater. “We were... that is... he was about to... enter me.” She glanced up, relieved that he hadn’t even winced, and then continued. “It all came back to me right then, in a flood. I realized I’d been at peace during my Proem, felt calm and relaxed, because my body knew it was him, even if I didn’t. You see, I’ve always known when he was nearby. I’ve chalked it up to his scent, but I don’t think that’s what it is exactly. It’s more like... a feeling inside of me. Does that make any sense at all?”

“Of course,” Cassius assured her. “As close as the pair of you are, I can understand that.”

She smiled, glad he was following her. “I suppose my mind didn’t want to comprehend it fully, so it tucked that bit of information away, back where it would be safe until I was ready to acknowledge it. And that’s what happened today.”

“So... I’m confused,” Cassius said, reaching up to brush a strand of hair away from her cheek. “You said he was about to enter you, but you also said he didn’t pleasure you.”

“Right. As soon as I realized it had been him, that he was the one who performed my ceremony, I... started screaming.” His eyes widened, as she thought they might, and she felt a rush of red to her cheeks. It sounded silly saying it aloud. “I pushed him off of me and screamed at him for not telling me the truth.”

Cassius’s head slowly began to bob up and down. “I can see why you’d be upset.”

“You can?”

“Absolutely. After all, you’d just told him you expected him to be honest with you, correct? Although, if your mother forbid the volunteer from saying anything, it does make sense that he would want to follow that order.”

“But that’s just it, Cas. I understand that my mother is the queen.” She dropped her voice even lower and leaned in closer to his ear. “But... shouldn’t his loyalty to me come first? Shouldn’t he be more interested in what I have to say than what my mother dictates?”

“Yes, of course he should,” Cassius agreed, stroking her hair as if trying to sooth her. “And I think he does, sweetheart. Maybe there are other reasons why he didn’t tell you.”

“What other reasons could there possibly be?” Her voice was much louder now as she became agitated all over again.

“Maybe he was embarrassed. Or maybe he didn’t want your first time together to be marred by the fact that it wasn’t exactly your first time together. I don’t know, darling. I can’t say what I would’ve done if I was in his position, but I think you should talk to him about it.”

Kit marveled at his explanation. None of those reasons had occurred to her, not that she’d spent much time considering why Eli hadn’t told her the full truth. Shifting her legs so that she was straddling him, Kit rested her forehead against his, aware of how close their bodies were and thankful for his restraint, for the moment. “I hadn’t considered that.”

“Listen, Kit, I know how much Eli means to you. Neither one of you is going to let this get in the way of the relationship you have together.” His hands moved around her hips, and he pulled her closer, his cock pressed to her belly. “Take some time if you need to, but talk to him. You won’t feel right about any of it until you do.”

“How do you do it?” she asked, resolved that he was correct in his assessment and returning the focus to him. “How do you treat me like you’re the only one I care about when I’m with you and then send me off to the others without so much as grimace?”

He smiled at her. “Do I have a choice?”

“You do. You could be bitter and possessive.”

“And where would that get me, Kit? Listen, when I’m with you, I’m as happy as I’ve ever been in my whole life. Maybe I’m not with you as much as I’d like to be, but that’s all right, because I know that what we have is real and true. Just because you have something else with other people doesn’t make what we have any less magical than it is.”

Kit’s fingertips began to wander up his expansive chest. She became very aware of the feel of him against her stomach, and when she tipped slightly toward him, the base of his manhood flickered against her most sensitive area. “I can’t ever give you up,” she whispered, closing her eyes and breathing him in.

“Then don’t,” Cassius replied, using his hands to help her hips rock up and down a bit more.

“But... I don’t know how I’ll ever....”

“Kit, I know. But listen, if it means choosing me or choosing the throne, you have to remember, the realm needs you. You’re never going to be queen if you don’t make it through this process.”

Her eyes were wide open now. “What if I’m never queen?”

“No, you have to be queen.” There was a seriousness about him now that superseded the fact that she was longing to feel him inside of her. “There are so many people out there, Kit, people suffering, people who need you. I know you don’t see it yet because you live so much of your life inside these walls....”

“I go out into the provinces,” she argued, though she wasn’t disagreeing with what he was saying, only surprised.

“I know you do, but those types of supervised visits aren’t real, Kit. You don’t know what you don’t know, darling. Your mother....” He stopped, just shy of saying something treasonous, not that Kit would ever tell. “One way or another, sweetheart, you have to take the throne. Whether it’s her way, or some other way. Don’t start to think that maybe you’ll just hang out in the limbo of your Choosing forever.”

His words stirred a fear inside of her that was beyond anything she’d experienced before. Not that she would have to choose as much as the fact that there were citizens of the realm suffering at her mother’s hand that Kit hadn’t been aware of. It made sense, of course. As little as the queen cared for her courtiers, why would she bother with villagers and laborers she’d never met?

“Listen, I don’t want to discourage you, and I certainly don’t want you to rush into anything, sweetheart,” Cassius continued. “But today has been a day of revelation for you. It may as well also be the day you come to realize that this realm is not all that it seems. You can change that, though. We believe in you. We all do, so many more than you even know.” He leaned in and kissed her, gently, as if she were a flower and he was afraid he might crush her petals.

Kit took in his words and decided she’d need to give them more careful consideration. She’d already been attempting to come up with an alternative to the Choosing, one where she still got to be queen but didn’t have to give up her men. Cassius’s words didn’t negate that thought, though they didn’t tell her how to do it either. Still, the stirring was present, and Kit had a feeling it was just an ember, the start of something, the spark that might burn a different sort of house down.

She’d had enough talking for one day. As his lips pulled away from hers, she leaned in, one hand around the back of his head, and pulled him into her. Cassius’s palms gripped her hips as he welcomed her into his mouth, and the feel of his manhood against her, hardening even more, made her groan in anticipation.