Chapter 147

My day is going to consist of sitting about here if I don’t plan something productive. I end up sat in Jake’s rarely used home office with my laptop and try to work through everything Margo has forwarded at my request. It seems taking that month away from this side of the business has made it so much harder for me to slot back into this life and I’m finding it less than satisfying.

The time we’ve spent at the office, I barely made a dent and found every file ridiculously hard to focus on. My mind always wandering to the six-foot two hunk in the next room. I used to love working for, and with, Jake but now, looking back, I think it was more than just the job; it was him and being around him, even if back then I couldn’t admit it to myself. Now that he is mine and all I can focus on; I’m finding returning to PA mode more than difficult.

Staying home today hadn’t only been because Jake insisted, I just didn’t want to go in and deal with the mundane right now. My head is all over the place and old in control and got her crap together Emma so far removed from who I have become, this is getting difficult. The change in dynamics between us has altered how I feel about my career, something which shocks me to the core. I have more than just a job now. I have a future to look forward to, I have hope. I have love from someone who makes me re-evaluate everything I planned for in my man free, single life I had painstakingly worked toward.

By lunch I am completely fed up, close to tears at my own inability to focus and decide I need a change of scenery. Looking through my clothes, I find something feminine and floaty, bought by Donna the personal shopper that I previously dismissed as ‘not my thing’ and throw it on. I’m aware of how differently I have begun dressing because of Jake. Romantic clothes that I would never have tolerated before. Soft, girly dresses, cute shoes, and accessories, my whole style losing the hard tailored and cold PA look and becoming far more young college girlfriend. A style I have never embraced but somehow, seeing that look on his face when I dress this way makes the world of difference. I don’t have to be scared of attracting sleazy men anymore, I have my protector and he will rip men apart who try to touch me. I like the fact that Jake has that slash of jealousy to match mine, makes me feel less insecure and stupid. He is my security blanket now; I don’t need my armor anymore.

* * *

I get Jefferson to take me to Queens to see Sarah before she heads out to work and spend some time with her in front of the TV, catching up. It seems like forever since I was here, even though it’s been barely days. Marcus is at work, having finally found himself a regular nine-to-five position in an office block and things seem to have settled between the ever-sparring couple. I notice the apartment looks different, small, subtle, masculine changes such as a new stereo and upgraded TV. Part of me a little hurt that he’s changing things with Sarah and I’m no longer part of the decisions or part of the atmosphere anymore. I guess it’s a good sign, we’re going in our own directions, letting life lead us.

I enjoy my time with her and while I sit watching Sarah make us food, I catch up with Sophie on the phone.

“I’m doing good … I really like my school; Leila takes me shopping almost every weekend. She’s awesome and I love the fact that she says she’s your bestie.” She giggles, obvious affection for her new sister. Leila hinted that Sophie has befriended Arrick Carrero too.

“Tell her I’ll come next time you go. I could do with some new girly things.” I smile and actually mean it. I catch Sarah throwing me a puzzled look and mouth, “Shopping”, at her. She looks alarmed and makes me laugh at her reaction. I guess the old me would never have wanted to go on a girly shopping spree. The old me ordered all her clothes online and never cared about anything girly.

“That would be amazing, Leila never shuts up about you … And Jake,” she adds hesitantly then bravely asks, “Are you two really together now? Like, as in, properly a couple?”

“Yes, we are,” I answer proudly and smile at the satisfied giggle on the other end. My face warming at her childish laugh, so good to hear my girl in such a way. After everything, she sounds happy. Really happy and it forms a huge lump which lodges in my throat.

“Good, because you already seemed like a really good couple. He looks after you.” She remarks as though giving her blessing. No hint of the scared and sad girl that she was in Chicago not so long ago.

“Yes, he does. He’s perfect.” I agree, that longing for him to come home washing over me again. I check my watch and catch another haughty look from Sarah. She’s chided my constant time checking since I arrived. He won’t be home until the middle of the night and it’s only mid-afternoon. Not long now.

Emma, you’re being one of those predictable, pathetic women who cannot function without their man!

The conversation soon turns to my mother and Sophie is overjoyed to hear I’m finally going to see her to smooth things over; the girl has real affection for my mother. Despite all my issues with her, my memories and my past, all Sophie has known is a woman who took her in when she needed someone and that led her to me. She begs me to take her next time, once she has a break from school and makes me promise. I can’t tell her that I regret making plans to go, she would never understand.

Before long, Sarah needs to leave for work, and I get Jefferson to drive her there before I head back to the city. It’s still early but I’m restless so I swing by Carrero House to collect some files from Margo.

Maybe if I just throw myself into it without Jake around to distract me then I might finally feel capable of doing this job again.

I get up to the sixty-fifth floor, ignoring the looks from almost everyone I pass. For once, I can’t decide if it’s because I’m Jake’s girlfriend now or because I’m dressed in a romantic floaty dress and look nothing like PA Emma. I stick my chin up defiantly and walk on regardless. Chin held high and a confidence glowing from me that seems to be flourishing with love.

* * *

I end up sitting in Jake’s chair in his office with my feet, free from shoes, curled up under me, pouring over the documents Rosalie has brought for me. A lot of it is just reading and catch up, the merger details, some other small projects Jake has on the go, some new updates to the company policy. It all just blurs together and soon I’m distracted and bored.

Bored? I never bore of work.

I check my watch again, sighing that it’s barely 4.00 p.m. At least he’ll be getting on a plane around now, I frown as I realize he’s not called me since this morning. I didn’t want to call him in case it interrupted the meeting. Not one text. Which shocks me and hurts me at the same time. I check my phone and realize that’s because it’s died at some point between the apartment, Sarah’s, and here so I go off in search of Jake’s charging dock to plug it in on the other side of the room, it’s too flat to switch on so I leave it alone for now.

Completely bored, I end up swiveling my chair around and watching the New York scenery with a heavy sigh, letting the papers slide down my lap. Leaning back in the seat and curling my feet under my legs, I smile at the fact this is the first time I’ve sat in Jake’s chair. Even as his PA I would never have dreamed of commandeering his office and snuggling in his chair, somehow it seemed too intimate, yet here I am now. Using his chair in place of him, using his office to feel closer. This is as much his style as his apartment, all masculine colors and modern art and tiny, sentimental touches. If I close my eyes, I can still smell his scent lingering in the room.