Chapter 42: Starting Again

KIX:

Jade and I never really parted formally after that. We never got a chance to talk about what happened. I never got to say how sorry I was and that everything was my fault.

I investigated how the rumors circulated about Jade, and I later found out that Dianna Gray, one of the girls who used to tag along Jade and my pack mates, was responsible for hacking my accounts and uploading those made-up videos and photos that started it all…

At one point, Dianna was hired by my mom to help me improve my art skills. I didn’t like how she clung to me as if we were close when we really weren’t. That was probably how she had access to my social media accounts at that time.

I led such a hard life after Jade disappeared. I almost wanted to give up and runaway from everything… Sometimes, I just wished I could die…

At that time, it was Misha who persuaded me not to let everything go.

Misha was my pack mate, but she never participated in bullying Jade. Later, she told me she understood our predicament more than anyone else. She was also in a secret relationship with a human, but her parents forced them to separate.

“Do you want to get revenge against those bullies so badly? So then, do it – become our alpha and make them pay,” she told me.

“But how and what for? My Jade – she’s already gone… Why else would everything matter now that she hates me to the bones?”

“Easy, dummy… Make it up to her. Once you become the alpha, make everyone fall down on their knees and apologize to her. You should do the same too. If you make it up to her your whole life, wouldn’t she be bound to forgive you someday?”

In so many ways, it was Misha who made it possible for me to come back to Jade’s side…

Now that she had discovered the truth about those nasty videos and photos, I looked at Jade’s eyes.

This was it. This was my chance to say sorry and recover the love I had lost and longed for all these years…

“Jade, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I did know Dianna was behind it. I told her to stay away from you. I guess I should have told you all about it myself.”

I tried to reach towards Jade’s hand that was closest to me as she sat down beside me at the fire exit, but she moved her hand away and clasped them together tightly.

“Kix… What happened before, it was a long time ago. There’s no use in going back to such a painful past. Let’s just forget it, hmm?”

She didn’t look at my eyes when she said this. I could still feel the unpleasant memories of those times trying to break free from my soul.

“I understand, Jade. But before we try to bury what happened, I just want to say… I’m sorry. I’m sorry for turning a blind eye before… I’m sorry for coming very late at that time…”

“Kix… You don’t have to say it.”

“No, I have to say it… It was my fault. I should have been the first one to come to your rescue. I should have been the one who eased your burden, but it turned out that I was the one who made you feel pain… I deeply regretted it,” I said once more.

“How can you say that?... I… I was the one who harmed you… I stabbed you, and I thought you’d die… I thought you’ll never open your eyes again…”

At that, Jade finally started to sob.

I wounded an arm around her trembling form. I really hated seeing her cry for me like this.

“I deserved every inch of that stab… Maybe a thousand times more… Plus, I know you didn’t mean to hurt me. I walked in there myself because I didn’t want you to get hurt,” I finally told Jade.

After four years, I was able to release all of these things out of my chest.

“It was a long time ago. Let’s move on from everything back then, shall we,” she said, smiling despite the tears that were still running down from her face.

I looked at her. I ruined her life, her future… How can she forgive me that easily?

Perhaps now, I can finally start making it up to my Jade...

“Can we… Can we truly move on from all of it,” I said. I locked eyes with Jade. “Can we truly move past from that and start all over again?”

“Of course… I had been trying to do that these past four years actually,” she replied, dabbing some of her tears away. “We could do that. Let’s start all over.”

I swallowed the lump in my throat and asked the question I dared not to ask before. “Can you welcome me back again? Will you be my girl once more?”

She blinked back at me with eyes still wet from crying. However she looked, Jade always had the presence of a goddess.

“You said it’s possible we could start again, right?... So, can you and I start all over again? I’ll formally ask your mom and dad this time to accept me as your boyfriend. I’ll announce it at the company. I own the pack… No one can dare go against us now since -”

“Kix,” she said faintly, brushing a hand against my face. “Kix… You can start your life, but please start it without me from now on…”

I was stunned. Did I hear her say it? Was she asking me to move on without her?

“But no one can go against us now. My mom and dad they are -”

“Yes, I’ve heard from Edril… I’m sorry to hear about their accident… I’m sorry…”

Why does she keep saying sorry? Was she really dumping me?

“Jade… I know I’ve hurt you… I cannot even forgive myself from all the pain you had to go through because of me… But asking me to move on without you, I just can’t do it… I can’t forget you in here,” I said, pointing to my chest, “and in here,” pointing to my temples.

“Don’t be cruel, Jade, hmm?... Don’t ask me to forget you… Anything… Ask me anything but that, please…”

I struggled to speak, my emotions causing such a painful struggle in my chest that everything felt too damn hard for me to say out loud.

I wanted to embrace Jade just like before. I wanted to be the man on her side.

I wanted to be her mate and the person she would only love until the end…

“Kix, what you’re asking me… We can’t do that anymore… I-I have someone else I love now,” she said as she sobbed. “I accepted Liam. We’re together now…”

I though losing my Jade for the first time was already too painful. I didn’t know losing her a second time was far too worse.