Chapter 160
“You took your hair down … It sounds so nothing when I say it aloud, but I saw you at your desk, sitting engrossed in work. I watched you for a moment, transfixed by the difference it made. You looked soft and innocent, almost vulnerable, like losing that polished, school mistress hair had made you forget the mask for a second and I knew straight away that I was in danger of having my head fucked over by a girl who didn’t seem to want to know me.” He kisses me again, more meaningfully this time.
“How could you know that when you barely knew anything about me?” I giggle at him and his earnestness. My racing thoughts calming away as we lay here.
“Because I had come to realize that you didn’t trust men. You didn’t trust me. There was something about you, a fear about letting me, or any guy, close, I could sense it even though I didn’t understand it … And seeing you just for that moment without the mask, a glimpse of a girl you were trying to protect … I wanted to pull her out of you and protect her for you.” He frowns against me, sighing deeply. “I made it my mission to make you trust me, miele, to let me touch you without you flinching, without that look of fear that you had first time I ever laid a hand on you. I wanted it more than anything … The harder I tried to make you relax with me and saw the crazy number of layers that there was to you, the harder I fell for you.”
“Why would you try? The truth must have been disappointing.” I close my eyes at the memory of first admitting to him I was damaged. The way he had looked so torn and ravaged by it.
“Why would you think that? Finding out why you were so guarded only made me crazy protective of you in ways that made me lose my mind. I’ve never been that way with any woman. Emma. When are you going to realize that I fell in love with all of you, every bad thing that happened only contributed to who you are …? I’ve never known anyone like you. You’re beautiful, brave, strong, smart, sexy, sometimes even funny. I love all of that, but what I love the most is this.” He kisses my nose softly. “The scared, vulnerable, insecure you, who lets me in, who lets me protect her. The part of you who lets her sexual inhibitions go and feels safe enough to let me do anything with. You make me feel twenty feet tall. I want to squeeze the shit out of you. I love this part of you so much more because it’s only for me, because you trust me. Because you love me.” His voice is hoarse and low and filled with emotion. In one sentence he removes my shame about the way I just let him screw me.
“You’re effortlessly easy to love.” I admit quietly, blown away by everything he said. My own voice torn with emotion and my eyes glistening with unshed tears. My heart aching.
“I think there are a lot of people who would disagree, miele.” He laughs, kissing me more slowly this time, more purposefully, pushing my mouth open to explore mine with the tip of his tongue, igniting that same rush of desire inside of me. Longing to have him devour me. “I’ll never tire of kissing you … Of touching you. Of finding new ways to have sex with you.” His nose touches against mine again in the darkness, his body heat all around me and his breath gently playing on my mouth. “You may tire of my jealous outbursts though, but then I did enjoy being punished, so maybe that’s not so bad.”
“You? Punished by me?” I giggle at the ludicrously of it. “That never happened, I think I had the upper hand for all of ten seconds, Carrero … Your dominant self isn’t one to just let it go and relinquish any sort of control.” I giggle, amazed at this ability to talk about what we did as if it was normal.
Maybe it is, maybe couples have angry sex all the time and I am putting too much emphasis on it being related to my past.
“Well next time just fish out that bondage gear and tie me up, then I get no say.” He smiles, I feel it even though I can’t see him anymore.
“Don’t tempt me.” I laugh, his mouth coming to mine again gently, my body curling up into his with longing already. Relaxed and happy, pain and fury forgotten and now aching to have my normal Jake’s love.
“As fun as it was baby … Can I just make love to you the normal way now, as much as I like our kinky games, I love just making love to you slowly and gently. I really want to just get lost in the feel of you and forget tonight ever happened. Sex with you is healing, it brings me so much more than I ever knew possible.” He breathes, moving over me suggestively, his hands coming to brace his weight at either side of my head as he eases his body between my legs. I ache at how in tune we are and that it makes us both feel the same way.
“Can I ever refuse?” I smile as his mouth comes to me, lost to him with every touch. His kiss taking over and pulling me back to a gentler, more satisfying long, slow love making session lasting until dawn and pushing away any shame at what I made him do.
