78 - The chapter where Christian invents an excuse

Rose

I know that his intention was to cheer me up, but I was at my limit there, and it seemed that anything could make me explode.

" Christian" I turned my face to him, looking into his eyes for real for the first time since he arrived.

" I'm just reminding you how amazing you are, Rosemarie Miller-Campbell. I know I'm always picking on you, but today it's good for you to know how amazing you are," he emphasized.

I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath in an attempt to keep the tears from coming to my eyes, turning my face away from him. And that seemed to take him by surprise, as his hand that was still on my face wavered.

" Chris, I haven't shed a single tear from what has happened. I'm holding myself together, because I don't want to give either of them the taste for it, and right now you're not helping me to keep it up," I opened my eyes again, looking away, feeling the tears burning, trying to force them out.

I was so grateful to him for everything he was doing at that moment. After all, I hadn't expected him, of all people, to treat me with as much care as he did at that moment. He was making me feel protected, loved, and... vulnerable. And I was not willing to allow anyone to make me feel even more vulnerable at that moment.

If he just wanted to enjoy the moment with me, I wouldn't mind, but it would be business as usual, just sex, with no feelings involved.

But that plan had a flaw, a big flaw. Too many feelings were involved. Mainly on my part. And at the same time that I wanted to demand that he stay away, I couldn't bear the thought of him leaving me alone.

And Christian seemed to understand this, at least in part, as he walked away with a reassuring smile on his lips, picking up a cotton pad and beginning to work it on my face. The room was dominated by silence, the dirty cotton balls began to gather in a pile on the floor as he patiently wiped my face, since this was surely more time consuming than the alcohol, but I didn't dare say anything else, limiting myself to watching his face trying to find out whether or not he had been upset by my reaction.

When there was only a small spot still dirty on my face, Christian decided to take up the subject again.

“Rose, I understand what you're saying, and I know that feeling vulnerable is a big shit. Especially when you're used to not letting anything get to you," he said, rubbing the cotton as gently as before against my skin, "but crying won't make you weak.”

I looked away, not wanting to run the risk of collapsing at his words.

" No one doubts that you are strong, Rose. You are, and you proved it today," he insisted.

" Really? I proved I'm strong when I let a bunch of girls do this to me and laugh at me while I didn't react? " I sneered.

Christian threw the last of the absorbent cotton into the sizable pile that had formed next to us on the floor, holding my chin, turning my face from side to side to make sure I didn't miss a spot.

" And who said you didn't react? What Audrey expected was to hit you so hard that you collapsed right there, and what you did was walk away with your head held high. My God, you strutted across campus with the same confidence as a supermodel when she steps onto a runway and not as someone who has just been bullied. And how angry they must have been?”

My watery eyes focused on his gaze, I was still fighting the tears, I felt moved by his words, even though I was fighting any emotion at that moment.

" Nothing you do will erase or tarnish the strength you have shown today, Rose. You don't have to keep it all locked up inside yourself.” Christian brought his hand to my cheek, wiping away the first tear that came, to my despair.

I knew that after the first one, it would be practically impossible to hold back the following ones, and that's what happened. It was as if the shock and disbelief at what had happened had left my system, giving way to all the sadness and humiliation I had been trying to stifle ever since it happened.

I stood up, pulling away from him as I quickly wiped away the tears. It was not the first time he had seen me cry, but the other time it happened, I was drunk and had already kissed my dignity goodbye. Besides, my tears were caused more by fear of what might have happened than anything else. But there, in that moment, it was different.

" Damn it, Davis. Why can't you just…”

The boy jumped to his feet, grabbing my wrist to keep me from going any further.

" And why can't you just let me take care of you? " he interrupted me, pulling me into his body “Rose, just by being here with me today you can get rid of this indifferent mask of yours.”

Taking advantage of my lack of reaction, Christian wrapped his arms around my waist, holding me in an embrace behind my back, to prevent me from running away once more.

" Tomorrow you resume your pose as empress of the universe, I'd love to watch, but right now... Let me take care of you," I heard his voice and felt his breath in my ear, and it was as if all the barriers I had been struggling to erect fell away.

The first sob escaped my lips as I closed my eyes, letting the tears wash over my face as he held me, kneeling slowly on the floor with me still in his arms when my legs began to fail.

Christian didn't say a word, he just stood there, holding me in the same position as countless sobs spilled from my lips for the next few minutes until the sobs gave way to silent tears that seemed to wash away my soul.

He let go of me, turning me to face him, hugging me once more. I sank my face into his chest, clutching his shirt, inhaling his scent as I worked to calm my heartbeat.

That's when a knock sounded on the door, breaking through the invisible bubble that had trapped us in our own universe at that moment.

" Rose, you didn't show up for dinner, so we brought you something to eat. Open the door," Skyller ordered from the other side.

Christian started to move away, but I held him back, making him look into my eyes.

" Please, don't. I don't want you to see me like this," I pleaded.

He nodded affirmatively, getting up before walking to the door. The boy left the room, closing the door behind him. I stood up, going to the bathroom to wash my face, interrupting my steps and leaning against the side of the door to listen to the conversation of my friends outside.

" She's fine, but she's not dressed. I can't let you in," Christian said, "Why are you looking at me like that? I've spent the last hour cleaning her, so... just give me a break.”

" She's not answering, we're worried," Theo retorted.

" Her cell phone broke when everything happened. I'll tell you everything I know later, but right now I need to…”

" Take care of her, if you need anything, you can let me know, I'll get it and bring it back fast.” Liam didn't allow him to finish his sentence and I walked away, going into the bathroom.