Chapter 93

I tie the robe around me when I’m dry, the shower having made me feel a hundred times better, and I throw everything I was wearing in the bathroom trash can. Underwear, shoes, and all. I never want to lay eyes on any of it again, and if I didn’t think it would set off all Arry’s fire detectors and cause a huge scene, then I would burn it all. The thought of that creep all over it makes me want to gag.

I venture out into the lounge slowly, on Bambi legs. I need a glass of water and then I’m going to bed to forget this night ever happened, and I’ll deal with the emotional fallout tomorrow. I stop short when I spot Arrick still sitting on the couch, nursing a coffee, still dressed, seemingly a lot more normal and sober, but in complete torment. I figured he would have gone to bed by now and not to still be sat out here in the low lights. He looks wrecked, more with it, and just emotional for once.

“You feel any better?” His eyes meet mine, so dark and so very green too. It’s weird, a combo I have never seen in this way and I guess he’s been out here thinking this over and sobering himself up, while I removed all traces of that creep from my body.

“I’m okay. You can stop worrying about me.... Did you call Natasha?” I frown at him pointedly, standing awkwardly in the space beside the coffee table, aware that I’m naked under this robe and really should go get a drink, and go to bed.

I really am fine. I don’t feel any worse over this than any of the millions of creeps who have tried it on before. No lasting damage, just a bruise to my ego now that I’ve calmed down and let it sink in. It just made me realize how dangerous the world can be for someone like me, and from now on I’m going to be a lot more responsible for my life. A lot safer.

“I’ve lost my phone, somewhere between smashing some asshole, and running out of a club after you.” Arrick shrugs, completely exhausted suddenly. “I’m hoping she has it and has sense to realize I followed you.” He leans forward, putting his mug on the table, obviously finally feeling remorse at ditching her now that he’s a lot less drunk. Back to my more considerate Arry, finally.

He glances up at me; from this angle he’s young boy cute, adorably endearing, and I notice the bruises on his knuckles, spanning both hands. Evidence, of just how hard he was hitting that perverted creep, and I frown. It’s not an uncommon sight on him, even during training, he sometimes has them, even with gloves and padding, but I stare at them and his eyes follow. He looks at them too, gazing at the marks for a long moment and then stands up suddenly.

“I wanted to kill him.” He states it so seriously, our eyes collide as we stand feet apart and then he frowns hard.

“I saw.” I frown too, tears in the back of my eyes threatening as he reminds me of what happened tonight. Weirdly seeing his hands this way, hearing him talk like this makes it more real. I don’t want to talk about this. I want to forget it and move on in my life, something I’m good at doing.

“I would have killed him, Sophs, if you hadn’t gotten in the way, if you hadn’t stood between us. I’ve never wanted to hurt someone so badly in my life and I didn’t care about the outcome at all.” He stares at his knuckles again, makes fists and then shakes them away, as though trying to shift the memory from his head. “What’s happening to us?” He locks on me forlornly, questioning me and it takes me by surprise.

“I don’t know.” It’s an automatic honest response. Tears bite me this time and I just stare at him, not sure what he wants me to say or what any of this means. Why he’s even asking me that now as though it has something to do with what happened tonight. I’m confused by the question.

“It used to be easy. Even when I came and pushed off assholes hassling you, it never felt like tonight did. Why did we have to change? Why did how this feels have to change?” He watches me with so much warring expression, his voice huskier, eyes glazing over with unshed tears and I break. This unexpected confession from him that is so heart-gnawingly painful, knowing he hates this and what we’ve become. A silent tear rolls down my cheek, and all I can do is shake my head. Unable to talk. “I thought I knew what you were to me.... Always. Then this. All of this has me back to front and so crazy fucked up. I see you, and I see her, and I honestly don’t know what to do. Tonight, I told her I wanted to try again, start over with dating again, go back to the start. I made my choice. I wasn’t going to deal with any of this shit between us anymore. I was going to fix this, put it all back to how it should be. Safe and neatly labeled as untouchable, platonic, and someone I will always protect. I shouldn’t see you as anything other than that.” He pauses, his eyes searching mine as my heart crumbles and rips, tears falling freely over my cheeks. His ravaged expression tells me that my crying is killing him while motionless and rooted to the spot.

“Then I saw him touching you.” He looks down at the floor, kicks at nothing and then back at me. “Before he even put his hands on your throat, I was making my way to you, to talk, to explain. Seeing another guy touching you, Sophs... Kissing you. I didn’t know if it was wanted, or not at first.” He swallows hard and walks towards me slowly, reaching out until his fingers trace the tears running down my face. “It didn’t feel the same. It didn’t feel like it used to when I showed up at a club and chased them off. It felt like I couldn’t breathe, that you were ripping my heart out by kissing some other guy and I saw red.” He whispers slowly, moving so that his body inches towards me and finally comes to rest mere millimeters apart. My heavy heart beating hard and painfully, fluttering rapidly. Inhaling fast to try and calm the urge to sob.

“I didn’t just hit him because he was hurting you. I hit him because he was touching you, because he dared to kiss you. And that’s fucked up. How can I be that way with you, after everything? And still tell her that I want to make this work?” His voice breaks, so much confusion even now, after all this time to get used to this. It just wrecks what’s left of my sanity.

I shake my head again, closing my eyes as his fingers gently trace my cheek, slowly down to my jaw, and then traces the marks that have started to show on my throat from being choked and bitten. I open my eyes when his breath intensifies against my face, realizing he’s moved in closer. Catching his eyes on mine, both hands coming to softly trace the bruises on my neck, he looks pained as he ponders them.

“I tell myself over and over that it’s not morally right to think about you like this. That I can never go down that road of taking this further, yet all I think about is what it would be like. What being with you properly would be like. What kissing you felt like, what being close to you does to me.” He sighs, moving in so our noses are a hair width apart, leaning into my height and bridging the gap between us. I hold my breath, tears stopping with the sheer intensity of this moment and my body begins to tremble. All of this feels so vastly different to any other time we have gotten close to talking this way. Nerves evaporate and instead, a sheer heartfelt ache consumes me. “Then I get this close to you, and all I think about is how good you feel, and what it’s like to kiss you. How many times I’ve wanted to and never allowed.” His eyes move to my mouth as his thumb traces my bottom lip tenderly, his focus narrowing, pupils dilating, and I pause. His own lips part gently, so subtly, but it makes me do the same. My body tingling in anticipation and heart pounding. We seem to still for a moment, so close, so undeniable where this is leading, and yet he holds back. Every emotion fighting inside his head and stopping him from crossing that eternal boundary. I can’t take it anymore.

I lean the last gap and kiss him instead, boldly and confidently, sure this is what he wants from me. Softly, with purpose and I have no thoughts about what I intend to do next, only that every part of me is screaming to do it.

His hand still on my jaw, on my throat and then his mouth devours mine. All it took was that one movement from me and he’s kissing me back. Softly, exploratory, gentle caressing of lips and mouths, probing of tongue. His hands move to my hair and sweep it back out of his way; obvious that he has no intention of pulling back this time. He angles in so his nose brushes mine and then grazes my cheek as he tilts more. His mouth parts my lips and his tongue softly caresses mine. Our faces pushed together so we can stay locked in a passionate embrace, as close as is humanly possible. My insides explode with a million sensations, from tingles to waves, emotionally and physically responding to him on every level. This feels as natural as breathing, only erupting in so many good feelings.

My heart starts hammering through my chest as my hands move upwards across his hard torso, chiseled lines and muscle, finding his strong shoulders and then his neck. Running my fingers into his short hair as he moves his own arms around me and pulls me against him. Every part of his body molding to mine, height not an issue as he scoots down to fully engage. Wrapped in each other’s embrace and entangled tightly. Running my nails through the back of his hair and curling them in the longer length on top, while I skim his scalp with the manicured tips. Arrick kisses me passionately, consuming me so that my body erupts in every possible way.

My robe slides as his hand grazes my collar bone and pushes it from my shoulder, exposing more than just upper neck. I gasp, not even fazed that he’s stripping my, nakedly on show, urging him to keep going, as his fingers trail down over the curve of my breast slowly. Igniting a sensual fire of longing between my thighs that makes me vibrate in need.

“You’re so beautiful in every way. So fucking perfect.” He breathes against me, only parting enough to speak into my mouth and then he captures my lips again, sucking and kissing me like he has no control. The robe slides further down my back, down my arms to my elbows as one of his hands moves behind my neck, under my hair at the back, to pull me in harder to his probing mouth. His fingers gently graze downwards across my naked skin as though tracing my spine lightly, igniting a million butterflies and goosebumps with his caress.

My breath quickens, warmth opening deep down inside me at his touch, at his kiss, and I know without hesitation that I will let him peel this off completely and make love to me, and not stop one bit of it. I want him, in every way, and would never regret anything he could ever do to me. I trust him this way and know that he would never hurt me by doing this. I want this with him.

He pulls back slightly to suck on my lower lip sensually, kisses me deeply, passionately, with a lot more intensity as he probes my mouth with his tongue confidently and I groan. He feels better than good, tastes like heaven and he peels apart the rest of my robe, skimming my body hungrily as he does so. Singing a path of eruptions so divine my toes start curling. His inhibitions gone from still being slightly drunk, fueled by tonight’s emotions. There’s a fire within me, an urging so strong to have him all over me and inside of me.

With his blood pulsing fast and body stirring in the same way mine is, hardening where his groin meets mine, I can’t ignore his growing erection. It’s clear he wants me too, the way his hands run over my back and shoulders and slide around my waist to pull me into him, tilting me back as though he just can’t get close enough. Pressed inhumanely, inch to inch as though he wants to absorb my body and soul. There’s no doubt that he wants to have sex with me too.

His mouth leaves mine, lips traveling to my throat, igniting hot warm sensations that make me close my eyes in complete surrender. He trails soft sucks and kisses downwards, fluttering warm caresses on my neck, a hand coming up to brush away my hair from where he wants to devour me, then trails down my breast. Cupping it firmly before leaning in to capture it with his mouth instead. I groan, lost in complete sensual euphoria, tingles exploding in my toes at what he’s doing to me. Opening like a flower as his teeth graze my hardening nipple. My body erupts as he sucks me into his mouth, erotically, and I moan under my breath in ecstasy at this intimate touch. I almost melt to goo as I surrender to him completely.

“Arrick?!?!” Natasha’s shocked voice drags us apart quickly, spinning to catch sight of the girl standing in the open elevator in wide-eyed heartbreak. A pale shocked pallor as she stands rooted to the spot, igniting the same effect as a massive slap to my face.

I drag my robe closed, reeling in shock, and from the weightless way my body feels, pulling it around me as Arrick regains control of his senses. His eyes focus hard on her and he seems to visibly shake himself. His face that of shock, instant sobriety, and the sudden realization of guilt.

She’s holding his phone, and what looks like his wallet in her hands, tears brimming to the surface of those big doe eyes as she stands in open-mouthed pain.

Arrick seems frozen, still standing a foot from me, unable to tear his eyes from the devastation on her face and I stand numbly, unable to find words. All the while pulling my tie around me to close the robe, with shame flooding me, heating my skin from toes to roots as we take in what just happened.

“How could you?” Natasha breaks first, looking from him and then to me accusingly, like this is a double betrayal and the words stab me in the gut. I look down in shame, tears stinging my eyes that I could do this to anyone, even her. This isn’t who I am.

She throws his phone and wallet loudly on the floor out of the elevator, so it crashes and slides ungracefully across the marble, tears blinding her as Arrick hesitates. I see his body shift from the corner of my eye and glance up at him, lost in so many torn emotions. His eyes flitting from her to me, and back, with doubt as to what he should do. Temporarily mute. I can almost see his brain self-imploding and life unravelling in the worst kind of ways. Arry was never good with extreme drama.

The doors start to close on her, and he moves with lightning speed, indecision gone, crossing the floor in seconds, and slamming a hand between them so he can squeeze through. I watch like it’s some slow action replay, and just gawp like a numb fool. Heaviness coming over me as I realize he’s running after her.

Then they are both hidden from view as the chrome doors close behind him, and I’m left standing, unsure if it will open again, or if they will both just disappear and leave me here like this. Shame and guilt coursing through my body in a river of self-doubt.

I stand motionless, panting and half sobbing, unsure what to do or what to feel. My body visibly shaking as it sinks in fully. I watch as the lights of the elevator move from still to then indicate it’s going down and stare numbly as heavy pain slices through my heart, a small voice in my head somehow finding its way to me.

He still loves her enough to chase her.

That speaks volumes.