HOW MUCH HE MEANS

We are driving to my former house to check on the girls and see how things are going over there. I don't want them to feel like I abandoned them or like I don't care again. I want them to know that I am with them until the end, however long and rough the journey will be. Despite Mayleen being there with them, Ajay, and Paul too, I still can't neglect them. I have a commitment to them, and I have to honor that.

"I asked you a question a while ago, but you did not answer." Deep says, crossing his leg on top of the other.

Today he opted not to drive, so we are seated at the back of his Bugatti together, with Shane being our driver. After that awkward situation he put me through back at his house, I don't know how to behave. After kissing me sore, all he said was, "I just wanted to confirm it. You are trembling in my arms.". That is making me so uncomfortable right now. Knowing that he knows how weak he makes me.

"What was it that you asked?" I keep my face straight in front, not even dreaming to turn my gaze at him. I smell his scent from here; actually, I bet I will be smelling his scent since we are so close, brushing each other, and that is definitely not a good thing for my confused self.

"What plans do you have for yourself?" He says this, putting his leg down and shifting to look at me.

I would have preferred his former sitting position, though. Everything starts with his eyes being on me, like now. And everything ends up complicated in the end. This kissing starts with just his eyes like this.

Plans? What plans do I have for myself? I have a lot of things to do. Like solving the misunderstanding with my sister, watching over the girls, and listening to music. I have songs waiting to be recorded. I know it will be wrong after I reappear again, and my mailbox will be flooded with invites. It's two weeks away until December, meaning there will be a lot of festivities. I am dying to hit the studio and stage again. I miss myself on stage, but there is one thing I am afraid of. The citizens will want a clear explanation of my disappearance and reappearance again. And for that Kisumu masacre, there are still no answers. My connection to those two incidents is still unclear.

I will have reporters on my neck the moment I am spotted somewhere. I can't make any appearances until I am ready to answer all of their questions and clear everything up. This time I will have to tell the truth, but I will consult with detective Paul today. An interview will even be a better choice, to avoid being bombarded by journalists every time I go out. I hate such situations. Being put in the spotlight every time.

I feel a finger under my chin, and he tilts my head to face him, which I do. It's not like I have a choice anyway. I must have been so engrossed in my thoughts that I almost forgot to respond to his question again.

"Where have you wandered off to?" He queries, studying my face.

I take his finger away from my chin nicely, but he captures my hand into his. I don't struggle to free it, though; I might as well enjoy the warmth he is giving me. I need it. I really do.

"Honestly, Deep, I miss music. The two weeks I have been away feel like months. There are a lot of things in my mind that I still don't know which one to prioritize first. And others, I don't know whether they will work out or not, like the relationship between my sister and me." I say, and the last part makes my heart feel heavy. I won't cry, though.

"I am sure your sister will come around soon enough. Maybe she thinks you abandoned her. Maybe she doesn't know that Ejay had you all these months, and as a star that you are, you had a way of rescuing her from him sooner. You need to sit down and have a peaceful talk with her. Find out why she is acting that way because, being your elder sister, she must be carrying a lot to react that way." He consoles.

"Maybe she has a good reason to hate me. But what explanation does she have for fooling around with Ejay? She even had the guts to slap it in my face that she loved him." I retort because, of all things, that is one sh*t that I am yet to understand. And it is one thing that I cannot find a reason to justify. I mean, she was so proud of it.

"Like I said, Gia, only she can explain what really happened. Don't worry too much, and don't judge her so harshly. I know she will explain everything in due time. Chill, okay?" He unlocks our hands, giving mine a soft kiss on the palm before resting it on his thigh and putting his on top.

"I hope you are right. Thanks, for a thousandth time." I joke, and I give him a small smile.

I don't want that "hear or feel" temptation again. A smile beams on his face, giving it a bright and admirable look. Well, he is always admirable, even without a smile, but as they say, a smile adds more beauty. Here is a perfect example of that saying. His smile makes you feel like you are on the moon.

"Trust me. One last question." He asks.

I snap my eyes at him. Another one? "Anything." I say, and wait, and wait, until I am now the one studying his face. What is it that he wants to ask that is making him shy? Is he seriously avoiding my eyes? "What is it, Deep?" I ask because his silence is making me uneasy. Did I do anything wrong? Did someone badmouth me to him? What do I have to hide anyway? Nothing. And I have nothing to be ashamed of.

"Is..." he starts but stops immediately, running his free hand through his hair. I wish he could have asked me to do that, though. I miss that—running my hands through his soft hair. I was messing it up and compiling it with my fingers. Mmh, I better stop thinking about things like that. I don't want my mind to go haywire.

"Is Deep in any way part of your plans? Is anything going to change between us? You are going to be busy with a million things, Gia. Will I still get some time to steal from you?"

Wait, wait! Is that what he is worried about? That I will not have time for him? I wish he knew how much he means to me because, call me stupid or naive, I know that I mean a lot to him. So, most definitely, he will be. There is no way I would toss him aside after everything we have gone through together and all that he has done for me.

"You first tell me, my Greek beauty god. What is changing? I feel something is changing already." I ask.

"I don't understand, my beauty queen. Please explain." I look at him, our eyes meeting.

"This." I squeeze his hand with mine, which he has refused to let go of for ages. "You are changing, or maybe something is; I don't know. You have a different look in your eyes. Is there something I don't know? You can tell me anything, you know?" I say.

"I don't know either. Do you hate the change, or does it make you feel uncomfortable?" He asks.

Uncomfortable, yes, but in a sweet way. I don't want to misinterpret things, and I don't want to feel unaware either. Do I hate it? Absolutely not. Us being like this is making me feel a thousand things, all good and beautiful. I don't remember being in love; I am not sure if this is the way to that road either, but I love this feeling. This crazy feeling of wanting you in a way that I can't explain This feeling that you want me the same way too—I don't want to lose you for anything.

"Deep has become an important person to me in the short time I have known him. In my small list of friends, you are number one. I don't want to lose you. So, Mr. Moore, if you are worried about me dumping you, relax. You will always have me, until you decide to dump me yourself." I say.

Pss, that hurts. Being dumped by such a hot man will be a huge loss—a loss I can never recover from.

"I wasn't really worried about anything, but at least I now know I mean something to you. Are you falling for your Greek god?"

Shoot!

Yes! No! Am I?