Chapter 118
“I had wanted nothing else for so long.” I choke back tears. “I was so scared I would just be another conquest … A good time … That I’d lose you, my job, our friendship … I was terrified.” Tears blur my eyes and I choke on the lump forming in my throat. He leans up, brushing hair away from my face, tracing my mouth with his fingers carefully.
“I wish I’d told you so many times how I really felt, I wish I had just come out and said I love you, Emma. I’m in love with you.” His voice strained with emotion and my heart swells painfully. “If I had, we could have avoided so much heartache. So much craziness between us.” His gaze holds so much regret I can’t bear it.
Jake really loves me. As much as I love him.
Every time this realization hits me it takes my breath away and I want to pinch myself in case it’s a dream.
“I was going to tell you the morning you sent me away.” I sigh wistfully, a single tear pooling in my eye before escaping. He frowns and lifts his head so he can use his fingers to smooth it away as it trails down my cheek.
“Don’t tell me that … It makes me feel like shit knowing that.” He looks down at my throat and sighs heavily “Really?” His eyes flickering back up full of question.
“Yes, really. The whole time you were telling me that I had to go, I was fighting with myself to say it to you, but when you looked at me, you were so cold I knew I couldn’t. You didn’t want me.” Tears fall freely down my cheeks, unleashed as he groans and presses his mouth to mine, kissing me thoroughly, removing the pain of the memory in one fell swoop before moving back to look at me again, his face fierce with raw emotion and so much turmoil.
“Emma, miele … I was dying inside … I thought it was always going to be me on one side wanting you and you on the other trying to keep me away. I did what I thought was best, so I could function and move on. I wanted you more than air. I needed you. I need you!” He kisses me again, trying to push away the sadness on my face. Mine his for the kissing with soft pecks to wipe away my tears and my sadness.
“Why did you send me the song on the dance floor … After everything?” I break in inquisitively; we’ve never really talked openly about our feelings this way. We’ve always skirted the issues, never communicated and I want it all now, I want every detail. I want to devour all the knowledge I can, to understand. Bask in his confessions, hear him talk about things I always believed to be different, that had kept us apart. I want to know what changed. Why then…
“The way you looked at me … I know you … I saw the same broken heart I’d seen in the mirror for weeks, that agony of wanting someone and thinking they’ve rejected you. For a fleeting second, I saw it, I knew I had to ask you, but I had no words and I was scared to ask. When I watched you walk away, I thought about our songs. Our last songs to each other and the song you sent. I’d dismissed it as missing my friendship at the time.” He exhales heavily.
“You listened to it right there?” I giggle, but he shakes his head.
“I realized I couldn’t because you were leaving, I panicked, I needed to stop you going. I’d heard that song a million times on the radio that week, every time thinking of you … Figured what better way to ask how you felt. Take a chance even if you rejected me.” His mouth brushes mine again softly, achingly seductive as though with every touch he’s trying to erase it all.
“I’m glad you did,” I whisper as his kiss deepens and my body begins to unfurl. He pulls away, brushing his mouth against mine once more, so delicately it tickles, making me smile. This, between us, it all feels so natural, so right, like we were always meant to be this way.
“Not as glad as I am … I practically ran after you when you replied. Okay, maybe I did kinda run. Felt like all my Christmases had come at once. I think I must have shoved at least five important clients out of the way,” he mutters against my mouth, both of us breaking into bigger smiles, our breaths so close it’s erotic. “You’re mine now … All of you … I get to touch and kiss you, any which way I want. No restrictions. No holding myself back. Anytime I want … It feels like heaven.” He kisses me on the nose this time, cooling the heat between us a little. He’s trying not to escalate things sexually and I’m a tad disappointed, but I know he wants more, more than sex, more than a casual fling. He wants forever.
“We don’t need to go away to have some romantic time, Jake.” I nestle in his arms, moving to get comfy, resigned with ‘no sex’ right now, even if I don’t agree.
“Not this argument again, what is it with you and refusing my offers of holidays in the Caribbean?” He pins me down, an evil look flitting across his face. “Don’t make me torture you into a yes.”
“It’s only torture if I don’t like it,” I reply cheekily and push my mouth into his. If he isn’t going to ignite this passion, then I sure will. I slide my hands around his neck bringing his mouth hard against mine, deepening the kiss and bravely pushing my tongue against his. He groans and surrenders, his body instantly molding to mine fully and I know he’s done for.
