Chapitre 10

"You know, I've always wondered if unwolfs are really immune to verbena," Mael said.

My heart clenched in my chest and I tried to scream, but my voice collapsed like a rotten branch. Adrenaline flooded my senses and my wolf snarled.

She wanted out.

We came closer and closer to the sea of purple flowers bathing in the cold moonlight. No smell came from them. They lay there very still, as if they had been waiting for me. I pushed away from Mael with all my might, but I didn't stand a chance against his strength.

"Where are you going? I figured that's the only benefit of being a deformity. Don't say all the myths are wrong."

My quickened breath hissed against his hand as I tried to bite him.

As if he had noticed my plan, he let go of me, but at the same time grabbed my neck and pushed me forward so that I could make out the individual flowers of the poisonous plant. I whimpered at the thought of them etching my skin away and turned my head to the side.

"You cry like a girl," Mael scoffed. If only he knew how right he was about that. His hand pushed me further forward and my neck gave way.

I closed my eyes.

Suddenly a weight rammed into us. The air was forced out of my lungs and I rolled over as I fell. There was a loud hiss as my hands touched the venom. Like thousands of needles it ate into my skin and I jumped forward.

A raspy weeping escaped my lips as I stared down at my palms, which were emitting caustic fumes. The moonlight turned her bright red, like burn blisters under her skin. My wolf had retreated so far that she was just a painful whisper in my head.

"What the primeval wolf are you doing?" snapped the voice holding Mael by the collar. I took a deep breath.

The brute.

My hands throbbed with pain like I'd been burned. Suddenly he looked at me. There was a spark of pity in his eyes, one paw holding Mael in the air with no problem.

"I didn't think anything was going to happen," he growled, but his eyes lied. I swallowed in pain, but I couldn't take it anymore.

Water...

I jumped up and ran.

The chirping of crickets was the only thing that accompanied me besides my panting breath. I sprinted between the trees that could give me at least a semblance of peace. The sound of the lake was music to my ears. I dropped to my knees on the shore and dipped my hands in the cool water.

I sighed with relief. I elbowed the sweat from my forehead, but the fear remained. It almost was my face. The idea gnawed at my heart, which was having enough trouble calming itself down. Without the uniform my arms would have been affected too.

I lifted my hands out of the water. They were still red as rowanberries, but at least the pain was numbed. My wolf could not heal the wound. It would take time. I shook the drops away and turned around. It was quiet around us. No Muchs stirred.

I looked at the sandy shore and lay down. The moon above me beamed down on me. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.

Tomorrow was a new day...

Warm hands lay around my body, which could hardly move because of tiredness. I breathed in the fresh air and leaned against the heat that drove the cold night air away. The rhythm of the footsteps beneath me was barely noticeable.

My hands lay motionless in my lap. As soon as I would move them, the pain would come back. The shadowy fog around my thoughts slowly disappeared and reality came back.

I opened my eyes.

My stomach clenched uncomfortably and for a moment I could forget the lingering pain in my fingers. Only the torches of the campsite threw their shadowy light on us. My head leaned helplessly against his shoulder.

His sharp face was forward. I opened my mouth to say something, but my larynx protested.

As if sensing my attempts, he lowered his eyes and the beautiful bearish brown was filled with an emotion I wasn't used to from them. The vervain had to stop my wolf from healing my throat.

Where his hands touched my thighs, pure warmth seeped into my body, exceeded only by my entire side leaning against him like he was an oven.

There was a rustle and the night sky around us disappeared. Before I could raise my head, he placed me on something soft.

A bed.

I sank in. A real bed. I was lying on a real mattress with real pillows and a real blanket.

"Wait here," he said, his voice hoarse.

My head rested in the soft feathers as he turned his back to me and I could survey the tent in all its glory. Everything here carried Astor's scent and helped calm me down.

it was big

Almost as big as the one we slept in with 20 wolves. Fire provided us with warmth and light while the floor was covered with a red carpet. A wooden desk stood in the corner with a quill and papers. An armchair rested in front of the fireplace along with a sofa and a small table.

Everything was neat and had its place. Astor knelt in front of a bowl and water splashed as he scooped something out of it. He turned back to me. My eyes stayed where they were as if they couldn't believe the whole thing. He crouched in front of the bed I was lying on and was still taller than me.

"What happened?" he asked, his eyes falling to my hands. His eyes twisted almost painfully, as if it were him being pushed into a vervain patch. "Dana, what happened?"

When his lips said my name, a shiver ran through my body. Tears welled up in my eyes as unwanted memories of the deep night surfaced. The complete helplessness made me sick and I wanted to forget everything.

I wanted to forget how he had touched my body, how his hand had pressed against my mouth and my whole face and how my back would not come away from him. Suddenly I felt warmth on my cheek.

"Dana?"

His voice was soft. His fingers wiped away the tears that slipped imperceptibly down my cheeks. His eyes fell on my neck for a moment, and as his warmth left me, the pain that the shock had suppressed until now came back.

I narrowed my eyes. A brittle whimper escaped my lips and I wasn't sure how much of it was coming from my wolf. I could only feel them faintly in the back of my head. My eyes widened as something cool gripped my fingers.

Astor had soaked white cloths in the water and wrapped them around my hands. The pain subsided slightly and I laid my head back on the pillows.

"Your neck..."

I could see the hesitation in his eyes before he looked down. He raised his hands with a small jar. The smell of St. John's wort and clove oil wafted over us.

"Hold still," he whispered. Astor was totally focused on his work. He applied the ointment to my skin and I sucked in air. The numbing effect was felt immediately. The water splashed again and a part of me was just weary.

"Where else does it hurt?" he asked, his hands cupping my cheeks, which were completely enveloped by his warmth. I slowly shook my head and opened my mouth.

"T-Thank you."

My voice was still cracked.

"Shh," Astor whispered, placing a finger against my lips. Pain reflected in his eyes. "Tonight you will sleep here and tomorrow you will tell me what happened..."

His voice fell silent and the crackle of fire enveloped us. Sleep never sounded as good as it does now. I nodded weakly.

"Rest," Astor said. He pulled the duvet over me, but my eyes widened as his warmth left. To my relief, he settled into the chair in front of the flames.

He wouldn't go away.

Nobody could tear me out of this bed with Astor, of that I was sure. Sleep dulled my senses and there was only one last thought that slumbered far back along with my she-wolf.

***

Everything around me was warm and soft. I snuggled into the feathers, which still carried a hint of Astor's earthy scent. What woke me up was the chirping of birds outside. I opened my eyes and a yawn escaped my lips.

Fresh towels lay over my fingers and I pushed them aside. I stared at my hands in amazement.

The angry red had turned to a soft pink. I sat up and wiped the sleep from my eyes. There was a glass of water by the bed. I drained it in one gulp and my throat thanked me for the cool refreshment. The ointment had worked wonders.

I looked around, but the tent was empty.

Astor was no longer sitting in the armchair. Bright rays of sunlight streamed in from under the entrance. My heart skipped a beat.

It must have been after 5 in the morning.

I wasn't running. What would Luke-?

As if Astor had heard my thoughts, the entrance to the tent opened. Morning light outlined its shape. He walked in and immediately those brown eyes were fixed on me. They ran all over my body before coming back to my face.

The tent door closed behind him as he marched toward me. In one hand he held a bowl that smelled of scrambled eggs and bacon. The water pooled in my mouth.

So I had not only missed the run, but also breakfast.

"Your hands look better," whispered Astor.

I just nodded. The bed lowered as he sat down right next to me. You could feel his warmth, but my eyes stayed fixed on my pink fingers.

There was silence between us for a moment before he asked the question, which I couldn't answer.

"What happened?"

His tone was harsh. I lowered my head so that my short strands fell over my eyes. But my defense didn't last long when I felt a warm hand on my arm. A tingle traveled up my shoulder.

"Dana, tell me what happened," Astor said. His voice was still merciless, but his touch was gentle. I wanted to keep quiet about last night and never go back there, but he didn't make it easy for me. A lump formed in my throat

Suddenly, his other hand lifted my chin, destroying any protection. I stared at him as he scanned my face for clues. His eyebrows pointed down.

"Someone touched you. Who?"

At his words fresh tears welled up in my eyes and a shiver ran down my spine. It was like Mael's sweaty scent was sticking to me again as he held me to his chest, his hand against my face.

"Dana?"

Astor's voice pulled me back into the tent and his angry expression was gone. He slowly raised his fingers to my cheek, wiping away the tears that had escaped my eyes.

"You're safe here, I promise," he whispered. "But please talk to me. Say something."

I cleared my throat and a dull throb ran through my larynx, remembering the night.

"C-can you give me a hug?" I asked, and a second later I felt like sinking into the ground in shock. I dropped my gaze as silence enveloped us.

Suddenly Astor sat down next to me against the headboard. Slowly, as if not wanting to startle me, his hands came to my waist. He lifted me in front of him so my back was against his chest. His arms wrapped around me and supported me while his chin rested on my head.

At first I was tense, but after a few seconds I relaxed into his tight embrace. I carefully raised my injured hands and clasped his wrists, which were at least three times the size of mine.

I rubbed my cheek against his chest and my wolf slowly came out of hiding. I closed my eyes and bathed in Astor's warmth and the calm it brought. With him here I could forget. I could just hold on.

I felt his lips on my head, causing a tingle. They were soft and warm and I felt the heat in my cheeks. Suddenly there was a loud growl, but it didn't come from Astor. The heat in my cheeks tripled.

My stomach.

His lips formed a smile against my head and a moment later they parted. Could I please vanish into thin air?

"Better feed the monster," he murmured, glee in his eyes, and reached for the bowl on the dessert table with a fork stuck in it. For a second he didn't think to move from behind me and a small part of i was happy about it.

I reached for the bowl, but the movement sent a sharp pain through my fingers and I winced.

"Don't move," Astor murmured, setting the bowl down. Then he grabbed my hips. He turned me sideways to him so I was sitting on his thighs, my shoulder resting against him. He took the bowl back into his hand and lifted a fork with scrambled eggs, my mouth watered at the sight.

Without hesitation, I parted my lips and the warm taste of salty egg delighted my taste buds. I closed my eyes and sighed. Astor immediately picked up another fork.

"If you didn't skip dinner you wouldn't be so hungry," he said as I chewed. "You need your strength."

I didn't have anything to say against that, so I didn't do it. We spent the rest of it in silence as the bowl emptied and filled my stomach. I breathed a sigh of relief and leaned back against Astor's chest.

Maybe I could sleep a little longer...

Suddenly, a loud gong sounded from outside and tore me out of my inner peace. Astor exhaled and hugged me for a moment before standing up.

"We must go. The fighting begins."

He said it almost with reluctance. Fear returned to my chest as I got out of bed. I exhaled shakily under Astor's gaze and nodded. We both knew how a fight would end for me.

I couldn't forget the reason I was here. I couldn't let my feelings guide me.

I looked up at him.

"All right," I said.

He nodded, but a storm was brewing behind his eyes.

"Don't think I'll forget what was done to you after today," Astor whispered, and although his tone was calm, his eyes gave him away.

"Yes, I just want to put it behind me," I replied. We left the tent and made our way to the training ground.

"You won't be able to forget it until you face the memories," he said, and I gave him a sideways glance. Astor stared ahead, his jaws set tight. He'd put on the general's facade again.

"I guess I didn't say thank you again," I breathed into the morning air and finally he looked down at me. "Thanks for helping me, again."

His eyes softened for a moment before hardening.

"You're lucky you're wolfless. Otherwise I would not have had a good explanation in front of Delta Ivan. We used the time to train. That's why your hands look so red," he said, and a smile twitched my lips for the first time in days.

"Thanks."

It evaporated again as the smell of sweat and testosterone grew thicker. My wolf became restless as she saw the soldiers preparing for the training battles.

I looked to the side, but Astor was already gone. Edgar bounced up and down beside him with his list as he made his way to Delta Ivan's forecourt.

"Dan?"

Ulf came up to me and looked me over. His concerned eyes were a pang in my stomach and I tried a smile. Luke came to a halt beside him, the joy of the fighting pausing for a moment.

"Where have you been?" he asked. "I got scared when you weren't in the tent."

"Sorry."

He looked at Astor, almost with distaste.

"You look exhausted. Did he torment you a lot?"

"No, he helped me," I replied, my eyes scanning the group of soldiers until they landed on one. My heart skipped a painful beat.

Mael.

Standing a little apart from the squad, he rolled his shoulders as if to make sure his punches landed right the first time. I swallowed the fear when I felt a look on me. Immediately, my eyes found Astor's, who was standing next to Delta Ivan. As so often, his brows were drawn down.

With him here, the fear subsided a little.

I could do this.

I had to do this.

It grew quiet around us. Only the dusty space in the middle remained free. Delta Ivan turned to us and scrutinized each one.

"You have arrived at the last step before the division," he announced.

"Let the fighting begin!"