Chapter 104

“Sophie … Sophie? Look at me, come back to me.” His soft voice brings me back to my senses and I realize my legs are closed, my tense body held rigidly and curled up in the fetal position. He’s not inside me anymore and somehow, I’m being cradled in his arms, my face turned away from him. Beside him and gasping for breath, his arms around my upper body as he holds me tight against him and strokes the hair back from my tear-stained face. “Just breathe, slow and steady. You’re safe, it’s me, it’s Arry. You’re safe with me.” I zone back in, realizing I am gripping his arm with deadly intent, my nails digging in, yet he doesn’t seem to care. My face is soaked, and I am so dizzy I can barely get my head together. I don’t know where I went, or for how long I went there, but the taste of blood in my mouth shocks me and I’m confused and scared. My whole body shivering with waves of cold rushing through me and I’m aware of the full vibrating shakes both inside and out which are consuming me.

“Where? What? I … I …” I don’t even know what I am trying to say, breathing hard and coming to. I’m in still in his bed, surrounded by him with a sheet over us. Not in a dirty room far away with a mattress on the floor. Not held down or hurt or restrained and gagged. His nose against my cheek as he soothes me, trailing fingers down my face, still trying to hold me so I calm down in his embrace.

“Shh now, it’s okay. I’m not going to do anything to you, baby. Just calm down and relax. Breathe, Sophie. I stopped, I’m not going to do anything to you, I promise.” Arrick’s voice calms me a little, his arms around me, holding me steady and bringing back so many warm and calm feelings from the familiarity of him. How many times he has gotten me through my attacks, my fears, and my nightmare memories. I turn on my side away from him further and curl up smaller in a bid to feel safer. The pose of my childhood after many a time my body had been used and discarded. Arrick cradles me close, his breath against the back of my head, his heat surrounding me, like a balm to everything.

“I’m so dizzy.” I cry quietly, unsure how to even explain what just happened, or why I am even crying. Not knowing why I even have blood in my mouth. I suck in my lip and realize I have cut it, the little lumps along the inner edge feel like a bite mark and I realize this is what I used to do to myself back then. When I was trying to close off my brain to what was being done to me.

“Just close your eyes and sleep. I’m right here. No one’s going to hurt you, ever again. I will always protect you, Sophie.” Arrick softly soothes me again, his head leaning against the back of my skull and pulling me back to how many times I used his arms as my haven. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, calming myself as fatigue hits me hard, still trembling yet finding comfort quickly in his security.

“I thought you were him. I couldn’t see you. Where did you go?” I inhale hazily, whispering, my head coming around in a circle as a flash of memory reminds me of where I was a moment ago. Arrick’s arms tighten around me; his mouth brushes over my temple as he kisses me softly. Smoothing the hair from my face again, like he always did.

“I was right here, always right here. I’m sorry, baby, I never knew you hadn’t done this. I always assumed with the men you dated …” Arrick trails off, his voice ravaged with emotion and I can only shake my head as sleepiness overtakes my brain.

“Never let any … because I’m broken. No one wants a broken girl.” I cry a little softly, sleep taking over despite emotion trying its hardest to consume me, mentally and physically done for and I am lost in a dreamlike state. His body around me is all I know as I begin to slip away into darkness once more, only this time it’s from peaceful darkness, not invading monsters and I want it to take me.

“I do. I always have, Sophie.” Arrick’s voice is the last thing I hear before nothingness relieves me from everything.