LETTING GO
"Hey, sleepy head! Aren't you intending on getting your lazy ass off the bed today?" A familiar lady's voice echoes through my room, disrupting my sleep.
Ooh crap! I roll under the duvet in the direction of my bedroom door, where the voice is coming from. "Shit!" I curse the pain in my head. Goodness! If crap was a person, then that is me right now. What the heck! I only took a mere tiny glass of the fucking vodka, which I, by the way, flushed down with a full glass of del Monte! Why do I feel like I emptied ten bottles in my breadbasket? On top of the pounding headache, my head feels like a load of ten kilos is laid on it. Mental memo: I am never tasting the ludicrous vodka and all the damn beer brands in general ever again.
My eyes greet two ladies standing in the doorway, gawking at me with concern. No! I think my sight is tinkering with me. The aftermaths of vodka too? Screw the liquor! I lazily haul my physique, pulling myself up to sit down, shutting my eyes tight to the misery of the hangover.
The next minute I open my eyes, and Grace and Sheryl are sitting beside me on each side. It seems like I condemned my brain and liquor for nothing, huh? But how? I might have looked like a broken idiot last night. Conceivably, I wasn't really myself last night, and that is why, after humiliating myself by going to Deep's house wearing a night dress, I ended up in a club and practically gave myself to a stranger. I know how absurdly I acted last night. All the memories are so raw, meaning my senses are unblemished. They were, even last night.
I recall almost throwing up at the club, but before I could, one thing led to another, and I found myself stumbling, and I fell into the strong arms of someone. Those strong arms... It was a man, for sure, but...? Was it my nightstand? But how on earth did he know my house? Besides, I don't feel any uneasiness down there, meaning that my passing out was kind of a prodigy that saved me. At least I did not sell my dignity by sleeping with a man I knew nothing about. Did he just drop me off and then leave? But how?
"Sis!" My sister calls, waving a hand across my face. Blame the liquor, nkt! "I asked how you were feeling. What is happening to you?" Grace asks.
The world is pronto spinning, that is all I freaking know! But me? What is happening to me? Before I understand what the fuck is happening to me, I think I first need to comprehend how they got here. Yes, how come they are with me and not that stranger from last night? They most definitely knew nothing about my crazy plans last night. "How did you two get here?" I ask.
"Deep brought us here to stay with you for the night." Sheryl answered.
A bittersweet smirk slips my lips. I think I am beginning to abhor this name. Wait a minute, how did he know? My head spins a complete degree for a second. Who again? Which Deep? The one that I left at the gate of the bar? "Deep?" I query. Was he...
"Yes, Gia. He came for us in the middle of the night. Just what is happening to you, sis? What happened last night?" Grace asks.
"That sweetheart of yours didn't tell us anything. He just said that you needed us, and then we found you whimpering in your sleep and mumbling some curses. What's going on, Gia? Relatively, what really happened?" Sheryl speaks.
Crying? Cursing? Bullshit! It's over! So it was really him, huh? I felt the intimacy of the spark of his touch before I blacked out completely, but I thought it was the liquor tinkering with some Deja Vou in me. So he followed me inside the bar? What an infuriating jerk! "Talk to us, sis. Whatever it is,. We are here to listen." That is my sister. I can't really believe she was the one I was so troubled about just the other day. The same one I was about to send to a mental sanitarium before an angel called her back to her senses. She has transformed quite a lot. She is improving day by day, and I am grateful.
I cannot afford to bother her now, nor can my best friend, who is in the middle of her nuptial preparations. Ooh, and neither myself. I am so done with this impossible love. "What happened was that I made a good joke of myself yesterday for allowing my heart to speak for myself, but it's nothing to worry about. I am over and done with it. Gia Wilsons has everything she needs: a well-paying career, money, my sister and my best friend, the other girls in the house, my fellow artists' friends, and my fans. I am content. One silly jerk who thinks he is the center of my world is not going to drive me insane. I don't need him or his stupid love. I am so done. I am going back to my music and forgetting all about him. That is it!" That came out like some lyrics from one of my songs.
They look at each other when I am done with my speech. "But, Gia," Sheryl says after a long silence, "Deep..."
"No, Sheryl! I don't want to hear that name ever again. When I say I am done, I am so freaking done!" I don't know what else I was supposed to do for this to work, but for me, I have tried everything that I possibly could, and I don't give a damn about all that is out of my control. I am neither an angel nor a magician who flips through his mind to understand what he really wants.
He loves me, but he could not give me a chance to speak my mind. Who does that? I believe that in life, there are people sent to you to help you cross a certain bridge, and when their work is done, they have no other reason to stay. I also believe that we don't always get what we want in life. It's difficult, but maybe I should take into consideration that Deep's role in my life has ended. It's time to move on. I am not giving up on love. My dream of getting married to the man of my dreams is still so valid. I know that God will bring me my Greek god, who will sweep me off my feet and take me to higher grounds of love. I mean, another Greek god. I will keep my hope alive and stay open to anything that is not toxic!
But why is my heart fighting with my words and my wishes, huh? Can’t it see that I have suffered enough with this impossible, one-sided love? Wait though. Not one side. I remember him saying back in his house last night that he wanted more than just sex with me. So what do I need to do, huh? Talk to me? Confess my feelings to him? But I was so ready to do all that last night. But as always, we ended up crashing. What now? We leave it like that? My heart does not want, and the heart gets what it wants. So what?
