STRONG FEELINGS

I get off the phone with the fifth psychiatrist, and I think I am drained because of those long calls. Jeez! I feel like my ears are buzzing because of that. But anyway, I am willing to go even the extra mile for these girls. I want them to be okay. I will make sure they are okay. They deserve to be okay after all they went through. I will do everything within my power to ensure their happiness.

"Have you considered the possibility that those girls might want to return to their families?" Deep asks when I put down the phone.

The truth is, I have thought about it. I have considered that possibility. Of course, I know how much family means. I have been there. I wish and hope that I can be with my family. Wondering how or where they are. I was separated from my family for just five months until I learned the truth. But that short time almost drove me mad. What of these girls who have been gone from their homes for years? They must be missing their families terribly.

"You know, Deep, I am familiar with that feeling. That longing. That fear and worry of not knowing anything about your family I know that feeling of wanting to be close to your family again. Family is important. And I am not doing whatever I am doing for them for selfish reasons. I would be more than happy if they all decided to go back to their homes. But before that, I just want to make sure that they will be ready for the world when they leave. I don't want them to return home, and then they start feeling like they don't belong there anymore. They have not had a life for years. All they knew were the walls of the brothel and how to please Ejay. They need some counseling before they can face the world." I explain. I cannot begin to imagine the trauma that they are going through. They need this so much.

"I love your willingness to help them. And I will be here for whatever you may need every single step of the way. I told you that, remember?" I might have forgotten how it feels to be close to a man, which is why his being this close and staring deep into my eyes is sucking the breath out of me.

Then again, if I remember correctly, him being this close has never been good for me. I could not restrain myself from kissing him, even the very first time we met in the sea. I still don't know what he thinks of that kiss. But the urge is still there, even stronger than back then. Why, I don’t know.

"Aah, yes. I... I know I can count on you." I say this before he starts wondering why I am staring at him like a ghost. Or as if I had seen him for the first time. But even speaking is a problem, especially when his eyes are reading every single letter leaving my lips like he is doing right now.

"What about you?" He breaks the awkwardness by pulling me to the balcony.

This place. The last time we stood here was the night before I went back to Ejay. It was a beautiful night with the moonlight shining above us, and the stars were beautifully clouded in the sky, listening to us—to the deepest cry of my soul. That night was special, not because of the beautiful kiss that we shared, but because, for the first time since the incident with my family, God answered me. I had grown tired of praying and concluded that heaven had shut its doors on me. But that night, the most high listened to me. He has answered my prayer and granted my wish.

So, today, like I asked that day, we are standing here free and happy. Nothing is holding us captive anymore. All the chains have been broken. We are free, and I am grateful to God. And here we are again, the sun shinning above us, the sky crystal clear. No stars, no moon, no clouds It's just that calm and clear. There was no wind or morning breeze. Everything is just calm and quiet. I love it this way. "You want to make another wish." Deep intrudes on my meditation.

I was thinking about how well the weather fits our situation right now. Just like the fresh air I am breathing right now, so is my mind. Just like how peaceful the weather looks, so does my soul. If it were not for the issue with my sister, I would have called this ‘perfection’.

"No." I shake my head, looking at him beside me. "I am so happy right now and grateful that I have been granted the wish I made when we were at this exact spot two weeks ago." I state.

"What did you wish for?" He turns to me.

I loved his eyes before, but now I adore them. I don't know what changed, but they are sparkling differently. This is the same look he wore that night we were here. I am not an expert in interpreting things like these, so let me not speak my mind. I don't know the probability of being right, but the highest chance is that I may be wrong. So wrong, presumably.

I avoid his eyes and look up at the sky. "I wished that the next time we stood here again, you and I would all be over. We will be free—free from the bondage of our captivity." I say to him, but more to the beautiful sky.

"So you wanted to return here again?" I turn to him.

Dang! Of course, I did. I wanted to return to my Greek god. I wanted to see Deep again. That person who penetrated my heart within such a short time, That person who put a smile on my face when I had forgotten how to smile That special person who saw my fears, worries, and troubles no matter how thick the mask I wore to hide them was That person gave me the hope and determination to fight on when I was on the verge of giving up.

That person who helped me selflessly and relentlessly without asking for anything in return—that person who didn't mind getting hurt to save me That special person who put my safety before his even though I was just a stranger This special god of beauty has the magic to make me feel like a teenager, giving me this sweet feeling, however confusing it is, because if he looks at me like this and if he is close to me like this, he takes everything away from me—the strength to stand, the breath, and the power to fight his magic.

"I did. I wanted to. I wish that I would see you again, Deep, and thank you for everything you have done for me. I cannot thank you enough. I will forever be indebted to you." I say. I cannot just tell him that I feel something for him.

"That is where you are wrong, Gia. You do not owe me anything. I actually feel bad because I feel like I used you. You going back there was something I would never have allowed you to do. But I guess you knew that. That was why you lied to me. I freaked out that day when Mayleen told me you went back. I could understand why you did it, but I was so afraid of what could happen to you with every passing second. My efforts were not a guarantee that you were safe. I badly wanted to see you to make sure you were okay. I was glad when you made that call the other night. At least I slept at peace that night, with the hope of seeing you yesterday. But then, despite my efforts to keep you guarded, you had to slip away and chase that monster. Do you know what I felt when I saw him fire a gun at you? Do you know what it felt like to see you running after him? I felt like that was the end of us—the end of you." He stops to stare, while my body turns to ice because of his words.

He cares that much. "But it wasn't the end. I am here now, like I promised, ain't I? We both are here, and I'm glad that you don’t have another scar all because of me." I almost whisper.

"I kept my word but failed. You are here, but with scars and a wound that needs to be attended to immediately. I called a doctor to come and check it, by the way." Oh, that! I even almost forgot about it.

I think I was so overwhelmed by the victory that I forgot I had it. As for the other scars, they will fade away with time. However, there are some that will not fade. Like the one on the head where the bullet pierced when Ejay shot me months ago. That one will always be there to remind me of that horrible day. The day that marked the beginning of my fight with Ejay and the way down to his grave This wound is a scar that will also be there forever. The beautiful part of it is that it will always remind me of the sacrifices I made, how bravely I fought, and finally, how everything was worth it in the end. These are my beautiful scars.

"Thank you, again, and again, and again." I say this to him, refusing to give in to his stare challenge.

I would love to know what he is always going through in his mind whenever he looks at me like this. It's like he is trying to read through me or say something. Or like he wants me to see something. I don't know. It is weird, or maybe I am just imagining things.

"If you thank me one more time, I will get angry." He jokes—a joke that I doubt is indeed a joke because it sounds too serious, if I am not overthinking it again. Is he serious? He looks so weirdly charming for a serious person.

But wait a minute. How would he look when he was mad? I mean, can this beautiful face wear a furious face?

"And... what will you do if you get angry?" My crazy self, rather, returns his joke, but I now think it was a bad joke because his eyes are promising to consume me any minute from now. I should have probably kept my mouth shut.

"Do you want me to say it or show it? Do you want to see or feel?" His voice is soft but rich in something so dangerously strong—a dare? A challenge?

I can see flames of fire emitting from his beautiful eyes, giving them this glow that speaks to nothing but the pure temptation of a sweet sin. This is the kind of sin that feels beautiful, perfect, and surreal. His rich scent mixed with the warmth of his hot pheromones is like a charm, luring me into something so deep and strong. It's like a spark that is pulling me to this unknown temptation—so deep and intense. His wet, soft, rich pink lips are the exact meaning of seduction. I can tell how tender they would feel against mine. I can feel the sweet magic of their kiss. I have tasted them not once, not twice, but how many times?

Gosh! What am I feeling? What is this that I am craving? Why am I thinking of him this way? I am not myself right now, and recalling the times I felt these sugar lips dance on mine is an impossible thing to get out of my mind. The only thing I know is that this sin before me is irresistible. It is so powerful, so tempting, so... ooh, what are you doing to me, Deep?

"Hear or feel?" Damn his voice!

And damn the sweet magic of his touch! The sparks. Oh my! It is like a fire that sets my entire being ablaze. A fire that I cannot put out despite my efforts to try. Try? Do I ever try to prevent this? How can I? Our lips are brushing each other, weakening my bones further and challenging my strength. I am losing it. I know I am. I can't fight this, but...

"No...th...ing!" I pull my trembling mess of a body away from him, breathing heavily. My heart is winning a one hundred-meter marathon competition, and I bet he could feel the loud cheers given how close we were. His eyes are on me, not blinking or moving. "I will knock on your head if you continue staring at me like that." I try to joke, and I feel stupid about that joke. I mean, he doesn't look like he is in the mood for jokes. He looks like he is... what? Oh dear!

Like, he really wanted to kiss me? Does he feel the same urge?

"Let's go." I say this before things get out of hand. I start walking out past him, but wrong move! "Ah," he pulls me to him in a second, my chest bumping onto his, our faces an inch apart, his strong arms shielding me from him. My heart skips a few beats, just like everything else stands still.

"I'm sorry." His voice is barely a whisper, his eyes closed, my face beneath his.

"D.e.e.p!" It was too late for me; our lips crashed on each other, and how was I so stupid to refuse something so sweaty? What was I thinking?