I’ll trade heaven
”Are you sure you want to do this?”
I pursed my lips and nodded. I felt him holding my hand tight before he opened the door on his side. He opened the door for me and just by feeling the breeze of the wind, the aura and the presence that’s surrounding me changed right away.
”Here,” Aciel led the way for me.
Seeing the tombstones of deceased people gives me that kind of empathetic feeling. I’ve never been into a memorial park before, so I must admit that I’m not sure why I’m feeling this heavy.
Me and Aciel walked not that far from where that car was parked. When we passed by an old tree, that’s when he stopped.
I glanced at him and his eyes spoke already. My head turned to the direction of the headstone that’s in front of us.
I was struck. The first sentence got me. Like this is the only moment that it finally sinks into my head.
”In loving memories of…” I whispered.
’Amelia’
My lips trembled and my eyes welled up with tears. No words came out of me as I read the following sentences.
”I-is this…Is this her…”
”Yes.” Aciel uttered. His fingers are quick to wipe the tears that’s continuously falling from my eyes.
He was a great big help because as soon as he answered me my knees wobbled and reached the grassy ground.
’I’ll trade heaven just to have you again.’ was written on her headstone.
I thought I was too strong. I can’t believe that I’m still not ready for this. I always told Aciel that I’ve accepted it already. But seeing her name here kills me.
”Mom,” I cried.
Aciel caressed my back. He let me bawl my eyes there for minutes without saying any words, without any comforting words and that’s a really big thing for me. This kind of pain needs no invalidation.
Yes, she might not be on my side growing up but looking back, I longed for her. I hoped for her presence and I hoped for the time that I will see her. I imagined and dreamed for plenty of times while I was being abused by those men, her image would always appear inside my head and that became my strength while I’m going through hard times.
But now, she’s gone.
”Mom,” I started. “I finally found you.”
As soon as I said that I broke down into tears again. There’s this excruciating pain in my chest that’s hindering me from speaking. I gasped for breath while Aciel tried to sooth me by caressing my back.
”I-I’m…sorry if I’m this late. I’ve only dreamed about this.” I chuckled lightly. “All I can remember are those hopeful nights I longed for you. Those gruesome nights, I hope I’m in your arms so I can feel the security I’m longing for.”
I heard Aciel sighed heavily.
”I worked hard mom, I did everything I could. Because father would always tell me that if we gain more, the more chances we get to meet you. And so I h-hoped.” my voice cracked again.
The hiss of the trees became louder as my sobbing became loud as well. I had to stop speaking because I am crying so hard.
”Baby that is not your fault.” Aciel whispered to me. That’s all he can say.
”I’m okay.” I breathed. I portrayed a smile while looking at my mother’s name.
”Mom, now I can at least rest my mind. You who became my strength also became the one to lead me into this path I’m taking. Thank you, because once and for all, I knew you looked for me too. I maybe did not remember anything about you, I want you to know that if I’ll be able to live again, I would not change anything. If I had to go through that process again, I’ll gladly do it all.”
”Baby,” Aciel’s hold unto me tightened,
I shook my head and cried. “But in that life, I’ll make sure to meet you again. But certainly not in this place. No… not here.”
I touched her name. “In that life, we’ll be together. I’ll take care of you until your last breath. In that life we’ll be happy. There’s no more pain and suffering, because we have each other.”
Aciel muttered some curses before he embraced me and pinned my head to his chest. With weak limbs, I embraced him back and held onto him like my life depends on him.
”Thank you,” I whispered. “Thank you for saving me.” I said to him full of sincerity.
He placed his chin on my head and kissed it several times.
”Even the world turns upside down. I’ll still do it all. Because you deserve that. You deserve that saving, Alia.”
I smiled lightly while tears kept on falling from my eyes. We stayed in that position for a while and waited for me to calm down. When I’m finally a bit alright, he helped me clear my face and kissed my forehead sweetly.
”Mom,” he called casually. He even has this confident and proud smile on his face.
”I’m sorry but I can’t be a brother to her. Maybe that’s your purpose in my life? For you to be my mother in law?”
I chuckled and smacked his shoulders lightly. He snaked his arms around my waist as we both looked down on her headstone.
”I’ll take care of her.” he said seriously. “You know how true I am to my words. “
He looked at me. I smiled.
”I love you.”
He didn’t answer. He sighed heavily first and even glanced at my mother’s headstone. My brows furrowed.
”Your mother heard it. Say you mean it.”
I chuckled and shook my head because of how ridiculous he is.
”I love you.” I repeated.
Her full set of white teeth showed up and kissed me passionately. It was surreal. Just like a scene from a movie. We were alone in our world, it’s windy and silent, yet our hearts are deafening.
”I’ll trade heaven to have you as well.” he uttered.
