31

I walked down the cul-de-sac, accompanied by pain and disappointment, and only stopped when I reached the edge of the forest.

My dark blue sweater scratched my skin while gray pajama bottoms fell loosely. Normally I would have been cold in these clothes, but that was once. From that day on, I would never feel cold again and it made me incredibly angry. The thought that I no longer seemed to be myself made me scream in rage into the forest, but even this act of desperation did not free me from the pain that was taking so much inside me.

Totally dazed, I turned to face the street and looked in all directions. Where should I go? who would understand me I couldn't remember. Didn't know where I belonged anymore. There was no home for me except the one far away from this place.

"Hey," I suddenly heard someone behind me and turned to face the forest to stare straight at Ethan, who was eyeing me curiously. I turned my back on him again and wanted to walk, but my legs just wouldn't move. "Are you alright?" he asked in a calm voice, stepping right next to me, making me clench my hands. "Relax okay? You're part of my pack now and I wanted to apologize."

I looked over at him to see if he really meant it, but there was no expression in his eyes. Although I didn't want to, I had to imagine him being beaten and abused and then turned my gaze back to the street. "I don't belong to the pack. I refuse and you can take your apology somewhere else!" I hissed and just ran in the direction of the Wialtrama because I knew the way to Ludwig from there.

"You will!" Ethan called after me and I gave him the middle finger in disgust, only to hear him laugh out loud.

That stupid pack thing, like they're the kings and everyone should be proud to belong. But not with me. I wasn't proud at all and never would be. Also on what? To join a group of arrogant alcoholics? Or reporting to a single alpha? They could take me!

When I arrived at the Wialtrama, I only saw Eddie, who didn't pay any attention to me, and then continued on the usual path to Ludwig.

At least the beautiful houses distracted me briefly from the chaos in my head. I took a deep breath and jogged over to his house to ring the bell. When no one opened the door after a long time, I walked back a bit to the street and looked at every single window to see that unfortunately no light was on.

He was probably at the Wialtrama, but should I really go there? Into the lion's den? what was left for me

All these questions wrecked my mind and I clutched my head in desperation as I ran back down the street. All of this couldn't be true. I didn't want any of this and suddenly I found myself in front of this dirty club again and decided to go in.

Eddie looked up as I walked towards him and was about to get up when I held up my hand and shook my head with a growl, causing it to widen its eyes and obediently sit back down. I yanked on one of the doors, taking in the music and the smell of alcohol and, still driven by my anger, opened the curtain.

Flashing lights, cheaply dressed women and right in the middle I saw Lou, alone on the dance floor, elegantly twirling in circles. I also saw Ludwig. He was sitting at a table with a laughing redhead, they seemed to be having a great time, which made my heart ache for a moment.

But the sight that really made me explode was that of Chace and Jayden, each with a woman on their lap and sitting at a table that was full of empty glasses.

I immediately disappeared back outside and slammed the door behind me. Eddie got up and tried to calm me down, but it was unstoppable. I felt tingling in my fingertips, anger in my stomach. A feeling like I couldn't breathe made me gasp in panic and quickly ran across the road into the forest to undergo a transformation that changed me completely.

Fur covered my body while the ground beneath my paws felt more intense than anything I'd ever felt before. The air filled my lungs and I took in so many different smells that my head seemed completely overwhelmed. As a wolf, I also left the darkness behind. Even at night I could see everything very clearly and that's how I recognized Ethan, who was leaning against a tree a few meters in front of me and lighting a cigarette.

"I knew that you would choose us," he grinned and puffed happily on his cigarette, which I found even more disturbing than as a human at the moment. That stench was unbearable.

"How are you feeling?" he came up to me, wanting to touch my fur, which made me want to rebuke him, but instead of words, I just let out a loud growl that startled myself. "Take it easy," he breathed and crouched down in front of me. "Trust me, okay? As a beta, I'm responsible for newcomers and I know exactly which fears and impressions are overwhelming you. Come with me," he said soothingly and ran ahead of me deeper into the forest.

I didn't want to go with him, but what was my choice. I didn't even know how I could become human again, let alone how long such a transformation would last. When I wanted to run after him, I suddenly saw my clothes on the floor in front of me and widened my eyes in shock.

He would see me naked if I turned back. I quickly grabbed the clothes in my mouth and carried them with me to be on the safe side. You never knew.

I followed him deeper and deeper into the forest, remembering how many times he'd provoked me and thinking about what it would be like to just bite his calf, but didn't because I didn't want to touch him .

"So," he said suddenly, turning to me, making me stop. "Actually, as wolves, we should be able to exchange thoughts, but that takes practice and dedication that you don't have yet."

He also presented himself as a teacher. I regret not biting him. "There are three ways to transform. Out of hate, out of love, or just out of lust, of which hate is the easiest. That's what you just experienced. Out of love, the scenario would be if I threatened Jayden with a knife and you would transform out of love for him to save him."

At his words, I bared my teeth and a growl escaped deep in my throat. He knew that he could provoke me with his name alone and he obviously enjoyed it because instead of being scared of me, he grinned and lit another cigarette. "The lust will overcome you as soon as you realize how nice it is to feel the forest floor under your paws. The feeling of freedom that accompanies you as you run is breathtaking and as soon as you feel part of the pack you will know what family and togetherness really means."

Although I listened to him attentively, everything he said was idiotic babble. "I'm running out of time now, my alpha is calling me and it will be an honor to tell him about your beautiful light coat."

I glared at him, at least as far as the she-wolf could, and listened to his whistle. After he paused and looked behind me, I heard footsteps behind me and a brown wolf appeared next to me. "This is Samuel, he'll walk you home. Once you're alone, you focus on everything that makes up your human side. Your hands, your hair, your voice and you'll transform back. So then, have fun and be at Jayden's cabin tomorrow night."

He ran past us and again I thought of attacking him, but I only growled and watched him until he was no longer to be seen between the trees.

Samuel jumped excitedly back and forth in front of me, which overwhelmed me at that moment. I let my clothes fall out of my mouth and took a deep breath, only to wince unexpectedly when the brown wolf suddenly jostled me playfully. As a human, I would have asked him if he was going insane, but as he was, all I could do was jostle him back, which made him bolt into the woods next to me.

I looked down at my paws and suddenly felt the urge to just dash after him. I sprinted without hesitation and, annoyingly, had to agree with Ethan. This feeling was indescribable. The air rushed into my face while my fur warmed me so comfortably that my body was just the right temperature.

The fresh forest air triggered a pure feeling of happiness in me, which made me go faster and faster, so that I soon caught up with Samuel and continued to run through the darkness with him at my side. It annoyed me that I liked it. I didn't want it, but it was just too good. Like a drug that makes you feel things no normal person could ever feel. Only it wasn't a drug, it wasn't harmful, on the contrary. Being a wolf breathed life into me, made me alive and strong.

Arrived at my house we sneaked into the garden. Samuel gave me a playful nod and waved his rod before disappearing back into the forest.

It was so breathtaking that even after a while my heart still hadn't calmed down. I would have loved to keep running for hours and didn't want this feeling to ever stop, but I had to change back to escape this whirlpool of happy hormones and be able to think clearly again.

Remember your human side, he had said. I closed my eyes and imagined my hair falling smoothly down my body. My hands like I would turn the pages of a book. I pictured my feet dancing to music and suddenly I felt a brief ache and fell to my knees.

"Hello," I said first to check if I had forgotten how to speak. I then took a deep breath to fill the bottom of my lungs with oxygen and stood up, shocked to remember that I was standing completely naked in that garden.

I imagined how many wolves would be standing in the forest and could see me, which made my face blush. I frantically held my hands in front of my breasts and my pubic area and ran to the front door. As if in a rage, I rang the bell and suddenly cried out when Rudi unexpectedly opened the door for me.

He looked at me in shock and I widened my eyes, embarrassed, to run past him to the stairs. Before I got to the top, I tripped badly and bruised my knee on a step, but I immediately jumped up and ran to my room, slamming the door behind me.

I would never transform again, I told myself, and, trembling with excitement, looked for suitable sleeping clothes. Hardly dressed, I fell onto my bed and took a deep breath, before going through everything I had experienced again in peace.