43. Sinful Book 1

I couldn't concentrate on my drive back to Antonio's house, I kept thinking of my meeting with Noah; I was just mad because I was tired and I didn't want to accept what he said about me being a dog. He was wrong for saying it, but I was more wrong for being rude to him.

Over the past few weeks, I've been stuck making bad decisions, acting out of place and basically doing things I wouldn't normally do. Everything that has happened was just too overwhelming for me, it's like a version of me that is horrible and I never thought existed came into play and took over my life.

As much as I wanted to blame everyone for my bad decisions, I knew it was all on me, I did the things and I regret it, I feel deeply sorry about doing them.

When I got to the house, I didn't have it in me to go in, I felt so ashamed of myself; I hate that it took lack of sleep to finally knock some sense into me.

I turned off the car but I didn't move an inch; I took a deep breath and picked up my phone to call my father.

My father was honestly my best friend, and his words of encouragement always get to me, makes me feel like I'm a whole new person.

"Ah, this one you called me today," my father teased when he picked up the call.

"I miss you so much," I cried. I was highly emotional and hearing his voice just seemed to let the waterfall flow.

"Are you crying? Who beat you? I may be old but I can still function oh," my dad joked and I laughed.

"Adesewa! Why are you crying?" He asked me, his voice sounded so solemn, it meant he was down for business.

"I don't know why, but I've been stuck making bad decisions and I can't help it. I took your advice to talk to people and have friends, but I don't think I know how to relate with people without making a fool of myself, or making a bad decision" I cried.

"That's not something you should beat yourself over. Everyone makes bad decisions, but your ability to own up to your mistakes is what makes you different, different from everyone" he said.

"You're a grown, successful woman, you're too old to be crying over something that you did, just apologize" he went on.

"Just do what's right from here on out, think about your actions before you do them, you'll be fine" he added and I nodded my head, forgetting he couldn't see me.

"Now stop crying, people think I didn't raise a strong woman, my integrity is on the line oh Aunty," my father joked and I laughed.

" I love you," I said and hung up.

My father was right, thinking about my actions before doing them would sure help me a better decision maker in the future.

I took a deep breath and wiped the tears off my face; my father raised a strong woman.

I grabbed my belongings and got out of the car, only to see Antonio leaning against the wall close to the entrance. Why was he there? I didn't want him to see me in the state I was in.

"I thought you'd never come out of the car, I was about to order a bed" he joked and I smiled.

"Come here" he ordered, I walked to him without thinking, just after talking about how I was going to think of my actions before I did them. I guess it was going to be hard, matters concerning the heart are always hard to face.

Antonio pulled me to him and gave me a tight hug, caging me completely against his hard body.

"I'm sorry" I cried, burying my face in his chest.

I always put up a strong front because I didn't want people to walk over me; I had to always act like I was tough, especially when I knew I wasn't, but at that point, I figured it was time to drop the act and let out my vulnerability, it wasn't a weakness, it just showed how much of a human I am.

"I just w-"

"Shhh, I don't want to hear it" Antonio cut me short. I didn't say anything after that, I just let him hold me tight.

"You look like you got hit by a tsunami and a pandemic" Antonio joked after a while. I had to peel myself away from him.

"I'm extra tried" I smiled and made my way inside with Antonio tailing me.

"Did something happen with Noah?" Antonio asked me. I'm sure he felt going, knowing that my mood wasn't caused by him.

"Not really, but yes; I just had to let something out" I told him.

"I don't think he wants to have anything to do with me again" I smiled painfully.

As I looked at Antonio's face contour into pity, pity for me, I contemplated telling him how I felt about him, but that would make me look like a serious hypocrite, and I didn't want that, so I looked away from him.

"Don't look at me that way, I'm not a stray dog" I told him.

"Well, I didn't like him close to you anyway" Antonio snorted and I smiled.

Being cool and calm with Antonio felt good, it always did, it was one of the few good things I had experienced.

"What do you want for dinner?" He asked me.

"I don't know anything," I smiled at him. I turned to make my way to my room but Antonio's hand stopped me.

I turned to him, looking from him to his hand on my arm.

"Where are you going?" He asked, he looked scared for a split second.

"To my appointed room" I told him.

"I'm afraid if I leave you on your own, you'll cry again" he said, I couldn't tell if this was joking or being serious; he had an almost emotionless face.

"I'm fine, and I promise I'm not going to cry, I'm too tired to cry anyway," I told him. He had a look on his face that said he didn't trust one word I just said, but he nodded and released me from his hold.

"You keep confusing me sir" I smiled at him and made my way to my room.