Guilty Pleasure I
I don’t know how long I’ve been sitting there without any movement. My mind is in chaos. I’m alone now but my eyes can still see Aciel’s eyes that’s full of hurt asking me questions a while ago.
Where did he go wrong? I don’t know. The only thing I know is that I’m the one who’s feeling wrong here. Even though he’s not here, I feel like I should leave because of too much embarrassment and guilt.
I palmed my face after a long time. I look at the table that’s served with untouched food. The whole place that’s filled with roses and candles. I felt the guilt dripping in me. He could have done this with the right person, not to me.
Out of energy, I came to my room and laid down with no emotion. You know that feeling in your life when you’re stuck between choosing good and bad. As much as I wanted to run away, I couldn’t possibly do that. From what happened a while ago, for sure he’s burning mad now and has told his men to tighten my security. Or who knows? Maybe he had even told them to kill me if that going gets tough.
I watch the city light from my bed. He went out. Where did he possibly go? And is he still gonna go home? And when?
I sighed heavily. “You did the right thing, Alia.” I whispered continuously, convincing myself.
He’s mad and I understand him. But that’s the right thing to do and he wouldn’t get that. He wouldn’t understand me unless he knew my side. I chose him. I chose the man who held me as a captive rather than the man who offered me freedom.
Yes, I’m dying for it. I’m dying for that freedom that I longed for my whole life. But I don’t want to fool myself anymore. I’d rather feel guilty with this reason rather than feel guilty because I betrayed him. If I want freedom, I would rather have it my way than involve people I barely knew.
For the longest period of time, I convince myself that I shouldn’t overthink. That I did the right thing and he’ll eventually get over it. I don’t have plans explaining myself to him since he mentioned that he knew I was making plans all along.
I chuckled inside my mind. Instead of fooling him, I’m the one who got fooled. Big time.
To brush off all the thoughts that’s in my mind, I took a warm bath. But it isn’t effective. After all my rituals, I sat in front of the glass wall to see and watch the city. But with all the lights that’s gleaming, all I can see is Aciel’s eyes.
”Ugh! No.” I shook my head.
I know he had confessed to me already. But that couldn’t be real right. He’s just probably infatuated or something. Or he’s playing with me to get under my pants. But if that ain’t real, how did he manage to act that well a while ago? He’s too good that his words cut me deep, like his life depends on my answer.
”Where did I go wrong?” I whispered to myself, echoing his words.
Another set of hours had passed when I had a nap on the single couch. I didn’t notice that I had slept. I woke up like I just had a nightmare. I look at the screen of my phone. It’s eleven in the evening already.
I went out of the room to check if he's home. From my door, I went straight to his door and checked. I knocked thrice but no one answered. I opened it only to realize that he’s not there.
I walked to the living area. And saw that the candles are still well lit. I sighed. He’s still not here. Because I couldn’t do anything, I just decided to fix things from a while ago. With a heavy heart I blew every single candle that I saw.
It took me a while to finish it all. After that, I sat on the couch to wait for him. It’s now midnight, still no sign of him. Maybe he’s on his way home now right? I laid there with that hope.
But I was wrong. I had another nap and woke up not having him around. I look at my phone and it’s almost two in the morning already. I cursed myself. This time, I couldn't hold anything longer.
I dialed Sibal’s number immediately with a slight guilt because he might be sleeping somewhere or whatsoever.
”Ms. Hampton,”
”Sibal,” the panic in my tone is audible. “I just wanna ask if… you have any idea where Sibal is. He’s not yet home.”
It feels like a deja vu. Me, looking for him but this time it’s different.
Long silence reigned on our line before he answered.
”I’ll get back to you ma’am. I’ll call Ros for that. “
”Yes please.”
He put the call on hold and after a few minutes he went back. I sat straight feeling attentive.
”Ros is on your door ma’am.”
”Alright.” I dropped the call.
But when I reached the door to open it, that’s when my realization hit me. He’s not with Aciel?
”Ros,” I called when he appeared in front of me.
”You need something ma’am?”
”What are you doing here?” I asked slightly annoyed. “You’re supposed to be with Aciel.”
He pursed his lips. “He told me to supervise here on his floor. While Sibal is in the parking lot.”
My shoulder dropped, losing all the hope in me. He was about to say something but I turned my back to him. I went straight to the living room again, fidgeting. He’s not yet home. He left with no bodyguard around him.
Where is he?
I bit my nails while walking back and fort. This is my last resort.
Without having any thought I dialed his number. I was sweating the whole time I’m hearing the ringing of the line. But no one answered. I tried doing it again… and again… and again. And finally, after seven calls, someone answered.
”Aciel,” I called in a low tone.
”Fuck! Stay fucking still you asshole!”
My brows furrowed. This is not him. I glanced into the screen and tried to hear the voice from the other line again. I dialed the right number, but who is this?
”Hello?”
”Oh fuck- Call the guards! Heck!”
The other line is so noisy but the voice of that man was the loudest, who seems to be the one who’s holding the phone. It didn’t help me, I became more nervous not knowing what’s happening and who I’m talking to.
”Hello? Where’s Aciel?” I said with a shaky tone.
”Wait miss. Who the fuck- Baby? Who’s baby is this? I mean... Can you tell me your name? Your number is registered as ‘baby’ here.”
My eyes couldn’t focus with so many words I had to process.
”I-I’m Alia.”
”Alia? Alia in Long Beach? Stay the fuck- Go and get him!”
I shut my eyes and sat down because I feel like my legs are gonna give up. Something is wrong. I can feel it.
”Yes. Please tell me what’s happening. And where is Aciel.”
”He’s here. He’s… currently knocked out.”
”Knocked out?” My tone rose.
”Yes. He’s hella drunk and throwing a fit with whoever man he wants to. I don’t know what that fuck is wrong with this ape but he’s not usually like this.”
I sighed and palmed my nape.
”He called us just this evening for a night out. The day before he told us that he had no plans of going out today, which is his birthday.”
I stopped. “B-birthday?”
”Yes. We were tryna throw a party for him but he told us he had something to do but here he is, acting like a complete mad gorilla. Punching every man that caught his interest.”
My mouth dropped. My hands went into my mouth contemplating it all. It’s his birthday today? Or yesterday? Now? Oh my…
”By the way, I’m Hugh. You know me. This man here needs to go home before he could even kill someone here.”
My mind went busy. “I-I think… Can I come? Where is he now?”
The line went a bit noisy again and then the noise faded after seconds.
”Yeah. We’re here near the Neon. Lounge. Just in front of it.”
I couldn’t wait for more. I just got my cardigan and plead Sibal and Ros to take me to the place where he is now.
