Chapter 117

“I never imagined you could be so cute. This is all new for me too, I was eighteen when I last had a boyfriend and I never exactly had a steady or normal relationship.” I smile down at him and stroke my fingertips across his ruffled hair.

“Uh-uh.” He covers my mouth with his palm in a flash move so I almost jump at the sudden contact. “You were an untouched virgin who’s never had a single boyfriend in her life, lived like a nun.” He moves over me so he’s hovering above my head. “I was your first everything and will be your last everything, too.” The wicked look in his eyes doesn’t fully cover that tiny hint of seriousness and I pull his hand off my mouth. Amused at this flash of jealous.

“So, it’s okay for you to have been a man-whore, but I’m a pure untouched maiden?” I laugh at him, shaking my head.

“I was a virgin too; all those girls were just all smoke and mirrors. I was keeping myself for you.” He grins and nuzzles my neck, pushing me back into the mess of pillows.

“Of course, they were, I totally believe you.” I shift under him so I can slide my legs open to accommodate him and move them around his waist a little more easily, he settles on his elbows, coming down to watch my face.

“Completely true story. Scouts honor.” His face turns serious and he frowns at me a little. “It’s just us, the past doesn’t matter, it never existed before this moment.” He sighs, eyes focused on mine. The hint of a little frown showing just how serious he is in this moment even while being playful.

“Nope … You can erase the past if you like, but not from this point! Reverse to last night on the dance floor and anything before then can get the giant push. I’m keeping that memory forever.” I slide my arms around his neck, so I can pull him closer, the warmth of his breath fluttering across my naked cleavage and igniting desires I thought we exhausted.

“Actually, I think I may want to keep the hotel floor memory. It maybe wasn’t our happy start, but it was something I never want to forget.” He nudges my nose with his as though asking if I agree and I don’t have to hesitate.

“Fine. If we’re picking and choosing memories, then I’m keeping the boat kiss.” I lower my brows to show I mean business and narrow my eyes at him pointedly.

“Yeah, I want to keep that too, just not everything in between that and the hotel fuck.” He quirks an eyebrow and there’s a cheeky glint in his eye, but I can only sigh.

“Please do not refer to what we do as that.” I roll my eyes, cringing at his constant use of the F word.

“As what? Fucking? Why not?” He laughs at me animatedly.

“Because it’s a vulgar word and makes this sound so … So. Sordid!”

“I like fucking you.” He sucks a small area of neck and my toes curl in response despite trying to tell him off.

“Ruining the moment.” I mutter flatly.

“Making love? Having sex … What about screwing?” he murmurs while distracting me with gentle nibbles heading south.

“Hmmm, yes, yes and no. Equally crass.” I close my eyes at the feel of his breath running down my neck, igniting tingles and shivers through every part of me.

“Jesus, Emma, there has to be some sordidness to our … Making love.” He sits up and looks me in the eye, halting his progress abruptly.

“See, there you go. Such a good boyfriend.” I smile up at him, patting him on the head like a puppy and he shimmies his groin into mine suggestively pulling a giggle from me.

“Easy to train, great! I feel so proud. Can we now go back to my previous subject? You know, now that’s all cleared up.” He slides his hands around my wrists and pulls my arms over my head to pin them down gently.

“You want to take me on a date?” I reply with two raised eyebrows and wiggle to get comfy in this pose.

“No … Dates are all I’ve done for years, empty pointless things. I want to take you out. Something meaningful, I don’t want to call it a date, that seems so far removed from how I feel, from what I think we have.” He’s behaving so unsurely, like a nervous teen again, it only makes him more appealing.

Who knew he had this side to him?

“So where to?” I ask coquettishly, fluttering my lashes as I watch intently. He makes me feel sexy and playful and I like this latest version of me. His eyes fix on my face, lust moving back in as he seems transfixed on my mouth once more, automatically parting my lips at his focus, my breathing becoming shallow at his expression of pure longing.

Oh boy, is sex all we think about?

“I was thinking.” He clears his throat and pulls his gaze away from my mouth with a long pause as though it was hard to do “… The Caribbean … A yacht for some unfinished business.” He looks away, he obviously wants to get to the point without another sexual interlude and I blanche at him.

“In a day?” I laugh in disbelief, breaking into a smile at how absurd that is.

“Okay, so maybe for a week, or three …” He grins back at me, his eyes so clear and alluring in that sparkling green. “I need to undo the memory of the last time we were there.” He kisses me tenderly again, my body heating under his expert mouth. His body shifts to fully pin me down and he brings his groin to mine so snugly she almost invites him in.

“I thought you just erased the past?” I smile up and wiggle my hips to get him to proceed with reuniting us down there.

“Okay, so maybe I just want to take my very serious girlfriend on holiday. Romantic time out … I like saying that … Girlfriend.” He sounds it out slowly and breaks into an adorable grin and I’m rewarded with a firm kiss planted on the mouth.

Jake seriously likes kissing.

“Don’t you actually work anymore, Mr. Carrero?” I give him the innocent coy look that I’m getting good at. Amused by him while so in love with him.

“Not much since I stupidly sent my PA away, I’ve been worse than useless at my job … She’s going to freak when I get her back in my office and she sees the chaos she’s left in her wake.”

“Is she now?” I sigh at his admittance. “What about your stand in? Was she no good?” I ask innocently, knowing fine well my mentor Margo has been back at his side while he was searching for a replacement. Jake seems intent on twirling a strand of my hair now, softly tugging it across the pillow and flattening it out, fiddling. A tell-tale Carrero trait when he is uneasy in a topic of conversation, he fidgets like he needs a distraction. Who knew he could be this utterly cute?

“I think she probably hates me now; I’ve been a nightmare of a boss … She threatened to throw me from the sixty-fifth floor window more than once. Told me to get my head out of my ass and get you back.” He grins again, only this time I catch that hint in his eye that he’s only half joking. Another gentle kiss on my mouth like he can’t stop doing it.

I like kissing too.

“You were always a nightmare of a boss, grumpy ass, and very trying on my nerves … …You really missed me that much?” I wiggle an arm free and prod him in the shoulder with a finger. He brings out the playful in me and I like it.

“You’ve no idea, bambino, I felt like I’d severed my own limbs…” He sighs. “When I saw you in the lift that first time back in my building, it was the worst agony I’ve ever felt … I wanted to say so much to you.” He presses his forehead to mine, our eyes meeting. Our conversation taking another serious turn and I forget all about sex when reminded of how much that hurt.

“All you said was my name, you barely looked my way.” I remember sadly, uttering from somewhere dark and try to shake it away.

“I couldn’t formulate the words; I definitely couldn’t look at you. I felt like I was back in high school, nervous as hell, dying to just push you against that wall and kiss you until you surrendered to me. I could smell your perfume from the second I walked in. I could feel you in there without looking at you … I couldn’t deny how much I was missing you, how good you looked, and it felt like shit.” His voice is raw as he recounts something just as painful for him. Tears catch in my throat because I felt the same way. I lean up and kiss him, letting my fingers trail across the perfect brows and down that sexy stubbled cheek as though to soothe us both.

“It felt that way for me too.” I breathe softly.

“I still didn’t know how you really felt, it was the only thing holding me back … Kept telling myself I never had a chance with you. When I heard Rosalie tell Margo you were going to Europe, I thought I might actually explode. I couldn’t just let you go.” He looks tortured and lost in the memory.

“Jake, it was always you,” I whisper gently. “I was scared of how you felt, but I wanted you so much.” Being open with him is proving so much easier than I ever anticipated. The barriers between us finally gone, from the second he told me he loved me I let go. I let myself fall completely into his trust.

“I didn’t see it, miele. So many times, I got close and your wall slammed back up. I figured you didn’t feel the way I did. That I was pushing you and you had no choice. The night we had sex I felt so confused after … I felt like you hadn’t even consented. I tried to think it through a million times, trying to remember if I had just railroaded you into it.” He frowns, his eyes darkening with emotion and that hint of agony wounds me.