Chapter 378

I’m standing staring at myself in the mirror, nerves eating away at me and fidgeting with my dress a little obsessively. It’s long, fitted, ivory, and very classy. A sleek, full-length, fishtailed number that looks great on my body, with my toned-down neutral face and minimal jewellery. Stomach in knots and anally checking my appearance like my life depends on it. Despite knowing, I look flawless.

Déjà vu from the morning I met his mother and yet this is way worse. I’m terrified.

“You look gorgeous, stop fretting.” Alexi’s voice comes from behind me and he sways to the side of me as he approaches. I stop him mid-step and lean my body against him gently. Backing myself against him. This is something I have been working on for a while now. Letting Alexi get behind me, touch me when standing there and leaning against him. He doesn’t object, just stands still recognising my attempt and lets me fall back against him gently.

It’s stupid and weird, I guess, that it’s such a hard thing to overcome, but he’s been so gentle and understanding and never makes me uncomfortable. He strokes a finger down my exposed spine in my backless dress and kisses me on the back of the head, making sure not to wrap me up so I feel trapped even though I know it’s dumb. He understands though and with the therapy sessions he talked me into, I’m doing better on so many levels when dealing with my past. We share a shrink, as odd as that sounds.

The inner anxiety and fear are getting less every time I let him stand behind me but I can still only handle this for seconds at a time and pull away as soon as that choking feeling rises in my throat, threatening to bring on a full panic attack. It’s still a trigger, but one I will overcome for him one day, so he can stop watching how he approaches me in our daily life. I want to stand in his arms and curl up like normal people do.

“Why are you in here, anyway? What happened to not seeing me until I’m walking down the aisle?” I turn to him, chastising him teasingly without meaning it and smooth down his tuxedo lapel automatically, straightening his bow tie to admire the handsomeness that is my husband. About to be husband all over again in our little ceremony to solidify our four-month-long marriage.

“We’re already married, London. I also don’t believe in bad luck. Besides, I need you to sign this so we can get the ball rolling before we head off on our honeymoon.” Alexi lifts the file he has in one hand and slides it onto the vanity beside me. The Carrero logo emblazoned on the cover and I squeal in excitement. Knowing exactly what this is as I’ve been on tenterhooks for days waiting on his lawyers to draw it up.

“Is that what I think it is?” I literally bounce as that fretting, nervous energy explodes into sheer happiness. Overcome with excitement that pushes all else away.

“Open it and see.” He throws me that devilishly handsome smile, with full dimples and sparkling eyes that make me want to bone him so badly.

Sexy bugger.

He moves back and holds out a pen to me. A smile of utter bliss on that perfect face and I take it merrily. He moves aside to let me in and slides his hand on my arse as I bend over to scope out the paperwork.

Flicking open the file, I swear I dissolve into a pot of bubbly, warm contentment. It’s the final contracts for my new business just like I hoped, and I can’t contain the ecstatic squeal that bursts forth a second time. Alexi standing proudly watching me with utter amusement at my reaction.

Weeks of Alexi negotiating a price and taking over New York’s finest finishing school for ladies of the rich persuasion. A place I will excel at moulding women who come into money and grandeur into classy ladies ready for social events and appearances.

The school is already thriving and well known among socialites and city celebrities, but the owner wanted to retire and leave her ship at the helm of a worthy captain. Alexi knew her well and convinced her over a very elegant dinner that I was that woman.

I AM that woman.

I had the ability to take a common street rat and turn her into a polished New York socialite with all the skills required to hold her own among the rich and powerful. It’s what I was born to do. I’m an example of my own skills.

Alexi banned me from working in the club, just as I knew he would, even though I still own it; Rebel does a great job of keeping me informed. I sign papers, make the big decisions but that little earner is ticking along nicely under the girl I have trusted to stand in for me. Making me a mint. I wanted something respectable and worthwhile I could do on my own. Build it up, not be afraid to tell people what I do when my husband introduces me at dinner parties. I wanted something of my own I could be proud of. Something to fill my days instead of living a life of leisure. I wasn’t built for boredom.

I also didn’t want Alexi to pay for it. So, I used the club as collateral and made him loan me the money with a repayment plan in place so the school would truly be mine. I expected opposition from him and his control freak ways, but he agreed to everything. Maybe because I set up a proposal to take to the bank if he said no and that would have really pissed him off.

In fact, he seems proud that I wanted to do this myself and not rely on him. I have ambition and drive, and he guessed that stopping me would be the sure-fire way to make me miserable.

I can do this.

The last few months have given me space to grow so much within myself. A newfound confidence in my abilities and I know that I can do whatever I set my mind to. I mean, I bagged myself Kingpin over there when I truly was the last person in the world who ever stood a chance with him.

Settling into life with him is never boring. He’s still a badass control freak who needs gentle handling and often drives me insane. But sometimes, I’m a spitfire psycho who throws things at his head. We’re dysfunctional and volatile at times, but we work. I’m happy, he makes me happy and now with this, I will have that identity and independence I was terrified of losing. I will have my own focus and worth in this world he lives in. I won’t just be the wife of Alexi Carrero. I’m Camilla Carrero, mentor to girls across the state in all the most notable families. A name and reputation of my own and no reason to hide in shame. I stand beside him, not behind, and he is happy with a wife who wants to be seen.

I finally, legally changed my name to Camilla. Now I have no fear of a paper trail catching up with me. If anyone from my past surfaces, Alexi deals with it. In the way he knows best. I almost look forward to them trying because I know how swiftly he makes them regret their reappearance.

Tyler learned that the hard way. A minor little erotic asphyxiation gone wrong with some cheap hooker saw him choking to death purely by accident. Well, as much of an accident as any that happen in Alexi’s world. He should have known my husband wouldn’t let him carry on being a twunt to me at every occasion we rolled up together. It only took one more sly, underhanded insult, and the next day came the devastating news that Tyler had had a sex-related end to his miserable life. What a shame. I didn’t cry for him, but we attended his funeral to pay our respects—Not.

You don’t fuck with my man if you expect to keep breathing for any length of time.

Tyler is no more, Rick is no more, and Lisa is no more. She’s just a distant memory of a little broken girl that no one loved or cared for. She was a common little street rat who owned nothing and had nowhere to go, except down.

Camilla, on the other hand, she’s thriving. With a family of Carreros who love her, a husband who adores her, and the future looking brighter every day. She can only go up and will never know the pain of solitude and fear again. She’s home. Finally found what she had been searching for her whole life.

I stay out of his world as much as I can, but he tells me everything. We have no secrets and he knows where my boundaries lie in terms of what I’ll get involved with.

Marianne’s end was the last time he exposed me to the grittier side of his world, and he does his best to keep my life stable, calm and safe. This I can deal with and I no longer worry I’m not enough for him. He takes care of me, shields me, and treats me in a way I never felt worthy of.

Alexi worships me every single day. Little gifts and affection, time and attention, and he will take me with him whenever he can. I couldn’t have asked for a more perfect man or a life that is just so tailored to what I needed.

I sign the paperwork on all the little post-it marked spots excitedly, flipping through the loan pages and the business takeover details, having previously read through rough drafts with my own lawyer, and finally, get to the last page. Signing Camilla Carrero boldly on the last dotted line with a flourish and a massive happy smile. Almost jumping up and down, such is the internal happy, bouncy ecstasy shooting through every cell.

“There. All done.” I hand him back his pen with a glowing radiant grin in the best mood I have ever felt. It’s all falling into place and things are really starting to look rosy in terms of me and my business ambition.

“By the time we come back from our trip to Sicily, you should have the keys to your school and life can move forward.” Alexi leans in and kisses me softly, stroking back my hair into my elegant updo and admiring me for a moment. Those gorgeous pale eyes so still today, no storm brewing at all and he sweeps over me with that same longing he always has whenever we are upright and clothed. He would keep me in bed forever if he had his way.

“I’m so excited I could burst.” I giggle and pull another cutesy smile from him. Melting inside with a giddiness that makes me feel like a child. Bursting with a happy buzzing energy that could rival his. Clinging onto him as I do my little happy dance that pulls a laugh from him as he watches me.

“I have something else for you. Something new to wear while we retake our vows.” He slides a hand inside his jacket and pulls out a little black leather box, holding it out to me and I take it with a flourish. Smiling widely at a gift which I know will be thoughtful, they always are. I’m always blown away by his surprise presents. I have loved everything he has ever bought me, and I click it open hurriedly, so eager to see what it is. He knows me so well and never disappoints.

There’s a tiny, silver and diamond encrusted crown charm sitting in the velvet-lined box, sparkling back at me. So delicate and beautiful and I finger it carefully as I inhale with surprise. Instantly calmed from over-enthusiastic to a sudden emotional stillness. Touched deeply by this expensive tiny piece.

“Every queen should have one. I told you I would give you one of your own.” He utters softly, watching me, a look on his face that matches mine. Adoration, contentment, happiness. He too, these past months, has mellowed in so many ways and completely surpassed all expectations as a husband.

“It’s for my bracelet?” I ask quizzically, turning my wrist and my beloved, most cherished piece of jewellery, I never take off, rolls around to show off its existing duo of charms. The little heart is the same size and style as this crown; I hold out my arm for him to unclip it for me so I can add my new little trinket to wear for eternity too.

Alexi undoes it and takes the box to add my crown for me, turning to the vanity while he sorts it out for me before sliding it back on my wrist and fastening it securely. Swiftly, with an expert touch seeing as he has to take it off for me when I shower every day. I turn my hand and jingle it lovingly when it’s in place, admiring it, falling in love more so than I was before. Admiring the perfection in his choice.

“I love it. It’s so perfect and beautiful. Just like you.” I throw myself at him in an embrace, genuinely moved as I hit him with a hurried kiss and then wipe my lipstick from his lips with a grin so wide my face hurts with it. I feel like it’s all I have done for weeks. Smile through my days and end up with many laughter lines. May have to think about Botox at this rate.

“Lex, everyone’s ready.” Mico’s voice trails in the open door and pulls our attention to him, butting into our moment, standing there all suited and booted in a matching tux to Alexi’s. Looking handsome and ready to get this show on the road.

Nerves hit me hard again and I blow out a steady stream of air to try to re-centre myself as my stomach turns over and churns with the reminder of what we are doing. That sign we are going upstairs to do this in just a minute. I shouldn’t be nervous but I am. Being soft and gooey in front of our nearest and dearest goes against everything in me.

“We’re coming, go up. We’ll only be a second.” Alexi dismisses one of his best men and turns to me softly. Fixing me with a tender look and takes both my hands in his, tangling my fingers snugly within his and calming me.

“Let’s do this the right way.” A smile, a forehead to forehead gentle nudge and he takes my arm and slides it into his carefully, treating me with kid gloves like he always does, making it obvious he won’t let me delay it even if I’m petrified.

We arranged a ceremony in our own roof garden, in this warm month with everything in the greenhouse blooming and looking beautiful. A small private affair. Although the live feed video set up so certain family members can watch is a compromise on his part. Alexi wanted more than our immediate loved ones here, and I didn’t want anyone except our two witnesses if I’m being honest. The video feed enables a room full of guests far away in The Hamptons to be a part of this, and I get to have my small gathering in intimate surroundings in our home.

It’s hard to break habits of a lifetime, and I don’t think I will ever really settle into a huge family gathering comfortably.

We had a temporary chapel set up with a floral archway and a petal covered aisle, all tended to so lovingly by Mr Capone. I love our Capones so much; they feel like the parents I never had, and thanks to them, I’m slowly learning Italian under careful guidance. They just add to the world in which I now dwell and couldn’t want more from.

I never imagined I would ever talk him into it being so uber romantic, with a venue all candle lit and pretty, but one thing I have learned is a sure-fire way of getting what I want.

Tell Alexi it will make me happy and he will move mountains to make it so.

My king, so easy to coerce to my will now I know how.

We walk out of the room steadily; me clinging onto him as I quell my nerves by latching to his body, and Lync jumps to attention, waiting patiently for his master by the door. He’s looking very smart and groomed and wearing a little bow tie for the occasion in the matching dark blue that the bridal party is wearing. Those freakily similar eyes are sparkling with glee because he loves nothing more than attention.

I love this dog to bits, and although Alexi told me under no circumstances would his dog get dressed up, I managed to swing one little cute accessory. Red has a matching hair bow and is upstairs already being held hostage by Alessandra. Red is the ultimate Diva and will never do what you want her to do if she doesn’t want to do it. Sitting pretty for my big day is not high on her list of cat priorities but luckily, she loves my best friend Alessandra and will sit in her lap for hours to be petted. Red has blossomed into a beautiful cat, the spitting image of her departed father.

Alessandra and I have become inseparable. We spend many lunches and shopping trips comparing our twins and spending ridiculous amounts of money on clothes and shoes, and maybe the occasional pet accessory seeing as she adopted Red’s sister. Luckily our brothers like each other’s company and we frequently double date with them. The little happy group of perfect companions who accept me as I am, flaws and all.

It’s helped bring Alexi back to the land of humans and normal things. Cinema trips, the zoo, picnics in the park and all that gushy stuff he avoided like the plague. He and Gino seem to be closer than ever before, and Gino has even quit his occasional use of narcotics and far too much booze. He’s trying to grow up and act like an adult. I mean, he is scheduled for his own wedding in six months’ time.

They much prefer taking their women to clubs and weekend getaways to hang out in saunas and hot tubs nowadays than getting smashed and hungover on trips to Vegas, where anything can happen while under the influence.

Alexi is even teaching me how to ski.

Crazy.

We head up the stairs from the bedroom floor to the roof, and I stop him as we get to the door to the outer area, having a last moment of panic and insecurity. Insides churning with nerves, hands trembling as reality kicks in and we’re right here about to do this thing. One step away, to be precise.

“Wait.” I grip onto his arm tightly, taking a second to suppress my doubts and swallow hard.

“Tell me you love me.” I blurt it out, sounding small and afraid. Something that hits me every so often when my demons and dark doubts plague my brain, threatening to choke me with crippling self-doubt. Alexi turns to me slowly, he knows the drill by now, he is adept at dealing with me when my lack of worth peeks out.

He runs a gentle finger across my temple and down my cheek, tracing me tenderly, eyes locking on mine as he allows me a few seconds to breathe slowly. A minute to gather myself as his touch brings me around. He pulls me close and rests his head against mine, so we are nose to nose and the rest of the world seems to fade away into oblivion.

“I love you, more than anything in the world.” It’s said with conviction, that low soothing tone of his melting away my woes and worries. Reminding me that nothing is ever scary when by his side, and I sink against him. Breathing out and remembering all the reasons I want to do this.

“You want this?” I ask meekly, always afraid that one day the answer will be no, even though I know it’s stupid. I’m working on those insecurities though. I know one day they will stop, and I won’t ask this anymore. He will stop having to reassure me and we can just live in blissful harmony.

Maybe.

“There is nothing I want more than this, except you.” He nudges his nose against mine, which pulls a smile from me and a quiet little giggle. He can be cute sometimes, even though he hates it when I call him that.

Perfect answer. I’m training him well.

I smile properly, sinking against him all the more, instant putty in his hands as he always knows what to say.

“Right. I can do this. Then Sicily for two weeks of sun, sex and meeting extended family, right?” Back to the place Alexi spent most of his childhood; back to the source of that sexy hint of an accent. A holiday away from all of this before I start my new job.

“Right.” He nods at me adoringly, never breaking eye contact.

“Okay.”

I inhale as slowly as I can, trying to steady my trembling hands as those wolf-like eyes settle me down and that calm, cool stillness he exudes brings the same sense of serenity to me. I never noticed until recently just how much I need that solid, statuesque quality he has when I’m in a crisis. His icy manner and impeccable stillness. He’s my rock.

“Okay.” He repeats and this time, without hesitation, takes my hand.

The End.