96 - The chapter with Addison's disappointment
Rose
" Rose, seriously, you're scaring me," Christian's voice sounded on the other end of my cell phone as another sob escaped my lips.
Ever since that damn phone call two days ago, I had been more and more susceptible to bouts of crying. But this time, instead of my tears being motivated by all the fear and uncertainty that had surrounded me for the past few days, they were finally filled with relief at seeing the single stripe printed on the pregnancy test I finally got some privacy to take. And the mild cramping I'd been feeling since morning added to my relief.
" Seriously, you need to tell me the result, it's been five minutes, why are you crying? " Christian's voice became more and more concerned, making me smile as I remembered all the care he was taking with me in the last two days.
Since we left on vacation, we always talked by text, and sometimes by phone. But ever since I told him about my suspicion, Christian had been calling me at least three times a day to see how I was doing and if there was anything he could do, even from a distance,He even had them deliver a box of donuts for me last night.
That memory made another sob escape my lips.
" What the hell, did you test positive? " He groaned on the other side " look, we'll figure it out, you just need to convince your dad to let me live and we can work it out!".
A small laugh escaped my lips as I wiped my tears, throwing the test in the trash, still not believing that this nightmare had finally come to an end, and it was indeed, just a nightmare.
" It was negative, we won't have any human being to psychologically screw up for having both of us as parents " I finally managed to control myself enough to speak, even though the tears wouldn't stop coming out.
A relieved sigh was the initial response, making me laugh. In the end, he was as scared of that possibility as I was, no matter how much he tried to disguise it.
" Why are you crying? Aren't you happy with the result? " He looked doubtful, making me realize that I hadn't been able to contain myself as much as I thought.
"I just... Chris, I was so scared. In the last few days, a thousand hypotheses have taken over my mind, I was terrified thinking that it would be positive " I admitted.
"Hey, it's okay. Everything went well," he tried to comfort me, "and besides, it's only four days until we see each other, although I was tempted to rush my ticket and arrive a day earlier.”
That information surprised me, he wants to arrive a day earlier? If that happens, we can enjoy a whole day without the rest of the group, that changes things!
" What about your family? Won't they be surprised that you're coming earlier?”
" My sister is covering for me. She knows about what was going on and advised me to try to come earlier " he explained " but the most I could manage was a day.”
I felt a little uncomfortable with that information, after all, I didn't expect anyone to find out about the situation we were involved in, but at the same time I felt touched by all that consideration.
" Are you crying again? I'm sorry, I didn't know you'd be offended by her knowing, but I tell my sister everything," he asked alarmed.
" 'Damn it, Chris. I'm PMSing, so I'm likely to cry over anything, so just ignore it," I pleaded.
The poor guy was silent for a few seconds on the other side, probably thinking about what he should say.
" Okay, I'm not very used to this. Usually when you get PMS you get more unbearable than usual and threaten to skin me alive just by breathing next to you," Christian pointed out.
A small smile appeared on my lips at that comment, knowing that we could finally get back to our routine.
"I think we can agree that this time the situation was a little different," I returned.
"I'll try to confirm the flight and let you know.”
" I'll pick you up at the airport " I sighed, getting up from the toilet in the bathroom of my room at my mom's house where I'd been sitting for the last few minutes, heading to the bedroom, snapping when I saw Addison sitting on the bed with a serious expression on her face " I'll call you later.”
Since when is she here? What did she hear? I hadn't even closed the bathroom door and my cell phone was on speaker! I remained frozen in the same place with the cell phone in my hand, not knowing what to say.
" When were you going to tell me? " my mother broke the silence, seeming to struggle to keep her voice steady.
" Mom…”
" When, Rose? " she insisted.
" 'I didn't want to disappoint you,' I stammered.
To my surprise, my mother jumped to her feet, approaching me with watery eyes, looking furious.
" Disappoint me? You didn't tell me before so you wouldn't disappoint me? Well guess what, you've disappointed me now! " she raised her voice, pointing a finger at me " I always did everything to make sure you didn't go through what I went through!”
" Mom, I swear I always took care of myself, I never forgot the pill and I always used condoms, but I don't know what happened, when my period was late..." I started to try to explain, but she didn't give me a chance to finish.
" Do you think I'm disappointed that you thought you were pregnant? Rose, you're a sexually active young woman and I know more than anyone that contraceptive methods can fail" she said back, no longer holding back her tears, "but I've spent my whole life being open with you about everything, I've always tried to show you that you could trust me, exactly because I know what it's like to have to take a pregnancy test in hiding and be afraid to tell your parents!"
I stared at her dumbfounded at that sentence, not knowing how to react.
" Mom…”
" I always assured myself that I would be a better mom than mine because you would have the freedom and confidence to talk to me about anything. And so now you hide it from me! " a sob escaped her lips as tears washed down her face, leaving me speechless " You chose to suffer alone all these days rather than trust me, and that's what disappoints me the most.”
That was like a stab in my heart, I had no idea that my mom would feel that way, the only thing I imagined is that they would be upset if they found out about my suspicions. Without thinking too much, I wrapped her in a hug, trying to calm her down.
" I'm sorry, I didn't mean to worry you with this.”
" Worry me? Daughter, if you had told me, I would have taken you for a real test myself. And regardless of the result, I would have calmed you down, because everything would work out. Your father and I would support you both in everything, in every detail." She pulled away, caressing my face. "Of course we don't want you to have a child so soon, because we feel how hard it is!”
" I know that, and I thought...
" But that doesn't mean we wouldn't understand if it happened." She took a deep breath, finally calming down. "I know we taught you well and you know how to prevent it. But if it happens again, I want to be the first to know. I want to be for you what your grandmother Jannet was for me.”
I knew how strict my mother's family was and she never hid the fact that they cut off relations with her after she refused to marry my father when she got pregnant, and obviously it got worse after she came out about her sexuality. But in the end, Jannet, my father's mother took her in as her own daughter and gave her all the support she needed to get a degree in photography and a profession, despite all the difficulties of raising a daughter.
" Come on, from what I understand, you're going out the day before to spend time with your boyfriend, so I better enjoy your company until then', she took a deep breath, wiping her tears.
" 'Can we have pizza for lunch? " I suggested, escorting her out of the room.
" You didn't deny that he's your boyfriend this time," my mom didn't let that little detail go unnoticed.
" Yeah, I was thinking about it and... I think things need to change between us,” I finally admitted, putting all my fears about the subject aside.
" Really? What made you change your mind? " she probed me.
" I'll only talk about it in the presence of a pepperoni pizza with lots of cheese,” I warned, making my mother laugh.
