74

" What does he mean Kim?" Derek asked turning to me. Shit. Now I was screwed...

Shit. What should I say now? My heart was beating faster and faster. I played nervously with my hands. My gaze was reported to the floor. I just couldn't bear to see his disappointed face. I had let him down and hurt him. He probably hates me right now. How could I betray him like that? All the bluick on me didn't make it any easier either. Even though my eyes were on the floor, I could still picture Ryder's grin. He had actually won. He had actually managed to destroy me completely. And me. I allowed it. I had allowed myself to be standing here in front of Derek and disappointed in myself. I let him destroy my life. I had allowed him to separate me and Derek. And I was stupid enough to let it. I hadn't seen through his plan. I hadn't realized his true intention. If I had just talked to Derek, he wouldn't have won. But no, I was so stupid.

My insecurity was gone. It was enough. Yrtder had destroyed enough. He had gone too far. That was too much. He could have ruined my life, but hurting Derek was too much. It was probably my own fault that Derek didn't trust me anymore, but Ryder did. Ryder had planned everything and done it on purpose. This bastard. He'll learn that he should never have messed with me. He's yet to learn that you should never hurt my loved ones.

"Well it doesn't matter." Ryder almost laughed. I looked up again. My eyes fell directly on the grinning Ryder. My heart stopped instantly. My hands clenched into fists. My heart was beating way too fast. anger and fear. Panic. The only feelings I had right now. He had a gun in his hand. Not aimed at anyone yet, but still. The six behind him grinned. First he was so cowardly and brought them with him and then he took a gun with him. He was probably too afraid that Derek would tear him to pieces. But from the way Derek looked at him, that was a legitimate fear. Derek's eyes were black. His hands were fists. His skin over the knuckles was white. His jaw was still set forward. His teeth clenched. His posture was in combat readiness. I had never seen him like this before. Despite the fact that I had kept everything secret and lied to him, he protected me. How come? I just didn't understand him. It made no sense. All his actions made no sense.

"Come on, Kim. I'd like to go home now." that grin again. It burned itself into my memory. Wait. Was that serious now? I stood frozen. Wasn't able to do anything. I didn't want to go, but I had to. Because of Derek. I wanted to at least say goodbye, but couldn't. Because of Ryder. Argg. How come? Why me? How did I deserve this?

"You know what else will happen." Ryder hissed tensely. He seemed to have noticed my hair. I looked at Derek. He looked at me stunned, but also kind of confused. The poorest had no idea what it was all about. Nobody knew. Except me and Ryder. And I hated him for that. Everything looked like I was going to betray Derek. Like I'm the worst person in the world. Everything made no sense. Why did Ryder have to put on such a show? For what? Would I ever get an answer? Probably not. Probably never.

I looked at Derek apologetically. He just looked at me shocked and sad but also angry. i felt so bad i was so bad But Ryder would still pay for that. Not now, but still. I slowly put one foot in front of the other. My heart beat faster. And faster. A tear formed in my eye. I already missed Derek. I couldn't even explain everything to him. He will never know the truth. A pity. But it was my own fault. I could have told him anything long ago. But no, I was too stubborn. How much I hated myself for that.

"Kim. Please. Why?" whispered derek, fastening my wrist. That certainty came back. I felt better. As if we could find a solution together, but reality looked different. I looked at Derek. The tear rolled down my cheek. I do love him. I didn't want to leave. But he couldn't be dragged around with them. No longer. If I had said it earlier, it would have been a little different. But now it was too late.

"I have to. Just make it harder for me." I whispered and felt the next hot tear on my cheek. Something glittered in his eyes. Did he almost cry? How cute. Somehow.

"How come?" he whispered. A small, almost invisible tear rolled down his cheek from his black eyes. I wrenched my hand free and placed it on his cheek to wipe away the tear. He nestled against my hand. I took one last look at his perfect face and took my hand away from his cheek. I took a few steps away from him so he couldn't stop me. Because what I wanted to say to him would cause him to stop me. I just knew that.

"Because I can't risk anything happening to you. Nothing can happen to you because of me. I just want to protect you." I said softly, wiping away the last tear. But in vain, because the next formed in my eye. His frozen face was engraved in my eyes. I turned and walked towards the angry Ryder. He didn't seem to like it. Not at all.

"Now I certainly won't let you go." derek called after me. No. He wouldn't now. He was not allowed to. He can never hold on to anything. Never. But I turned around. Inside, I just hoped he wouldn't do anything, but Derek would. Anything was possible with Derek. He doesn't think much of rules. Well actually nothing at all.

A loud bang made me freeze.