Chapter 67

Rain cast a gloomy haze across the back garden, fading the familiar vibrant shades of red and purple Kit was used to gazing upon to drab hues. Yet, sitting in the window in the library looking out over the empty grounds refreshed her spirit somehow. It was as if the drops that hit the window pane reached her soul and cleansed it.

These past few days, she’d felt more hopeful than she had in a long time, though she couldn’t quite put her finger on why. Her connection with Reeve had reawakened part of her spirit she had been avoiding for years, the parts of her that still ached and longed for what she’d never had. Facing those emotions and starting to deal with them had been enlightening in a way she’d never expected, and she owed it all to the man with the ribbon of scars.

She’d spent as much time with Cassius as she could, though she knew it wasn’t enough for either of them. Dividing her time between forty-one men was difficult, and making the moments she shared with each meaningful was nearly impossible. If only her mother would allow her to send some of the Representatives home. There were certain ones she knew she would never choose, based on the early impressions she’d gotten from them. To leave them here, taking up valuable time from proper candidates, seemed ridiculous to her. But offending her mother over something she could put up with seemed counterproductive, especially now that the queen had just started to come around to the idea that Reeve wasn’t the worst Representative. What had changed, Kit wasn’t sure, but whenever her mother caught her speaking to him in the dining hall, she didn’t wrinkle her nose anymore.

There had been no outings since the archery tournament. The next event was to be held that very evening, the ball to welcome in the Representative from Eastbury. Kit had received word the day before that he would make it in time, which was a relief to her, though the queen seemed agitated about the entire situation, and Kit knew she had more information than the princess about exactly what had transpired in Eastbury. It crossed Kit’s mind that her mother’s annoyance at Reeve lessened about the time she heard Eastbury would have a candidate, and Kit remembered her mother had been a supporter of Jecobian before his affliction was discovered. Perhaps her mother was not a fan of the farmhand Kit was certain she’d be meeting soon.

The library had always been a place of solace for Kit. No one ever seemed to use the room for its proper purpose, other than the princess herself, and she sat now with a book open on her lap, focusing on the rain more than the words. So many thoughts crowded her mind, so many decisions to be made, sometimes it was nice to sit and think about nothing at all.

She smoothed her hands over the light fabric of her coral colored gown. Before long, she’d have to go change into something more formal. She’d requested an audience with her mother before the ball. While she understood her mother didn’t want her dismissing anyone, Kit was ready to make an announcement at the dance. She determined who her first Rooming would be, but she wanted her mother’s approval first. Even though she knew it was against the law for the queen to require her to ask, Kit thought it was important to her mother and wanted to honor Rona’s wishes. Besides, she was fairly certain she’d agree that Cassius was a fine candidate.

But she wouldn’t be asking Cassius to share her chambers that evening. She’d already asked him twice, which her ladies thought was excessive since the only other Representative she’d invited was Reeve. So... Kit let the melodic raindrops lead her mind away to another man, and it seemed that Jate kept coming to the surface more than any of her other choices. Landon, Danyen, even Drake and Pierce were also in her thoughts. She’d considered Gavin and Asher from South Cresthall who had recently caught her attention with his witty jokes. But there was something intriguing about Jate. She’d only spoken to him a few times since the archery contest, when he’d won but didn’t seem too enthusiastic about his prize—a kiss from her. Since then, he’d seemed apologetic, but there was more to him than what she was able to gather. Having him in her chambers would give her an idea of which Jaterius was the true one—kindhearted and interesting, or disingenuous and cold.

A familiar voice in the hallway tossed all thoughts of Jate and the other forty-one out of her mind for the moment. Kit slammed her book and tossed it down by her feet, turning so that she could leap down off of the windowsill, but the sight of Eli in the doorframe had her frozen, her hands clasping the ledge, ready to push off, a smile etched on her face, her heart racing. He was back—and perhaps this time it would be to stay. It didn’t change anything about her Choosing, but as her eyes took him in, there was no denying that she had missed him.

“I thought I might find you here,” he said walking slowly in her direction. Behind him, Kit noticed the two guards who had been manning the hall on their way back toward her chambers. She supposed that meant he was on duty now. Kit tried to appear as if his very presence didn’t cause her breath to catch in her throat, but she doubted she could hide it, not with her heart beating louder than the rain hitting the glass behind her.

He was standing right in front of her before she could formulate a response. His hair was damp, and her fingers didn’t heed her warning to stay put where they were safe, next to her on the sill. She reached up and brushed her fingers through his short brown bangs, drops of water clinging to them. “You’re wet.”

“It’s raining.”

“Your uniform is dry.”

“I changed that. I could hardly change my hair.”

She laughed, drying her hand on her skirt. “You’re back.”

“You noticed.”

Feeling the solace of four library walls, Kit scooted forward as far as she could without falling off the ledge and wrapped her arms around his neck. He moved against her knees, and she rested her head on his chest, listening to the thud of his heart, which seemed almost as rapid as her own. Taking a deep breath, she instantly felt herself relax as his arms encircled her, and the worries she’d been contemplating before all seemed to melt away. His scent mingled with fresh rain, but she could still smell the same soothing notes that always calmed her. The feel of his rough fingers tracing through her hair reminded her of the last time she’d seen him, not just of his injury but of the inquiry she’d posed. They’d had an audience then, but now they were all alone. If she propositioned him again, would his response be the same?

“My hand is feeling much better, thanks to you.”

She sat up then, wanting to inspect it. As much as she liked having his arms around her, she needed to see, so she tugged his sleeve until he moved his left hand around where she could look. The wound was much improved, though there was a raised area that would likely leave a thin scar. She could also see a trace of her stitches, but all of them were shallow and even. “Are you able to use it now? Is it the same as before?”

“Nearly,” he replied, working his hand free from hers and running his fingers through her hair. Her curls were down, not a single pin in sight, and she knew he liked it best this way. It took a moment for him to free his hand because of the length of her tresses, but when he did, he caressed her cheek before taking a step back so that there was a space between them. Kit wanted to pull him in but thought they were safer this way so long as they could both tolerate it. She wasn’t sure how long she could.

Forcing herself to think of the others, the men she actually had to choose between, she asked, “Did you fetch my farmhand, then? Is he here?”

“Kit, you know I can’t discuss any of that with you. I’ve just come from an audience with the queen. She said she wants to make the announcement at the ball tonight. I’m sure she told you.”

“Yes, of course she did,” Kit sighed. “But... surely you can tell me. Is he kind? Good looking? He’s not egotistical like Jecobian, is he? Does he have tingo?”

Eli laughed, and Kit found herself joining him, thinking her line of questions did end up a little silly. “I can’t answer most of those questions, but I have it on good authority he does not have tingo.”

“And hopefully he’s still intact,” Kit mused. Eli raised an eyebrow at her, and Kit added, “Not that I expect you to have checked.”

He only shook his head at her. “I’ll leave that for you to discover.”

She knew the comment was meant to be lighthearted, but it felt like a crushing weight on her shoulders. Yes, she could check for herself if she wanted to. It seemed both ironic and like an assault from her lineage that this man whom she wished she could choose had delivered another man to her, one she could very well end up marrying.

Seeing her distress, he stepped closer again, pulling her to his chest. “I’m sorry, Kit. I didn’t mean to upset you. I thought by now you would’ve found a Representative or two to give you faith in the process.”

She turned her face so that she could look up at him but kept herself pressed up against him. “I have.” His eyes shifted, raising slightly, and then a knowing expression settled over him. She recognized it at once—the look of acceptance. “I am going to meet with my mother shortly to ask if I can announce my first Rooming at the ball.”

“I see.”

She couldn’t blame him for not finding any other words. Kit sat up, but pulled him forward so that her knees were on either side of his hips. She knew that the library doors were open a crack, and there was a chance someone might wander by and stick their head in, but she doubted it, and presently, she didn’t care. “Listen, Eli, I almost wish you weren’t back for any of this. But... I need you here, even though it might make it a thousand times harder. For both of us.”

“Kit, you don’t have to explain. I understand....”

“Do you?” she asked, feeling tears come to her eyes. “Because I’m not sure I do.”

“Yes, Kit. I do understand. You’ve found someone you care about. So long as he’s respectable, then that’s a good thing. I am certain he’s not good enough for you because no one is, but if he’s caught your attention this quickly, then I have no doubt he’s worthy.”

“Would you have said the same about Jecob?” she prodded, not sure why she didn’t leave well enough alone.

“That was different, I think. You were beginning to see through Jecob’s schemes before his past caught up to him. I am certain your experience with him has caused you to be even more scrutinizing.”

“It has.” Of that, she was certain. “It is someone I think you would approve of.”

“Good. Is it Cassius?”

She nodded, but his emerald green eyes made it difficult to think of that other man just now, the one she’d been so fixated on for the last few days. It wasn’t until Eli said his name, a questioning lilt at the end, that his picture came to mind. “Yes, Cassius. You like him don’t you?” Her emotions shifted as she thought of how fond she’d grown of the currently absent Representative.

“I do. But does it matter?”

“It matters. It matters very much.”

He looked away, and Kit thought she might actually see tears in his eyes if she looked hard enough, but when he returned his gaze to her face, whatever she’d glimpsed was gone. “The only thing I want for you, Kit, is for you to find someone who makes you happy. Nothing else matters.”

“Kiss me.”