Heaven to me
“I looked for you. Everywhere. I promise.”
I calmed down a bit. He brought me back to the bed again and he kept on explaining on bended knees in front of me. I didn’t speak. I tried to control my emotions and to process everything.
”I almost gave up, Alia. I almost lose hope because looking for someone I didn’t know was not that easy. And your mom only remembers your name and slightest things about you.”
He’s right. I don't remember things that much. All I know is her name and if this photo is not with me, I wouldn’t have remembered her face at all.
”But I can’t bear to stop looking for you thinking that you are everything she wanted. She helped me be the person I am today, she helped me when I thought it’s the end for me too. And here you are.”
Cloud of tears started to appear in my eyes again.He didn’t do anything wrong. But why do I feel like I’ve been betrayed? Like as if I’ve been victimized. He could have said it to me at the very first time.
”Then why didn’t you tell me?” I asked.
HE sighed looking at my eyes embedded with light anger.
”I wanted to. Trust me. But it’s easier said than done.”
He tried to tuck my hair behind my ears but I avoided his gesture. He sighed heavily.
”I admit. The first time I saw you, I didn’t like you. “ he shook his head lightly. “No, maybe I was just resentful, because aside from I have to go through a lot of a hustle just to look for you, I can’t help but to admit as well that I wish Amelia could have just forgotten about you. Envious, because even at her last breath, you are the only one she thought of.”
My lips parted because of that unexpected confession.
”At the end of the day I was still alone. Nobody could make me feel whole. I was this mad kid who always thought that no one would want me still.” he chuckled and bowed his head.
My heart slightly pained hearing him and looking at his expression.
”I’m not gonna wash my hands here. I know you know by now that I knew your whereabouts the very first time you were here. You want me gone. You want out. You wanted to escape.” He looked me straight in the eye, “I know your calls. I know your friends, I know your plans.”
I already know that. But why does it feel so shameful now that he’s saying it straight into my face?
”Then why didn’t you stopped m-me?” my voice cracked.
He didn’t answer and his eyes darkened. He clenched his jaw continuously before he even uttered some words.
”Because more than anything. Your trust is heaven to me.”
I pinched my hands because I felt them shaking. Looking at his eyes, it’s like I’m a burning ember that’s slowly turning into ashes.
”You told me you hate me.”
”First time, Alia.”
”Then when did you stop hating me?”
”I don’t hate you.”
I sighed heavily. Ha maybe saw how frustrated I look.
His thumb brushed my lips lightly as he looked at me adoringly.
”Remember when I had a meeting with that guy on the second day of your stay here?”
My forehead furrowed. Of course I remember that man.
”He’s in jail now.”
My eyes widened in fraction. I suddenly remembered the papers Lulu had shown me before. The list of the men that went into jail with the same verdicts.
”That’s the day I realized that you need protecting.” he said seriously. “ I have to lock you up in here because my mind wouldn’t rest thinking that the men who abused you were still out there.”
My shoulders weakened. All I thought…
”I too didn’t know what to do with you. I have to pretend that I’m one of those rascals. So I apologize for not telling it to you so soon. It’s never easy.”
”But you wouldn’t allow me to go out even if those men are held captives already.”
He clenched his jaw and avoided my gaze. “You must go to your room.”
My head spun in all the conclusions. “Father,” I whispered. “It’s because of my father.”
His eyes bore into me. I can’t read his emotions. But one thing’s for sure, he’s full of anger and resentment.
”He’s still out there.” I stated.
”How did you know?”
I blinked my eyes fast. There’s this short moment in my life where I battled either to tell him that I think I saw my father days ago, or not.
”B-because he’s still not in jail.”
His eyes lingered to me a bit before his features softened. I thank the goddess inside my head. Let’s do all the thinking later.
”But… if you want him behind bars then why did you give him millions? It just made your life difficult.”
He smirked. He sat beside me and brought my legs to the top of his legs. He made sure that no space would hinder his way. His nose touched my cheeks and I felt the warmth of his breath.
”I know he’s your father but… baby, you think I’ll waste millions for that asshole?”
I gasped. No way.
”Y-you… fooled him?”
His lips had a crack of confident smile as he nodded.
”B-but the check!”
”Those are fake of course. And the contracts he signed? Those have something to do with the law. That’s why even when he’s hiding now, there’s no way he can live outside the bars.”
I spaced out. I couldn’t believe it all. It’s like I’ve lost so much page in my life. I want to be enlightened.
”Y-you….” I was out of words. “You don’t have to do it all.”
His eyes weakened as I spoke.
“I have to.” he brushed his lips on the side of my lips.
”If I wasn’t able to give everything for your mom, then I have to give my all to you.”
