The Love Hate Relationship

I look left and right in the hallway, to make sure the coast is clear. I don't want anyone seeing me running around with a torn blouse.

Making sure no one is around, I rush up the stairs.

"Rough day?" I hear Terry's sarcastic voice behind me.

I place my hand on my hip and turn only slightly, not allowing him to see the full of me. "Don't you ever have something to do? Besides spying on other people, that is."

He laughs. "What's gotten into you today?" He lifts his hands and leaves at the opposite direction.

Something definitely has, I bitterly conclude. And it was too good to be able not to think about it for the entire week.

I sigh and enter Darius and my bedroom. Just seeing our bed makes me imagine us making love on it.

I mean, we already did it once. What does it matter how many times we do it again?

A million, please.

Stop it! I reprimand my inner wolf. She is such a bad influence.

I go into the bathroom to prepare for dinner and decide not to take a shower. I really really enjoy smelling like my mate...

Five minutes to 7 I come down for dinner, curious where Darius might be. He hasn't come upstairs at all. That is unlike his usual behavior.

Walking down the hallway, I hear hushed voices coming from behind the closed living room doors. I tip toe closer and lean my ear onto it.

"You are crazy. Insane. That is just the stupidest idea I've ever heard!" I recognize Beta Derek's voice.

"We'll talk about this again later. We're not in private anymore," Darius says in a low voice.

Oh, for the love of God! I almost scream in anguish. When I hear footsteps approach, I don't move an inch. Instead, I place my hands on my hips, my eyes going a shade darker in anger.

Darius opens the door and his eyes find me immediately. "Lila," he places his hand on the small of my back, but I shove it away immediately.

"Derek," I give him a short polite smile. "Send my hellos to Simone. I'd be happy to see her."

"Luna," Derek nods respectfully, "I will be back here later tonight. I'll be sure to bring her along."

"Be here at 8.30," Darius tells him then meets my eyes, "I want to wrap it up early today."

But I don't pay attention to his words. Instead, Derek's are stuck with me. Bring her along. Is that how all the wolves treat their female halves?

My mate tries to rest his hand at my back once again, but I step away before he touches me. I walk into the room, all the way to a window, then turn to look at him.

"I am unhappy with you," is all I say. And it is the truth.

He finds himself next to me in an instant, a worried look across his face. "How so?"

"I know something's wrong, I've known it from the beginning," I take a few steps back to the door then lean on a desk. "I don't know why you're keeping me out of everything, but your behavior makes me feel like less. I wish... I really wish I could go back to Ian." There. I said it. Looking him straight in the eyes. "He knew how to treat me with respect."

I might not know him well, but in his eyes I recognize various emotions: anger, hurt, and jealousy.

Good. I don't care. He hurt me, too.

"I hope you're exaggerating," he says from the window.

"I'm not," I say bluntly. "I've never felt more under appreciated than here. I did try to accept you, God knows I have, even with all your problems. But now I see I've made a mistake by having sex with you. It only deepened my problem."

Okay, hurt is definitely slowly disappearing from his eyes, more anger taking its place. "And what exactly is your problem?"

"I'm a prisoner," I admit.

He laughs bitterly. "You want me to open the door for you? You're free to leave whenever you want."

I calmly click my tongue in protest. "I can get out but I can never leave. I'm a prisoner of fate. We both are."

"Don't blame me for wanting to stay."

I snicker bitterly. "I blame the Moon Goddess. You I blame only for lying and hiding things from me. You always make jokes about me being a bad mate, well... let me tell you have been pretty awful, too."

"I told you once already. I will share things with you when I'm sure you're my Luna. Which you're still not. Clearly."

"When," I repeat. "And when will that be?"

He leans his face into mine. "You tell me."

I sniff and push him away, applauding myself on the inside for having had the strength. "What exactly are you waiting for as a proof?"

He puts his hands on his hips, letting his head drop a little. He seems frustrated. What is going on? My psychological skills tell me he feels guilty. In that case, he must be hiding something big. And why do I get the feeling it has to do a lot with me?

"I will know when it happens," he replies confidently.

In that moment I realize he is lying. There is no magical proof he is waiting to get. He is simply trying to make me believe that, so I would stop questioning his secret meetings.

Angry about the revelation, I decide to play him for a change. "You will be counting the number of times we have sex?" I take a step closer and caress his neck sensually. "What is the magic number? Ten?" I tilt my head curiously, "Fifty?"

I curl a corner of my lips. "Because, we could do those all at once. Or none at all. In fact," I run my thumb over his belt, "the longevity of your abstinence will depend solely upon your own willingness to share information with me. Because," I curl a strand of my hair, "how else will I know you're taking my position seriously?"

He narrows his eyes.

I was not born yesterday, little wolfie.

He comes closer, inhaling sharply the scent off my neck. "You still smell of me."

"Didn't have enough soap to wash you off," I try to make a rude remark.

He laughs. "Every time you wash me off, I'll leave my mark again. I promise," he whispers. And it is exactly what I want to hear. Why? There's something seriously wrong with my wolf.

Yo, why you always have to blame me for everything? I only fucked up once.

Yes, and it cost us our best friend's life.

I hate that his hold is soothing me, when I should be running away as fast as my legs can carry me.

"This is so unfair," I complain.

"What is?" he leans onto me and presses me lightly against the wall.

I shake my head in despair. This is not me giving into him. It's my Goddamn wolf.

The corners of his lips curl. "Don't you remember what I told you? Everything you feel for me...I feel for you as well."

"I take it disgust is somewhere on the list, then, too."

He twists his lips smugly. "Disgust is not what you felt a few hours ago," he puts one hand on each side of my face, "as you wiggled between my arms," he rubs his nose against my hair, whispering deeply, "moaning to my ear. As a matter of fact, you're counting down the minutes until I am back inside you."

"Wrong."

So true, my wolf insists.

Shut up.

"Like I said," I continue calmly, "I may not have control over my filthy desires, but I sure as hell am not crawling all over you willingly," I say through gritted teeth.

He looks at me in shock. "Well, this is a first," his hands leave the wall and rest gently on my waist. "Are you saying you didn't enjoy the sex that happened this morning?"

Dinner's getting cold!" we hear Debra's voice from the kitchen and I try to step away, but his arms won't let me.

"Answer me," he demands holding me in place.

"I didn't say I didn't enjoy it," I can't pretend like I didn't ask for it. It is difficult to explain. "I feel like the Moon Goddess raped my brain. There. That seems like the most correct explanation. And I wish I could have control over my body back."

"Because your brain rejects me?"

Oof. He seems legit furious. "Yes," I say truly. "If it weren't for the mate bond, I'd never come live with you."

"Then leave," he commands. He takes my hand and pulls me towards the door, then opens it. "I can take control of my feelings. What's stopping you?"

I inhale an irritated breath and shut the door close. "Don't act like a child. I'm not leaving."

"Don't think for a second that you can manipulate me like your little patients," he leers over me. "You don't wanna have sex? We won't. Simple as that. In fact," he licks my closed lips in a swift movement, "I won't even touch you until you beg me for it."

Then he gestures his hand to the hallway in front of him. "After you."

I clench my jaw. "Fine by me," then stroll confidently towards the kitchen.

Note to self: definitely sleep in the guest bedroom.

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