38

The day passed me by, while longing and doubt alternated in my thoughts and the rain pelted down so loudly that it wouldn't stop today either.

I had done nothing, although I had so many plans. I just about stuffed two toasts and managed to shower before lying on my carpet covered with just a towel for hours, staring at the white ceiling above me.

I felt so strong that I could pull trees out, and at the same time so weak I couldn't even get dressed. A burden dragging down my shoulders while my happy heart made me soar. It was a strange feeling being torn like this, but I suddenly felt something inside me that I really wanted to release. My desire to transform myself.

I didn't care about the rain or that I felt a little exhausted. As a wolf, the burden of doubts that would otherwise have probably kept me on the carpet for days would surely disappear.

I got up and put on clothes I didn't care if they would tear, then rushed downstairs to pause thoughtfully at the door. Where should I hide my house key? I thought about it for a moment and then decided to stuff it in my grandma's small flower pot and then slowly closed the front door to walk through the garden to the edge of the forest.

When I got there, I was soaking wet and not only felt soaked, but also helpless. How did you turn it on? Should I provoke myself until it would happen out of anger? That was hardly possible. I would prefer to be with Ludwig. After our last meeting, I'm sure he would have made me mad.

Pondering, I walked around the trees and listened to the rain as the sky seemed to get darker and darker. After several minutes of what felt like hours, I decided to just force myself.

I positioned myself in the forest so that hopefully none of the houses behind me could see me and then began desperate-sounding monologues.

"Transform me!", I challenged myself and stretched my arms far up, whereupon I held my breath briefly and then started laughing out loud at myself. If someone could see me, I thought, shaking my head in amusement.

"It won't work that way," I suddenly heard a voice behind me. It was his, and I immediately smiled happily, which evaporated as I turned around. "Hey y'all," I mumbled, only glancing at Ethan before meeting the bright eyes that just stared warmly at me.

"Do you need help?" he asked me, getting so close my knees went weak, but I didn't show it. "No, I just heard some rustling and wanted to check." He held my gaze and grabbed my waist to pull me close to him.

His scent brought a satisfied smile to my face, while his embrace felt so comfortable and beautiful, as if there was no room for doubt for a short time. I closed my eyes and only opened them again when Ethan started laughing next to me. I looked at him in confusion as he stood there in his gray t-shirt and light-colored sweatpants that were already looking pretty dirty from the rain.

"If you hear a rustling, why are you calling me transform and raising your arms in the air?" he grinned, crossing his arms over his chest. I glanced at Jayden, who still had his hands on my waist and he too had a grin on his face.

All color drained from my face immediately and my eyes widened in embarrassment. I quickly took a step backwards and stood speechless. How much I hoped at that moment that a big hole would appear beneath me and would snatch me from this situation.

"Every beginning is difficult." Jayden approached me with these words and put his arm around my shoulders to look at Ethan together with me. "The braggart thought it would only work naked and walked around in the woods like that for a while," he laughed, and I had to smile too. Only Ethan broke his smile as he rolled his eyes and stepped closer to us.

"Remember how I explained how to turn back?" he asked and I nodded shyly at him. Actually, I was always self-confident towards him, but the fact that they had watched me in such an embarrassing moment ate at my self-confidence.

"Think of it the other way around. Your paws on the forest floor, pushing in with every step. The loud noises around you that a human could hardly hear. Your fur, where the raindrops would part." He looked at me invitingly, as if he wanted me to try it right here, but I had lost interest.

"Another time," I smiled apologetically at him, to which he just grinned stupidly. "Then maybe you don't have a professional by your side," he winked and rummaged in his pocket for his cigarettes. "I haven't either, have I?" I replied so seriously and puzzled that the alpha's chest next to me started to tremble with laughter and I had to giggle in amusement too.

"Yeah, just laugh," he murmured and tried to light a cigarette, but it was obviously difficult for him in the rain. "Would you like me to help you?" I asked him smiling, but he turned around and finally managed to do it on his own.

"Are you coming to my place? We wanted to hang out and maybe watch a movie or two," Jayden asked me, taking his arm off my shoulder to gently take my hand. "I can recommend you a great silent movie," I joked, looking into his eyes with satisfaction. "Oh yeah, I know one too," he smiled, and when I turned my gaze to Ethan, he just looked at us like we'd lost our minds.

"Yes, I'm happy to come with you," I then said yes to his question and ran hand in hand after Ethan, who kept looking curiously at us behind us.

Arriving at his hut, he politely opened the door for me, but Ethan pushed past me and, despite his wet clothes, spread out on the couch. I looked at Jayden, who told me with his facial expression that I should just let him do it.

Careful not to get everything dirty, after a few steps into the cabin I took off my shoes and placed them neatly by the front door, which Jayden had already closed. "No!", I suddenly heard the alpha behind me and turned around curiously. He was about to snatch the cigarette out of the stunned looking Ethan. "My goodness. Do we want to knit and drink tea right now?" the beta complained, rolling his eyes and getting up to step outside the front door.

While he lit his cigarette in front of the open door, I turned to Jayden, who was in the process of wiping the wet couch with a small towel. "You don't have to send him out in the rain," I explained to him, but he just looked at me with a smile. "He doesn't mind. I want you to feel comfortable here. Ethan feels comfortable everywhere."

He grinned and walked out the back of the living room. I turned back to Ethan, wondering who he was talking to. I carefully moved a little to the right to get a better look through the open door and recognized Lou, Chace and Ludwig. "It can't be..." I whispered and stood there with my mouth open for a moment before I went to the bedroom in complete shock.

I opened the door and immediately started freaking out. "You knew they were coming, right?" I hissed angrily and overwhelmed and only then noticed that I was alone in the room. "It really is a coincidence," his voice suddenly sounded close behind me, making me jump in shock.

When I heard the voices of the others from the living room, I panicked and pulled Jayden into the room by his hand and only when I closed the door behind me did I notice that he was only covered with a towel around his waist. "I really had nothing to do with this," he immediately defended himself, sitting on the edge of his bed to indicate the seat next to him, which he seemed to want me to be in.

I walked towards the bed and positioned myself right next to him, resting my stress pounding head on his shoulder. He smelled so good, but he couldn't have showered that quickly, so I figured he was just undressing and spraying some lovely-smelling perfume. "Do you believe me?" he whispered, gently wrapping his arm around my back. "Yes," I breathed. I really believed him.

"So either you go over there and try to talk things out with them, or you stay here and watch me change. I'm fine with either." He laughed softly to himself and I had to smile at his cheeky manner too. "I'm going over there then," I decided, about to get up, when he grabbed my waist and pulled me onto his lap, kissing me so passionately it should have been forbidden. His touch was worse than drugs, and I knew I would become addicted to it the more I endured it.

"Now you can go." He broke away from me and gave me another slap on the bottom as I got up and hesitantly walked towards the door. I grinned at him then, but inside I wished myself out of this situation. I didn't want to talk to them, at least not right now without preparation.

"How long have you been getting along with Ludwig?" I asked him while my hand was already on the handle. "There's a world of difference between understanding someone and accepting someone's presence," he explained, then jumped up to look for clothes in the closet.

I turned back to the door, opened it slowly and then padded nervously into the living room, where all eyes suddenly seemed to be only on me. Uncertainty was written all over my face and my heart was pounding in my throat. Shouldn't they be feeling bad and I'm standing here with my head held high? Instead, I stood there like a flag in the wind while they all smiled at me. Everyone except for Ethan, who must have really hated the smoking ban.

"Can we talk?" Lou turned to me first from the front door. She smiled apologetically at me while I just nodded and walked weak-kneed towards her. I tried not to pay any attention to any of the guys sitting on the couch except for Chace. I gave him a short nod and then put on my shoes to disappear outside with the little one.

As soon as we walked a good distance from the hut, we were surrounded only by darkness and rain. "Chiara, I didn't want to be part of it, but he's my brother and I knew he would change again because of you," she began, wiping drops from her forehead that ran out of her wet hair.

"What do you mean change again?" "He used to be different. I told you. But since he became alpha, you could forget him. I just had hopes that with his mate by his side and the way his cabin looks, he would change I'm right about that too."

We stood face to face and I really started to understand her. Who knows if I wouldn't have acted the same way to make a loved one happy. "Are you mad at me?" she then asked in that sugary voice that I had absolutely no choice but to say no to.

She came towards me with outstretched arms and I immediately felt the lightness she carried within her again, but when she pulled away and I asked her a question, her gaze changed.

"What about you and Chace?"