Chapter 17

Chapter 17: Hughie

Hughie's Point of View

My sister was a good person. But life was extremely cruel to her.

Love can really make people crazy. And my sister was a proof of that.

I was sixteen years old when Ate Lucresia (ate means older sister, read as a-te, not the past tense of the word eat). Back then, I did not know much about things in life. She always told me how good her husband was. But it was too late when I realized that it was all a lie.

She married a manipulative man who never cared for her. He did nothing but use her and ignore her. But she was fine with it and kept it from us. For five years, she kept it a secret from her family. And I only knew about all the cruelties her husband did when she decided to kill herself. Yes. She committed suicide. After years of enduring a toxic relationship, she finally gave up. But her way of giving up was puting an end to her precious life.

My sister was a good person, and she did not deserve it. She was a good sister to me that is why it pained me so much that she took her own life.

My family lived in the Philippines until I was 10. And then we moved to Barcelona where my parents are actually from. After my sister's death, I decided to go to Maldives, away from the life I was used to in Spain.

With the hope of forgetting my tragic past, I stayed away from home.

But I met Gulf. It was love at first sight. I couldn't help but fall in love with him. He was waiting for someone at the restaurant, lost in the moment, and probably thinking about something deep.

Who the hell can resist his charms? That cute face and kissable lips. And those sad eyes. Damn! In that moment, I only wanted to protect him from anything that wants to hurt him. That was how strong his impact was to me.

That is why I did not think twice and approached him to ask for his order even if it wasn't part of my job.

My desire to protect him intensified when I noticed that he wasn't happy about his wedding. I instantly knew that their marriage was fixed. Who's sad in their honeymoon, right? Unless you did not marry for love. Or when you found out that your partner doesn't really love you.

I felt that he was hurting. That deep inside, he was suffering. I did not understand why someone would want to hurt such a precious soul. How could you hurt such angel?

At first, I couldn't do anything because I saw how much he wanted to fight for their marriage. But with the days of observing him at the resort where I was working, I witnessed that he was hurt so many times with what his husband was doing.

In their situation, I remembered my sister.

How unhealthy it is to stay in a toxic relationship! One party is giving his best. While the other one really does not care.

I couldn't do anything with what happened to my sister. But in Gulf's situation, I knew I could do something.

That is why when he asked me to run away with him from the island, I immediately agreed to it. I wanted to protect Gulf. I wanted to take care of him.

I left Maldives and went back to Spain. And this time, Gulf was with me.

Gulf is not hard to love. He's often grumpy, but you would see within him a gentle and caring person.

Taking care of Gulf was not easy at first. He would cry and drink every night. But I did not give up on him. Because I knew he is worth it. He is worth the risk. So in every cry, I stayed with him and gave him comfort.

It was painful, truly. Here I am beside him, but he's crying for someone who probably doesn't care for him. But because I already loved him, I just let everything be. I was hoping that one day, as time passes by, he would forget everything about all the pain in his past.

After a few months of trying, Gulf was finally becoming better. He started working at a fast food. At first I did not like the idea, but I realized that maybe it would be best for him to help him forget.

I got promoted as the manager of the department store I was working for. Gulf and I finally became happy. But I would still notice the sadness he is keeping inside. Because I know he is not totally over Mew.

There are nights when I will be awakened by Gulf's cries. How he would murmur the words 'I love you Mew' while he's crying in his sleep.

It was painful. Really. But I endured it all. I told myself that maybe he just needs more time. I had to be patient.

There were of course happy days in our relationship. He was sweet and thoughtful. He'd cook me breakfast and dinner. And he also prepared my lunch which I always eat at work.

And during my birthdays, he always gave me birthday blows. It always made my day special.

"Happy birthday, Hughie."

Those were always his words before he would let me sit on the couch, hand me the gaming console and order me to pick any game I want to play. While he would go down to his knees and do his thing. What he did always made the game hard to win.

But it always made me hard.

On my latest birthday, I took a polaroid photo of us. Gulf was holding the camera as I kissed him on his cheeks. I kept that photo inside my wallet. As a reminder of my love for him.

Later on, Gulf became a model. I was happy for his success. And I was proud of myself because I was there for him. I watched him rise from being unknown to being one of the most popular and most in-demand model in Spain. I have always believed in him. God, I love him so much.

We lived peacefully for three years. I was happy. We were happy. But then came his husband.

I was slapped by the reality that even if we were happy, I knew that being with Mew would make him happier. He was still affected.

And it fucking hurt. I know Mew doesn't deserve Gulf. He will just hurt him. So I had to fight for my love.

I'm ready to get my body injured just to protect Gulf. That is why in all the times that Mew wanted to come near him, I was always willing to shield him. Shield him from the pain Mew might cause.

I fixed Gulf for three years. I won't just let Mew destroy him again.

When I caught them kissing inside the comfort room in one of Gulf's photoshoot, I was so hurt. I was angry at Gulf. But I was more angry at myself. If only I did better in guarding him, it would not have happened. But while I was on my way to the shoot, I experienced nose bleeding. So instead of heading straight to the venue, I had to visit Dr. Rodriguez at the hospital.

I underwent some tests but I had to wait a few days for the results. If only I did not go to the hospital, none of it would have happened.

That same night, I followed Gulf to the swimming pool. It was painful. I saw how he cried trying to save his husband. I saw how worried he was. I knew that Mew was faking it so I did not bother helping.

And on that same night, I confirmed that Gulf's love for Mew did not diminish. It was preserved.

I was angry at Gulf and at myself. But I had no choice but to forgive him because we had to fly to Philippines that night. His father was dying. I had to forgive him.

This is what love really is, huh? No matter how much they hurt you, you would still be willing to forgive them.

I tried my best to comfort Gulf afer his father's death. But you would really see it that he wanted so bad for Mew to comfort him. No matter how much he tries to deny it, you could see it in his eyes.

It was heart-breaking. But I had to continue fighting.

I tried to save Gulf from being kidnapped. But I failed. I woke up to Dr. Rodriguez' call, informing me that he has emailed me the results of my tests.

Immunophenotyphing Test: Acute Myeloid Leukemia - Positive

My world collapsed. I have cancer of the blood.

Another man called me saying that he's Aron. I don't know him. But his name was familiar and I remember Gulf mentioned him a few times saying that he was Mew's other lover who was in the island too.

I wasn't interested to talk to him until I read the e-mails of Dr. Rodriguez.

When my doctor called again, he informed me that I might not be able to live longer than five years. Especially that the disease was spreading rapidly inside my body. I was devastated. He added that it might even be just months or a few years.

I haven't recovered from the devastating news yet when Gulf's often mentioned friend came inside my hospital room. It was Mild and he wanted to talk to me.

"I know that Mew has hurt Gulf in the past. But I couldn't really blame him because he had his reasons," Mild spoke as he stood at the bed side.

Mild explained to me everything. I wasn't convinced with Mew's reasons. He could've done other things to fight for Gulf! Why was he a coward? Is Gulf not worth fighting for? It made me more angry at Mew.

"I'm not in the position to meddle with these things, Hughie. But we both know that Mew is the only person capable of giving Gulf the real happiness that he deserves," he added.

Then it hit me. He is actually right. There is no more point in fighting because I was already given many signs that I am already defeated.

Gulf is still in love with Mew. And I might die in a few years, or worse, months. I don't want to tie Gulf to me, because what Mild said was true. I know to myself that I am not the person who Gulf truly loves.

I don't want to be selfish. Gulf deserves to be truly happy. And only in Mew will he find that happiness. I might die soon. Might as well end everything soon too.

But where is Gulf? I hope he's okay.

I was discharged from the hospital at night. Gulf called me and said that he's on his way home. That he already talked to Mew about everything.

I want so bad to fight for him. But there is no more point in doing that. Because in this battle, my enemy is myself. And in this battle, the chances of winning is close to impossible. I must accept defeat.

All I can do is protect him. Protect him from all the threats. And I know that Aron is a big threat according to Mild's explanations earlier.

To protect Gulf, I must deal with Aron. It's the least I can do for him. It's the least I can do to show how much I love Gulf. Because the time I get the chance to talk to Gulf, I will end things with him. The sooner, the better.

I know that it will be my destruction. But at least, Gulf will be free. He will be finally free from pretending that he loves me. Even if I knew from before that he never really did.

At the hospital parking lot was a charity concert for cancer patients.

The band performing asked the audience if someone wanted to sing with them.

I did not think twice and raised my hand immediately. I ran towards the stage. The people applauded.

I told the band what I wanted to sing, and they started to play the instruments.

Gulf might not hear my song, but still, I want to tell the world my feelings for him. I dedicate this song to my angel.

"Good evening everyone. My name is Hughie. I came up here because I feel so broken. I have to give up the most precious person to me. And I can't do anything about it. To my baby, Gulf, this is for you. I love you."

*now playing Photograph by Ed Sheeran*

I took a deep breath before I started singing.

It's so painful. It's as if my heart is being crushed into pieces. That feeling when you don't want to give up but you can't do anything about it. You are left with no choice but to let go and give up.

I remembered the polaroid photo we took on my latest birthday so I took it out of my wallet. I was so happy in the picture. It pains me that it is now but a memory. A memory I can only revisit through this polaroid photo.

My voice started to break. God, it hurts so much.

I love you, Gulf. I hope you understand my decision. Because this is for you. Everything I do is for you. And I know that someday you will thank me. After all, it is Mew that you truly love.

I closed my eyes as I burst into tears. I am so thankful to God for letting me spend my short life with you. Those years were the happiest days of my life. I am not sure if I will win against this cancer, but still, I don't want to prolong your agony.

I ran away with Gulf with the intention of saving him. What I did not know was that it would be me who would end up hurting. For years I made myself believe that there is a chance for Gulf to truly love me back. So this is all my fault. I don't regret everything I did. Because it was all worth it. Gulf was worth it.

It's okay if I'm hurting. It's a pleasure to be hurt by you, Gulf.

Don't worry. I am really not letting you go Gulf. I am only letting you to be finally happy. Because you will always be in my heart.

Your happiness is my happiness.

As for Mew, I hope he takes care of him. I hope he never hurt him again. Because he doesn't know how lucky he is. To be loved by Gulf. I would give up everything just to be the person that he loves. But even if I do, I know that he will still choose Mew.

I will be home, but not for long. Because Mew is your true home, not me.

It all ends here, Gulf. Destiny only made us cross paths, but we are not meant for each other. Thank you for the three years. Like a photograph, I will always cherish those memories forever.

I won't give you a hard time choosing between us anymore. I hope you always take care of yourself. Take care, my angel. I love you.