Surviving Babysitting is Easy, Really (1)

The truest happiness in life often comes from the smallest things. Like finding money in the street, or successfully scamming a supernatural entity out of their food.

"Heh."

I couldn't help but chuckle as I organized my spoils inside the mini-fridge.

The Spicy Lava Chicken noodles went on the top shelf, right next to the withered apple. The Triangle Kimbap was placed reverently in the center. And the Strawberry Milk...

I stabbed the straw into the carton and took a long sip.

Sip.

"That's the taste of victory~"

I flopped onto the bed on my stomach, swinging my legs in the air, in a good mood. The sweetness of the milk coated my tongue, washing away the taste of poverty.

Life was good. I still didn't pay this month's rent, the ceiling started leaking a few days ago, and I was technically a cursed man trapped in a woman's body, but hey, I had free milk.

If I ration the kimbap and noodles, I could survive today with zero expenditure.

"Ah, I'm a genius at financial management."

Bzzz.

Just as I was about to close my eyes for a well-deserved second nap, my phone buzzed.

I fished my phone out of my skirt pocket, checking the cracked screen.

[Favorite Sucker ♡ (SORT Team Leader)]

"Hoo?"

I instinctively sat up.

The Squad Leader of the 2nd Division Special Occurrence Response Team (SORT), Seo Do-Won.

Known as an elite. A powerful man who graduated top of his class.

But most important... a complete sucker.

Or, to be more precise, a massive pushover. A justice-obsessed "Good Samaritan" who simply cannot leave a struggling citizen alone.

I swiped the answer button.

"Speak."

—"Yeon-Woo."

I frowned, holding the phone slightly away from my ear.

Even over the phone, this guy's voice had a ridiculously high resolution. It was the kind of voice that made you want to hear more.

I think about him for a moment.

"Tch."

If I had to describe this guy in one word, it would be: Unfair.

He is tall, broad-shouldered, and possesses a face that looks like it was sculpted by God. He has sharp eyebrows, deep blue eyes, and a jawline that could probably cut even ghosts.

'Handsome bastard.'

I grumbled internally.

Back when I was a man, I wasn't bad looking either. I had a rugged charm. But compared to Seo Do-Won? I was a squid. No, a dried squid.

"What is it, Team Leader Seo? I'm busy."

—"I apologize for interrupting your rest. I was just worried because you haven't been answering your texts. Have you eaten?"

"Yeah."

Thanks to a certain faceless clerk.

—"What did you eat? Not instant noodles again, I hope. You need nutrients, Yeon-Woo. Your constitution is weak to the cold, so you need warm, hearty meals..."

"It's milk. Premium strawberry milk. Very healthy."

—"Milk... well, calcium is good. But you should eat rice. Do you have rice? Rice is good with—"

"Yes, yes. Are you my mom?"

—"Ah... I apologize. It's just habit."

See? Like I said: A massive pushover.

He's been like this since we first met three years ago.

I leaned back against the peeling wall, remembering our first meeting...

—————

It was shortly after I had arrived in the city. I was still adjusting to this inconvenient, small body, stumbling around the back alleys.

That night, I had, by chance, found traces of a Mid-Rank Entity, [Vampire].

I found it in a dead-end alley.

And I found him there, too.

Back then, Seo Do-Won was just a civilian. He was cornered against the wall, soaked in blood, clutching his bleeding arm.

The Vampire was approaching, drooling with his mouth wide open.

I remember thinking one thing at that moment: 'Wow, that guy is irritatingly handsome. How can someone look that cool while about to die?'

Anyway. Clicking my tongue in annoyance, I rushed at the Vampire, slapped a talisman on its back, chanted "Ignite~", and burned it into dust.

Then, with the job done, I walked over to him, intending to check his vitals.

He looked at the fire dying down, then at me standing in the night. His vision must have been blurry and his mind hazy from the shock and blood loss.

Because he suddenly blurted out.

"An... angel?"

Even dazed, he still, somehow, looked handsome.

"Are you... here to take me?"

I looked down at him. I looked at my worn-out sneakers, my cheap hoodie, and my distinct lack of wings.

"No, I'm here to take your money. Exorcisms aren't free, dude."

"Beautiful..."

"Are you listening? Hey."

I crouched down and tapped his cheek.

"Service fee. Do you have it?"

"Thank you... For saving me..."

"..."

Thud.

And then he fainted.

I ended up having to call an ambulance anonymously and left before the cops arrived. I didn't get paid that night.

—————

'I should have taken his watch as a fee.'

I regret that decision to this day. It looked like a Rolex.

Clearly, that incident broke something in his brain. He must have developed a severe "Hero Complex" or something similar.

Whatever the case, shortly after that incident, he joined the police academy, skyrocketed through the ranks with terrifying speed, and became the youngest Team Leader in SORT history.

And ever since he managed to track me down a year ago, he has been acting like this.

Now, whenever a case pops up that needs some experienced exorcist but not dangerous enough to require a full tactical squad, he calls me.

It's obvious when you think about it. He feels indebted to me saving his life, so keeps offering me some easy, high-paying work.

By the way, he pays me from his own pocket. Apparently, SORT's budget isn't that great.

As expected of public service.

In short, he is a walking ATM.

Honestly, how did a guy this soft become a Squad Leader?

'Still, poor guy. Being too nice is a disease in this industry.'

—"Hello? Yeon-Woo?"

"I'm listening, I'm listening. Stop nagging. My ears are bleeding."

I played with a loose thread on my skirt, rolling my eyes.

—"Right. Sorry... I have a request. It's about a new recruit. He was assigned to my team recently. He's talented. Very talented. He graduated from the Spiritual Academy with top marks."

"A genius rookie?"

I snorted.

"Why are you telling me this? Don't tell me you want me to babysit."

—"...That is exactly it."

"Refused. I'm not a nanny."

I moved to end the call.

—"2,000,000 wo—"

"Deal."

I answered instantly. Zero hesitation.

Two million won. That was forty exorcisms at my current rate. That was more than enough.

—"I knew you would agree. Thank you, Yeon-Woo."

"Yeah, yeah. Just text me the address and the time."

—"Understood. I'll text you the details immediately. Take care, Yeon-Woo."

"Sure~ Bye~"

Click.

I looked down at the home screen after ending the call.

Two million won.

The number echoed in my head.

That's 2,000 triangle kimbaps.

That's 1,000 cups of Spicy Lava Chicken noodles.

That's... about four months of rent if I haggle with the landlord.

"I love you, Capitalism. I love you, Sucker Seo."

I kissed the screen of my cracked phone.

Usually, babysitting missions are a pain in the ass. Rookies are noisy, they panic easily, and they ask too many questions.

But for two million won?

"Let it be known this Noona is a true believer of Capitalism."

Capitalism is my religion, and Seo Do-Won is its prophet.

I jumped off the bed with renewed vigor and approached my closet, opening it.

Hoodies. Hoodies. Skirts. Skirts.

"..."

I grabbed the cleanest hoodie I had (a pink one) and pulled it over my head, followed by a white skirt long enough to reach my knees.

Then I look into the mirror, making a cute pose.

"Good."

Satisfied with my absolute, undeniable beauty, I approached my nightstand and took some items.

First, I lifted the hem of my skirt and strapped a tight leather belt equipped with multiple pouches.

In the pouches, I stuffed multiple sheets of "Ignite", "Bind" and "Barrier" respectively, some chalk, and a small vial of cinnabar ink with a few blank talismans if I ever need to make specific ones on the fly.

While I am technically a extremely skilled Onmyoji, tools are tools. In my current state, where my own spiritual pressure is weak, I rely heavily on mediums to decrease the Yin energy spent.

I picked up a small velvet pouch from the drawer. It was heavy. Inside, a dozen small, spherical objects clinked together.

Jade marbles.

Specifically, low-grade industrial jade I bought in bulk.

I shoved the pouch into the deep pocket of my skirt.

Finally, I grabbed a fresh white disposable mask.

I hooked the loops behind my ears and pressed the wire strip against the bridge of my nose. I looked into the mirror one last time.

The pink oversized hoodie looked baggy around upper body, and the white skirt fluttered around my knees.

With my preparations complete, I turned off the lights and stepped out of the apartment.

Wait for me, two million won. Mama's coming.