Chapter 159

“I don’t think so. I said when I choose, not you.” He lifts me up from the floor around the waist, igniting my flight or fight mode and I begin clawing and kicking furiously. Physically fighting him but he just laughs at me when he dumps me back on the bed. The anger searing now, teen Emma so undeniably on show and spitting teeth. All hands and claws, slapping and launching at him. No hiding my crazy from him anymore, she is on full show and he isn’t fazed by her at all. Instead he handles her like a pro.

I was so close to orgasm that his stopping has sent me over the edge. I throw myself at him, trying for a slap, his hand catching my wrist, I try with the other, but he catches that too. Throwing me on my back hard on the bed and following fast, he kisses me harshly, his mouth demanding, his touch forcing me to open and let him in. His tongue pushing against mine almost commandingly. He’s forced my arms at the side of my head, his body bringing mine to heel once more. He’s never kissed me this way, it’s almost punishing, a fierceness I never knew him capable of. I’m distracted by what he’s doing and then shocked into a gasp as he thrusts himself into me again. No love, only sheer need to screw me. I cry out with our mouths still locked together, at the harshness of it, yet somehow it only reignites the closeness of my orgasm.

Why are you liking this so much? Emma, what the hell? This is worse than anything any of those men tried to do to you, this is beyond perverse. You have serious mental issues.

He pushes against me harder than before, pinning my arms higher above my head, aggressive dominance pouring from every cell, a hint at his strength and ability to hurt me should he want. He holds me down, biting my lip hard as he moves fast and finally makes me reach that pinnacle of orgasm with speed. I have no way of fighting back, no control anymore, he has me completely at his whim. A dominant, aggressive man taking what he wants from me and not caring about how he gets it.

It’s not the same, it’s Jake. Jake would never do this to me if I didn’t want it. I trust him, even this way, even acting like he wants to hurt me. I know that I’m safe, that he is still holding back his strength. I need this, some strange broken part of me aches for this, despite everything.

I cum loudly, screaming out and spasming out of control around him, my vision going black with the sheer intensity of it. Stars igniting all around and I lose sense of time and space as everything goes blank for a moment. My body finally stilling as he too cums inside me. His body tenses over me before falling heavily, breathing, and panting in unison with me. All my last ounces of anger and rage are dispersed with that explosion and I suddenly feel fragile, vulnerable, and emotional as my body stills from release. My fight disperses to nothing.

He rolls off me onto his back to catch his breath and we lay quiet for a moment. Neither moving nor saying anything, only the deafening silence between us in the now pitch darkness of the room. The sudden urge to cry hits me, I don’t want this version of Jake anymore. I want my gentle Jake who kisses me softly and strokes my face. I had my fun, expelled all that anger and energy inside of me with that crashing release, now I want my security back.

I want my Jake!

I don’t like this version. I shiver, the internal war of emotions getting to me, afraid that he may just go to sleep or go back to whoever he has in the next room, still angry and oozing aggression. There’s a moment of pause, I stop breathing as I try to listen and see if I get any inclination of who he is right now and then he moves. He rolls back to me, his hand comes to my face and gently strokes my cheek softly, slowly, his breath over my skin.

“Are you okay, bella?” His voice is soft and soothing and normal, I’m hit with relief as it washes over me and move into him, curling myself around him possessively, burying my face in his neck as I let all my rage go.

“I’m sorry,” I mutter quietly, fighting the tears. His arms come around me fully, wrapping me against him. My gentle Jake was always there. I’ve nothing to worry about, he never left me.

“No, baby, I’m sorry … Sorry that I made you upset tonight. I’m sorry I left you in that club and I’m sorry I shoved you out of the way … I’m sorry I made you feel the way you did when I came home, you know I can be a prize asshole. Especially when I drink.” His voice is husky, his hand finds my face to lift my chin as he kisses me slow and soft. A perfect Jake ‘I love you’ kiss that melts every part of me.

“I was so mad at you,” I whisper unsurely, closing my eyes against the feel of his skin, confusion running through me at what I just made him do.

“I noticed.” He grins against my mouth; it makes me smile despite myself. “I liked this … Angry Emma sex … But I don’t think I want to do it very often, bambino … I feel guilty now, guilty that I hurt you.” His hand traces my shoulder and upper arm slowly, coming down to stroke across my ass where he struck me. “Are you okay?” He sounds genuinely concerned and remorseful, his face hovering over mine.

“You didn’t hurt me, not really.” I breathe. “I liked it … But now I want normal Jake.” I sigh, my body fully relaxing as his face moves against mine, bringing his nose across my cheek, small playful kisses.

“I’m always here, bambino … Even mid angry fuck, I would have stopped and just made love to you had you said the word.” He brushes his lips against mine, still cupping my face. “You can always trust me, Emma … Even when I’m acting like a violent, crazed, jealous, idiot.” He smiles against my mouth again and moves his body to mold against mine a little better. He pulls the bed sheets up over us now that we’re calm, and our body heat is cooling.

“Jealous?” I repeat, confused and wary.

Had he been jealous when Ben brought up Marissa … Or had it been me? This is what had started my rage after all.

“As soon as I saw him touch you, I wanted to hit him, he gave me enough reason by bringing up the past … It wasn’t about her though … I told you, Emma, with you I get crazy jealous. I can’t even think straight, and this is new for me, I don’t know how to handle it … It just makes me so overwhelmingly angry and I want to hurt people and lash out.” The tension in his voice surprises me. “I’ve never been this way, hence not knowing how to deal with it … Marissa used to try to get me jealous a lot, she would flirt with Ben for a reaction. I guess half the reason things went so far with them was because she wanted me to react and I just never did.” He sighs, tracing my eyebrow with his thumb. “I never loved her the way I love you … This … Us … It’s all-consuming. It terrifies me, Emma. The lack of control I have when it hits, I’m scared of my own reaction. I would give up everything to just be with you. I would do anything to keep you, you have to realize that?”

“But why?” I finally answer, so quietly, so unsurely, tears rolling down my cheek at the words coming from him. I’ve never understood what was so special about me. He is everything any woman could want. Rich, successful, beautiful, fun, and confident. Amazing in bed. He makes me feel like the most desirable women in the world. He takes care of me in every way and I just made him abuse me in an almost rape-like way for my own perverted release of anger.

What does he see in me? A broken abused nobody, a skinny girl from a horrible past who was just his assistant. A cold ice-maiden who kept him at arm’s length for so long that he finally sent me away. How could he have fallen so badly with someone so unworthy?

“Because you’re you … Everything about you … Even when you’re trying so hard to be cold and distant. I can see through it for the most part. I remember thinking you would be a challenge … An ice queen I could melt with my irresistible charm.” His mouth comes down to find mine and gently grazes my lips, soft and sweet.

“So, the lure was because I didn’t want to sleep with you?” I push him playfully but only half of me is joking, I’ve always wanted to know why he pursued me, why he feels for me what he does. So many thoughts racing through my head, overanalyzing everything.

“At first, it confused me, I’ve never had a woman so obviously uninterested in me. I’m not going to lie. I didn’t like it, but it wasn’t just that, it was something which caught me off guard in the first week you worked for me.” his fingers begin tracing the curve of my bottom lip and trail along my jaw.

“What?” I rest my forehead against his, pulled in by the gentle words and gentle touch.