Childhood Memories

At 8.30 sharp Derek and Simone appear on the door.

I welcome them inside and firmly hug my petite dark haired childhood friend.

"Lily! I'm so glad to see you!"

"You, too. God knows I could really use a girls talk," I admit.

"The Moon Goddess," Derek corrects me and I resent his attitude. I remember how he treated Ian when he found out he was human and the fact he showed lack of respect knowing I had left my pack to live with humans.

"Aren't you a treat to live with?" I morbidly state. "Make yourself at home, Derek. Darius will join you any moment now. I'm taking Simone to the living room."

He nods and I lead the way for my friend.

"How does it feel being back? How's living with the Carters? I want to know everything!" she flashes a wide smile showing her cute perfectly aligned little teeth the moment we enter the living room.

"Slow down," I laugh and sit on a maroon couch. She joins me and leaves her high-end purse on a wooden table in front of us.

"Where do you shop? Does Derek visit the city?" I wonder seeing Louis Vuitton written on her handbag. He doesn't strike me as a man that would do road trips to civilization.

"Of course not," she shrugs. "Online shopping, dear. You do know we now have the internet in our reservation, right?"

"I noticed with great joy," I reply, laughing. "So you never go to the city?"

She shrugs. "Derek doesn't really like me going there. I mean, he's right. It is dangerous, potentially, if I go alone and he wouldn't accompany me so..." she furrows her eyebrows, "I don't mind. I like it here. I don't feel like missing out," she lifts a shoulder.

I nod, smiling. "That's great, Simone. I'm really glad you're happy."

She stares at me curiously. "Why do I get the feeling you're not?"

I shake my head, slightly ashamed. How do I confess my inner struggles to a girl I'm so different from? Would she even understand me?

"For me it's different," I watch her almond shaped eyes carefully, trying to take note of her reactions. I shouldn't say too much and risk her telling everything to Derek. "You know this isn't the life I planned. It just sort of happened out of nowhere and... I guess I'm still adapting."

She smiles with complete understanding. "But of course, Lila. That is perfectly normal! You had a fiancé for crying out loud," she covers her mouth afraid someone might have heard. She lowers her voice and continues, "How did he take it, by the way? Do you speak to him?" she quickly glances toward the door and when her eyes are back on mine, she is whispering. "If you are, I strongly suggest you to end it. You still don't know how Darius is. And the stories that go around..." she shakes her head, "just trust me on this one. Don't get him too upset."

I watch beautiful little Simone, with her shiny long hair, fashionable bold eyewear and a purple lipstick to die for, and all I feel is...

Pity.

Why does she live in a shadow of a man, in fear of his reactions if she wasn't to obey his silly little rules? If I asked her, I know what her reply would be. Because she is a female, and as such physically weaker than her male partner. And physical strength is what matters most in a werewolf pack. But that doesn't mean she is caged here. She could always leave.

Could she?

Could I? Are we really trapped, unable to leave our mates?

No. The only trouble I've had without him is insomnia. But truth be told I doubt it could not be handled with drugs.

"Lila! Are you okay?" she interrupts my train of thoughts, her gentle voice seemingly muffled.

I come back to the here and now, somehow more distressed than before. "No," I mutter, "Not at the slightest."

She lowers her voice again. "Did he hurt you?"

I furrow my brows. "Of course not. If he had, I wouldn't be here. I would never tolerate domestic violence, Simone. And no one should."

You shouldn't either, I want to tell her, but somehow I stop myself.

She gazes at the floor and I wonder what she is thinking about. Then I find out.

"I know," she says. "You must still resent your father for what he did to your mom."

My head snaps towards her. What?!

I blink, gathering myself. "What do you mean?" Even though I am afraid of the answer.

She shrugs, feeling uncomfortable. "I never forgot, Lily. The day you came to my house crying... you could hear them shouting at each other from a mile away." Her face becomes red.

I put myself deep in thought, trying to recall the event she is talking about. But I get... nothing.

I look at Simone and can tell she isn't lying. That means such an event did indeed happen. And the fact I don't remember it means that I'm either senile or that I've pushed it away from my memory voluntarily.

I'm pretty sure it's not the former. So... have I blocked out a traumatic memory and am now unable to recall it?

"I'm so sorry," she lays a hand on my knee. "I shouldn't have gone there, I really am sorry."

For a moment I can't decide whether to let it go and get back to my safe zone or bring this thing back to surface?

I have to.

"Don't be. I am really glad that you mentioned it," I say and swallow hard, "I don't even remember why they were fighting. Do you?"

I wait for her answer breathlessly, but all she does is frown and shake her head.

"We never knew why they fought so badly in the end."

The end?

"So the fights started later in their marriage?"

Simone furrows her brows again. "Are you fine, Lily? Don't you remember?"

I slowly shake my head, slightly embarrassed. "All I remember is them being head over heels in love with each other."

She squints suspiciously. "Is that what you remember or is that what you've been told?"

I suddenly feel like she is the psychologist here, and I her patient.

"You're right. I can't even tell anymore."

And just like that, my childhood bubble bursted and all that is left now... are doubts and suspicions.

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