###Chapter 441 I Never Imagine You Like This

I felt a sudden pain in my heart as I saw his eyes filled with tears. "Jordan, I never wanted a hero in the first place."

He took my hand to his lips. His lips were cold. I knew that the anaesthesia was wearing off and his wounds were starting to hurt.

But it seemed like Jordan was not yet done talking. "Four years ago, I made a mistake. I hurt you and your child. Then four years later, I almost killed you. I know you hate me that's why you didn't come to me when something happened to Sunshine. You left without saying a word to me. You begged the Weld family and asked Frida for help, but you didn't ask for my aid. I don't blame you for not doing so. In fact, I blame myself for not doing well enough to make you think that relying on me was safe when you're in danger. I'm sorry."

I opened my mouth and tried to deny it, but somehow, it seemed like he was telling the truth. "Jordan, stop talking." In the end, that was all I could say.

He smiled. "It's all right. I'm willing to wait and work hard until you can trust me."

I always thought that I was living my life just fine. But when I thought about it, that wasn't the case at all. I didn't seem to know how to let go and forget the past. I was used to carrying all the burdens and moving on by myself. I was unwilling to get in touch with new people and even more reluctant to let go of the people I once loved.

The anaesthesia completely wore off and Jordan was sweating in pain, but there was nothing I could do about it other than wipe his sweat with a towel.

He just looked at me and smiled as if he wasn't hurting. "Ivelle, what are you doing?" He asked when I squatted under the bed.

I knew that he just wanted to talk to me to distract me. I untied the urine bag. "I'm going to change the urine bag."

He went silent.

I knew that people who were looked up to didn't want to be seen like this. I understood his embarrassment.

After I took care of everything in silence, I turned to look at him and saw his eyes closed. He seemed to be asleep, but the sweat on his forehead told me that he wasn't sleeping. I took the towel again to wipe his forehead.

Perhaps, silence was the best at times like this.

I didn't say anything, and neither did he.

After some time, I approached him and gave him a shallow kiss on the lips.

"Jordan, I am your wife. This is not embarrassing. In the future we will get sick and die of old age, all this will go through slowly with time. This is normal and not embarrassing."

He looked at me intently when he heard what I said.

When the doctor said Jordan could eat some liquid food, Erin cooked porridge for him. Jordan didn't really want to eat but when I brought the porridge to his mouth, he still ate.

After feeding him more than half of the bowl, Erin handed me another bowl of porridge. "You should eat, too. You can't starve yourself."

I looked up at her and saw the sadness and heartache in her eyes. I subconsciously took the porridge.

Jordan couldn't hold up for a long time because of the medicine and went to sleep.

I ate a few mouthful before I put the bowl down. Erin stared at me in distress. "You should eat more, otherwise how can you have the energy to take care of him?"

I thought so. I forced myself to eat a few mouthfuls, but I couldn't eat any more than that.

"You must take care of yourself." She reminded while packing up.

I didn't know what I was thinking, but as I saw her busying herself with the things she brought, there was a question that popped up in my mind. Before I knew, I already blurted it out. "What was on your mind when you threw me away?"

Such a topic was somewhat abrupt. Over the years, I told myself and the others that it was okay to have no biological parents. I didn't need one. But to be honest, every time I saw other people walking around with their parents, I envied them very much. And I was afraid that others would see through this envy that was why I pretended it didn't exist.

She burst into tears and trembled. I knew it was a sad and uncomfortable topic but I couldn't help myself.

Without waiting for her to answer, I spoke again. "When I was a child, I wrote a composition and won a prize for it. The title of the composition was 'My Mother'. My grandmother was very happy and asked to see my composition. I didn't even show it to her because I wanted to burn it, but in the end, I couldn't do it."

I sighed as I watched her wipe her tears. "To be honest, you are different from the mother I imagined. I always wondered what my mother was like, because I had never seen her before. I imagined that she must have liked to nag like Maisie's mother. Every time Maisie didn't want to get up in the morning, she would stand by the bed and nag her to wake up. I thought it is also possible that my mother would be like a mother who buys beautiful clothes and accessories for their daughter. I always thought of what you look like, but I never imagined you like this. When I look at you, I feel no warmth. Your presence can't bring me joy, only pain."

Erin couldn't speak up for a while and she seemed like she was choking from tears. "Ivelle, I'm sorry. I know I was wrong. Please give me another chance. I will work hard. I'll be a good mother from your imagination."

I pulled a tissue for her and asked her to wipe her tears. "I can't understand your feelings and sadness when you abandoned me, but I can understand your love for your children. Grandma said that no matter how dark our road is, there must be sunshine in our heart. In fact, there's nothing wrong with you. I blamed you at first, but I don't blame you now."

People in this world were never meant to be perfect. Erin and Andrew were neither bad people nor good people. As parents, although they were at fault, they were not always wrong.

I was probably a lucky person. I was lucky to meet Jordan. And my parents were not as heartless as I thought.

Whoever met Luna's mother would be disgusted with her considering her personality.

Miss Kent's fate was sad. She was abandoned in her childhood, but now she had achieved something, she was forced by her biological parents to stay with them.

No one's life was perfect. But we had to trek forward and bravely face life.

"Ivelle, I know that you have suffered a lot these years. We will accompany you in the future. As long as you let us, we will always be here for you." Erin said earnestly.