Chapter 302

Alexi tilts his head as my lips meet a tad aggressively and cups my jaw with his hand to pull me snugly and comfortably as he ducks lower. Pushing his fingers into the underside of my hair, clamping me to him possessively and taking immediate control. Not that I’m surprised or complaining. I have a serious weakness for this man dominating me the second kissing or sex is involved. Weirdly, as in life, I hate it when he exerts his authority over me at any other time. He’s my alpha male though, and in this, I don’t want his submission; I want him to devour me. He’s his most impressive when he is in control in this way. He makes me feel desirable and addictive when he overpowers me sexually.

He kisses me softly at first and then opens his lips to tease mine with them and traces my tongue with his. Sensations swirling, making me dizzy and giddy all at once. Waves of flutters rushing from my head to my toes and my body responds quickly.

Alexi kisses me tenderly rather than passionately, keeping it to a simmer rather than a scorching hot make-out session but it still gets me breathless and heated to my core. Heart bouncing in my chest as his other hand slides around my waist and pulls my body to him so my curves mould to his hard lines. A perfect match. A body to make girls go weak and the confidence to use it.

He pulls me up to meet his height a little more, so I’m almost stretched out and then more, because I have flats on which leave me a lot smaller than him. He continues tracing my tongue and kissing me into oblivion until the vibration in his pocket courses between us and I jump in fright. Struggling to catch my breath and instantly turning red at how quickly I submerged myself in him.

He chuckles when he releases me, just enough to pull his cell phone out and looks at the screen.

“Call for some food, phone is on the wall. I need to take this, it’s Mico.” He leans in and kisses me chastely on the lips, an oddly natural moment that seems too fluid and then lets me go to wander off and answer his cell. Still within earshot but not so I’m staring at him while he converses.

I take a minute to catch my breath, steady my pounding heartbeat and get some life back in my weak limbs. His kiss just ruins me.

I turn and flick open the first menu on the pile and browse the selection while trying to get my hormones and heart under control. Acting outwardly like I’m not as affected as I am. Breathless and tingling all over from his attention and still trying to get a handle on my erratic mood. My heads all over the place. Standing here taking a moment to gather myself and wondering what the hell I’m doing.

I pretty much just told him I’m in on this. I’m willing to see where it goes. I kissed him after telling myself I would play him to see him snap and remind myself what an arse he is. It’s hard to remind myself of his bad if I’m rooting for the good and secretly hoping this is what he says it is.

I feel like an idiot for caving in the first hour of Alexi trying to be the nice guy, and I need to remind myself how much of a devious manipulator he can be when he wants something.

Except … all he wants is me, so where does that go?

Manipulating me to get me to love him back … it hardly sounds like a bad thing when I put it that way.

I push it aside and try to focus on the task at hand and the here and now. Food, always good for distracting me from life for a while. Giving my head time to catch up with the programme.

I stare at the menu for a long minute, really pondering if he truly wants something between us, and all this is real. If this is who he can be for me. Failing at putting it out of my head and stopping myself from turning and watching him as he talks to Mico. I can still hear him; he sounds upbeat and happy and unusually good-humoured with his cousin.

Maybe, just maybe …

Am I being weak and stupid and falling for his BS all over again?

I glance over my shoulder, despite myself, as he paces around talking and he catches my eye as he turns, throwing me a sexy smile and a loaded look. My heart skips a beat and I look away fast, not sure I like the fact he has always been in control of my body’s reactions and now infiltrating my mind and soul in so many ways.

I scan the menu quickly to make a show of not being rattled, pick out a pork and mushroom dish I like and lift the handset. I already know Alexi’s order, seeing as he has circled items on this paper, and I guess they are his regular orders. Only someone with a habitual order would circle his menus when he comes here, and it surprises me that someone as spontaneous as him has such rigid eating habits. Then maybe not. He likes control and safety; he loathes the unknown and not controlling outcomes, so I guess ordering the same dish isn’t a surprise at all. I really am learning about him.

I phone through the order and they tell me it will be thirty minutes. I hang up and turn to see he is still on his phone and sat on the bottom step of his metal staircase, kicking off his boots and getting comfy. Lost in conversation with his right-hand man and I look around for something to do while he’s busy. I can hear the change of tone to serious and know they have moved to business. Always connected to his world in some way. Always commanding, even from afar. It’s how he is, and I don’t mind it when it’s not aimed at me. It’s reassuring to hear how fluidly he can blend from this to that persona in a way.

He wouldn’t be Alexi otherwise.

I pull out cutlery from the drawers and set up the trunk in the room for food, with plates and stray candles I found in beside the bowls in his cupboard. They are not the romantic scene setting type, but more of a ‘power out and in need of light’ stash that most kitchens have. I set them up on saucers and get the space looking a little rustic cosy. He may not have a romantic bone in his body, but I know what I like, and it’s a candlelit take-out with a sexy Italian, making small talk. There is nothing wrong in setting a pretty table. I’m all about the details and ambience, it’s what I’m good at.

I walk over and flip through his CD collection, picking out a smoochy slow album from a band in my teens. Surprised he would even own it and stick it on his stereo. This whole apartment is clearly a throwback from his teens as I don’t think people own CDs anymore. Or even stereos to play them on. It has an old back to the nineties feel and I adore it. I never had much of a teenage part of my life, so this is quaint and cute.

Alexi finally gets off the phone, saying goodbye while sounding upbeat and jovial and leaves it sitting on the stairs before wandering over to me. I know Mico is in the know about what’s happening with us and seems to be keeping himself scant and neutral. Letting things develop without playing interference.

“I’m guessing you ordered my usual?” He smirks and I nod at him, knowing he means the circled food, and go to sit down on the floor by the trunk, preferring that to a seat, right in front of his faux fire on the glass screen in the surround. It’s completely fake but it has a warming effect and he comes to sit down opposite me on the floor too. He pulls over his family album and flicks through it while swigging on his now warm beer, eyes down and nothing readable as he does so. I take a sip of my wine and watch him, aware that I put a table between us because I no longer trust myself. I need to stop falling into him at every opportunity and slow down. We came here to see how things could go, and at this rate, I will be naked and climbing on top of him before dawn, reminding myself just how good he is in bed.

No sex. It has to be that way.

“What are your other siblings like?” I enquire genuinely, shaking the Alexi porn out of my head, wondering if he and Gino are a one-off or if their weird dark side runs among them all. Gino is no angel, but he has his Alexi moments too, just not as extreme. He’s the tamer, more socially acceptable version.

Boring, in other words.

“Nothing like me. My two younger sisters are shy and reserved but my baby brother is a bit wilder. He’s only ten though, so nothing major.”

“Wow. I imagined they would all be adults. I can’t imagine you with a kid brother. That’s weird. Do you like kids?” I ask cautiously, swallowing hard and wondering if it’s something he sees in his future one day, knowing it’s not a reality for me or even something I want. Kids put the fear of God into me. He has not mentioned what he sees in terms of children in his future, so I guess that means he sees none.

“I neither like nor dislike children. I have a lot of them in my family, so I’m used to them when they’re around. I never really thought about it. I guess I tolerate them.” He shrugs it off and slides the album to the floor, coming to rest his elbows on the table and gazes at me. Confirming my belief that he has no great desire to be a dad and I let it go contentedly.

“Nice touch.” He nods at the candles and I blush and look at the fire instead, wondering why I added the element of romance. My plan was to suss him out and here I am egging myself into something more with him at super speed. I realise I’ve set this room up for seduction, even if it was not my intention.

“Well, you need pointers,” I answer dryly, downplaying it all and it gets me that age-old smirk. I used to hate that cocky smile of his, but it’s growing on me. It’s hard to stay hating a man who’s capable of being this cute. And he can be, when he is not scowling or saying mean things.

“The movie tonight is ‘The Godfather’, we don’t need to go watch it if you don’t want to.” Alexi butts in and it draws a giggle out of me.

Of all the films to be playing, it had to be that one. Ironic.

“Very appropriate. I haven’t seen it though, so I’m game if you are?” No longer pissed about being his prisoner and not working tonight. It’s sunk in and that kiss killed any sort of refusal. I catch him watching me in that weird casual pose that seems a little too human for him, and he shrugs with both shoulders.

“Sure, it’s one of my favourite movies of all time.” He taps the table and picks up his beer again, the weird awkwardness growing between us now as we sit here making small talk.

I’ve never dated anyone in my life and right now, I definitely do not feel like I’m in the company of Alexi Carrero. I don’t know how to behave with this version of him and I pick at my nails, fidgeting because I’m so out of my depth. This isn’t a controlled seduction to manipulate a man. This means something and it has the power to wound me.

What if he finds me boring and this ends up being strained and quiet, now we have all the heavy stuff out of the way? Nothing to say to each other beyond that.

“Why are you nervous? I won’t do anything to you.” He observes smoothly, sliding his bottle to one side and reaches across to catch my hand and pull it back to the centre of the table. I let him, watching the movement, relieved he is still a keen observer and can read me without me having to verbalise. He turns it so my palm is upwards and runs his fingers gently across mine to flatten them out, using his other hand to draw small patterns across my palm. It tickles and has an immediate soothing effect while also hitting me with immense tingles and dampening the sense of trepidation. He has a way of reaching inside of me in surprisingly tender ways for a man who used to instil fear. For a side he doesn’t use often, he seems pretty comfy in the role.

“I feel like I don’t know you. This is all very strange and unsettling. I guess I’m just trying to figure you out and how I should behave.” I point out, trying to sound unaffected. My voice is soft and breathy as the intensity of what he’s doing overtakes me. These little touches, they’re killing me. I’m losing all fight and he probably knows it.

“I’m still the same man; I just have more to me than first appears. Much like you.” Alexi watches me purposefully and I shiver under his scrutiny, looking away to gaze at the fire once more.

“I guess,” I answer quietly and shrug subtly. Unsure what else to say. He knows too much, and I regret that, even If I had no control over it. I wonder what he sees when he looks at me, instead of what he thought I was before.

“I do see you differently, you know. Have done since that night. Going to London, reading those books, seeing where you came from and the …” He trails off and it causes me to glance his way, hating that sometimes our brains flow to the same thoughts; it’s sort of spooky. It’s like my thinking appears out loud and he somehow sees it. There was a certain something in his tone that sends off a little inkling of suspicion and I watch him a little more intently.

“What were you going to say?” I push for an answer and the stroking on my hand stops, confirming he is holding back as he pauses for a moment. He looks uneasy, his eyes dipping to look at my fingers instead of me and I know for sure there is something he isn’t saying. Whatever ‘the’ was.

“Nothing.” Evasive, closing up and deadpan expression moving in. Alexi is shutting down to hide. I sigh at the appearance of his evasive manoeuvre.

“Don’t do that. You promised me honesty. You do not get to pick and choose what to be honest about! I think the Rick confession topped the shock so anything else isn’t worth hiding.” I yank my hand away from him and catch his eye as he comes up to look at me again. Hesitation written all over him as my fire burns bright with irritation once more. Angered that he says he will be transparent and then backtracks.

“Not tonight. You told me I should never talk of London again, so I won’t.” The stern in his tone combats mine but I’ve never been one to back down where Alexi is concerned. Even if that makes me a fool sometimes.

“Well, I take it back. I feel like you’re hiding something, and now I won’t let it rest until you tell me. So, spit it out, New York.” My guts coil up and my good old rattled nerves go straight back to being taught and riled. I can’t let it go now. I need to know.

“I don’t want to ruin this, Cam. Leave it alone. Please.”

“No. Tell me. Finish that sentence, Lexi. I want to know. I don’t like it when you’re cagey and hold back. It has me thinking the worst and I start over analysing everything.”

Think about all the shit and horrid crap that has me running for the hills.

Alexi sighs heavily, frowning as he again looks at the table and this time his own hands while the flex of his jawline tells me he is turning something over in his mind. A flicker of those pale greys, that subtle clench of his jaw and my insides sink.

I’m like a dog with a bone now, so sure he’s hiding something from me. And now he has put it there in my suspicious mind, I need to know. He will drive me insane with it otherwise.

The tension is thicker than dense fog and Alexi is visually uneasy. He sighs again, a sign he knows he has no choice and then seems to relent, clenching his hand and rubbing his palm with his thumb that signals it’s stressing him. It pushes my nerves to tighten and my stomach knots.

Maybe it is worse than killing Rick. Maybe I don’t want to know, and I should have left it alone. I’m always too quick to underestimate what he’s capable of, and now, staring at him and pushing for something I will probably regret hearing, my nerves are heightened once more.

Alexi frowns, taps the table again, rubs a hand across the back of his neck and braces himself for a confession. He fixes his gaze on the flat surface instead of me and seems to ready himself for a bad reaction.

Inhale, exhale, a weird flicker of a frown and then finally he lifts his eyes to mine and looks apologetic and wary that I may be about to flip out.

Dragging it out is killing me.

This is not going to be good.

Shit.

I had to push for this, didn’t I!