Chapter 62: Defining Moment
JADE:
“I can’t do this anymore, Liam… Let’s break up.”
I was braving myself to say it while looking straight to his eyes, but I just can’t. I ended up staring at Liam’s shoulders instead.
“Jade, are you still sick? You’re still feeling unwell?”
He came in closer to feel my forehead, but I stepped back, avoiding him.
He shouldn’t keep trying to touch a filthy thing like me…
“Jade?...”
“Liam, let’s break up… Let’s break up already,” I repeated, trying to make my voice steady, but I could never do it.
“Why? Why are you breaking up with me?”
“I… I can’t do this… I need more time to focus on my studies.” Lies… I was using lies to cover up my fault. How was this going to correct what has gone wrong?
“What do you mean? You’re doing just fine with your studies… Does this have something to do with what happened in the clinic?”
“No… Yes.” What was I saying? At this point, I should better just tell Liam the harsh truth than to keep on saying all these untruths.
Liam clasped my shoulders tightly. I didn’t have any time to avoid his direct contact.
“Why? What did Kix do to you?”
I peered at his eyes. He was still worried for me. There was no trace of anger whatsoever.
This can’t be… Liam shouldn’t be worried. He should be furious at me!
“I… I still love him, Liam,” I whispered. “I don’t want to fool you anymore. I still love Kix.”
“Is this the real reason? Aren’t you lying to me again?”
“No… Yes... I don’t know,” I said. I let go of Liam’s hold against my shoulders and slumped myself on the wall behind me. “We can’t be together… He and I… He and I…”
I couldn’t control my tears and body anymore. I sobbed as my knees gave way to the floor.
Liam crouched down next to me. “What is it? What did he do?”
“I… We slept together,” I finally breathed out. “I slept with Kix.”
Every word I said felt like I was stabbing someone in the heart - Liam’s heart, to be exact.
“I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have done it… I’m sorry...”
“Did he force you?...”
“I… No…”
I would be lying if I say I didn’t want it. A big part of me had always wanted to get physical with Kix ever since we were together before. Maybe even after when he went back again, I have subconsciously wanted it too.
It was the reason why I kept on reeling towards him even though I knew we shouldn’t be together. I kept on welcoming his wolf despite knowing the truth because I didn’t want to lose Kix. Rats, maybe that fated mate thing was not a hoax after all…
“No,” I said more firmly. “I agreed to it too… I’m sorry…”
“Don’t lie to me, Jade… I know you. I know how people can easily fool you… And I was sure he was playing with your heart all along…”
“Kix and I… We go all the way back… Back from high school…. He and I… Were together then…” I said in broken sentences.
“So what? High school was three years ago.”
“I… I don’t know… I don’t know,” I said.
I was just stupid. There’s no real reason for that. I was stupid, and I succumbed to a moment of foolishness…
“Jade… You’re still unwell,” Liam said, his face looking hurt and yet sympathetic. “Don’t make harsh decisions like this yet… Sleep first… Let’s talk about this tomorrow when you’re feeling better.”
I can’t believe Liam’s kindness. Did he not hear me? Did he not hear any of what I said?
Tears kept on pouring down my eyes. Liam fetched a cup from my kitchen and filled it up with water. He gave it to me as he patted my back.
“The truth is I could understand how you feel… You see, I was born out of a r*pe situation, Jade,” he said after coaxing me to take in some fluids.
“My father was an adamant suitor of my mom. She kept on refusing him, but he never listened to her pleas. They were forced into marriage because of what happened. They never really loved each other.”
He turned to me, patting my head gently. “Jade, just because you gave in to Kix that one time doesn’t make you an extremely bad person… You don’t have to make important decisions that might ruin your life because of that too…”
He stood up from the floor and offered me his hand. “I’ll send you to bed first. Let’s talk tomorrow when you have rested enough, hmm?”
I gave him my trembling hand, and he helped me to walk towards my bed. He plumped my pillow and tucked me inside the blankets like a true nurse.
“Jade… Make the decisions based on your own feelings. Don’t let a moment of weakness ruin you forever… You’re tougher than this… You’re much stronger, I know…”
Silent tears were still streaming down my face. He pressed his lips into my head.
“Good night, Jade,” he said one last time before he exited my room.
I definitely hated myself even more now. How could I hurt someone like Liam?
But he was right. I must not let that moment defy me for the rest of my life.
Just like what happened when I was bullied and kicked out of school, I picked the pieces of myself together and started anew. I kicked and swam in the mud until I got out of that awful nightmare…
I succumbed to the temptation of losing myself to Kix. I was not proud of that moment, but I must never beat myself up for the rest of my life just for that.
Somewhere in a distance, I heard an animal howl. The animal felt familiar. It felt as if it was call I must bid…
I forced myself to close my eyes and sleep. This time, I mustn’t be weak. Until I have sorted out my feelings for Kix and Liam, I mustn’t be swayed.
It was a long hellish day... I hoped the next morning would be better…
