CEO of my Heart
My brain stuttered hearing the name he mentioned. That literal moment in your life, where you are stuck between understanding and denial. Like, ‘this wasn’t it.’ ‘This was not supposed to be it.’ But this is my reality.
Amelia Hampton. My mother, who’s also the woman who took care of him, right? The woman who I longed for my whole life, took care of someone who’s not his blood. And now, I’m starting to question my existence here in his life.
A forced smile appeared on my lips as the tears continued to shed. Without any sob, without any whimper - just plain pain.
”Mother. You mean my mother.”
Extreme hints of defeat and anxiousness appeared in his face.
”There! That question must be worth a million dollars, huh?” I spat bitterly.
”Baby-”
”I don’t want to hear your bullshits!” I shouted when he tried to step into my direction.
My shaking finger pointed at him, full of contempt and anger. “Y-you… you knew all of these from the very first start. You played me so well, Aciel. You played me so well!”
”Fuck it! Hear me once and I swear!”
”Swear what?” I cried and stood up. I gripped the photo so hard that it crumpled. “I don’t need swearing, Aciel! I need the truth! I need the fucking truth!”
His jaw gritted so bad. He looked at me so darkly and his chest went up and down with so much controlled emotion inside him.
It pained me so bad. Just when I realized that I’ve fallen for him, that’s when I knew all of this.
I shook my head slowly, “You lied to me.” I said more to myself and not to him.
”Lie what?” he uttered confusedly.
I couldn’t answer. My eyes are just so miserable while looking at him. Lost all the hope.
”I loved you.” I said. “I loved you.” I chuckled. Tears went flowing again as my chin started to shake. “I trusted you!” I burst.
He came to me and grabbed me whole. It was my adrenaline to push and punch him as much as I could. I feel so betrayed. I feel lost. It was as if I’m in the middle of climbing and suddenly falling when I was about to reach the peak.
”You betrayed me!”
”No!”
”I hate you! I fucking hate you!”
I kept on punching him but I was just fooling myself. He’s too strong. He’s too strong for me. He jailed my arms and when he secured it, he hugged me so tight that I could barely breathe.
I felt so done. Not hurt. Not disappointed. Just done.
Soon that act of violence halted because he’s completely towering over me. I couldn’t do anything anymore. My face is on his chest, and his head buried into the space of my shoulder and neck.
”What did I even do to deserve this?”I uttered silently.
All I feel for myself is pity.
”All I want is to feel loved. Why am I getting all of this in my life?”
”No. I loved you, baby. I love you so badly.”
“Then why?” I sniffed. “W-why?”
”Fucking shit. And I’m saying that I’m gonna kill whoever will make you cry, and here I am.”
I closed my eyes. Tired and so alone.
”Amelia - your mom, is the woman who helped me when my parents died. Remember? In the lighthouse? When I jumped, she saved me.” He started, while palming my back, lightly caressing it.
”It was the end for me. But it was the beginning as well. With her, I experienced the kind of love that my parents didn’t give me when they were still alive. They were too busy, with the business trying to make a living. Your mom was the person who nurtured me, the kind of nurturing I’m longing for.”
I bit my lip so that no sob would escape.
”She believed in me. She became my inner voice. I rose up, she watched me. I succeeded, she watched me. She gave me everything she could but I couldn’t even give the only thing she wanted.”
I dug a heavy hole inside me for the room of readiness.
”Happiness.”
I grabbed his shirt as if I’m holding on for more strength. I don’t know if I can still hear all this.
”I gave her anything she needs. But all of it ain’t enough because the only reason that will make her happy is still nowhere to be found.
”She had cancer. She waited, and waited. I did all I could. But I guess she became tired.”
”N-no…” I shook my head trying to deny all that I’m hearing and trying to stop him as well.
“And it hurts me to know that I wasn’t able to give her the only wish she asked for me to fulfill. You.”
My mouth hung open but no sobs escaped. You know that kind of cry that’s coming inside you? Where no sounds come out because of how painful it is that you’re feeling?
”I’ve been looking for you all my l-life. Hearing her stories about you, watching her eyes gleamed with so much admiration. And feeling her love for you. I longed for that. I thought, if I could give you to her, I could finally pay what I’m indebted to.”
I cried so hard. My legs turned jelly, if he’s not holding me. I’ll fall into the floor like a limp dead body.
”I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” he kept on whispering as he guided me. “I’m sorry I found you late. I’m sorry.”
”M-mom,” I cried, calling her name.
I held my chest because it’s hurting so bad. It’s hurting like hell.
And just when I thought I was fooling the CEO. Turned out I’m fooling the CEO of my heart.
“I looked for you. Everywhere. I promise.”
I calmed down a bit. He brought me back to the bed again and he kept on explaining on bended knees in front of me. I didn’t speak. I tried to control my emotions and to process everything.
”I almost gave up, Alia. I almost lose hope because looking for someone I didn’t know was not that easy. And your mom only remembers your name and slightest things about you.”
He’s right. I don't remember things that much. All I know is her name and if this photo is not with me, I wouldn’t have remembered her face at all.
”But I can’t bear to stop looking for you thinking that you are everything she wanted. She helped me be the person I am today, she helped me when I thought it’s the end for me too. And here you are.”
