Chapter 234

“I told you I needed to learn to forgive myself too and that’s what’s stopping me. I haven’t forgiven myself for hurting you. It doesn’t matter that you seem to be able to forgive me and love me. I still feel like a complete shitty asshole for what I did to you. I don’t deserve every part of you back, Emma. When I look at you it kills me that I hurt you, this perfect, angelic, trusting face, that looks at me like I’m her everything. Don’t you see how much it hurts to know the sadness you carried in these beautiful eyes for the past few months is because of me? Not some bastard from your past but me … That I hurt you, baby. I never wanted to be that guy to you. When you told me what happened to you, I swore to myself, right there and then, that I’d never do that to you. That I’d never do anything to put that look of devastation there again, but I did, and I saw it, and no matter how hard I’ve tried I can’t get your broken face out of my head anytime I think of touching you that way.” Jake’s voice breaks.

His hands tighten on my shoulders and he clears his throat in a bid to dislodge the intense emotions caught there. I am stupefied into silence. My head is racing around in circles unable to formulate one sentence with the mish mash of thoughts brimming through my brain. My heart aching between love at what he’s saying, how deeply scarred it has made him and by sadness that he can’t overcome it the way I have.

“Jake … If I can forgive you, then all of this is stupid.” I blink up at him and see nothing but guilt and self-hatred looking back. This is never what I wanted for him; this is not how I want him to still feel about what he did. I need to fix this, because this is not the Jake I want, or the one I know he can be.

I lift my hand to his on my shoulder and clutch it, pulling it down, then turn with complete determination and yank him with me. He follows obediently like a child as though he somehow knows I’m in no mood to be questioned or refused. I storm straight for the front hall, hauling him with me at speed before he can protest. I turn at the stair and pull him after me. He’s being compliant, letting me for the first time in existence be the one to take charge without argument; a part of me tells me he wants this as much as I do. I’m empowered and not in the mood for any resistance.

Daniel and Leila appear at the top of the stairs as we come level with them looking a little disheveled. Daniel is sporting a bloody noise and a grin like the Cheshire Cat; I don’t want to know. They obviously have some severely kinky preferences and Daniel is more than able to handle Leila at her absolute worst. She seems to look a little less aggressive at least and as his hand is on her ass without any refusal from her, I assume it’s all good.

“Let yourself out, we will resume whatever later … Don’t wait for us.” I command and give Jake another demanding yank behind me. He just follows obediently with absolutely no expression on his face. He’s probably mulling over everything he said in the kitchen and wondering if I am having some sort of psychotic break that he should indulge in because of me being fragile and pregnant … I wouldn’t put it past him.

I catch Daniel throwing a cautious look over my head at Jake. He seems confused but sees some sort of sign in Jake’s face that satisfies him so they both slide past us and head down the stairs. Leila giggles as she mumbles “about time.” The sound of a slapped ass echoes our way and they disappear out the door.

I lead Jake in a very commanding manner to the biggest bedroom of the house. The one that previously held the huge four poster bed, the one I’ve already chosen as our bedroom. It’s the master suite of the whole house with the best view and I’ll make a goddamn start on claiming my home! Bedroom first.

It has thick plush carpets that are still here, and drapes left hung on the windows. I let go of Jake at the door and walk into the room toward the windows, grabbing the curtains and drawing them hastily. My mind completely made up, set on what I’m going to do to fix this little situation. Jake has spent the past couple of months fixing my emotional issues for me and I am sure as hell going to do it to him in true grand Carrero style. Never take no for an answer and don’t back down when what you want shows resistance. I’m going to earn my future surname.

Turning to the middle of the room I march forward and immediately start taking off all my clothes in a confident non-caring manner. Completely unbashful and not giving an actual fuck that the door is still open. I watch him stand a little taller, raising an eyebrow as he watches me.

“You have thirty seconds to get in here, shut that door and get naked or this.” I hold up my hand with the engagement ring on. “Gets posted to you from Queens when I dump your ass. No fiancée of mine is going to let guilt destroy our relationship … I’m no fucking nun and if you want a celibate girlfriend it won’t be me!” I snap and throw one of my shoes off, letting it fly across the room at the wall beside him aggressively. It hits it with a thud, sliding down the wall and I wonder for a moment, if this is what Leila did too.

Jake watches the descent of the shoe silently before turning his eyes back to me. There’s a look of humor and a tiny upward crease to the corner of his mouth as though a smile is not far behind, yet he’s frowning.

He still hasn’t uttered a word. He moves in wordlessly and shuts the door very carefully and deliberately, looking very much like a guy who is contemplating running away from his crazy girlfriend or fiancée or whatever. I continue pulling off every item of clothing I have on, with furious intent, and throw each item at the wall by his feet very pointedly, each time with a raised eyebrow his way.

“Well?” I stand naked, with my hands on my hips and face him. Completely unashamed at being nude with a guy who can’t seem to get over his emotional impotency. Jake runs a hand through his hair nervously and takes a deep breath. All hint of humor gone, and he just seems torn and scared, yet little hints of lust are in there. The darkening of his eyes and the way he can’t stop trailing up and down my naked body with them. He stands staring at me, as I am in front of him, for the first time in God knows how long completely stark naked.

“I fucking love you.” He stalks toward me and pushes me backward at speed, walking me the full distance of the room, with eyes locked on mine. His green depths growing more lust fueled with every step. His expression changing from dubious and scared to dominating and sure. As my back hits the wall Jake bends into me and lifts me up around his waist pushing against me and grinding into me as his mouth meets mine. He slides his tongue into my mouth, and I can already feel the difference in his kiss, a hint of old passion and burning desire switching on his more aggressive Carrero Casanova mode.

Thank the stars … Finally!

“I said naked, Carrero.” I push his face away, so I can give him my best haughtiest glare. He smirks and lets me loose from the wall, sliding me down to my feet and steps back. His sweater is off in one easy movement over his head, making him strain every one of his delicious muscles. My body heating up in readiness as I watch him. I can’t tear my eyes off that magnificent frame.

He looks down and unbuttons his jeans easily, sliding them and his boxers down in one go, as he pulls his trainers off discarding it all in a heap quickly. There is no hesitation in his glorious face anymore, just the look of the guy who carried me into his room the first night he ever took me as his. He wants and needs me, and nothing will stop him. My heart soars that I finally have all of him back.

Within moments he’s completely naked and I can’t stop my eyes wandering over that hunky body, hungrily, devouring every inch that he’s kept from me, my eyes almost glued to the part of him that will bring me the most pleasure.

“Looking at me like that definitely helps.” His husky hoarse tone sounds exactly like the Jake I need, and he grabs my hand yanking me toward him forcefully. He catches me, behind my neck and the small of my back and flips me onto the plush carpet in one fast stroke, making me catch my breath. I squeal in the delight at the obvious return of his manhandling at its finest, the grand return of Carrero. He maneuvers on top of me with a firm stroke down between us, along my abdomen and down to my thigh.

“No hands,” I murmur breathlessly, “I’m too close and I just want you.” I lock eyes on his and catch the flicker of doubt cross his face suddenly. His focus moves across my body between us as his brain starts to take over. “Look right here at me.” I urge him. His eyes come back to my face. “Look at me Jake, don’t stop looking at how much I love you and how much I need you in this way. I forgave you and I need you to forgive you too if this is ever going to work.” I silently plead, hoping my expression translates all that he needs to see.