Chapter 42

Thea's Point of View

Everyone in the room was surprised by what I said. He averted his gaze from me, then answered my question. “I am your husband—” he didn’t finish what he was going to say because I cut it off immediately. I could feel nothing but the coldness of my heart. It was as if I had lost my life when I lost my baby.

“Yes, in the paper. But do we know each other?” My question is too shady, so I feel it is hard for him to answer. I no longer wandered around and said what I wanted to say. “My baby is gone, so I have no reason to live in your house.” Yes. His house. It wasn’t mine. He bought it. If that is what his mother is upset about, Felicity and he are free to live there.

“Thea, let me explain.” He is now looking straight at me. His eyes looked tired. If only he stared at me like that back then I would melt. Just one look with those eyes makes me soften, but now? I feel like I don’t care what he feels.

“I will get my things. I’ll ask our maids. I won’t go straight to your house. I’m going home to my parents’ mansion. Don’t worry, I won’t revoke our company’s business partnership. I will also talk to the lawyer for the divorce paper. ”

That’s when he turned to me. His eyes were full of shock. “W-what ... are you saying?”

For the first time, I saw miserable Craig.

The not scary Craig. I don’t know what your fear is for, but just save that for the next person who will come for you. I don’t think this eternity is ours. People came out one by one, so we were the only two left. It was there that he had the strength to speak again.

“No. Give me time, my angel.” Maybe if he had called me by that name before, I would have been so happy. Maybe my heart is beating right now. The only case is different now. We’re getting too unhappy and that’s okay. I wasted too much time waiting for the time he demanded.

I faced him, gave him my most genuine smile. It is a smile of gratitude, love, and care. I enjoyed the times he was with me. “If you give me a chance to go back on our first day at your house, I will, but this time is not for us. I gave you too much time. I forget to love myself. I lost my baby because of you — because of you and Felicity.” I did not show resentment in my words. Then I gave him the last smile he would receive from me.

“I’m glad to meet you. I will still pray for your happiness. We need to end the relationship that doesn’t exist. ”

“Leave now because I don’t want to see your face anymore.”

I covered my mouth after Craig came out. I keep my sobs from escaping because I don’t want him to hear me — hear me, that I am hurt. When I saw his back walk away from me, I didn’t know how to feel. I ask myself:

“Did I do the right thing?”

“Can I do it?”

“How is he?”

Even though my heart was stony because of what he did, I still felt like I couldn’t live without him. I want to pull him back and hug him. When my hand could no longer be restrained, I burst into tears. It’s fucking hurt. Can I just go to sleep and after I wake up everything will be fine? Can it be just one day of pain or just one cry after that the agony of the heart will disappear? I didn’t know how I was going to get up because I had lost my baby; I had finally let go of Craig. Where do I take the first step? When I step over and fall, will he run towards me again?

In the middle of my crying, Megan suddenly entered. The way she looked was so pitiful. I just cried harder. She hugged me and stroked my back. Because of what she did, I somehow lost my anger. I remember her now. She is my friend. She was the one who never left me.

“I remember now. I don’t know if I remember everything, but ... ” I couldn’t finish what I was going to say when Wayne came in. He was carrying food. An apple.

I took a deep breath to stop crying. I am reminded of my child every time I see the apple. I always ate apples when I was pregnant with her/him. What would he/she look like in case I gave birth to her/him? The broken glasses in my throat clogged. I averted my gaze from him. I remember them all. Even the mysterious Wayne to me then suddenly became like an open book to me now. He wasn’t just Craig’s friend. I don’t know how all the events came together.

I let them all out first and told Wayne to stay. They immediately followed what I said. Rayleigh is supporting Megan. I don’t know if their relationship is good; it looks like progress is being made, only Megan doesn’t want to open up to Rayleigh. It’s funny that they started in that part. Not like me.

When the two of them exited, I gave Wayne my whole attention. With his hands crossed in his arms, he was now resting against the wall. He was waiting for me to say something, and I had no idea this guy had become half of my life—was. I never considered him to be one of the people who shaped my personality at the time.

Would everything be good if he was the one I promised while I was in a church? Will our wedding be the same as Craig’s and my wedding? I cringe because, as much as I’d like to resurrect the past Thea, I believe she has long ago vanished. Otherwise, I believe the old Thea will never go back. Because Craig made a new Thea.

“Sorry.”

It was like a whisper in the air, but since we were in the same room, it was very audible.

My heart aches. Not because I’m hurting for myself. I’m in pain for Wayne. I don’t know what pain he went through as he saw or found out I was walking to church while his friend was waiting in the end. As he looked at me — I was his girlfriend, a lover. But I married another man.

Tears welled up in my eyes. I think I’m shedding too many tears today; it looks like I need a lot of water. I didn’t wipe my wet cheek. I let heavy tears fall to feel the resentment the world has given me.

“It’s not your fault. It’s all my fault for not protecting you. I should be with you in problems, but I am not there for you. I didn’t understand you."

I shook. “No. It’s all my fault because I can’t fight you against my parents.”

I met Wayne when we were in HighSchool. He is one of the smartest in our class, so many admire him, especially during ICT class. He is good at computers. I don’t have a complete memory of how we became lovers, but it was clear to me the day I answered him.

March 16, ****

That was the day I gave him my ‘yes’ and that was also the day Craig and I got married, just for different years. I don’t know if I was the one who was cruel to him or destiny. I don’t know why instead of feeling the pain, I feel more that I don’t regret it. No regret or remorse was fighting in my mind. My heart and mind seemed to say that I was happy that Craig had become my husband. I’m glad I carried his last name. My memory is not complete but I know, I feel, the heart does not lie. Craig has been a part of my past and my present. I knew he had things he wanted to say, but he couldn’t say. I know Craig is the key and answer to everything.

Just the case; I don’t know what he’s afraid of. That’s what I wanted to know then because it’s vague now. On the other hand, I still like to think this is a great opportunity to take care of the company. I’ll ask Wayne for help with what’s going on with the phone number of who is threatening me. I will also make sure that the company falls on me and not just lightly on the greedy in power.

Wayne and I never finished talking because nothing would happen. We would just blame ourselves. And that’s what I don’t want. We will only live in the past.

Maybe I’ll just reopen the topic when I’m ready to understand. I think that the drugs that were injected into my brain still affected the way I think. They all said goodbye. Until I was the only one left. I pushed away from

Craig earlier, so I’m sure I don’t have a guard now.

When I finished eating, I turned off the light to rest. I don’t want to think about what happened because I will only go crazy if I continue that. It was because of the medicine that I fell asleep quickly.

I just woke up when someone entered my room. When I was about to look at that, the pillow pressed against my face so hard that I could not breathe.

Who is this person again?

As I recover my breath, I rise and sat. When I turned my head, I noticed Megan’s frightened expression. They turned the light on, and the room was no longer dark. I rubbed my moist forehead and wiped it wet.

“Are you all right? You will not wake up, no matter how hard I try to wake you up. Did you have a bad dream?” Her gentle words soothed my racing heart.

I was even more relieved by the realization that it was just a dream. Maybe I was just too tired because of the number of things that had happened. But my dream was looking so real and scary. When I looked at the clock, I saw it was just dawn. I wondered why Megan was here. She might get sick or have an accident going here.

“Why are you here? It’s dangerous to stay awake when you’re pregnant.” I smiled at her.

Even the word pregnant is also hard to come out of my mouth. Who would be happy if with every word, every move, every blink of your eyes — you remember nothing but the child you would have been happy to be with in the future.

“W-why are you crying?” Megan suddenly became hysterical because of my tears.

Unbeknownst to me, my tears were falling because of the depth of my thought.

Every time I close my eyes or open it, the scenario of Felicity and Craig is in my mind.

Why is it like this? Why does it hurt?

Shouldn’t they be the ones experiencing this because they are the ones who are really to blame for what happened? Why am I having a hard time? There are so many reasons I want to be answered — I want to be clear, but no one even gives me “because”. Why are people like that? Why don’t they think of the person they would hurt for their actions?

I’m very weak right now. I’m not sure where would I get my strength from now on. I gave up like this in an instant. My feelings right now are like the sort of person who merely wants to vanish like a bubble.