103

"Hector," I breathed in a trembling voice and immediately helped him stand up, tears streaming down my cheeks incessantly.

They were warm and soft to the touch, but inside I was being torn apart by a whirlpool of madness that made me no longer believe that real life would end like books.

And even if the happy ending would give you a nice farewell, the way there was paved with destroyed stones. Big cracks on these heavy rocks, created by pain, longing and self-doubt...

"I'm fine," Hektor replied, panting and positioning himself to lean his back against my closet. Unfortunately, I saw him blurry through my tear-filled eyes. But he recognized the blood running out of his nose and the many wounds caused by the beating of a man who had lost control once too many times.

"Come with me," I mumbled, overwhelmed, and before I could take a step toward the bathroom, I felt Hector's hand on my wrist, making me wince slightly and look up at him.

"I know that look on your face," he explained quietly, and although I kept looking into his dark eyes, I felt on my hands how he carefully took the gun from me. "I see him far too often and you have to realize one thing immediately. It wasn't your fault and he chose his death himself."

Hector's eyes wandered over my desperate-looking face, but even if his words sounded so honest, he couldn't take away the feeling that I was torn apart inside.

Fleetingly, just for the briefest of moments, I looked back at the lifeless body of Carlos and even if it was just for a moment, the realization of having taken a life shattered me to the core of my being.

I always hoped I was as strong as the women in my books, but standing here, I realized that I was anything but strong.

My legs were shaking while my eyes wouldn't stop crying and my body also felt heavy, so I just wanted to collapse, but I had to pull myself together.

"I understand what you're trying to tell me, but even true words can't change what I've done," I whispered to Hector, and after he removed his hand from my wrist and also took the gun with the other, I quickly ran to my bathroom and immediately grabbed one of my white towels, crying.

Consumed by the thought that I might never sleep soundly again, I turned on the cold water and absentmindedly held the towel under it.

Looking at my reflection in the mirror, I don't recognize myself. My eyes were bright but also empty and the worry lines on my forehead were shaping my insides out.

And then there was Emilio...

I now knew what kind of person he was, because even if he seemed to be pretending to everyone, he had shown me in no time who he really was and what was behind his strong facade.

A man who would rather shoulder all the burdens of the world than guilt or hurt the people he loved.

And all this chaos, he would also want to take on himself. He would think it was his fault and no good for me when I was the one who was way too weak to tell him the truth from the start. If he had known exactly what Carlos had done to me, this situation might never have arisen...

But I was just like him. I wanted to protect him and not add more burdens to his already complicated life.

So I did the only right thing.

I resolutely turned off the tap, took the towel close to me and quickly wiped my tears from my face with one hand to run back to Hector in the bedroom, who was just on the phone.

I hoped he hadn't reached Emilio yet...

As soon as I stood close behind him, he hung up and gratefully accepted the towel to gently wipe the blood from his face.

"Was that Emilio?" I asked, but he shook his head.

"A cleaner named Hank. He comes over and cleans everything up."

I nodded in relief and then looked at Hector as seriously as I could so that he would understand that it was important to me that he would listen to me.

"Emilio mustn't find out about this," I explained to him and he immediately raised his eyebrows and seemed visibly surprised, but also irritated.

"I won't lie to him, Isalie," he replied, and I finally understood that Hector was a truly loyal person to Emilio. I started to like him, if only because Emilio deserved someone like him.

"I would never expect that, but if he doesn't ask, there's nothing we need to tell. I'm not doing this for me, Hector. I'm not afraid that Emilio will judge me. I'm doing this for him, because I know that he would blame himself for this."

Hector seemed thoughtful, but he nodded after a while, knowing I was right. Emilio had enough to endure and I, I could sort of deal with this on my own, even though I still felt like I was in a dream.

I was basically just waiting to wake up, but I would never wake up from this hell, no matter how much I wanted to.

"I'll drive you to the apartment. Then I'll come back here and arrange everything," Hektor said calmly, and while he was already leaving my apartment to go for a walk with Arco, I disappeared into the bathroom and packed some of my hygiene items my toiletry bag to take the picture of me and my best friend when I got to the office.

She should not be in this apartment, even if only in a photo.

I left my personal hell as quickly as I could and immediately looked up at the sky, where I could see several bright stars that seemed more fascinating to me than ever before.

Maybe someday God would forgive me...

Maybe someday I'd forgive myself...