Chapter 47 It hurts too much
·
Rou Bao Bu Chi Rou
six years ago.
The lonely He Mansion.
No laughter, no company.
Although the servants at home prepared cakes for He Yu according to He Jiwei and Lu Zhishu's instructions, He Yu didn't eat them.It was his birthday, his parents were away, and he was in Yanzhou with his younger brother. They said that today they had a very important client to talk about, and they could only see if they had time to catch the plane back after the talk.
He doesn't have too many friends, and most of his classmates are polite and distant. Inviting them to the birthday party is too tense.
On that day, Xie Qingcheng was not in Huzhou either. He had a meeting and was indeed on a business trip as Xie Xue asked in the text message.
Even the sky is not beautiful, it is raining heavily outside, and the wind is blowing howling, He Yu is standing in the living room, the European-style full-bright window at this moment has become a weird and unpredictable ink painting, framing the torrential rain outside .
when - when - when -
The big clock in the villa rings every hour, and every time it hits the time on the clock face accurately.
From afternoon, to dusk, to nightfall.
"Master...don't wait, Mr. He and Mr. Lu said that we won't be coming back today..." The housekeeper couldn't bear it, so he stepped forward cautiously, and put some clothes on He Yu, "Go to bed earlier."
"It doesn't matter, in fact, today is not an official day." He Yu turned around, but still smiled, "Go ahead, I will rest in a while. I will watch the rain later."
The butler sighed lightly and went down.
It really doesn't matter, doesn't it matter?
Not at all, he was just waiting—
He felt that in this world, there should always be someone who could brave the wind and rain to come to him, think of him, miss him, and accompany him in the dark.
He is not such a bad person, so he will not be punished like that, so lonely, right?
He waited.
wait...
"He Yu! He Yu!!"
I don't know how long it has passed, it seems that when the clock is about to strike midnight, he hears someone knocking on the door outside, the girl's weak voice seems very insignificant in the wind and rain, like a hallucination.
He opened his eyes slightly, hurried over and opened the door.
Standing outside was a panting Xie Xue—the only one of the opposite sex who was familiar with him.The only one, a playmate who has been by his side for many years.
Xie Xue was wearing a raincoat, her face and forehead were covered with water, it was cold and there was no temperature at all, but when she looked up at him, she was warm.
She sniffled, smiled, and took off her raincoat, revealing the carefully protected birthday cake underneath.
"Finally caught up, right?"
"……How did you come……"
"I don't want you to spend your birthday alone, it's so pitiful." Xie Xue wiped the water that was still dripping down her hair, "I made you your favorite chocolate-flavored cake, my God, I'm about to be killed Drenched to death, such a heavy rain, what a ghost..."
At that moment, the resentment in He Yu's heart seemed to dissipate, and the vacancy was filled.
He grabbed Xie Xue's cold hand and pulled her in. He felt that his voice was a little hoarse.He said, "I thought, I shouldn't be alone..."
"How is it possible. How can you be alone? You still have me, and I will always be by your side."
"..."
"Happy 13th birthday, He Yu." The girl smiled and became the brightest ray of light in the dark villa.
What happened later, because of the long time, He Yu couldn't remember clearly.
He only remembered that later he went to the refrigerator to look for the unfinished piece of chocolate cake, but it was gone.
Of course, along with the piece of cake, there were still those untouched snacks that the nanny baked for him.
Seeing his gloomy face, the nanny quickly explained without waiting for him to get angry: "Those things are not fresh, and they will ruin your health if you eat them, so they poured them out... If you still want to eat them, we will make them tonight."
But what I will make again will not be the cake that Xie Xueyuye brought.
He Yu said, "It's okay, forget it."
……
He Yu looked at the projection in front of him like falling into an ice cave. He clearly remembered that Xie Xue had been here that day.
That day...was...someone was with him, someone remembered him...
but--
The information on the projection was retrieved and deciphered by He Yu himself, and it is backed up by cloud storage traces. It will never be false.
"Brother, Aunt Li is sick. I'm hanging the water with her. When will you come back from a business trip? The procedures in the hospital are messy, and my head is getting dizzy. If only you were here..."
How could this be?
how so! !
He pulled out the computer, his fingers turned like flying, his expression was almost distorted, and his eyes were approaching madness, as if he wanted to dig up the grave of information, open the coffin and expose the corpse, to find the truth that had been buried for a long time.
He quickly retrieved the information of those days.
Xie Xue's, Xie Qingcheng's, He Jiwei's, Lu Zhishu's.
The truth is like an incorruptible corpse, in the cloud information database, it shows a sneering sneer at him.
fake……
fake……
fake! ! !
Because things have passed for a long time, a large number of chat records can no longer be captured, but the successfully restored information is enough to prove that Xie Xue was on that night, the night when he needed her the most, she—
Never came.
He Yu even saw the message she sent to Xie Qingcheng the next day: "Brother, He Yu asked me if I would go to his house to celebrate his birthday, but Aunt Li was so ill yesterday, I was really busy Dizzy, I forgot to answer him, I'm really sorry, can you apologize for me and him...I dare not explain to him..."
Xie Qingcheng: "You don't need to get so close to him."
……
Search again.
The timeline moves forward bit by bit...
It was even more shocking.
He turned to a certain record.
It was a dialogue between Xie Qingcheng and He Jiwei.
"He Yu seems to have some kind of fantasy when he is helpless. The object of his imagination is your little sister." He Jiwei said, "I recently discovered that some of the things he told me didn't happen at all. , Doctor Xie, this situation..."
"It's normal for him." Xie Qingcheng replied, "I have always known his behavior."
"how so……"
"He Yu lacks a friend who is about his age, but he refuses to open his heart to anyone of his age. His thinking is special and precocious. Most of those people about his age are not I can understand him too well. The long-term isolation has caused him to need an outlet to vent his emotions. At this time, the closest peers to him can easily become his own reflection."
"Your own reflection?"
"Yes, some children with autism or other psychological problems will imagine a friend in the process of growing up. In front of that friend, they can submit their hearts without reservation. That friend may be completely What does not exist, or may partially exist. The significance of them being imagined by patients is to fulfill the strong desire of patients."
Xie Qingcheng explained another one to He Jiwei: "Actually, not only children suffering from mental illness, even normal children will have some unrealistic fantasies when they are alone, such as being excluded in class and having no friends. Sometimes I imagine a friend for myself, thinking that only I can see that friend, and only I can communicate with it, this is a kind of self-protection instinct of children.”
"It's just that people who don't get sick, they can tell that this is their own imagination, hallucination, and not reality. They are very clear that this is a sense of comfort they long for. But for a child like He Yu, it is actually difficult for him to recognize Clear that—especially if he's only partly imagining."
He Jiwei: "Part of the imagination means...?"
"Xie Xue does exist. She is my sister. Among his friends, she is the closest to him. She is really good to him." Xie Qingcheng said, "But my sister, I know , She has always been very enthusiastic in dealing with people. Although He Yu is a very good friend of hers, she has not yet reached the level of a close friend, and there are some things she will not do that way. "
"However, for He Yu, his spirit needs to be supported. Those things that Xie Xue doesn't do, but he hopes she can do, will be completed and imagined by himself. He only has this one friend, and he doesn't want to Disappointed with this friend, his subconscious mind will convince him repeatedly, making him completely believe that those things happened, that Xie Xue really did."
"But this is so mysterious that I can hardly believe—"
"This is not mysterious at all. The human brain is a very complex and precise instrument. If a person's memory is deviated, and it is repeatedly emphasized and repeated, this phenomenon will occur."
"Just like some people sometimes confuse reality with dreams, or the so-called Mandela effect."
"The Mandela Effect?"
"This is not a rigorous academic concept, but it is suitable for explanation. Mr. He can understand it as a mass memory error incident. You can find many cases by searching the Internet. For example... Does Mickey Mouse wear overalls?"
It took He Jiwei a while to reply this time, as if he was confused by Xie Qingcheng suddenly asking such a cute question in such a serious conversation.
"Put it on."
"I didn't wear it. But a large number of people believe that it has been wearing a pair of overalls all the time. This is the Mandela effect. It is an inherent impression produced by a false memory that is continuously deepened by the human brain."
"Mr. He can think that Mickey Mouse is equal to my sister. It does exist, but she doesn't have any overalls at all. And He Yu, relying on his own imagination, completed the two straps that didn't exist, and he was firm. I believe that this is the truest way of things.”
He Jiwei: "...Then, is this paranoia?"
"It can't be defined that way. For He Yu, it's just his self-protection, self-consolation, and self-salvation." After Xie Qing submitted this news, it took a long time for the next one——
"Mr. He, with all due respect, you and Mr. Lu have given him too little company. Even a child with a healthy heart can rarely tolerate such neglect, not to mention that he is a patient himself."
"He can't get love, but he is very strong, maybe he can't be said to be very strong, but he knows that it is useless for him to cry, and it is useless for him to beg. No way can get him the response he needs, so he has already I am used to internal friction and self-defense. The Xie Xue he projected has always been his own reflection. It is his heart that comforts him, and he is telling himself what he wants through Xie Xue's mouth. heard."
"..."
He Yu looked at these dusty messages, and he thought about those desires deep in his heart...
For example, I will always be with you.
For example, what he has been unable to wait for is a face-to-face, happy birthday to you.
Aren't these words all that he deeply hopes that someone will appeal to him?
But he couldn't wait...
Xie Qingcheng's news: "Because no one told him, and he is a person with high self-esteem, it is impossible to say to himself, his brain can only rely on part of his imagination, not only to satisfy his wish, It also maintained his dignity. This is a kind of psychological protection mechanism for oneself, so you don't have to worry too much."
He Jiwei's message: "You already knew this?"
"Probably observed it for a while. I can't tell him about it. It hit him too hard."
Xie Qingcheng said: "But I always keep Xie Xue away from him. Xie Xue is not the one he should be emotionally dependent on. She and I are neither, Mr. He. We will leave sooner or later."
"I'm a doctor, and I'm not He Yu's relative. It's impossible for me to spend my whole life on one medical case, especially for Xie Xue. I can only give him counseling, and I will give him the kind of love he lacks and wants. Not him. Neither is my sister."
"..."
He Yu didn't read the following news, and it was no longer important information.
It was enough for him to know this.
Enough is enough.
Xie Qingcheng has been lying to him, and Xie Xue is also a fake. Of the two of them, one gave him the strongest creed encouragement, making him believe that one day he can return to a normal society, and the other gave him His most gentle companion, she will rush to his side in time every time he is desperate and helpless.
Like that night of pouring rain, she knocked on his door, shouted his name in the wind and rain, took off her raincoat, and took out the piece of chocolate cake he wanted.
It never occurred to him that maybe that piece of cake, that Xie Xue...doesn't exist at all.
And his poor, humble self-comfort, unexpectedly all fell into Xie Qingcheng's eyes, being looked down upon and controlled by that man.
No one ever loved him.
It was he who acted like a fool!He is too stupid, too stupid, too eager to walk into the warmth of the crowd, in order to be a normal person, in order to put away his ugly blue-faced fangs, he created that faint light from his blood-drenched skull.
Xie Qingcheng saw it, but he said——
"It's impossible for me to spend my whole life on one medical case, especially for Xie Xue. I can only give him guidance, but I can't give him the kind of love he lacks and wants. My sister is the same."
But if a person has love himself, why should he lie to himself?
What kind of liar can deceive the world and others, but in the end he deceived himself the most.
Only the poorest and poorest liars do.
He had too little, and shed too many tears, he had to rely on his imagination to even say happy birthday.If he didn't lie to himself, how could he live with a smile like this?
So even in front of himself, he was wearing a smiling mask, which was tightly buttoned and refused to take it off.He even lied to himself.
Xie Qingcheng is right, he has dignity.
He doesn't want to be seen as a sick person, he doesn't want to be seen as a lunatic, he knows the location of Yihe's family, and I don't know how many people are waiting for him to fall down to see his ugliness and see his dead body carnival on his blood For this reason, he became stronger and stronger, and he didn't want to expose his scars to anyone in order to get mercy.
He Yu stood for a long time in the empty living room.
After a long time, it seemed to become a little blurred. His eyes were thin and sharp, and he glanced over the icy tide of information in front of him over and over again. Finally, his sharp eyes seemed to be eroded by the tide, becoming fragmented and in a trance.
He slowly closed his eyes.
A mask, living with flesh and blood, was brutally torn off by Xie Qingcheng at this moment. He raised his hand and touched his face silently.
pain.
It hurts……
The pain made his heart tremble and his whole body trembled.
He seemed to have nothing left in just one night.
Xie Qingcheng's creed was false, Xie Xue's intimacy was false, the comfort he gave himself was false, and in the end even his self-esteem, even the hard shell he used to protect himself, that mask, was torn to pieces .He didn't realize until now that his ridiculous clown-like face had been exposed in front of Xie Qingcheng for so many years.
So what is he holding on to?
Why is he so stupid!Risking his life to accompany that person, maybe just for a word of recognition, to repay the glimmer of hope that Xie Qing gave him before...
He didn't even want his life, just to please a liar, to please a big lie!
He Yu laughed lightly, bowed his body, and leaned against the wall, his laughter became louder and crazier, like a ghost in a tomb who cheated his corpse and revived his soul, and the illness in his heart put on a cloak to swim in the dark night Dragging out, he raised his forehead with his hand, his laughter was approaching madness, like anger or hatred, sadness or madness, tears kept streaming down his face...
It hurts so much.
He saw Xie Qingcheng open his hand to him in front of him, but there was a cold scalpel lying in the center of his palm.
This is the truth.
He saw Xie Xue smiling and handing him chocolates, and in the blink of an eye she just looked at him from a distance.
This is the truth...
He sees again...
He saw him standing in front of the french windows again, it was stormy outside, the antique clock in the old house struck twelve, it was late at night, surrounded by endless darkness.
But no one knocked on the door.
No one ever knocked on the door.
He just waited like that, from dark to dawn, the wind and rain stopped, and the long night ended, but he couldn't wait for a sincere happy birthday.
This is the truth.
He saw him lying on the restraint bed again, with needles pierced and his mouth and nose covered. He was struggling and crying like a dying beast, but he couldn't call anyone's name.
He is an island.
There is no bridge.
This is the fucking truth!the truth! ! !
A child who can't get love, in order to fight against the illness deep in his heart, in order to live hard, he lied to the sky and the earth, and lied to himself for many years...
this moment.
He Yu was leaning against the wall, the bandage on his shoulder had been torn off by him in retaliation, he let his wound burst open and blood flowed, only the blood can make him feel happy and feel that he is really alive!He has a skin, the blood that flows out is always warm, he is a living person, he is alive...he is alive...
He was tugging at his hair, his knuckles were turning white, and his veins were protruding. He was like a blinded dragon with its claws cut off. He lost the treasure he treated tenderly and the cave he hid in. He was forced to expose himself to the world. Under the blue sky and broad daylight, every ugly scar on the body can be inspected and ridiculed at will.
Dream, finally woke up.
He struggled for nearly 20 years, and he was still a madman.
No one has ever loved him, no one has ever cared about him.
He had nothing but a botched lie.
He never got anything.
The lonely He Mansion.
No laughter, no company.
Although the servants at home prepared cakes for He Yu according to He Jiwei and Lu Zhishu's instructions, He Yu didn't eat them.It was his birthday, his parents were away, and he was in Yanzhou with his younger brother. They said that today they had a very important client to talk about, and they could only see if they had time to catch the plane back after the talk.
He doesn't have too many friends, and most of his classmates are polite and distant. Inviting them to the birthday party is too tense.
On that day, Xie Qingcheng was not in Huzhou either. He had a meeting and was indeed on a business trip as Xie Xue asked in the text message.
Even the sky is not beautiful, it is raining heavily outside, and the wind is blowing howling, He Yu is standing in the living room, the European-style full-bright window at this moment has become a weird and unpredictable ink painting, framing the torrential rain outside .
when - when - when -
The big clock in the villa rings every hour, and every time it hits the time on the clock face accurately.
From afternoon, to dusk, to nightfall.
"Master...don't wait, Mr. He and Mr. Lu said that we won't be coming back today..." The housekeeper couldn't bear it, so he stepped forward cautiously, and put some clothes on He Yu, "Go to bed earlier."
"It doesn't matter, in fact, today is not an official day." He Yu turned around, but still smiled, "Go ahead, I will rest in a while. I will watch the rain later."
The butler sighed lightly and went down.
It really doesn't matter, doesn't it matter?
Not at all, he was just waiting—
He felt that in this world, there should always be someone who could brave the wind and rain to come to him, think of him, miss him, and accompany him in the dark.
He is not such a bad person, so he will not be punished like that, so lonely, right?
He waited.
wait...
"He Yu! He Yu!!"
I don't know how long it has passed, it seems that when the clock is about to strike midnight, he hears someone knocking on the door outside, the girl's weak voice seems very insignificant in the wind and rain, like a hallucination.
He opened his eyes slightly, hurried over and opened the door.
Standing outside was a panting Xie Xue—the only one of the opposite sex who was familiar with him.The only one, a playmate who has been by his side for many years.
Xie Xue was wearing a raincoat, her face and forehead were covered with water, it was cold and there was no temperature at all, but when she looked up at him, she was warm.
She sniffled, smiled, and took off her raincoat, revealing the carefully protected birthday cake underneath.
"Finally caught up, right?"
"……How did you come……"
"I don't want you to spend your birthday alone, it's so pitiful." Xie Xue wiped the water that was still dripping down her hair, "I made you your favorite chocolate-flavored cake, my God, I'm about to be killed Drenched to death, such a heavy rain, what a ghost..."
At that moment, the resentment in He Yu's heart seemed to dissipate, and the vacancy was filled.
He grabbed Xie Xue's cold hand and pulled her in. He felt that his voice was a little hoarse.He said, "I thought, I shouldn't be alone..."
"How is it possible. How can you be alone? You still have me, and I will always be by your side."
"..."
"Happy 13th birthday, He Yu." The girl smiled and became the brightest ray of light in the dark villa.
What happened later, because of the long time, He Yu couldn't remember clearly.
He only remembered that later he went to the refrigerator to look for the unfinished piece of chocolate cake, but it was gone.
Of course, along with the piece of cake, there were still those untouched snacks that the nanny baked for him.
Seeing his gloomy face, the nanny quickly explained without waiting for him to get angry: "Those things are not fresh, and they will ruin your health if you eat them, so they poured them out... If you still want to eat them, we will make them tonight."
But what I will make again will not be the cake that Xie Xueyuye brought.
He Yu said, "It's okay, forget it."
……
He Yu looked at the projection in front of him like falling into an ice cave. He clearly remembered that Xie Xue had been here that day.
That day...was...someone was with him, someone remembered him...
but--
The information on the projection was retrieved and deciphered by He Yu himself, and it is backed up by cloud storage traces. It will never be false.
"Brother, Aunt Li is sick. I'm hanging the water with her. When will you come back from a business trip? The procedures in the hospital are messy, and my head is getting dizzy. If only you were here..."
How could this be?
how so! !
He pulled out the computer, his fingers turned like flying, his expression was almost distorted, and his eyes were approaching madness, as if he wanted to dig up the grave of information, open the coffin and expose the corpse, to find the truth that had been buried for a long time.
He quickly retrieved the information of those days.
Xie Xue's, Xie Qingcheng's, He Jiwei's, Lu Zhishu's.
The truth is like an incorruptible corpse, in the cloud information database, it shows a sneering sneer at him.
fake……
fake……
fake! ! !
Because things have passed for a long time, a large number of chat records can no longer be captured, but the successfully restored information is enough to prove that Xie Xue was on that night, the night when he needed her the most, she—
Never came.
He Yu even saw the message she sent to Xie Qingcheng the next day: "Brother, He Yu asked me if I would go to his house to celebrate his birthday, but Aunt Li was so ill yesterday, I was really busy Dizzy, I forgot to answer him, I'm really sorry, can you apologize for me and him...I dare not explain to him..."
Xie Qingcheng: "You don't need to get so close to him."
……
Search again.
The timeline moves forward bit by bit...
It was even more shocking.
He turned to a certain record.
It was a dialogue between Xie Qingcheng and He Jiwei.
"He Yu seems to have some kind of fantasy when he is helpless. The object of his imagination is your little sister." He Jiwei said, "I recently discovered that some of the things he told me didn't happen at all. , Doctor Xie, this situation..."
"It's normal for him." Xie Qingcheng replied, "I have always known his behavior."
"how so……"
"He Yu lacks a friend who is about his age, but he refuses to open his heart to anyone of his age. His thinking is special and precocious. Most of those people about his age are not I can understand him too well. The long-term isolation has caused him to need an outlet to vent his emotions. At this time, the closest peers to him can easily become his own reflection."
"Your own reflection?"
"Yes, some children with autism or other psychological problems will imagine a friend in the process of growing up. In front of that friend, they can submit their hearts without reservation. That friend may be completely What does not exist, or may partially exist. The significance of them being imagined by patients is to fulfill the strong desire of patients."
Xie Qingcheng explained another one to He Jiwei: "Actually, not only children suffering from mental illness, even normal children will have some unrealistic fantasies when they are alone, such as being excluded in class and having no friends. Sometimes I imagine a friend for myself, thinking that only I can see that friend, and only I can communicate with it, this is a kind of self-protection instinct of children.”
"It's just that people who don't get sick, they can tell that this is their own imagination, hallucination, and not reality. They are very clear that this is a sense of comfort they long for. But for a child like He Yu, it is actually difficult for him to recognize Clear that—especially if he's only partly imagining."
He Jiwei: "Part of the imagination means...?"
"Xie Xue does exist. She is my sister. Among his friends, she is the closest to him. She is really good to him." Xie Qingcheng said, "But my sister, I know , She has always been very enthusiastic in dealing with people. Although He Yu is a very good friend of hers, she has not yet reached the level of a close friend, and there are some things she will not do that way. "
"However, for He Yu, his spirit needs to be supported. Those things that Xie Xue doesn't do, but he hopes she can do, will be completed and imagined by himself. He only has this one friend, and he doesn't want to Disappointed with this friend, his subconscious mind will convince him repeatedly, making him completely believe that those things happened, that Xie Xue really did."
"But this is so mysterious that I can hardly believe—"
"This is not mysterious at all. The human brain is a very complex and precise instrument. If a person's memory is deviated, and it is repeatedly emphasized and repeated, this phenomenon will occur."
"Just like some people sometimes confuse reality with dreams, or the so-called Mandela effect."
"The Mandela Effect?"
"This is not a rigorous academic concept, but it is suitable for explanation. Mr. He can understand it as a mass memory error incident. You can find many cases by searching the Internet. For example... Does Mickey Mouse wear overalls?"
It took He Jiwei a while to reply this time, as if he was confused by Xie Qingcheng suddenly asking such a cute question in such a serious conversation.
"Put it on."
"I didn't wear it. But a large number of people believe that it has been wearing a pair of overalls all the time. This is the Mandela effect. It is an inherent impression produced by a false memory that is continuously deepened by the human brain."
"Mr. He can think that Mickey Mouse is equal to my sister. It does exist, but she doesn't have any overalls at all. And He Yu, relying on his own imagination, completed the two straps that didn't exist, and he was firm. I believe that this is the truest way of things.”
He Jiwei: "...Then, is this paranoia?"
"It can't be defined that way. For He Yu, it's just his self-protection, self-consolation, and self-salvation." After Xie Qing submitted this news, it took a long time for the next one——
"Mr. He, with all due respect, you and Mr. Lu have given him too little company. Even a child with a healthy heart can rarely tolerate such neglect, not to mention that he is a patient himself."
"He can't get love, but he is very strong, maybe he can't be said to be very strong, but he knows that it is useless for him to cry, and it is useless for him to beg. No way can get him the response he needs, so he has already I am used to internal friction and self-defense. The Xie Xue he projected has always been his own reflection. It is his heart that comforts him, and he is telling himself what he wants through Xie Xue's mouth. heard."
"..."
He Yu looked at these dusty messages, and he thought about those desires deep in his heart...
For example, I will always be with you.
For example, what he has been unable to wait for is a face-to-face, happy birthday to you.
Aren't these words all that he deeply hopes that someone will appeal to him?
But he couldn't wait...
Xie Qingcheng's news: "Because no one told him, and he is a person with high self-esteem, it is impossible to say to himself, his brain can only rely on part of his imagination, not only to satisfy his wish, It also maintained his dignity. This is a kind of psychological protection mechanism for oneself, so you don't have to worry too much."
He Jiwei's message: "You already knew this?"
"Probably observed it for a while. I can't tell him about it. It hit him too hard."
Xie Qingcheng said: "But I always keep Xie Xue away from him. Xie Xue is not the one he should be emotionally dependent on. She and I are neither, Mr. He. We will leave sooner or later."
"I'm a doctor, and I'm not He Yu's relative. It's impossible for me to spend my whole life on one medical case, especially for Xie Xue. I can only give him counseling, and I will give him the kind of love he lacks and wants. Not him. Neither is my sister."
"..."
He Yu didn't read the following news, and it was no longer important information.
It was enough for him to know this.
Enough is enough.
Xie Qingcheng has been lying to him, and Xie Xue is also a fake. Of the two of them, one gave him the strongest creed encouragement, making him believe that one day he can return to a normal society, and the other gave him His most gentle companion, she will rush to his side in time every time he is desperate and helpless.
Like that night of pouring rain, she knocked on his door, shouted his name in the wind and rain, took off her raincoat, and took out the piece of chocolate cake he wanted.
It never occurred to him that maybe that piece of cake, that Xie Xue...doesn't exist at all.
And his poor, humble self-comfort, unexpectedly all fell into Xie Qingcheng's eyes, being looked down upon and controlled by that man.
No one ever loved him.
It was he who acted like a fool!He is too stupid, too stupid, too eager to walk into the warmth of the crowd, in order to be a normal person, in order to put away his ugly blue-faced fangs, he created that faint light from his blood-drenched skull.
Xie Qingcheng saw it, but he said——
"It's impossible for me to spend my whole life on one medical case, especially for Xie Xue. I can only give him guidance, but I can't give him the kind of love he lacks and wants. My sister is the same."
But if a person has love himself, why should he lie to himself?
What kind of liar can deceive the world and others, but in the end he deceived himself the most.
Only the poorest and poorest liars do.
He had too little, and shed too many tears, he had to rely on his imagination to even say happy birthday.If he didn't lie to himself, how could he live with a smile like this?
So even in front of himself, he was wearing a smiling mask, which was tightly buttoned and refused to take it off.He even lied to himself.
Xie Qingcheng is right, he has dignity.
He doesn't want to be seen as a sick person, he doesn't want to be seen as a lunatic, he knows the location of Yihe's family, and I don't know how many people are waiting for him to fall down to see his ugliness and see his dead body carnival on his blood For this reason, he became stronger and stronger, and he didn't want to expose his scars to anyone in order to get mercy.
He Yu stood for a long time in the empty living room.
After a long time, it seemed to become a little blurred. His eyes were thin and sharp, and he glanced over the icy tide of information in front of him over and over again. Finally, his sharp eyes seemed to be eroded by the tide, becoming fragmented and in a trance.
He slowly closed his eyes.
A mask, living with flesh and blood, was brutally torn off by Xie Qingcheng at this moment. He raised his hand and touched his face silently.
pain.
It hurts……
The pain made his heart tremble and his whole body trembled.
He seemed to have nothing left in just one night.
Xie Qingcheng's creed was false, Xie Xue's intimacy was false, the comfort he gave himself was false, and in the end even his self-esteem, even the hard shell he used to protect himself, that mask, was torn to pieces .He didn't realize until now that his ridiculous clown-like face had been exposed in front of Xie Qingcheng for so many years.
So what is he holding on to?
Why is he so stupid!Risking his life to accompany that person, maybe just for a word of recognition, to repay the glimmer of hope that Xie Qing gave him before...
He didn't even want his life, just to please a liar, to please a big lie!
He Yu laughed lightly, bowed his body, and leaned against the wall, his laughter became louder and crazier, like a ghost in a tomb who cheated his corpse and revived his soul, and the illness in his heart put on a cloak to swim in the dark night Dragging out, he raised his forehead with his hand, his laughter was approaching madness, like anger or hatred, sadness or madness, tears kept streaming down his face...
It hurts so much.
He saw Xie Qingcheng open his hand to him in front of him, but there was a cold scalpel lying in the center of his palm.
This is the truth.
He saw Xie Xue smiling and handing him chocolates, and in the blink of an eye she just looked at him from a distance.
This is the truth...
He sees again...
He saw him standing in front of the french windows again, it was stormy outside, the antique clock in the old house struck twelve, it was late at night, surrounded by endless darkness.
But no one knocked on the door.
No one ever knocked on the door.
He just waited like that, from dark to dawn, the wind and rain stopped, and the long night ended, but he couldn't wait for a sincere happy birthday.
This is the truth.
He saw him lying on the restraint bed again, with needles pierced and his mouth and nose covered. He was struggling and crying like a dying beast, but he couldn't call anyone's name.
He is an island.
There is no bridge.
This is the fucking truth!the truth! ! !
A child who can't get love, in order to fight against the illness deep in his heart, in order to live hard, he lied to the sky and the earth, and lied to himself for many years...
this moment.
He Yu was leaning against the wall, the bandage on his shoulder had been torn off by him in retaliation, he let his wound burst open and blood flowed, only the blood can make him feel happy and feel that he is really alive!He has a skin, the blood that flows out is always warm, he is a living person, he is alive...he is alive...
He was tugging at his hair, his knuckles were turning white, and his veins were protruding. He was like a blinded dragon with its claws cut off. He lost the treasure he treated tenderly and the cave he hid in. He was forced to expose himself to the world. Under the blue sky and broad daylight, every ugly scar on the body can be inspected and ridiculed at will.
Dream, finally woke up.
He struggled for nearly 20 years, and he was still a madman.
No one has ever loved him, no one has ever cared about him.
He had nothing but a botched lie.
He never got anything.
