Fragile

I don’t remember what happened next. No possible recollection at all, except for the vague and blurry visions I have of me blacking in and out and a lot of commotion around me. Strong bright lights blinded me at times and strange mumble of voices. Perhaps I was underwater. Maybe that’s why everything seemed to out of focus and the noises and everything around me looked so close and yet felt so far. And this strange heaviness on my head that heaved on my whole body, made it impossible for me to move at all or even keep my eyes open for that matter. I was immensely weak.

“I think she is awake.” An unknown voice spoke somewhere near me. I couldn’t ponder much on the specifics, but the fact that it came from a stranger, a voice that I hadn’t heard before, a voice that wasn’t the one I feared it was, jumpstarted my heart into a frenzy. The rush of adrenaline I felt, coursed through my veins unrestrictedly and helped me gain a better consciousness.

“Hey, hey, hey, you are okay. Calm down. Everything is okay. You are safe.” I blinked a couple of times rapidly and tried to sit up. It was a bad decision to move so suddenly as jabs of pain hit me all over the body as I winced visibly and swallowed the urge to exclaim.

Warm hands came forward to help me out and adjust the blanket that was placed on top of me, as well as the several tubes that were attached to my arm and nose to help me breathe. I looked to find a kind face of a nurse who smiled at me with sympathy reflecting in her dark brown eyes.

She knew that the wintery storm outside was not the only thing that I needed an escape from.

“We are very glad to see you awake! Is there anything we can help you with? Do you need anything?” This time I needed to turn my head to the other side so that I could follow whatever the female doctor was saying. The same sympathy in her eyes, but I could see the urgency on them too. She wanted to help me and I needed all the help, but I couldn’t shake off the  that there was something off.

“W-water.” The rough and ragged words came out more like a noise as I struggled to convey the beginning of the million things that I wanted to say. I felt so thirsty and dehydrated that I was unable to cry even if I needed to, so badly.

The doctor nodded to the nurse and pull a chair nearby to sit beside me. That unshakeable feeling of something being terribly wrong gripped me again, and I knew I was going to receive some bad news. She chose to keep quiet though until the nurse was back with a glass of water, which I drank greedily to satisfy this unquenchable thirst. A second glass or rather five more glasses at least would have been better, but I decided against it. They were only delaying the unfortunate news that had yet to know.

“What is your name?” They hadn’t figured out who I was and that crushed me. Was no one looking for me? Or Liza?

“Rose. Rose Dawson.” Yes, Liza and I didn't have many friends in that small isolated town, but surely we were noticeable enough to be missing from college day after day. The lack of attendance should have indicated that something was wrong, right?

“Okay Rose. Are you in pain?” It is understandable that this is her job to make sure that I was physically fine before they informed me anything at all, but it was only making me more impatient.

“Yes, I am fine.” My aching, sore body protested against the lie that slipped through my lips so easily. Or perhaps this pain was really nothing in comparison to the one I had felt in other situation. So pretending was easy.

She took my hand in hers. Her fingers looked so much stronger and tender than my skinny and frail ones. Cold against warm, bone against flesh. I had not considered how much weak I had become while I was living with them. A fragile being that they made me into.

“Rose, I am going to tell you something which will not be anything that you could expect. It might come off as a cruel ordain, but the state you were brought in was far worse. I might seem crazy to you when I say that you are lucky nothing else was lost but trust me, the state you were brought in was far worse.” Her words were slow and soft. An attempt from her to cushion the blow that was about to come. But did it work at all?

My breath picked up visibly as the heart monitor started beeping faster and louder. Her eyes averted to the same, and she realized that it was inevitable in such a situation. What could she possibly do except end this agony of suspense.

“When you were brought in, you were completely pale and your body was way below the normal temperature. You were so weak that you were not even shivering to keep yourself warm. Generally, the body does that to get some sort of warmth from the movement, but you were absolutely still. Your skin had even turned so blue and stiff that were afraid we were going to lose you completely in a matter of seconds. Only your heart was beating very slowly and quietly, and your breaths were faint. It is really a miracle that we were able to save you at all.” She tried to smile at the end to make it seem like everything was okay, but I knew fair well it was not. My mind was only stuck on the one word that she breezed through quickly. Lost.

“Can you please tell me?” I whispered so quietly that only my lips moved. I didn’t even have the energy to have a breakdown. What’s done is done and completely out of my control.

“Rose. I am really sorry, but we had to get rid of your left leg.”