BREAKING POINT

I walk into the familiar room with a plate of food and drop it on the table, like I have been doing for the last couple of days. My sister's condition is deteriorating day by day. I thought she was acting up all along, but now this thing is taking a toll on her. Ever since our last fight, she has refused to come out of her room. She hasn't eaten anything for three days now, despite my constant pleas. I prefer the time she used to snap or yell at anyone, however uncouth that was. Now she doesn't talk to anyone. All she does is stare at empty spaces. She is always lost in her own world. She is not okay, and I am deeply worried.

Partly, I take the blame for her condition. I was too harsh on her the last time. Maybe it's all my fault. If I hadn't uttered all those hurtful things to her, she would not be like this. If only I controlled my emotions, my anger, and my frustrations, nothing like this would have happened. The plate of food I left for her yesterday is still full and still sitting where I left it. Nothing is touched except the glass of water that is empty. How long can she survive like this? I move to where she's standing at the open window. She looks pale and weak. There is so much sadness in her eyes. It seems like whatever is tormenting her is taking the trophy. She is losing this fight. She seems so tired.

"Grace?" I stand beside her, trying to get her attention, but the results are just the same. She doesn't even turn to me. She doesn't even seem to notice me. I tuck the strands of the hair falling on her face. "Sis? This is enough now, please. I don't want to see you like this. I want to help you, so please talk to me. What's bothering you?" I wait for even a single word, a simple reaction, or a simple gesture that denotes that she can really hear me, but I get nothing. Nadah! It's like she can't even hear me. "You know, Grace, I miss the old you, and I need you so much. Please come back. You are the only one I have left in our family. I can't afford to lose you. I would die with you. I want us to be happy together. To enjoy this life together, because I can't enjoy anything with you like this. Please help me help you. I'm sorry for making you feel like you are not important to me. I'm sorry for everything I have done wrong to you. I don't know why you detest me so much, but I apologize for that too, whatever it is. I just wish you could tell me what it is so that we can fix this and put everything behind us. I need you to be okay. I need us to be okay, like the inseparable sisters we were before. I need you, and I love you, sissy."

I dry my tears and walk out without getting a response or a reaction from my sister. The situation is tearing my heart into pieces. Actually, not just her situation, but Deep's too. I think he really meant goodbye last time. Why is life so unfair? So cruel? It's separating me from the people who mean the world to me. The two people who are so dear to me don't want to see me. How cruel can this freaking life be? Just how much more do I have to suffer in this world? After everything I have gone through, do I still have more to lose? The suffering is not yet over. Just what more?

"Gia, hey! What happened?" Sheryl asks, rubbing my shoulders. "I have never seen you like this, my friend."

"This is just too much for me, Sheryl. I thought all my problems would end when Ejay vanished from my life. I got my freedom, yes, but it's like he took my happiness with him to the grave." I state.

"Hey, come on! Don't say that. Your sister will be okay. You and she will make up at some point. Just don't lose hope. Aren't you the one who has been telling us that?" She consoles.

"Have you seen how she looks, Sheryl? It's like life has lost its meaning to her. How am I supposed to be happy out here while my sister is slowly falling into the pit of death? I was able to bring smiles to you and the rest of the girls, but not to my very own sister. What did I do wrong, Sheryl? Why am I being punished even now? What am I being punished for?"

"There. Come down." She pulls me to her shoulders for a hug, and I don't object. I am so heartbroken right now. I feel so angry with myself and this damn life. Why can't I just be happy? Am I destined to suffer? "You are not being punished, Gia. This is just a dark cloud, and it will pass soon, as you'll see. You will overcome this. Things will work out. You just have to believe it and keep fighting." She says this, allowing me to soak up her shoulder tears.

"Thank you, Sheryl. I just feel so lost right now. I don't know what to do." I say as I pull away, scouring tears from blinding my vision.

"I understand, but trust me when I say things will get better soon. You are the last person life would choose to punish, Gia. The heavens can't even allow that to happen." She says.

How I wish that was true. "Thank you," I say.

"Aside from your sister, what else is troubling you? I know you very well. I know your sister is important to you and that you are worried sick for her. But I also know that you don't just break down like this. There is something else topping what is happening to your sister. What is it?"

Good! Now I have become an open book that everybody can read. I'm hating this sh*t! "It's...aah." How will it sound, huh? I mean, telling someone that I am losing my mind over a man? How insane is that?

"What?" She implores.

"It's Deep." I look down at my hands.

"What about him?" She asks.

"He hasn't called me for almost a week now. We don't talk. It's like he doesn't want me anymore." I explain, and knowing her, I know she will try to come up with an excuse for this man.

"And so?" There. I knew. And so? Didn’t she hear what I said?

"What do you mean, ‘and so’? He shouldn't do that to me." I ask.

"Why? Why do you expect that much from him? Why are you so affected by his choice to keep his distance from you, Gia?" She asks.

"Because I love him, Sheryl!" I confess with all honesty, drops of tears escaping from my eyes. I'm in deep sh*t, and I have no way of getting out. "I love him so much. It's killing me for him to be so distant from me. I want him as close as he is to my heart," I explain.

"But how can you blame someone who doesn't know you love him, Gia?" Dr. Love speaks.

He doesn’t? I am sure he can feel what I feel for him. And even without that, he should have at least confessed first what he feels for me. "I thought he saw it. I thought he felt it. All those times we have been together, all those beautiful times we made love, I thought.

"Wait, wait, Gia! You are telling me that you two have been intimate? How?"

Damn! Shit! "It started on that day when I took him to my hometown. We had our first on my bed that night, and it continued happening and happening. I had no way of stopping it or the courage to say no to him because I wanted it as much as he did. All along, I thought it was because he felt something for me. But he wouldn't act like this if he did, right? He wouldn't torment me like this if at all he felt something for me. And now I have a dinner with his mother, which I don't know what it is about. How can I face his family like this?" I rant.

"That's perfect. Take that chance to have a heart-to-heart talk with him. You two need to sort this out." She says.

Great! blown chance. "That is not possible because he won't be attending the dinner." I reply with a downcast heart. If only this man had a slight clue as to what he was doing to me, God would just help him.

"Did he tell you that?" I nod my heavy head. I haven't had a headache for weeks, but I feel like I am having one right now. "Like I said, Gia, you can't know what the guy feels unless you talk to him. Tell him what you feel and see how it goes." She says.

"Why should I be the one to take that step, huh? Isn't he the man here? What if he doesn't feel the same way as me? He will slap me with rejection and send me to hell with my stupid feelings. How will I be able to look at him ever again?" I ask.

"We are in the twenty-first century, my friend. It doesn't matter who confesses to whom—whether the man or the woman—the most important thing is to make your intentions known. Furthermore, there is no rule that states that it's only the man who should confess his feelings first. Nobody will judge or crucify you for that. And about him rejecting you, love is all about risks. You will lose nothing, and if anything, you will have lessened this burden off your shoulder." Wow! Well put, right? I didn’t know she had this much knowledge about love.

"I don't think I can do that. I want him to be the one to ask me out, not the other way around, Sheryl. It sounds so awkward." I state.

"Forget about the aftermath and do whatever your heart tells you to, bestie, and you had better do it fast before it is too late. If it gives you any hope, consolation, or courage, I don't know what it is, but I know Deep feels something special for you. I have seen it in his eyes. He looks at you with so much desire and admiration. He almost went insane for those two weeks you were with Ejay. He pulled all the strings to ensure your safety and got you out of there in one piece. He risked everything for you, Gia. He didn't care about getting hurt or dragged into your mess with Ejay. What's more, he didn't regret or complain at any point. Not when he got shot while saving you, nor when their hotel was bombed, nor when he became Ejay's target. That is how much you, Gia Wilsons, mean to him. It's like you are a priceless jewel to him. Someone he is willing to give and risk his all for. That's so deep, don't you think? Find out what that is, Gia."

My! My! What a soothing speech!

How I wish with all my heart that I could be his priceless jewel. I would give anything to know what I mean to him. I would do anything to find out, but confess to him? Wouldn't that make me look so desperate? So easy to get? So, cheap? What about my pride and dignity? Can I really swallow that for him? Can I really lay my all down for this? For my deep? For this fire of love that is consuming me