Chapter 103

Arrick moves into my mouth again, seemingly unable to stand the distance, kissing me as passionately as he can, hands ravaging my hair and throat in a bid to keep me close as humanly possible. I can’t withstand his kiss, how it makes me feel, from inside out, an ache and yearning, burning to an almost unbearable fever pitch. His tongue finds mine, pushing us further into the sort of kissing that leaves no misinterpretation to how much he wants to have sex with me. His hands moving down to cup my breast as he pushes against me, my work their way inside his shirt, unbuttoning as I go and revealing that expanse of hard naked torso and tattoos. He presses a knee between my thighs, the pressure making me writhe and grind back to him. We both know where this is heading, and I don’t even hesitate about whether I want it or not.

He slides his leg further between my legs and moves in against me seductively teasing me sexually as his muscle rubs my softness. I let out a soft moan that seems to send him over the edge. I can feel his rock-hard arousal pressed into my pelvis, a real sign that Arrick is as sexually turned on by me as I am by him, insanely so and something inside of me seems to take this as a sign to lead. Inhibitions dissipating between us, sliding my hands down to his waistband and pulling the button and zipper open as he still kisses me into panting submission. I slide my hand into his trousers, seeking him out, no fear, no repulsion, just a dreamlike haze of drunkenness telling me how right this is and not to question it in the slightest.

I encircle him, shyness evaporating instantly because I know I now own this part of him, unsure if I am even doing this right but want to try, and I gently caress his erection cautiously with inexperienced hands. Empowered by my hazy state, fueled by his instinctual responses, his tongue still in my mouth and the subtle moans that start reverberating through him. The sense of power and sexiness it gives me fuels me with adrenalin and I tighten my grip and slide my hand up and down slowly.

Arrick groans as I increase the pressure of my hand, he gently bites my bottom lip and sucks it into his mouth, his tongue tracing my lip erotically before he captures me once more in a full mouth kiss, teasing me relentlessly with the kind of passionate kiss I only dreamed I could enjoy. He slides my dress up from my thighs, one hand smoothing between them to seek me out, the way I sought him out, exploring between them until he skims the outer lace of my panties, grazing my heat and softness.

The touch sends a million tingles sweeping through me, so tantalizingly good that my legs almost give out as heat and an ache consume me. I push into him, urging his hand to explore more, but he pulls back instead. Bringing his forehead to mine and stilling my hand by grabbing my wrist. I don’t want him to stop and give my emotions a chance to catch up; the consuming confused haze that is lingering nearby, only silenced by his kiss which threatens to consume me again.

“Not here, not like this. You mean so much more to me than this.” He pants, his voice husky and low, his voice not familiar this way and it only makes my body vibrate with the sheer longing to have sex with him. Arrick slides his fingers into mine, pulling me with him towards the back of the Carrero house and leads me at speed along the back wall, under the cover of bushes and overgrown roses. Glancing at me and stopping every few steps to kiss me again and run his hand under my dress and over my thigh.

Everything happens so fast. The fast-paced walk to find the back entrance and then high tailing it into the house in complete darkness while his hands and mouth are all over me, pulling me to him and walking backwards within his tight embrace. We make out, fumbling, groping, teasing each other mercilessly while moving through the house swiftly. It’s empty due to the fact his family are still in my parents” house, eerily silent and illuminated only by moonlight. He stops me at the foot of the marble stairway to kiss me seductively, his fingers trailing over my breasts and his tongue probing my mouth sensually, pushing me into complete surrender. I groan and cling to him, seeking out his manhood through his pants and tracing him, feeling bolder with every passing touch and kiss he lays on me, shocked at how much of him I can feel in his pants now that he is all mine.

Arrick picks me up, distracting me from the thoughts I was having about his size and wrapping my legs around his waist as before, but this time he carries me upstairs. Fast scaling them, while still holding me close and keeping my mouth occupied with his, so that I don’t even realize when we reach the top in seconds.

He takes me to his bedroom amid bites and kisses along my jaw, neck, and my mouth, exploring how many ways he can kiss me and always gets an instant response, adjusting to him in every way. He doesn’t seem to have an end to how many variations of kisses he has perfected, and I am completely lost to him and that sensual mouth. All thoughts of anything but him on me have gone out of my head. I never imagined it would be this way with him when he finally let up and kissed me without limitation. I realize how much he held back before, anytime he kissed me in the past.

We get into his room amid a flurry of enthusiastic kissing, frantic groping, and the unbuttoning of clothes in a frenzy of horniness. He manages to maneuver me inside the door, pushing me up against the wall as he shoves it shut and continues making love to my mouth with his own. Both of us ripping off one another’s clothes, drunkenness throwing all sense and caution away and caught up in the sheer desire to quell the burning lust between us as the room spins and sweeps around me. Arrick puts me on my feet so he can drag my dress over my head, only breaking away long enough to pull it off and coming straight back, hand skimming my body and sending explosive tingles in every direction. He reaches around, unclips my strapless bra and slides it away, expertly tossing it aside without a second glance as his eyes stay homed on what he has just uncovered. He devours me with a look before sweeping back to capture my mouth.

His mouth trails to my neck, across my exposed shoulder and down to my breasts as I arch against him, his hands smoothing down to the edge of my panties and sliding them down. He stops again as he gets them low, stooping to take them off, waiting as I lift one foot at a time, extracting them fully from my ankle and the whole while I find myself letting him do this with no sense of inhibition. It’s as though I have completely become submissive to him, no war raging inside, or sense of self-preservation, stupidly trusting him in this because I want it more than anything and I know he will guide me gently. There’s no fear or repulsion, no trauma holding me back.

Soon we are both fully naked, as he discarded his clothes quickly, neither finding any shyness or awkwardness due to the fact neither is anywhere near sober enough to even care. I swear I am drunker than I was in the garden and everything is starting to swim around me with a headiness that has me feeling a little unsteady and fragile.

My body is yearning, burning up and screaming for him, despite years of abhorring this kind of touch and I am having trouble processing the tidal waves of emotions coming at me from all angles over this. My head is torn in two, only quietening when his mouth is on mine, screaming when it’s not, that I shouldn’t be letting him back in this easily. I should be fighting him. My mind’s a mess, my heart’s prickling and swaying one way to the other crazily and I cannot think beyond his touch.

I want nothing but the feel of him, the way he touches me and makes me moan as his hands then mouth move to my most intimate parts as he slides down my body to his knees. Still leaning against his bedroom wall, unsure how to behave or react when he lifts one of my legs behind the knee and bends it up to open me to him. I obey, watching the top of his head move in against me, unable to do anything but breathe heavily and watch in slow motion as his mouth connects between my thighs unexpectedly. I don’t even know what I thought he was going to do but I gasp in pleasure at a sensation I’ve never known and become completely engulfed in the need to be joined to him when it renders me useless.

I almost convulse as hot warm wetness slides between my legs, a unique goodness that has my body instantly erupting deliciously with prickles and flutters, while his tongue probes and smooths within and around me. I gasp, tingling and writhing as I adjust to this alien sensation. He sucks me into his mouth and makes every part of me crumble. I groan out loud, grabbing his shoulder tightly with one hand to hold my weight as my legs start to give and use the top of his head, gripping my fingers in his hair with the other. Arrick’s hands are holding my legs stable to keep me up, as his mouth does things to me that have me wriggling in complete ecstasy.

He makes me pant out as I’m overwhelmed with a wash of sensation that rumbles up from my tones like a crashing wave. It starts as a tingle and has me cry out almost immediately, as it comes upon me out of nowhere. A full body clenching of explosion. So suddenly and so crazily responsive, clawing at his hair and shoulders as my body wracks and spasms with warm pleasure I can only identify as my first orgasm. I’ve heard enough from other girls to know that’s what this is, and I fall to pieces with the huge convulsion of fireworks that happen within me at super speed, turning me into incapable mush as I collapse on him involuntarily. I’m pretty sure making a girl cum in less than two minutes is some sort of record for any guy and whatever he just did to me only makes me want so much more. It literally blew my mind and my body is left tingling with the after-effects as it begins to slowly dissipate, leaving me completely breathless. My weight held up by his strong arms.

Arrick stays between my legs until the spasms subside, and I realize his palm is flat on my abdomen as he was holding me to the wall as my body gave out on me, keeping his mouth in motion throughout the convulsions before finally breaking free. I’m panting in the afterglow, heart racing, body sizzling and unable to stay upright. When he lets my leg down, I almost fall over him, relieved when he scoops me up in his arms and carries me to the bed.

I’m suddenly less than useless after what he did to me and completely pliable under his expert hands as I slump out deliciously. He lays me down on my back on the cool sheets before climbing on top of me carefully, positioning himself over me and between my legs. His mouth back on mine so I can taste what I assume is me in his mouth and I don’t know whether I should like it or be disgusted. It causes a weird sensation in the pit of my stomach and yet no sense of dislike or fear.

Arrick lifts me up under the thighs and slides me further up the bed so he is fully on me, pulling my knees up around his hips as he lowers on top of me to connect our bodies again, still kissing me, moving to my neck and breasts and back up again as he captures my mouth once more. The room is spinning wildly, my chest aching as the walls start to close in on me so suddenly and I grip to his shoulders and try to focus on his face.

With him on top of me, his larger body pushing against me, the darkness hiding his face from view now that we are no longer near the window and the light, I begin to feel unsure. Like some deep terror that used to happen whenever men got near me, begins to uncurl deep down, despite me begging it not to.

The anxiety that always circles around me seems to notch a gear higher as drunkenness and realization that I am about to have real sex hits me. I don’t know if I am ready for this, I haven’t had time to prepare and so many emotions about him are making my head ache with confusion. Everything is swirling around us, even though I am still kissing him back, still sliding my arms around his neck in a bid to find his face and bring it to mine in the darkness. I need to see him properly to help me relax once more.

His hand moves between my thighs and I arch to him in hopeless response to how good it feels, my brain releasing so many conflicting thoughts and feeling as he slides his fingers inside of me slowly. I experience the pleasure of his touch, how strange and yet satisfying it feels, while at the same time, the crushing weight on my chest increases and fights against my head, sending me into instant panic mode that I may have a real anxiety attack.

I try to look at him, but he ducks his head to kiss my throat, sucking, nibbling, lost in his lust-fueled haze of drunkenness and clearly only thinking of sex now that we have gotten to this point. I start to breathe in rapidly, trying to push the weight away and release the pressure in my lungs, trying to claw back some of the control back to my brain and tell myself that he wants more than this. That he won’t disregard my feelings to satisfy an urge. This isn’t just sex. This is more. This is Arry.

Arrick pulls his hand from between us, kissing me on the mouth and I manage to lock eyes for a mere second before he really slides into me, no warning, not that I expected he would give me any. And I gasp and flinch as he penetrates me, slowly and surely, the sensation is alien, nothing like my memories of burning pain, revulsion, shame and devastation and I inhale sharply at how new this feels. It feels completely different and in no way connected to the vile memories of my destruction as a child. This is good, body achingly good but yet, the weight in my chest increases and knocks the wind out of my sails, my head spinning with so many flashes and memories as Arrick fills my body with a part of him.

I close my eyes tight, breathing hard, clinging to him as he moves into me, slides in fully like I’m being filled up to my stomach and suddenly no longer able to stop this. I’m impaled, joined and no longer in control as he starts thrusting surely between my legs. It doesn’t hurt, it’s causing the same pleasure and tingles only with more intensity as his oral attentions. I just can’t stop my mind from starting to unravel.

I start to panic, realizing how unable to move from under him I am, my body his to do with as he pleases because I let him get full control of me so effortlessly. Trying so hard to focus on the fact it’s him, how good it feels, despite the chaos, that despite the heartache of the past months I should trust him. But I don’t, not anymore and it makes me feel afraid.

I lost a piece of my heart when he crushed me, and in turn he took that trust from me and left me all alone. I may be willing to let him devour my body physically, but my heart is back tracking in terror. That I don’t trust him enough to do this to me. Not anymore.

My body moving with his, in and then out slowly, finding a rhythm between us which heightens every sense and makes me pant, moaning in unison as pleasure overtakes because him making love to me does feel physically good, yet my head is starting to wildly claw me away from the feel of it and into a mental agony. His face is buried in my neck, so I can’t see him, only feel him, and I try so hard to stay tuned to how he smells, how his skin feels against mine and not fall into that pit of fear hovering beneath me. I’m losing to myself and retracting into my own dark lonely mental space. That cell where I used to hide.

The motion makes me claw at his shoulders and back, waves of pleasure pulsing to desperate levels but I can’t let go and relax, all I can hear is the heavy breathing, feel his weight on top of me, my head jumping back and forth to other dark rooms and places, and a man who held me down and made me endure this and I am suddenly suffocating. Losing the tiny grasp, I have on my reality, the alcohol making this so much worse.

I turn my head to try and block it out, try to find some inner peace, but I can’t; the goodness is dying as I lose a grip on the reality of my surroundings and instead, fear and panic are gripping my insides so that I am no longer pulling him to me but pushing instead. Arrick’s face buried in my neck, oblivious to the torment going through my skull as he pushes faster and harder into me, groaning as he does so, and I can’t take it anymore.

It feels like he has disconnected from me, that he’s inside me, but all he wants is the end goal, to fuck me and leave me here like the broken mess I was when I met him. Like he’s using me for a vile and dirty release.

I know none of that makes sense, but I can’t help it, I’m losing control of all of it and I am left open and vulnerable with another man who only wants to get inside of me, to use my body as a vessel for his perverted end. My sanity scattering on the wind as my past collides and pushes reason out the door. He is as good as holding me down this way and I let him. I stupidly let him have me, to control me in every way to do with and use as he pleases until there is nothing left.

He hurt me, he left me, and now he won’t even look at me as he uses my body like I’m a dirty whore.

“I can’t … breathe … No … No!” I gasp out in panic, fingers clawing his shoulder and pushing him up, tears finding my cheeks and losing all sense of reality as my head gets lost between memories, and I no longer know where I am. Darkness overtakes me with one lasts weep of chaotic fear and I lash out at the evil that is trying to break me. My father pressing down on me, covering my mouth to gag my tears to silence as he rapes me brutally once again.