Feelings 2

I arrived at my in-laws the next day about noon to have a Sunday lunch with them. While we were eating we had our normal conversation. They caught up with me and I with them. They were good people and I have to honestly say that through my entire marriage to Susan had never once treated me as anything other than the son they never had. As I finished my meal at the table, feelings of guilt were taking over. We talked for about another hour, then I began my trip home. It was always good to see Susan's parents. But it was also always sad. We both reminded ourselves of what we had lost when Susan had died.

The week started like any other, trying to bury my head with work to keep my mind off of things. No matter what I tried to think of, I kept coming back to one thing. How long would it take to resolve this situation between Beth and I ?

By the end of the week, I had still not heard from her. Should I call ? No I decided, this time I would wait for her call. After all, she was married and I wasn't. This was far more dangerous for her.

That Saturday I was having the local video store install a new TV on the wall with surround sound. While they were working the phone rang. It was Beth.

"Hi Jeff, how are you."

"I am fine sweetie, how about you ?", I replied.

She told me she was doing ok and that she wanted to see me again and talk. She told me Lance was going to play golf the next day with his buddies as he always did on Sunday morning. He never returned until late that evening and he was usually drunk. We agreed to meet at my house around noon.

The next day came and right at noon, the doorbell rang and there was Beth. She had on a blue jean skirt and a while V-Neck cashmere sweater on. She looked amazing, but then again she always did.

We sat down and made small talk for a while about the past work week. Susan relayed to me that business had been crazier than usual and she was working a lot of hours. I was doing everything I could not to look at her legs not wanting to make her feel uneasy, but all I could think about was the heaven that was just passed those creamy thighs. Finally, she got around to the subject at hand.

"Jeff, I don't know quite how to say this without you taking it the wrong way. And I don't want to make things anything worst than they already are."

"I don't know how to say this without just saying it. I know this is going to sound insane, I know I think it is." she continued.

I felt like the Coyote in the Roadrunner cartoon. The one when he is looking up and the 2000 Lb. Acme weight is about to fall on his head.

Did I want to say something, maybe stop her before she says something I don't want to hear ? Too late.

"Jeff", she said, then she followed with the longest pause of my life.

"I, think I may be falling in love with you .", she stammered.

I was dumbfounded. This is not what I expected. How do you reply to that ? I thought carefully of what to say. Finally after a moment, I responded.

"Beth, I have always loved you, I just never thought of being in love with you."

I looked at her face for any sign that I might have said the right or wrong thing. She looked down at her shoes, biting her lower lip. She looked like perhaps she was sorry that she had told me. She looked up, took a deep breathe and continued.

" I have thought of nothing else but what has happened since that night. I have felt just about every feeling I think could be felt. I was anxious, regretful, excited and guilty all at the same time. I guess I was foolish to think I could replace Susan. I am sorry Jeff, lets just put this behind us and go back to the way things were."

"Beth, no one can ever replace Susan. I would not want you to try. I have felt all the emotions you have described as well. I was afraid that things would never be the same between us. I never imagined that you would feel that strongly about me."

" What do you want to do Jeff ?", Beth asked.

I could see she was struggling emotionally, her eyes began to fill with tears. Her whole body had begin to slump, her shoulders sagging. I had a knot in my throat, I was trying to think of what to say. I said the first thing I could think of.

"What about Lance ?", I asked.

She sat up startled. Her eyes looked deep into mine. Her gaze was riveting.

" Lance has never been much of a husband. But what's more important is, he has never been a lover nor my friend. Lance cares about Lance. Period. I have always just tolerated it. If the biggest concern in your mind is for Lance, I have made a huge mistake."

"No Beth", I quickly replied. " I just didn't know what else to say."

I thought carefully for a moment, then I decided to lay everything on the line.

"Beth, I will be honest. Until those words came from your lips, I never thought of being in love with you. I guess the fact that you're married and all the family problems that would arise, I never considered the possibility of that happening."

"But", I continued, "No matter where this goes, I have to tell you this.

If this goes any farther and I fall in love with you, there is no backing out. I just can not imagine losing two women in my life. So maybe you should think of that and get back to me. If we fall in love, we have to be together. You will have to leave Lance, we will have to deal with our family."

She put her head down and thought for a few moments, then looked up at me.

" I totally agree Jeff." , she said very firmly.