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I felt his lips on mine, a feeling rushing through my entire body, making everything vibrate and tingle. He kissed me carefully, gently and it was just beautiful.

After he reluctantly pulled away from me and our eyes met, I recognized the desire that lit up in the icy blue as everything about him seemed so alluring and perfect to me.

Time stood still and I bit my lower lip lightly as he stared at me intensely and I noticed the trembling in his hands that was probably caused by excitement.

He wanted to say something, I saw it, but before a word came out of his mouth, I pressed my lips to his, full of desire, while I slowly and carefully sat down on his lap. I wanted to be so close to him that I couldn't satisfy this need myself. No leaf would have fit between and and yet I wanted even more, to be even closer to him.

He wrapped his strong arms around me, starting to open his mouth to play with his tongue on my lips. I smiled briefly and immediately let him in, allowing our tongues to play together as he held me tighter and tighter.

My stomach turned over, a pleasant feeling that could hardly be described in words. It was more perfect than perfect, if such a thing even existed. The concentrated load of lust came over me and I was a bit ashamed of it because I had never felt anything like it.

As he let go of my lips, glancing into my eyes before caressing my neck, I began pulling his hair lightly, making him grunt. That sound alone triggered so many things in me and although I was just sitting and there was no effort in my movements, my breathing accelerated.

It felt like I had a fever, but a good, totally unique fever that could make you feel hot and floating. Everything was so carefree, so pure, so lustful.

He pulled away from my throat to give me another intense taste of his lips, which took my breath away, before carefully pushing me off his lap and bending over me.

I looked at him, every detail of his magical body and grabbed him around the waist while he slowly laid himself between my legs and kissed me again. This time more intense than before and I thought I would go crazy from this firework of emotions. I wanted nothing more than to feel him, I would have given anything at that moment, but when I grabbed his sweater to help him undress, he broke his lips from mine and smiled lovingly at me. "No, not here, not today," he whispered, kissing my forehead before rising and sitting up.

I lay still, as if someone had given me the coup de grace. What was wrong with here? Or now? I didn't understand his actions. Hadn't he felt the same? I could feel his heart beating on me. It danced, exactly she mine. Was it my fault? He slept with other people too.

"Here," he pulled me out of the whirlpool of self-doubt and held out my glass, which I accepted and emptied after I sat up again. The heat in me disappeared and with it, unfortunately, the tingling. My breathing flattened and for a moment one could have thought that this beautiful moment would never have existed.

"Everything okay?" He stared at me confused and I just nodded at him silently. I made a mental note to sit down and follow the still-playing movie, but I just couldn't let it go. "Why wouldn't you.. you know," I asked him softly, meeting his eyes, which were locked on mine.

"I wanted more than anything, but this would have been your first time and I've hurt you so many times. I didn't want you to regret anything because you went too fast. Also, it shouldn't have happened to your grandma on the Couch," he smiled and took my hand in his caringly.

I understood what he meant, but I wouldn't have regretted it. I was sure of that. At least he reassured me that it had nothing to do with me and I had to admit that taking my time could be a good thing. Anticipation was known to be the most beautiful of all joys.

Despite the abrupt ending of our pleasure, I didn't want to be near him again that night, not for a second, so I slid over close to him, carefully pushing his upper body back and snuggling into his warm chest as if he were my pillow. His sweater smelled so good I was addicted to it.

He didn't say anything, didn't resist and I believed that even if it had made him uncomfortable, he would have put up with it anyway. I listened to his heartbeat, which had accelerated since I lay halfway on top of him, and felt his hand on my back, stroking up and down evenly. I had never felt more comfortable than at this moment on his chest and although I wanted to enjoy his closeness for hours, I closed my eyes and fell asleep protected and safe under his caresses.

That night, I wouldn't have nightmares.

It was the first time in my life that I didn't wake up alone. Of course I had slept in my mother's or grandma's bed before, but that was a long time ago and it wasn't the same at all.

I felt his arm around my waist, his breath on the back of my neck and wondered how we managed to fit together on the cramped couch. It was probably because of his tight grip that I didn't just flop down. The covers were on us, plus his body heat, I was really on fire.

Although I wanted to enjoy it so much, I had to free myself. My body screamed for air to breathe and cool off, but before I could pull his arm from my waist, he growled softly behind me and tightened his grip. "Don't go," he murmured, snuggling his face against my neck to kiss him so softly I internally started flying again.

The only sound, apart from our even breathing, was that of the rain, already busy washing away all the dirt in the world out there so early in the day. At his request, I closed my eyes again and simply surrendered to the security. Ignoring the heat building up inside me, I just pushed the covers off my torso slightly and then placed my hand on his.

"Did you sleep well?" he then asked me, followed by a soft yawn that sounded so sweet that even the sound of him mesmerized me. "Yes," I breathed softly and was about to turn to face him when the doorbell rang several times.

"Who is that?" I asked the black-haired man and then got up frantically, afraid that my grandma could catch us here and imagine all sorts of things about it. "Actually, since it's your house, you should know that, but it's Ethan. I can smell the cigarette smoke from here." Immediately after his answer, he turned to the back of the couch and covered himself up to his neck so that all I could see was his hair.

As I stood there, stunned by his reaction, the doorbell rang again and I walked to the door, shaking my head. Surely this idiot wasn't here for me, so why did I even have to open the door for him? I would have preferred to just ignore him. When I pulled the door open, I winced when he pushed it towards me and, ignoring me, walked past me into the house.

"Good morning too!" I called after him into the living room and quietly closed the door to follow him afterwards.

"Wake up aaaaaaay!", he shook Jayden, who only made annoyed noises, but after a while he angrily ripped off the covers and stared at the beta, growling. "Can you tell me what that's about?!" Jayden hissed at him and sat on the edge of the couch to stretch his tired arms.

"I was worried! You weren't in the cabin!" Ethan defended himself before turning to me. "May I?" He held a pack of cigarettes in his hand and just as I was about to say no, he lit one and turned back to the Alpha, who stared at him in disbelief.

"Put that damn cigarette out! You know she doesn't like it," he ordered in a stern tone, but Ethan just laughed and provocatively pulled the flipper again. "Ohhhh, the princess doesn't like that. And who are you? An alpha or a lapdog?!"

Jayden got up with a start, grabbed Ethan by the neck and quickly walked past me with him to open the door and half throw him out. Even though I looked stunned on the outside, this scene amused me and I couldn't help but smile a little.

"Wait five minutes," he instructed and closed the door. "I'm sorry," he then turned to me and gave me a quick kiss on the forehead before walking back to the couch where he put on his shoes and jacket. "Do you have to go already?" I asked him quietly and took a few steps towards him.

"Yeah, I'm really sorry. He doesn't have anyone and I don't want to leave him out in the cold either." "Then let him in," I suggested and he came close to me, fully dressed. "After the show?" he smiled and shook his head. "I'm not doing this to you." "I can take it if you stay here for it. Torment me, Jayden."

He beamed from ear to ear, put his hands on my cheeks and kissed me so lovingly that the ground was ripped out from under my feet. "I'll see you tonight."

One last amorous look, then he ran to the door and disappeared into the rain. I immediately ran, like a teenager with his first crush, into the kitchen to the window and watched them both lightly push each other and laugh about it, and then disappear out of my sight down the dead end.

I stayed at the window for a while, lost in thought, watching the rain. There was such a calming stillness around me that made me relax after all the feelings from last night and yet I already missed him.

But doubts also spread in me now, where his security and closeness no longer had any influence on me and I was suddenly grateful to him that he had not allowed my first time. Maybe I really would have regretted it otherwise? It all happened too fast, didn't it? How should you know something like that if you have had no experience other than taking perfect relationships in films as a model. Was he with us like Dirty Dancing? Him, Jonny the cool guy and me baby the fighter? I had to laugh at myself, shaking my head, and decided to eat something first. Apparently the whiskey clouded my mind.