35

"Neither do I. I don't want to argue, Malachi. But it seems we don't even talk. We don't even spend much time together as friends. I want to get to know my mate, but you're always away, or busy, or working here or there."

"I've let you come with me. We've spent time together—"

"Yes, but.. But not quality time." I do remember the number of days I've spent in his office while he works, but it's not the same as just spending time together. Talking, listening, doing nice things with my mate like everyone else does. I know who the Alpha is, but I want to know who Malachi is. The other half of my soul who seems intent on hiding in the shadows.

"You're right. You're absolutely right. Let's start over and try to do this properly? But if I'm honest, Ariella.." He says my name so tenderly, my heart flips. "I've never really seen a good relationship between mates. I'm not sure I know how to do this..."

"That's okay. We'll figure it out together," I smile reassuringly as he gets up to sit beside me.

Malachi rakes his hand through his hair, then spends a moment to pat it down to a neat messiness. His movements are measured and graceful, entrancing me.

"So, what is your favourite colour?" he turns to face me, our knees bumping each other.

My mind can't think straight for a brief second.

Cerulean blue, like your eyes.

"Umm, it's blush pink. Like peonies."

A faint smile tugs on his lips. "And like your hair."

"Yes, like my hair," I chuckle and bite my lower lip, still self-conscious of the colours in my hair. I've seen the looks people give me, like I'm such a child, playing dress ups with unicorns.

But here, in Malachi's presence where he is looking at me with such tenderness, I brush it off and feel more confident than I have in years. "And yours?"

"I would say black, but everyone always responds with 'that's not a colour', so I think forest green is my favourite now."

I nod, "Yeah, black is the absence of light. And that colour green I love too. A beautiful emerald jade that is so calming."

"Yes, calm. That's it. It reminds me of just being one with creation, like our bodies and souls meld together. Amongst nature, we can understand our Creator in a way we never can when we're stuck inside, cased in bureaucracy, opinions and beliefs, and stuffy nonsense. It's enough to drive you mad!"

I understand this much about him. He loves his territory, the land and mountains that are his dominion. The grasses and wildflowers that bloom with beauty. They are his escape, his remedy to surviving all the crazy around him.

And I'm the same. Nature comforts me, and never judges me like everyone else. It embraces me in its strength and beauty when so much of the world is dirty and cruel. It also keeps me sane, keeps me from going mad.

"We should go on camping trips and mountain treks together," I muse aloud.

"I'd love that," Malachi agrees with a glimmer in his blue eyes, and my heart shudders with a thrill of excitement.

"So what's your favourite food?" It's my turn to ask.

"That would have to be spinach and feta cheese pastries. My mom makes them for special occasions and they are the best."

"Luna Seneca cooks? I never would have imagined it!"

My mate chuckles, "I guess there's lots about her you don't know. She's pretty amazing when she lets you know it." Malachi has a contented smile on his face, and I can tell he cares about his mother despite her being so cold and indifferent whenever I've seen her. I tell myself she just doesn't trust me enough to share her true self with me.

"So what about you? What's your favourite dish?" Malachi prods.

I don't need long to think. "There is this really delicious cake my mom used to make. Not Lexi, but my real mom. So obviously I haven't had it in years, not since I was practically a baby before she was killed. I almost forget the real flavour, but when I try to make it myself, it never seems right." I tilt my head and reimagine the scent and taste in my mind, the happy laughter of my mom and dad as they cook in the kitchen together, the fireplace flames flickering in the background, casting a warm glow on the scene. They were so joyful, especially when I kept hearing the whispered word baby, and I knew a little pup would soon be joining our family.

"What kind of cake was it?" Malachi asks in a soft voice as he watches me with undivided attention.

"Rosewater and almond persian cake. My mom, Aliyah, grew the roses in our garden, and she would make a fresh syrup with the petals to drizzle over the cake. She must have had a secret ingredient though, because I just cannot get mine to taste the same."

"That sounds amazing. I'm sure you'd be very good at making it yourself. Maybe it only tastes different because you miss your real parents."

"True," I shrug, the memories still lingering and causing my eyes to grow misty. I blink back the tears before Malachi can see them, and keep going with our question game. "So where do you see yourself in five years?" I ask, spooning some more ice cream into my bowl.

Malachi hesitates, his smile faltering, but only for a brief second. Then he grins at me. "With you. By my side, always."

"Hmm..." I murmur, buying myself time to gather my thoughts and process his enigmatic response. "That's nice, but it sounds cliche. It also sounds like the kind of answer you'd give if you wanted to hide something."

His eyebrows go up before he quickly wipes the surprise away. "Why would you think that? What could I be hiding from you?"

"Oh, any number of things." It's my turn to shrug and act nonchalant.

Like why your mother thinks I'm cursing her.

Or how your dad died.

Or about that girl in all the photos with you.

So many questions. So many reasons to not trust this mysterious Alpha sitting so close beside me, I can hear the blood pulsing in his veins and the increase in tempo of his heart.

So many times I wonder why I don't have the courage to ask him.

"Well, I guess we all have our secrets that we don't want to share. Our own personal demons that are too messy to just let anyone see. But that doesn't mean I don't ever want to let you in, Ariella. You're my mate, and I want us to be close. One day, I want you to know my heart as well as you know your own, and still have you look in my eyes and love me."

As he speaks, I sink further and further into the oceanic blue depths of his eyes, losing myself in the rhythm of his heart beat and the magical bindings of his words as they weave about me.

"I will." I will look in these perfect eyes of my mate and know that I will always love him.

No matter what.

Without thinking any further, I lean forward into his lap and wrap my hands around his neck. Bringing my body close to his, I press my lips against his own and let the sparks of electricity rip through me.

His arms tighten around me and his lips move against mine, kissing me deeply and stealing every molecule of oxygen from my lungs. The warmth I feel all over again, like I'm drowning and Malachi is my very breath. He breathes into me, taking my bottom lip between his teeth and causing my entire body to light up. I feel like lightning has seared my heart before reshaping it into something beautiful.

These feelings he has awakened in me are so strange and foreign, yet I realise I can't get enough of them. I don't even know how to kiss him properly, I just let him move his lips in time to mine, yet it feels so perfect. Like a symphony we've been composing for this very moment.

All too soon, that moment ends, Malachi clasps my shoulders to push me back and put space between us. And the final notes of our symphony fade with his heat still tingling on my lips. I shiver from the absence of him.

"Ariella." His voice is deep and strangled. "We shouldn't."

"Why not?" I whisper back, eyes still closed, hands still gripping the collar of his shirt.

"Because... we just can't." He pries my hands away and moves to tidy up the bench, putting the bowls in the sink and ice cream in the freezer while I remain stuck to my chair, watching him in an entranced daze.

"That's not a reason," I hear myself mumble when he takes my hand again and leads me out. I don't recognise my own husky voice, and I'm surprised I can even string more than two words together. Our kiss has shaken me to the very bones in such an incredible way, but this isn't how I imagined it would end.

With him denying me again.

"It's the best I can give right now. Until..."

"Until what?" I pull my hand from his and stop in the middle of the hall. We are on our way to our room, but I want to talk about this now.

He throws me a stern look. "Until you fully decide to be mine. I don't want to push you or become too attached physically when there's so much more involved."

"Okay, yeah, you said I could decide if I really wanted to be your mate forever. So, what if I have decided? What if I want to finally claim you as mine?"

"You can, just not now—"

"Then when? I know we've planned to give this a good shot and spend more time together, so why do you still push me away?"

"This is different, Ariella!" He clenches his jaw, frustrated probably that I'm not seeing this from his point of view. I might actually be able to if he would tell me what that is. "A kiss and cuddles and whatever else you want to do are entirely different to talking and spending time together, or bushwalking or whatever. We can do that. But not this, not yet..." he rubs a hand down his face, as if rubbing at all the stress and only smearing it further.

"Then when? Just tell me what is going on that makes this so hard between us? Why are you keeping me at a distance, Malachi?"

He narrows his eyes on me, a dark blue that is deep as stormy oceans and I can see he's making a decision to tell me something.

"Hamilton and I think we know who killed Archie, and the other warriors. We think we've found the killer."

I grip the doorpost and feel his words smack into me like a tidal wave of relief. "Who?"

Malachi huffs and runs a hand through his hair, an action I've come to know means he's frustrated and agitated, tired of not being in control of the situation.

"It's complicated. Hamilton and I aren't even sure yet, but we're close. We can feel it."

"Then tell me who you're suspect of? Who do you think could have murdered your warriors so disgustingly?"

His eyes snap to mine, the blue a riot of crashing waves. "That's the point. It's a terrible accusation to make, so we're not calling it yet. We have to go over the facts again, see if there's anything we missed."

He looks tired, and troubled with the fact that he still hasn't yet found the person causing such crimes in his pack. As Alpha, he wants to protect everyone, I know.

"So do you think you can solve it? You'll be able to stop them before anyone else gets hurt, right?" I'd nearly forgotten about the threat to our lives, so caught up have I been with my own dilemmas with Malachi and the others around here. I've been so busy trying to be accepted, when I should be focused on keeping everyone safe.

"That's the plan." He takes a few steps away and I follow him again until we are in our room. "But that was also my plan before the warriors got killed. I couldn't save them, so who's to say I am going to save the next one?"

He looks at me with such turmoil and pain in his eyes, that it grabs at my heart and pulls me into his despair. I realise I am feeling his emotions, with his mark on my neck. However, I'm only getting a taste of what's going on in his head. His face is still used to wearing a mask, still hiding so much that I want to know and understand about my Alpha mate.

"You can't think like that, that someone is going to get hurt. You have to believe you'll catch them in time."

"There's no room for that kind of blind optimism when the matter is life or death. I can't risk failing my pack again." He sits on the edge of our bed and buries his face in his hands. "So many things are going on and I don't know how to handle it best for everyone's sake. It seems no matter what I do, someone is upset. Then I try something else, and someone else feels like I'm giving them the raw deal. I just.... I can't be the Alpha my father was, but whatever else I do just doesn't seem to be working either." He spills his inner turmoil through words, and I can't be more thankful that he's opening up to me.

I crawl onto the bed behind him and place my hands on his shoulders, lightly massaging them and his neck. I want to ease the stress from his posture and help him relax. He won't be able to think as clearly as possible if his body is tense and stressed.

"You can't please everyone," I say gently. "Just make a list of your priorities, care less what others think of you if you are sure you're doing the right thing by everyone." I place a kiss on top of his head, breathing deeply of his scent.

Chestnuts mingled with tropical coconut. My wolf is melting in delight and I wrap my arms around my mate, giving him a tight squeeze. "Come on, looks like you need some sleep."

He nods, and we silently prepare for bed, sharing a tentative smile in the mirror as we brush our teeth side by side.

The night passes slowly for me, with Malachi breathing easy beside me. We don't touch, we don't snuggle, he doesn't even lay his arm over my waist. He keeps his respectful distance and my heart winces at the proverbial chasm between us.

There are so many words swarming around in my head that I want to say to him, but we remain silent. We don't even speak about the kiss we shared earlier. Does it fill his mind as much as it does mine? Can he still taste my lips on his the way I taste his, the silky caress replaying over and over, as if his very touch is imprinted on me forever now. I hold on to the memory of his arms around me tightly even though in reality I only feel the slight warmth of his body lying a few feet from me. It practically taunts me with how out of reach it now seems. He is the Alpha. And though I understand all about that title and rank, it is like Malachi is from a completely different world to me.

Finally sunlight creeps through the slits between the blinds and I sigh in relief, barely having had any sleep. All I can think about is Malachi solving all the problems so we can finally be together like any normal couple. But I know there will always be issues and pressing matters for an Alpha to attend to. Should we keep putting us off until life is calm and perfect? A perfect that is non-existent?

Despite my pessimism, I give Malachi the space and respect he needs.

I lay in bed for a few moments when he stirs, and feel him press a kiss to my forehead.

"I'm going for an early run with Hamilton. I'll be back for breakfast."

I rest a while longer, feeling more at ease without the tension between us, and slowly get up to start my day when the room is awash in golden sunlight.

I make breakfast quietly so as not to wake anyone who might be in the house, and then sit at the bench to draw until Malachi comes back. Another dream plagued me last night, and I have to draw it on paper in order to process it and make sense of it.

It isn't long until I hear the back door open and the scent of my mate overpowers the blueberry muffins I have baking.

"Good morning," he brushes a hand over my shoulder and squeezes it. "I trust you slept well?"

The way he speaks is so proper and suits his aloof demeanor perfectly.

"Of course," I smile and flip over the page in my art book casually.

The keen Alpha doesn't miss the sly action.

"Let's see what you've drawn this time," he holds my eyes with his own intense gaze, sliding the book from my hands, giving me plenty of time to protest. Yet I don't.

"Oh, wow," he exhales, his chest rising and falling as he cools down from his run, sweat glistening on his powerful biceps and forearms. "A house fire? Not a very happy subject to draw about."

"The picture isn't about the housefire." I scoot my chair closer to his and peer around his arm.

"Ah yes, there's a man rescuing someone."

"His beloved."

"And he... has wings?" Malachi peers closer at the image of the man protecting the woman from the heated flames, broad feathered wings extending from his muscled back and wrapping around both him and his woman. She is staring in his eyes, her lips only inches from his, as she is lost in the safety he provides from the flames that leap and lick around them.

"He's an angel, but not just any angel. He's her guardian, created for her exclusively. He is real, and she feels him no matter how far apart life takes them. He is always there for her, especially when she is in danger."

"That's a nice sentiment," my mate looks at it for a moment longer before pushing the book back my way. "You have a very beautiful imagination, Ariella. If only real life were as special."

"Oh, but it can be. If you look hard enough," I cast him a sideways smile, and he just laughs. He doesn't know I'm serious. He doesn't know what I see him as.

An angel.

And a demon.

Demons of darkness and pain everywhere, but mostly in my dreams. Maybe this pack is haunted by demons. Maybe they are only in my dreams which then bleed into my reality, I don't know.

But I do know what I see is important, so that's why I draw everything in tangible ink. So I don't forget.

I not only see it, I feel it.

Shivers run down my spine even as Malachi holds my hand in his, warming me, while he eats breakfast. There's this pull between us that both excites and frightens me. Our bond is strengthening and though my whole heart wants this, a small part of my head whispers doubts. What if Malachi really is a dark monster that I don't what to be bound to? What if he can't be the Alpha this pack needs and more of his members are killed?

What if he can't protect me?

Pushing that thought aside, I tell myself I can trust him. He's my mate, and he hasn't given me any reason so far to not trust him.

"I drew this one for you," I say as I pull out a folded piece of paper and slide it across to him.

He opens it slowly, a faint smile tugging at his lips, then he grins after inspecting the picture for a full minute. "It's amazing. Is it anyone in particular?"

All the picture is, is of an eye. A beautifully detailed crystal blue eye with silver flecks, surrounded by the sweep of soft fur that encases a wolf's face.

"You, of course."

He chuckles, then tucks the picture in his pocket. "Thank you. It truly is good. You have amazing talent, Ari. Anyway," he rises and puts his empty plate on the sink, "Today, I've arranged for someone to stay with you, just for safety."

His words startle me. "Stay with me? Like I'm being babysat? What if I want to go out somewhere?"

He loosens a sigh. "I don't mean it like that. Of course you can go out, but I just want someone to be with you at all times, like a personal guard. You remember Devanshi, don't you? She's a good warrior and I'm sure you'll get along."

I nod, remembering one of the shewolves I met the night of our bonfire, and am happy to spend more time with the sweet yet strong girl. "Sure."

It seems just as we finish discussing her, a knock sounds on the back door and Malachi lets her in.

"Okay, you two have fun today. Ariella, I'll be working with Hamilton all day, following up on some leads we found this morning. Just come find Gamma Hendrik or Beta Knight if you need anything."

I give him a small parting hug.

"See you later, my Dreamer," he whispers into my hair, and then he is out the door.

"So..." Devanshi leans against the bench top and gives me a secretive smile. "Are these muffins all yours or are you willing to share with your personal bodyguard?"

I didn't miss the way her eyes followed my mate appreciatively. "Well, the Alpha's all mine, but you can definitely help yourself to these," I take them off the cooling rack and hand her the biggest one. She's perfectly slim and toned so I don't feel guilty giving her this sugary treat.

"So what do you want to do today?" Devanshi asks as we head outside, my art bag slung over my shoulder.

I take a deep breath of the fresh morning air, letting the scents of earth and forest fill my lungs, and squint my eyes against the bright sun.

"Let's just take it slow, do some exploring and drawing of the countryside, and see who we run into. I'd love to meet more of the pack."

Devanshi nods, her long black hair swaying over her shoulders down to her waist before she takes it between her fingers and deftly weaves it into a thick braid.

"Sounds like a nice idea. You know, what you did the other night for the pack was really cool. I wanted to thank you for making an effort for us. My friends and family had a great time around the bonfire. It's not often we all get the chance to just have fun, so thank you," she fixes her dark brown eyes on me, her smile so full and bright it lifts my heart to the clouds.