Chapter 377

My head's a mess and I just need some normality for a few days to get all of this in order. To let go of the angst and chaos and ugly memories which I know I’m capable of. I have witnessed some awful things in life, been at the receiving end and still lived to tell the tale. Guilt is something I’m good at letting go of and I’m sure in a few days I won’t remember that bitch's name.

She fucked with the wrong couple.

I need to figure out what is happening with the club and where I’m meant to live now that we’re married, and where we go from here. There is so much up in the air clogging up my brain and now we are back on home turf and I’m free to wander about in my life without severe security, I intend to sort it out once and for all.

It doesn’t take long to get to the apartment. We are escorted by two men up to our floor who then vacate to the little security room with the regular staff here. Leaving us to our home with privacy as though they are not even here. It’s all very swift and silent and Alexi barely acknowledges them, such is the normality of it for him. It will take some getting used to, and I was only just beginning to tolerate Jackson as my shadow. I hope to God that isn’t the end of him being my sidekick as I will miss him like crazy.

Jackson knows me and my moods, he knows my schedule and my likes, so I will put my foot down and cling onto that little gem as my permanent bodyguard. Alexi will say yes because it’s me and I’m learning that he rarely refuses me if I ask in the right way.

Boy is becoming someone I can wrap around my little finger.

Lync comes tearing at us as soon as we walk into the open living room, the gorgeous smell and sight of his home, air filled with something delicious from Mrs Capone, bubbling on the stove for our arrival. Alexi steps in front of me and commands him ‘down’ before he takes a flying leap at us in his excitement. He is a flurry of wagging, fluffy, ecstatic wriggling to get against us and a lot of tongue licking at any part of our anatomy he can get to. It’s a happy homecoming that does its best to drag away the last dregs of the dark cloud hovering over me. All of this just fits and is the place I have been looking to belong to my whole life.

Ecstatic to be back here in surroundings that have quickly become necessary to me. An extension of him so no wonder it feels right. I wouldn’t change anything about this apartment at all.

Alexi crouches down and gives him a proper rub and hug, rolling him onto his back for a tummy massage and I pad past them to wander over to the sitting area, discarding bag, jacket and shoes as I go. Relieved to be doing so. I give them their few minutes of male bonding time as I know Lync will come cosy up to me right after. I missed that furry beast in some weird way.

I get to the couch and flop down like an empty rubble sack and slide my legs along the seat before exhaling loudly. This feels like the one place in the world where nothing can touch us anymore, and if I’m being honest, I wouldn’t mind if this is the permanent home. He hasn’t mentioned if it will be, but I would assume so seeing as this is Alexi’s choice of home. It’s the best of all worlds, really. Has cosy touches similar to his bolthole but the modern sleek design of the club and his other apartment. It’s spacious, with more room than we would ever need, with a garden on the roof and around the clock security. My idea of heaven.

I could stay here until the end of time and never feel caged in. It’s perfection in a building and it’s both sides of the man I love, colliding into one.

How could I not love it and all within?

“I’ll be back in a second. I have something for you; I just need to check where it’s been put.” Alexi wanders past me, throwing me a charming smile and I sit up, blinking after him as he disappears towards the stairs near his office. Wondering when the hell he had something for me sent here and when he even arranged it or why. I should get used to his surprises, he’s a man of sentiment and I guess he will fill my future with random gifts at odd moments when I least expect them.

Not sure this is the best timing for something romantic and gifted, but then again, maybe it is and will help settle me down and forget this morning.

I pick up the remote, sink back on the couch and lazily channel hop while trying to clear my mind of images of what we just left. Hating that they are plaguing me, but then it’s only just happened, and I reckon I’m still in a weird state of numbed shock. I have been through this before and it will pass, it always does. I just need a good distraction until it goes away.

Those men. It was brutal and will probably haunt me for days yet. I know it will fade, much like seeing him kill one or two other men in the past few months has, and over time, I might not care anymore when I’m exposed to shit like this. But for now, my head's churning it over and making me feel sick and antsy.

Marianne—well, what can I say about her. It was long overdue, and she brought it on herself. She tried to take me twice and I have no doubt she intended to have me killed. She’s not worth my brain space.

I think what got me the most was the lack of human response in that room. All those men, uncaring and disregarding human life so easily. No one was shocked or scared that they were murdering people in front of them. No one worrying about the backlash. It’s horrible to know people like that exist in the world and they do such things with the same nonchalance as someone taking the rubbish out. It’s a normal way of life for them. None of them cared at all, and I doubt any are sitting mulling it over an hour later.

It will be a normal way of life as long as I choose to be with him, so I need to man up and let it go. I made my bed, and I accepted all of this. It’s not much worse than the shit I have done in my past and it’s something that's normal in his world.

Alexi reappears carrying a large hat box, and it distracts me from my thoughts, sitting me up with intrigue, I put my feet back on the ground to eye him warily.

“You know I don’t wear hats, right?” I point out with a tone that sounds a little condescending. Not sure why in hell he would suddenly buy me one and despite myself, I feel stupidly disappointed. I don’t want to be ungrateful but seriously … men don’t buy women hats. It’s plain weird. I thought he had more taste and insight than that.

Alexi carries it unusually carefully and slides it onto the table in front of me, pushing Lync back who seems overly interested in it for some reason. Sniffing it in a rather rabid manner and almost breaking my leg with his ecstatic tail wagging. Whatever the hat is made of, it clearly gets dogs excited, which makes me even more apprehensive about what the hell it is.

Alexi sits beside me, taking over the couch and takes the tv remote from me and discards it beside him. Looking cool as a cucumber despite my obvious lack of excitement. It’s that cocky arrogance of a man who is sure his woman will like his offering, even if she looks unimpressed so far.

He’s strange.

“It’s not a hat. It’s something I figured you would love when Jackson told me about it. I’m sorry about the timing, but I figure it’s a good distraction.” He smiles at me softly, no hint of anything suggesting he’s worried I'll hate it, and I just blink at him and then the hat box and back again. My gut telling me that maybe it’s something worse than a hat if it requires a box this size.

“It’s not a head in a box or anything like that?” I’m sceptical, he is a Mafia boss after all, and I have visions of some severed head, maybe Marianne’s, sitting in there, oozing fluids. I mean, that’s what they do in Hollywood gangster movies.

We just left her with that gang of thugs to be beaten, tortured and slain so maybe it’s not hers, but I’m sure it has to be something equally significant to celebrate my move to Queen Carrero. Maybe Rick’s ashes or some shit. I don’t know, Alexi can be weird sometimes.

Okay not that weird, maybe I need to stop with the over-thinking sometimes, I even scare myself with my conclusions that are never right. It might not be ashes … it might be someone’s hand or foot. Might even be someone’s genitals to show me some rancid past abuser is too dickless to hurt me again.

Okay, Camilla, stop now.

Sometimes I even freak myself out.

Alexi shakes his head at me, almost like he can hear my babbling thoughts, and smiles encouragingly.

“No more Godfather movies for you, London. I sometimes wonder what goes on in your head. It’s not a body part. It’s not something disturbing. I’m not a sociopath, despite the earlier confusion on that subject.”

I give him a sardonic look of ‘ha’ and shove his arm away as he tries to prod me in the face with his pointer finger.

“Okay, give me a hint. I don’t think I can take any more surprises after this morning. If it’s not something gruesome then what is it?”

Alexi sighs and loses the last of his non-existent patience, hauling the lid off rather than answer me and pulls the box closer to the edge of the table. That impulsive streak of his would be almost adorable if he wasn’t such a stroppy git with it sometimes. Ruining his own surprise.

From my vantage point, it looks empty, so I screw up my face and lean forward to scrutinise the contents, warily edging nearer in case it’s some sort of jack in the box waving around someone’s ring finger or some shit. I jump in surprise when a little furry ginger ball pops up and scares me half to death. It’s mobile, breathing and makes a noise.

I literally jump, squeal and cling to Alexi when it lets out a sad, pathetic little miaow. A tiny wail that stops me in my tracks and makes me peer at the hairy gremlin again, with a less suspicious mindset.

“It’s not going to eat you. I mean, after that mangy, flea-bitten …” Alexi sounds sarcastic but the glare I throw him stops him mid-sentence. A look that tells him I might castrate him if he carries on.

Criticising my feral baby.

He just stops. Knowing my glare of ‘don’t you fucking dare’ which seems to cool his jets, and he switches to a charming smile instead to cover his misdemeanour.

The miaow calls to me again and I’m so drawn I completely forget all else. I lean in to peer at the delicate little bundle of ginger stripes and fluffy white tummy and really take stock that it's not some rabid gargoyle at all. It’s a kitten. A little blue-eyed poofy bundle, crying desperately to be picked up. Cooing and calling me to adore its precious little fluffiness.

I do so, without hesitation and pull it into my lap to cradle and stroke immediately with careful hands, glowing with the way its warm, precious little body fills them. Babies I don’t do but this, well, it is heart melting gorgeousness that makes you want to rub your face on its ickle belly.

“You bought me a kitten.” Tears hit me, eyes misting up as I lovingly pet the little thing, and Alexi leans over and uses one finger to ruffle the fur between its ears delicately. Totally not an Alexi move, and I just give him an adoring watery smile, my heart full to bursting. Morning forgotten, fears, anxiety and guilt, all lost in a white fluffy wave of 'ahh'.

“Figured it was this or a baby.” He laughs devilishly and I throw him another serious glare, followed by a swipe with a scatter cushion which he dodges. It’s way too soon to be joking about all the shit that’s gone down these last few days and he just shrugs at me. Doing what he does best I guess, making light of things others wouldn’t and somehow taking away the heavy doom and gloom of the topic. He’s still a dickhead sometimes, but he’s my dickhead.

“You are so full of surprises.” I genuinely beam at him, unable to tear my eyes away from this loving, wriggling little parcel.

It’s true. I would never in a million years have expected to come home to Alexi having bought me a tiny kitten. I don’t even know why he did it or when he arranged this, but I love her, she’s the cutest thing I’ve ever seen, like Feral without all the battle scars, only much smaller. As she curls her little paws around my hand and licks my thumb, I grin like a lunatic. Insides melting, heart filling and senses all going gaga.

Everything forgotten when faced with such cuteness overload. I really needed this more than I ever thought I would, she heals so many wounds from this past year. She’s all mine, and she fills a small dark place inside of me that Feral left behind.

My heart swells and I go all ‘goo’ and ‘ahh’ for this bitty little thing. Instant adoration for how sweet she is, and that warm gooey feeling normally associated with human offspring in most women. I love her already.

“Jackson is the one who told me they were looking for homes. He found the mother and her litter behind the club and took them home a few weeks back, so there’s a good chance the father was Feral. He didn’t want to upset you by telling you so soon after we found him, so he has been taking care of them and been calling her Red.”

“Feral?” I gawp up at him and then back at Red and blink away the sudden tears that swim in front of my eyes, suddenly overwhelmed by the connection which now holds even more weight. I can’t explain the way it makes me feel as it’s so all-consuming on many levels. I want to cry and squeeze her, hug him and dance in circles all at the same time. Feral’s baby, his legacy and here she is, coming home to me. It seems right.

“Yeah, figured that would make her more special and hence why I had to take her. They turned sixteen weeks yesterday and Jackson really needed to get them out of his house now they are climbing the curtains and eating him out of house and home. She’s ripe for a forever home.” Alexi leans down and pets Lync who is still clambering for attention, giving him some adoration to curb any jealous reaction, pulling him between his legs and giving him a hug. Lync just continues to stare at his new sister and whines because he wants to sniff her.

It seems really odd to me that two men like Alexi and Jackson have been having kitten conversations. Call me crazy, but he's not who I met that day in the hospital so long ago. That Alexi Carrero was not a kitten buying, kitten naming type at all. He wasn’t even a dog man and looking at him now, giving Lync so much affection I melt completely.

My heart is heavy with happiness and pain for my unforgotten feline, and I just stare at her, seeing more similarity to him now. The little angry face despite purring away. The way her fur starts strong and red and fades to almost white by the time it reaches her tail. Unusual striping and a lot of personality in that silent little stare she has fixed on me.

“She’s perfect. I love her. I really do, Lexi.” I break into soft tears and nuzzle her to my face, revelling in her tiny little body rubbing against me, laughing stupidly when she licks my nose, and he slides his hand up my back to comfort me.

“Thought you might. Are we keeping the name? Red?” Alexi lets Lync go and slides me closer to him so he can drape an arm around me casually. Clearly comfortable with the adoption of a new pet that might sharpen her claws on all he owns.

“Red? I like it. Maybe Gino will stop calling me it if we have an actual Red in the house.” I stroke its tiny head, listening to the whimpering baby noises and beam as its vibrating body purrs itself into a quick slumber, still curled as I lay her down gently. She seems content anyway, and she's a little chubby monster whom I predict will soon have Lync terrorised, if she is anything like me.

Alexi’s big bad wolf is sitting with a cocked head watching her at a distance with both interest and confusion, unsure if he wants to get close. He’s a gentle giant so I have no doubts he won’t hurt her, but he will soon get to know this little kitty has claws.

Lync and Red.

Alexi and Camilla.

The similarity is not lost on me and that poor dog doesn’t know what he is getting himself into. I almost feel sorry for him and gaze at Alexi with the same kind of empathy, giggling to myself when I see the connection. What he has to put up with, in me.

“You’re good at distraction, you know that?” I lean into Alexi and nudge him with my shoulder, more than aware of how he just swooped in with this little thing right at a moment my head was spiralling out of control. Bringing me peace like he always does. He just seems to know how to pull me out of a black hole and bring back a level of sanity to my messy head.

“It’s my job. Keeping you happy. Putting up with small furry psychos that will probably grow up to leave permanent scars on my legs,” he jests, smiling down at me, and I rest my head against him to watch her sleep.

He strokes Red again but this time his other hand slides on top of Lync’s and he pets them both simultaneously. My eyes wander from Red to Lync and I sigh with the weird contentment this little scene gives me.

“Guess we have a ready-made family after all.” That statement sends my giggles into overdrive and Red miaows in protest as I move with laughter. Annoyed I woke her up and that just gets me even more. Insanely happy so suddenly and I can’t contain it.

“She’s a little diva already. I love her. She’s perfect.” I give Alexi a peck on the cheek and am rewarded with him catching my chin in his fingers and get pulled back for a proper kiss. Sinking a passionate one on me that curls my toes and leaves me wanting more. Moulding me to him awkwardly so I can leave her on my lap while sliding my arms around his neck. Devouring him needily.

Breaking away, breathless and hot, aching for something more than a kiss now he has me fired up. I slide my sleeping baby onto the couch and watch her with adoration as she curls into a ball on the fluffy cushions. Lync pads over to sit on the floor and props himself below her, matching her pose and makes it clear he is taking on the role of guard dog and protector for our new little princess.

Alexi smiles, tugs me onto his lap away from the duo and smooths back my hair in the way he always does. That gentle caress that is uniquely him.

“Takes after her mother.” Another smile, dimples and all, and it floors me completely.

“See, you’re learning. I’ll make a romantic of you yet Mr Carrero,” I purr happily, easily sliding against him fully, fitting snugly in the best possible way.

“Over my dead body. Rom-what?” Alexi grins, capturing me in another kiss and pulls me in close for a make-out session that will definitely end up in the bedroom. No better way to forget all the drama that surrounds us than getting lost in a happy naked place where he reminds me of all the good skills he has.

He’s right—who needs romance when you have him?