Chapter 32

Chapter 32: Selfish

I really want to approach Mew. I want to ask him so bad about what I just saw. I want to let him explain. Because I want to make things clear.

But I could not find the courage to do so. With the number of people around, I do not want to make a scene. I do not want everyone to find out that he cheated on me. If that is the case.

Their kiss was brief. I cannot bear the sight of Mew's flustered face.

I forced myself to step away from there, even if it was so hard. My chest feels so heavy. But I managed to leave the venue without letting Mew know that I was there.

So much for surprising him on his birthday. It seems like I was the one who got surprised.

I could not erase from my mind what I had just witnessed. It just kept on replaying on my head. How their lips touched, and how Mew did not even try to push Tommy away.

I was spacing out as walked along the street that a car almost run me over. Fortunately, I was able to return to my senses.

But I can't really think straight. Even if I try not to think about what I saw, I kept thinking about it over and over again.

There's just too much pain in my chest.

Why did Mew not push him away?

All I could think of now was to go to a quiet place where I could think peacefully.

I feel like I've been cheated. I also started to overthink.

How about the days and nights that I weren't here? Did they kiss too? And do they only kiss? I don't know. Painful thoughts started to fill my head.

My tears streamed as I walked. I no longer care if people are looking at me. Even if I look like a fool crying on the street.

I called for a taxi.

"Jones Bridge," I told the driver.

The driver nodded. I was about to board the taxi but I heard "Someday" playing on the car stereo. I cried even more. It made me remember my experiences in Maldives. It was that same song I sang when I ran away from Mew during our honeymoon.

My memories with that song is just too painful.

"I'm sorry. I changed my mind," I told the driver.

I don't want the song to add to the heaviness I'm feeling right now because I might not be able to handle it.

I closed the car door and let the taxi leave.

I called for another one.

"Jones Bridge."

But the stereo was playing a breakup song too so I did not want to ride anymore.

"I'm sorry. I'll take another cab."

"What the hell! Stop calling for taxis when you do not plan to hire them!" the driver complained. He quickly drove away.

I'm sorry!

I called for another taxi. Before I could tell the driver where my destination is, I listened to the car stereo first. It was off. So I hopped in quickly.

"Where to, sir?" the driver asked.

"Jones Bridge."

He nodded and drove away.

I did not expect him to turn on the car stereo. Sarah Geronimo's How Could You Say You Love Me started playing.

It was another heartbreak song.

What the hell? That song is so painful.

"Sir, can you please choose another song? This song is painful," I asked politely.

"I'm sorry sir. All right."

He clicked on the stereo. Til My Heartaches End by Ella Mae Saison played.

Another breakup song!

Not this song. Really. Damn it!

The driver quickly turned off the stereo.

"I'm sorry sir. Are you heart-broken? Did your girlfriend dump you? Or did your lover cheat on you?" he asked shyly.

"I saw my husband kiss someone else."

"What? Dump him right away. You can't just kiss other people especially when you are married!"

"How I wish it's that simple."

"It's a good thing I don't have a wife yet," he laughed slightly, trying to lighten up my mood.

I did not respond. I closed my eyes and let my tears flow. But every time I close them, I see pictures of Mew and Tommy kissing.

It took us fifty minutes to get to Jones Bridge. I paid the driver and quickly got out of the taxi.

Good thing there are only a few people around.

I went on the bridge and faced the river. I can't even appreciate the beauty of the surrounding because of the heaviness I was feeling.

I feel like I am in a Korean drama where the lead character is about to jump after she found out that her husband was cheating on her.

I thought Mew loved me? So why did he do that? Will he just throw away our three years of suffering just because we were continents apart?

I looked at the water at the bottom of the bridge.

"If you are planning to jump, then jump already."

I turned to the guy who spoke. He was tall and handsome. His eyebrows and arms were crossed.

"Who told you that I would jump? I am not stupid enough to commit suicide here knowing that this height won't kill me. You won't die if you jump here. And people can immediately rescue you," I said sarcastically.

He just ruined my mood! I was trying to have a moment here.

He approached me.

"I'm just kidding. I know that you won't die jumping at this height. Plus, I wouldn't really say that to someone who's suicidal. Life is precious. Why waste it?"

He faced me so I wiped away my tears. He was a bit taller than me.

"Your eyes are swollen. Can I ask why you've been crying?" his face was serious. He faced the river.

Honestly, I don't want to talk about my life with some stranger. But maybe it's not a bad idea? I might feel better if I let some steam out.

"For the record, I don't really talk to strangers. But it looks like I have no one else to talk to so I'll share my problem with you."

"Bring it on," he smiled.

Damn, he's handsome.

"I caught my husband kissing someone. I just arrived from Spain today and I saw him kissing someone else. I thought of surprising him but I was the one who got surprised."

He faced me.

"Oh. That's so sad. But did you confront him about it? Does he know that you saw them?"

"No. I did not have the courage to do so. I couldn't ask him about it," I said weakly.

"Can I give you my advice?" he asked.

"Go ahead." I heaved out a deep sigh. It made me feel at ease somehow.

"I think you two should talk about it first. Maybe he has his reasons? Maybe it was unintentional?"

"I saw the guy kiss him but he didn't try to push him away. He just indulged himself in the kiss. Isn't that enough to say he cheated?"

"Hmm. You have a point. But still, you should give him the benefit of the doubt. You might be wrong. Maybe he just didn't want to be rude? Maybe the guy kissed him in public so he could not push him away?"

He also has a point. What he said could be possible. Maybe I should just ask Mew? But what if he lies to me?

On the other hand, what if he says he doesn't like me anymore? Can I handle it? After all, he's been very distant and cold the past week. Maybe he's already tired with our relationship?

I felt my chest hurting again. Those thoughts are really tearing my heart apart.

But they say that it is better to face the problem while it's still early. That way, you can still resolve it.

After hearing his words, I decided that I should talk to Mew and let him explain.

Mew endured being away from me for three years. I'm sure he won't give up easily and throw it away.

Our conversation lifted my hopes up.

"Thank you for your advice."

I did not wait for his answer and quickly ran away from there. I called for another taxi.

My heart was pounding, nervous about how I will talk to Mew about it.

But it was just a stupid kiss. I'm sure I can forgive him. I just need to hear his explanation.

"Can you please hurry?" I begged the driver.

"Just calm down, Sir. Overspeeding is not allowed here."

I'm so eager to talk to Mew but I know I should not rush him. Because if I do, we might get into an accident.

I feel so unlucky tonight. A car crashed not far from us that caused traffic jam. We're already close to Resorts World.

I'm sure the awards show is not yet over but I am so eager to clarify things with Mew so I got out of the taxi and decided to just run the distance.

I was slightly sweaty and gasping for air when I arrived back at the venue. But I was very disappointed when I saw that Mew was no longer in his seat earlier. Tommy was no longer there too.

I asked one of the organizers if he knows where Mew is. He said that he left earlier after getting the award.

I tried to call him but he did not answer.

Where is he now? Did he go home already? But it's still early. It's only ten o'clock in the evening. Maybe he went out to celebrate?

Maybe he is still with Tommy? I tried to check his Instagram but I almost forgot that his account is set to private!

I decided to check Silvestre's account instead, Tommy's friend. I checked his IG stories and found out that he and Tommy were together. They are in a famous club in Bonifacio Global City. But I didn't see Mew in the stories so I wasn't sure if he was with them.

I tried to call Mew again. He finally answered!

"Hey!" my voice was sad. "Where are you?"

"Hey Gulf."

I was caught off-guard when I realized that it wasn't Mew's voice who answered the phone.

"Who is this?" I frowned.

"This is Tommy. Mew's friend."

"O-oh. I see. W-where is M-mew?" I could not stop my voice from breaking.

Why does he have Mew's cellphone?

I can hear the loud music from the background. They are inside the club.

"Mew is beside me right now." I could sense the smile from his voice.

"Can I talk to him?"

"He said he doesn't want to talk to you!"

It was as if he was screaming because the music was too loud.

"Just please tell him that I really need to talk to him."

* toot toot toot *

The call ended. Bitch!

I tried to call again but the cellphone was already turned off.

I wanted to cry. What is this? Earlier I was determined to talk but now I feel like I am losing my shit again.

God, why does this hurt?

However, I forced myself to get my shit together and find the courage to go to BGC.

I am very nervous. I feel so restless.

When I got to the club, I had a hard time getting in because there was a long queue outside.

Time to use my power. I showed the guard my Instagram account and the number of followers I have surprised him. He immediately let me in.

I walked fast to find them in this huge club. I first scanned the bar counter but they weren't there. Then I searched for them at the sofas and tables but they weren't there either.

Maybe they are in the VIP section?

I was about to go up to the second floor where the rooms for VIPs were but a bouncer blocked me.

I showed him my Instagram account. He quickly apologized and let me climb up. I opened the VIP rooms one by one. I finally saw Mew in the last room with a few friends, having fun. Silvestre and Tommy were also there.

Their laughter stopped and they were all surprised to see me.

"Oh shit," I heard a man whisper.

Mew almost had the letter O on his mouth.

But he was able to recover quickly. God, I missed him so much. He was still wearing the ash gray suit.

"Let's talk outside," he motioned me to go out with him. He went out first and I wondered if I should follow him.

That's it? We haven't seen each other for almost a month and he just said "Let's talk outside?" No hug? No kiss? Honestly, I really expected that he would hug and kiss me.

I swallowed a lump on my throat. I felt my tears forming again. But I tried to compose myself. I convinced myself to be strong.

This is not yet the time to cry, Gulf.

I followed him and he took me to the parking lot where the loud music was not too loud anymore.

He faced me. For the second time, I expected a hug or a kiss. But I received nothing. His face was just serious.

* now playing Someone You Loved by Lewis Capaldi *

"I didn't know you were coming," he spoke. He leaned on which I guess was his car.

"I wanted to surprise you," I forced myself to speak properly even though deep inside, I was stopping myself from crying.

He just nodded. Ouch. I thought he would ask me if when did I arrive in the country or if I had eaten dinner already. But he really just gave me a nod.

"Congratulations on winning the award," I smiled weakly.

"Thanks." He looked down. Probably at his shoes.

I am really worried with his responses. Why does it seem like he's angry when I should be the one irritated because of what I witnessed? I haven't even asked him yet, but he is already acting like he is guilty!

I tried to take a deep breath. I mustered up the courage to ask him about the kiss.

"I was there when you received the award." My lips trembled as I held back the tears.

He looked at me for a brief moment but immediately looked back down at his black shoes.

"I saw you and Tommy k-kissing," my voice started to shake. The image of them kissing replayed on my mind. My tears started flowing but he remained silent.

My hand trembled.

"Mew, please look at me," I begged him. He did what I asked. His eyes were now bloodshot. "Please answer me honestly. Did you kiss him b-back?" my voice broke.

"Yes."

First kill. I was devastated by his answer. It was very painful. His word was like a knife that stabbed my heart. How can one word be so painful?

"I thought we were together. Why did you kiss him back?"

My tears flowed one after another. I tried to wipe them all away.

"Because I wanted to."

Double kill. It hurts so much. How I wish he was lying. How I wish I didn't just ask.

"What about me? Did you not think about how I would feel if I found out?"

"You're busy with Hughie. You always are. When will it be me, Gulf?"

I slapped him with all the energy I got. He stared at me angrily. I was not expecting that response!

"So this is all about Hughie?" my voice raised because I could no longer control myself.

"No, this is not all about Hughie! This is about you and Hughie! How you constantly pick him over me! How you dedicate all your time for him! Nothing is left for me! It's always Hughie that you choose!"

I slapped him again with all my strength. I sobbed in tears.

"How dare you! How could you say that to him? After what he did for me! After everything he sacrificed for me because of what you did! He fixed me, Mew! He helped me get back on my feet! How could you say that?"

For the third time, I slapped him. I could not believe what he said.

"You made me feel like you didn't want me, Gulf. I invited you for tonight because it was also my birthday but you refused! You would not even show interest for our wedding! Even just a bit. You did not! Because you're still busy with Hughie! Hughie! Hughie! Why won't he just die?"

I was surprised by what he said. I slapped him for the fourth time. So hard that my hand left a mark on his face.

But this time, he slapped me back.

His slap was so hard that it almost made me deaf.

It took me a few seconds to recover. Pain started to envelope my face. But it could never match the pain I was feeling in my heart. Soon, I felt my face getting numb.

"I'm sorry." He tried to touch my face but I pushed him away.

My tears continued to pour.

"Did you honestly think you were the only one having a hard time, Mew? Did you think you were the only one hurting? I thought you understood my situation? I was having a hard time, Mew! I was also hurting! I did not want you to feel neglected! I did not want you to feel ignored! Because I love you! I have been with Hughie for three years but my love for you never faded! Hughie is not demanding for my time! I am giving it to him voluntarily after he took care of me for three years! He took care of me after you broke my heart! You are not the only one who's suffering! I am too! I am also hurting! All I am asking for is your understanding and patience! But you just can't seem to wait, can you? Is that the reason why you're cheating on me? Because you feel that I don't love you?"

"Can you blame me? If I felt like you were ignoring me?"

"I was not ignoring you! I am not perfect! I tried my best to balance my time. But you are greedy, Mew! You want everything!" I shouted. "I am very disappointed with you! You were able to endure being away from me for three years! We were able to deal with Aron! But you can't even sympathize for Hughie! Don't you feel sorry for the person? We shared a bond, Hughie and I! In fact, you should thank him for letting me go! Why are you so fucking selfish?"

He could not answer me. All I could feel now is anger. The sadness is now long gone.

"That's the point Gulf! He's been with you for three years! Isn't that enough?"

"You don't understand Mew! Fuck! Hughie is sick! He has cancer! We don't know how much time he has left! But I am hoping for him to recover! Can't you just wait for him to feel better?"

"I'm sorry, Gulf. But I'm weak. I can no longer continue to share you with him. It's either you are fully mine or you are not mine at all." He said coldly.

Everything is clear to me.

"If you can't leave Hughie, it's best that we break up."

He honestly thought that he was sharing me with Hughie? How pathetic!

I nodded at what he said. Now I just realized everything. I am so stupid for coming here. I wish I had just stayed in Spain. I hope I never got back together with him.

The sadness in my chest completely disappeared. It was now filled with anger. I clenched my fists.

"Only one thing is clear to me Mew. You don't truly love me."

"You have no right to question my love for you Gulf!"

"If anyone should question your love for me Mew, that's me. Because I am to base it on what you make me feel. And right now, I don't feel your love. I only feel your selfish ego."

He fell silent again. He could not look me in the eyes anymore.

I continued to speak.

"How I wish you never came to Spain , Mew. How I wish you did not bother me and Hughie. Because if Hughie didn't break up with me, I wouldn't have broken up with him. And if we could go back to the time you kidnapped me, I would still choose Hughie. You disgust me, Mew. You fucking disgust me."

Every thing is as clear as glass.

"I will return to Spain. Everything about us ends tonight. I will send the annulment papers as soon as possible. And I just hope that you cooperate."

I turned my back on him and left.

I called for a taxi. That conversation drained all of my energy.

"Airport," I said to the driver.

I felt my heart aching again. My chest is overwhelming with different emotions. I feel extreme sadness and pain. But anger dominated me.

I love Mew. I really do. But he is just too much. He doesn't deserve me. He doesn't deserve my love.

I spaced out inside the car, blankly staring outside the tinted window.

I heard my phone ring.

And in that moment, I hoped for it to be Mew. He would call me to say he's sorry and that he realized that he is wrong. I would accept that sorry and forgive him.

But it wasn't him. It was Kuya Dominic.

"Si?" (Yes?)

"Hughie is gone Gulf. He's dead."